Getting over blocks

I think today is one of those days, where I’m trying to vault over all the issues that I’ve been mentally dealing with. Over the weekend, I gathered a really long list of things that I needed to clear today. I cleared through about 80-90% of them, and tomorrow I will clear through the rest of it.

One of the key things that this list includes is actually working out, and at 10PM, I’ve actually done a set of workouts that I haven’t done in a really long time. It was a kettlebell set, and it’s to train me to do overhead presses in a better and more efficient way. The only thing is that I’m really hot now, and the way that this set of exercises go is a long slow burn. So I’m not exactly aching, but my internal body heat feels really really high.

In the back of my mind, I do have some keyboard builds to complete. I’m also going for a staycation on Wednesday, so I’m getting ready for that too. I feel like I really need a good break from doing all the work that I’ve been doing.


Everyone needs a good break once in awhile, and I hope that if you’re reading this, you’re taking a good break too.

A HOT day out

Today was so hot.

I felt my skin burning under the sun, and the moment I hit the shade, it really felt so cool. The only time I’ve felt sun this hot and scorching was when I was in Australia. It was a dry heat too, so maybe that’s why I thought of Australia too.


It was definitely a day of a lot of conversation, and not a quiet day. I think from the start of the day, I’ve not really stopped talking, unless for time short times of travel.


So maybe right now, I’m a little talked out. A little out of steam, from all the talking.

Oh but I did have a hot bath too, which was really relaxing, and I enjoyed that time.


Little thoughts, because I had expressed a lot of what I was already thinking about. Guess it was a good day!

Missed a day!

I think that’s really one of the troubles of a daily blog. I would miss some days that are too busy, and sometimes I just wouldn’t have the space to talk about something that happened.

But I guess that could be a topic on its own: on yesterday’s busy day.

One of the dinners we had before all the rush was at Saizeriya. It’s not like the greatest food, but sometimes a cheap meal with some taste similar to what I hoped for is more than enough. Not complaining about it at all! The view was really great though, the image above is the street that our table overlooked.


But yesterday’s busyness was really one that was all over the place. I was so awake and determined to do something that I just made every effort to get out of the house early and start chipping away at the work that I needed to do.

Lunch was a great time of catching up with a pastor whom journeys with me, since I was fresh out of army. I would say it’s even been 10 years since we’ve started meeting, and it was a really pleasant time of catching up, sharing thoughts and ideas.

I was so tired from the morning work, that I napped almost immediately after I got home, and it was a good hour of nap before another 2 hour meeting.

Followed by a spicy dinner – Chix Hot Chicken, and then another meeting, but I was doing my work through that meeting, so it wasn’t too crazy.

Spent the rest of the night finishing up the work from the morning, and then crashed for the night.


I don’t know why exactly I’m explaining the many meetings of my day, but I guess my initial ideas of what would make an exciting blog post didn’t really turn out that way. It just reads like my complaints of how much work I had to do in a day.

But that’s mostly it as well, I do think that I had too much to do in a day, and maybe tomorrow, I’ll explain what I did to destress. It includes purchasing random nonsense for Clarice.

OPTIONS

I was in a life funk of sorts over the past few weeks, and I struggled to try and get a sense of what I would like to do, or what I want to be, who I want to be. As part of this, I still did my daily journalling, writing here, and all that.

Today I’ve been feeling better a bit, so I flipped back through my journal, and I found that I really enjoyed writing this week because of the range of pens and ink colors I’ve gotten to use:

Muji, Muji, Energel, TWSBI, Pilot Metro, Pilot Metro, Platinum Preppy

This looks somewhat crazy, but I swap between quite a few pens during the day too, along with my keyboards.

I found that each color and the writing feel just changes how I feel about the things that I’m going through. I end up feeling happier a little bit, especially upon reflection.


This leads me to also see that as much as I like and idealise the minimalist lifestyle, it’s not me. I realised that the past few weeks, I’ve dreaded looking through the writing that I was doing, and it was really because I kept having to deal with my same old boring colors. I basically put two grey colors on two of my pens, it made me feel really low and dull.

The same for typing and keyboards: having a range of keyboards to type with really change the way that I feel.

Strangely enough, for work, I’m happy to have a range of black T-shirts (maybe that’s the variation), and with my raw denim jeans, and I’m good to go. But I do feel the need to have other colors of white and other printed tees on my days off, on days when I’m just chilling.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll find out more things about myself from my daily activities that I don’t really think so hard about.

The Daily: Artisans and another slump

There are some things that I do that and I wonder if they’re insignificant. For example, yesterday, I added an artisan on my keyboard, and I was wondering if I should talk about it.

Cute little artisan monitor

In some sense, artisan keycaps are something I do wonder about a lot. If someone bought a mechanical keyboard just for their artisan keycaps, it feels like an overkill. It’s like attaching a bionic leg just for the sake of having another shoe on your feet. Extreme example, but an example nonetheless.

In my self righteous claim of why I use a mechanical keyboard, I always revert to the keyboard being one for the typing purpose, and it should always be surrounding the experience of typing. But then again, that’s really just me, and maybe for a lot more people it’s the look of the keyboard above everything else.


Keyboards aside, what’s up with yesterday’s crypto crash as well? Everything looked like it was hopeful for all of a day, but now… we’re looking at it sliding back down again. Ohwell.

Re calibrating; Raw Denim Jacket First Wash

Whenever I do these daily blog things, I end up going into two very different mindsets. Either it becomes this huge philosophical piece, or I get into my emotions and end up becoming very frustrated at a range of things. Then I question if I could maintain this blog in the first place but maybe that’s not really the point of a blog.


So I’m deciding to just talk about things that happen to me daily, and my thoughts on those things. Or the things that have happened the day before, and my thoughts on those things. I’ll try it out, and maybe that would work better.


I washed my denim jacket the other day:

This is it washed, I forgot to take the before picture

I did a 30 minute soak with detergent, followed by 4 rinses to get the dirt and soap out. Then left it to air dry in both sun and shade, so that it would dry ASAP. And it did, so everything was dried within a day.

Normally, I would prefer to wash it after much longer, but I had a real bad sweat in it one of the days, so it became way too stinky for me to wear it. Kept smelling really funky, but I think I got a good 103 hours of wear since Sep 2021. The aim that I was trying to follow with the Momotaro company with was 32hrs a week, so I definitely fell far from that. But at least I tried I guess?

A point is that after washing, the jacket got its fabric stiffness back again. Just before washing, it was getting softer and softer, from all the movements. But after washing, the sun drying, and I guess just from letting it hang, it became stiff again, as with all other raw or one wash denims.


Denim Details:

Momotaro Type 2 Jacket – Going to Battle, 03-051. Size 38.

Started wearing in 15 Sep 2021, and first wash on 15 Jan 2021. (122 days apart, 4 Months)

Total time worn: 103 hours

Average wear: 0.84hrs a day

The End of the World

There are some things that I’ve thought often about. One of those things is really the end of the world.

It’s not the cliche, it’s more of the reality of it. The thought that perhaps tomorrow we would realize the farce we live in. The pointlessness of the money we try to earn. The silly of paying for things that someone else makes out of random things that come from the earth. The whole shebang of what we consider modern society and science.

What if one day we realize the imposter syndrome is really the fact that we lie to ourselves everyday and pretend that this world that we’re currently existing in is the ideal world? The imposter would be society and the way the world works, and not us actually.

It’s actually not us that can’t cope with the successes or the ability to perform, but it was just never needed in the first place. Those who could pretend really well just kept it up until everyone was living the biggest practical joke in the world.

Or maybe these are just some of the thoughts I have while watching Don’t Look Up on Netflix. lol.

Gratefulness

I really feel handicapped at times, when I want to make or progress in a creative direction. I feel this sense of a lack of time, a lack of resources, and just don’t have the right things in hand. Then I go on this spree and buy a million things to make sure that I have everything right. Then I start to do something, only to work on it for a good month or two, and I give up.

This process really frustrates myself, and I am the exact cause of it. I see myself needing these things, and I feel as if I can’t do it without that item, or tool.

But the truth of it, along with some other self reflection, is that I can do it. It’ll take me longer, it’ll take more time, but I can do it. And more than that, I should do it. Because sometimes I just need to make do with what I have.

I think it boils down to gratefulness. Am I content and grateful for what I currently have? I know I am not. I want more, and I need it to function, or so I suggest to myself.

But I need to be, I need to learn to manage these emotions, and these desires, before they make me into a self serving person. It could very easily continue in this current way, and for me to have many things, and never producing anything that I am actually happy with. Or just not being there consistently enough to develop that skill of mastery.

Anyway, these thoughts are happening because I’m thinking whether I could work off an iPhone 13 Pro Max, or a MacBook Pro/Air. Super different needs and purposes that would be served, but these thoughts are just in my head.

Anti Me

There are days that are good, and I feel at ease,

But right now, my days are off by quite a tangent, and I am not me.

There seems to be a different version,

Something maybe broken,

but probably, its just me being anti me.


As much as I’ve been able to write some of my thoughts here, and post some of what I think and my processes, I’m still living my life everyday. Right now, that part of my life, the everyday part that goes to work, and tries to manage things there, it feels like that part is severely out of sync. I try my best to manage it, but I think that there are too many things on, and it’s not doing well for my health and for my mind.

I write here, in some hope that it would help me to manage, and it works in some way. I do look forward to writing here because I can type away, and be myself in some form.

But at the heart of it, my inner being is challenged with who I am and who I have to be. My role in work requires some level of leadership, and I have to be in the front a lot. It means there are times when I have to be someone that I don’t agree with. I try my best to step out of that person, but when I allow myself to be a bit more disagreeable, I find that sorrow breeds more sorrow. To be less abstract, I feel that when I allow myself to rant and address my frustrations to any one of my co-leaders, it creates more dissatisfaction and I don’t know how to get out of it. I prefer my original self, that just either hides the frustration until it goes away. Its not that I don’t face the frustrations, its just that I face the issue first, and then I decompress my feelings after that. But right now, I actually don’t know if I have the mental space to do that.

No harm trying though, to think myself back to how my mind prefers to hear and understand myself. And I’ll keep writing to give myself something to look forward to everyday.

Directions

Where is this going?

Is there a need for it to go a certain way?

What are the benefits?

Am I enjoying the present?


These are some of the questions that I was asking myself at the start of the day, and surprisingly enough, I think I was forced to answer these questions for myself as the day went along.

In terms of a process, I really started today with some dread. There were some things that I was really not ready to do, and I was just not looking forward to it. But time passed, and I just swallowed my frogs as the day went along.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Mark Twain

There were actually other frogs along the way today, but honestly, I really cleared out some bad ones in the morning. Not necessarily horrible, but there were calls I just dreaded to make, and scenarios that I was not looking forward to dealing with.

Sometimes, I do wonder, what’s the point of my managing my life well if other people are going to miss it up. Like is there really any benefit to trying to make life work out well? There’s always chaos around, so is there truly any benefit of making it better at the current state. I don’t seem to have a good answer to that, so there are some days where I just exist in chaos and allow the world around me to deal with it. Some days I add on to the chaos, in hope of alleviating my own frustrations in some cathartic fashion.

All in all, I guess I still try to make things turn out in a positive light. I don’t like to deal with a negative storyline. Which direction, and how are things heading? Hopefully in an uptrend for myself as I make sense of the world around me.