Updates Incoming!

It’s been some time since writing something here. I have many things on my mind, but I haven’t really been able to put it together just yet. Also, I’m in the middle of my last few weeks of my current job, so I’m really just thinking through a range of things. Thankfully, I don’t find my identity tied to my occupations that much, but its still separating that I’m learning how to deal with better, much like my last post.


But just to keep things exciting a bit, here’s a piece of music from my own history:

Remembering my own youth, sitting on my grand pa’s bed, listening to this on his stereo.

Dealing with Separation

It’s been a very emotional past few days for me. I’m finally at a point where I think I’m ready with my feelings, and I can actually say something that makes sense. If you’ve been following my Instagram, or read a few posts back, I’ve said briefly that I’ve been fostering two kittens. It’s been a good month since, and now we’re at the start of June, and the kittens have been adopted.


Fostering Kittens:

involves availing your home to be a safe space for kittens to stay in. This means cat proofing your house where appropriate. My windows had a simple mesh placed over it, where the cats would not be allowed to climb through. Later, we also found out that there should have been better ways to manage the kittens climbing through our cutlery and crockery.

As this is going on in your house, a listing for adoption goes up, and the kittens can be legally adopted into your home. I don’t know what the full process of that is, and would probably be an adoption post on its own, but all I did this time was fostering. The foster family is given priority to decide if it wants to keep the kittens and adopt them. Unfortunately for us, we’re in the middle of too many things for us to take on a pair of kittens that would grow into full size cats.


Then comes separation

And so, the time comes when potential adopters come by to visit, and to check out the kittens. It’s a simple process, they just see if they like the kittens, and if they’re okay to take on the ownership of the kittens in the long run. If they’re okay, then they will have to start the process of cat proofing their house, and getting all the necessary parts in place.

This process takes about a week or so on the quick side, and for us, it took about two weeks for the adoption family to confirm that their house was ready for the kittens to come.


Emotions

It wasn’t always easy taking care of the kittens, in fact, it was really quite a challenge. At the first week, they couldn’t jump too high, so we could prepare their meals easily, and they would just wait somewhere for us to get their food ready. Then after some time, they could jump higher, and get in the way of preparing food.

I remember one morning, I was preparing the meal, and they jumped on the plate as I was weighing it, so I basically grabbed one of the kittens and the plate of food, and put them into a corner and sort of left the other kitten to struggle to eat whatever was left of the food. Probably a spoonful or less. I was really upset. The kitten with less food kept whining cause it was hungry, but it was because the other kitten had taken all the food, I wanted them to learn. The whining continued but my logical brain took over and realised cats cannot reason the same way. I took the kitten that ate more food, and put him into a locked room, then I fed the other kitten a full bowl of food. It was a very angry morning, but it forced me to think very creatively how to feed the kittens in a way that would be fair. Great lesson on how to think creatively.

By the last week, we couldn’t eat at home, because the kittens would jump into our food, or try to stick their hands into anything. i wasn’t cooking anything, but just eating out before rushing back to take care of the kittens. It was really quite a mess of a schedule.

There were good emotions too. The kittens were quite afraid of the rain and thunder, and during one of the nights, they were hidden away into corners of my house, trying to hide out. So I sat in the middle of my home, and they came out to sit near me. I placed them on my lap or around me, and pat them to sleep slowly. That really made me grow to love them, and want to protect them.

And then there were deep sadness that overwhelmed, especially when they left and were leaving. The night before they left, we tried to sleep outside with them, but instead they were just running all over and having the zoomies. I still spent some time to hug them to sleep, or to just hold their paws through the day. I did this thing one with of them, where I would wrap the kitten with my tshirt, and pouch her up, like a little baby, then walk around the house. This gave her some sense of comfort, and I walked around the house like this for quite some time.

And the moment they left, I cried, so hard. I missed them being around, hiding in the different corners. I missed having a little one to pat to sleep at night, or to carry around the day. I missed the hassles of having to feed them, or the frustration that came around our lifestyles. It felt real, and something bigger than ourselves, Clarice and me.

The next day, I came back to the house alone, and I said “Hi Kittens, I miss you” to no kittens being around. Then I just walked around the house bawling my eyes out. Just plain and simple wailing, as if someone died. Because at that point, someone did leave me, and it was the kittens.

I searched out how to deal with the loss of a pet, and I just kept looking for help. Recommendations were things like writing memorials (like this one), or to share with people who understood it. So I wrote a really sad post on Instagram, and cried profusely as I wrote it. I just missed them so much at that time.

It was really a mix of the little things, having to close the door slow, or having to watch my feet. Paying attention to what time it was and what food was needed to be prepared. Closing the door quick enough at times as well, to prevent them from going in and out of places, or the weird visits while I was on the toilet. It was really a mix of all these things.

In terms of lifestyle, it was a lot of coordination. Both Clarice and my own schedules needed to be aligned to see who needed to be feeding at which time slots. We were running around often, trying to settle our work timings, our free slots, and just trying to get by alive. It was a really crazy thing.

And all these things were things I missed. I really cherished my time with the kittens and learning from all these things. I miss them so much, but they’re really just too much for me to handle in my life, at this time.


But now

Now they’re in a good place. They’re relaxed a lot more, and I think they’re really having a great space of their own to grow more, and become the kittens they could really be. I hope that all of the time we spent together was good for them, and I’m glad that they’ve survived us well. We were just trying to make sure they were staying alive at some point, but I think we really loved them deeply. I know I definitely did.

I’ll do a few more posts coming up soon about some moments with them, but I’ll stop it here for now. I’m really tired, and I’m just putting my thoughts out before I forget them.

I miss you kittens, hope you both are surviving well.

End May Update

I’m the life of the party until I sober up

Every month gets past faster and faster. I realised that I haven’t posted a video on my YouTube for the past 2 months, one of my longest breaks yet. And I think I’ve got a good number of uncollected things at different locations around Singapore, because of my timings and how I’ve just been doing different things.

One key thing that I’m realizing is how much I don’t enjoy crowds at all, and having to see many crowds around town and the areas that I go to, it’s just a lot to deal with. Because of that, I enjoy bouldering at weird hours, where there are little people around. It feels right and it feels personal. I hate it when there’s a ton of people, and I have to deal with everyone else.

Regarding videos…

I haven’t been able to work on keyboard things for some time because of the cats as one part, and the other is that I’m trying to work out what it would be like to move between my MacBook and my iMac. So right now, I’m shifting between two devices a lot, and I’m not having that time to sit down and edit on just one. I wish I could, but it takes some time, some practice just to work that all out.

I’ve gotten some little footage, but I haven’t been building much either. The weirdest part is that now my keycaps are starting to come in, the GMK group buys that I had purchased are starting to be fulfilled. But I haven’t had the time to place them into the boards, and I haven’t had time to desolder or to reassemble.

It’s tough having a job, and trying to do this video filming things on the side. I’ve also gotten a bunch of footage for myself to work through on personal projects, but I’m just thinking how I want to keep it as a memory for myself, more than for YouTube or a public platform. A personal video for memory sake more than anything else.

Anyway, I’ll try to update more in the month coming, and then hopefully, I’ll get back onto schedule again.

Update Mid May

It feels like I’m preparing to fulfill a group buy (feels like this https://rama.works/updates). These updates are a bunch of Keyboard ones, and also some life ones here and there.

Some major updates:

  1. I’ve been using my GMK Noire for the past few weeks, and it’s been a dream. I understand the hype of the GMK keycap sets. It feels really nice, and there’s something about the sound of things. It’s just that super sweet mix of everything good in one, and it’s great.
  2. I’ve learnt that I can afford two slots of climbing in a week, and this is a mix of affording time, and money. That also means that keyboard things have been taking a bit, but I’ve been buying for the past two years, so even then, the items are still just arriving. But nonetheless, it’s another money suck that draws every time I go out.
  3. I’ve been looking at coding literally just in the last week. I’ve never shied away from doing a bit of coding here and there: obviously because I’m on my own website that I’m hosting under my own server. I’ve done my fair share of HTML back in the day, and I thought it would be fun to understand VIM and GIT and things like that. Trouble is: currently, it’s not that fun just yet.
  4. I’m currently in the middle of many busy periods, thus the lack of uploads, and just not being very present online. That’s because I have to be so present in real life right now, and that’s really kinda tough. I’ve got keyboards still not built since the end of last year, as a sign of how tight life has been. Yes, I mean I have some time to climb and all that, but that’s not really the same as setting out a good 4-6 hours to do a keyboard up the way I want it to be. I can squeeze out some easy keycap switches, but I usually need to change switches, clean out the board from excess lube or dust, then prime another set of switches or keycaps for the next haul. It takes time. And then editing, if I’m doing a video on top of that. It really takes passion, from all those YouTube keyboarders. The amount of time they take is insane. Props to all of them for doing that.
  5. I might be moving soon, and also I will be leaving my current company, as my contract ends. I have another application ready, but I’ll be out for a month before settling in properly. Wish me luck.

That’s about it, I just really need some headspace, but honestly I’ve no idea what to talk about where anymore. I think my brain just got too spread out over everything.

The Boulder Problem

There’s a pun on this; because the boulder problems are what people climb, and I have a problem with bouldering: I really like it.


If you’ve seen my Instagram by now, you’d know that I’m really into bouldering or sport climbing for that matter. In fact, I’ve really gotten so hooked onto it that I’ve started climbing at least twice a week, for the past two weeks. My hands are aching, but getting stronger, and I’m starting to buy 10 passes into gyms that I’ve never entered in my life. It’s nuts.

Also I’m seeing people that are a good ten years younger than me climb some really fancy routes, and all I think about is how old I’m feeling and how much I wished I had that youth of healing, to get past injuries.

Like when I started skateboarding again, I sprained both my wrists to the point that they were soft to hold. I could squish them basically, and Clarice was really worried about it. Right now my shoulder’s gotten really achy and stiff from one of the earliest injuries – the one that I had just before my IPPT. I just hope I get over it in the next few months.


Great Video posted last year.

But it’s really addictive/addicting. This video puts it quite well together, although I don’t necessarily agree with the social part of it. In Singapore, it feels like another elite sport that only the rich can afford, or like there is a cash barrier to it. That makes bouldering in Singapore quite a different approach to how it is in other countries, based on what I’m seeing on the different channels. But then again, internet access to showcase what one can do in their free time already states some level of monetary privilege.


Which brings me to another boulder problem: the economics of hobbies. Are hobbies something of privilege? That one can afford to pay for something for fun?

As I sit in the climbing gyms, I just wonder if everyone can safely afford to climb. I’m sure some really can’t and they’re trying their best to make it. That thought makes me kinda sad, and I feel like I need to do something about it, which also makes me address my savior complex.

In any case, before I dive even deeper into more issues and social commentary, I really just do enjoy climbing, and I think that I want to be a positive change around those in the climbing gyms. If I can find a friend who needs help, and offer them one of my multi passes, why not? It’ll be cheaper than the full prices for single entry, and it’ll be a great way to make a friend.

Update April May

Hi Blog, it’s been some time. A good full month to be precise.


Jumping straight into it, I’ve been really into rock climbing since I’ve last updated. It was really quite expected, especially after the IPPT and the injury thereafter. I got so into it, that I’ve went back at least three times or four times since, and I’ve gotten a pair of shoes also.

The shoes will probably get more of a feature soon, as I dive yet again into even more hobbies. Climbing is fun, and I enjoy it, especially from the exercise of it. The shoes are so fancy and fun, those really suck me into the sport. It’s like running shoes too, that aspect of function and form. I really enjoy them.

These are the La Sportiva Cobra 4:99

I’ve been trying to produce a YouTube video about the IPPT thing, based loosely off my post here. It’s been frustrating mostly because I’ve not properly planned the thing, and I keep flopping about trying to get it done. It’s not fun when I’m running around aimlessly. I just need to sit down and really plan it through, but every time I sit down there’s something else I need to attend to, and my time is just taken from me. Not a good feeling at all.


We’ve also started to foster two kittens at home, for a month. My sister’s friend works in a cat shelter of sorts, or has connections to, and asked if we could help. Clarice said yes almost immediately, and they arrived in two days. As I am typing to you now, they’re sitting outside my study room door, playing around or waiting for me to come out.

It’s been a learning experience of what it means to take care of another living creature, and two kittens are really nuts to take care of. They run all over the place and get into so much dust. Really a lot of dust, which I’m allergic to.


In any case, I hope to start daily blogging again. I don’t like the excuses that I don’t have enough time, and I really want to change things up now. I want to get things going.

I have to!

Smart Work Pays OFF

my last ever ippt result slip.

My long posts about how IPPT scoring works, and how I geared myself to make sure I got a GOLD for today.

Highlights: I got into each of that last point in that last second. I was really scraping it through and I really just hammered that last point in, for both the sit ups and push ups. It was not easy, was not fun, but I got those points that I really needed.

For my run, I was holding my breath for the first few rounds, because I didn’t want to out pace myself. But in the last 100m, I was able to grab a full sprint easily, and I wasn’t even that tired out in the end. So I feel like I should have just sprinted the last 400m, and then gasp for air after all that was done. But anyway, no more testing to do, it’s all good.


Honestly, it was difficult. I had a really bad headache, and I honestly felt a little fluey. But it was worth it, and my training really helped me speed through so much of it. I recovered between each station a lot better, and even at the end, I felt really okay. It felt like I could have done another two more physical tests.

So the next few weeks will be cutting back my eating, cause I don’t need to burn so much anymore. Then I will need to start finding a good motivation to continue exercising, now that I don’t have an annual physical fitness test as the main aim.

First proper rest day that I don’t feel bad about in a month. I’m gonna enjoy it a little. Gonna look at getting myself some climbing shoes maybe!

Second Last Day of March

Did you know that it’s already the end of March? The year has really moved so quickly and now we’re crossing over into the second quarter of the year. It’s really rushing and coming fast.

There were a lot of things that I wanted to do at the start of the year. But at the truth of it is that I could have done it. I wish I had better ways to make things happen.

I feel so much about this, that I actually bought myself a productivity, anti-procrastination type of program to get me to actually start to do things. Strangely enough, a part of me says that I should have just done those things that I wanted to do instead of getting this course. But I think the course will help me to think through better. I hope it does, because I’m really just done with how I think in the long run.

I really hope to have grown by leap and bounds, its not enough for me to just do this once, but I need to sort my own mind out in the long run.

Hopefully next year, I won’t feel that the year has gone by too quickly. And maybe just in the years to come, I would feel more accomplished about the days that have passed.

Cool Days for Cool People

I keep thinking if I should have a better scheme, or a better content plan for my blog. My own answers to myself are: No, it is a blog, and the spontaneity is part of who I am. Secondly, I do have some specific content that I want people to read, and that’s on my pages. So I will always write as I feel like, and if it stretches over a series of posts, then good for you, the reader who is looking for specific content that is only that one single strain of things. I am, unfortunately, not a very one tracked person, and I am also unapologetic about it, as my life is increasingly varied.

I am learning more and more about the effects of denim on myself, on cold days like today. Today it finally rained cats and dogs, and maybe guinea pigs too. There was a pure sheet of white over the cityscape as I looked out, and the day kept its cool til the night. But my denim jacket on me started to lose its point, and I started to become this mix of cold and hot at the same time. I think something similar happens to me when I wear hoodies, but I think it happens differently then. I need to figure out what that difference is.

Also, I am realising that I really need to air my denim jacket often. I failed to do so last week, and today I smelled the jacket, and it smelt as a damp denim jacket should smell: Sweaty.

So my jacket is now currently airing, next to my jeans, and hopefully it clears itself out of my sweaty smells.


On a cool day like this, I remained the cool guy who decided not to wear his mask as he walked home from the clubbing districts of Singapore. I decided that I would embrace the cold air of the night, and just enjoy my walk home, after an evening of clearing up work. It was a nice walk, but I saw so many younger people just wearing their masks in packs. I was held my uncertainty within me, as I strode against their direction. They were going to club, but I was going home. And then it hit me. I am not a cool guy unmasked, but I’m the not cool guy unmasked not going out on a Tuesday night.

This is all sarcasm, in case it is misread and taken that I think myself not cool. But okay, whether you decide to wear your mask or not outdoors, I really can’t. Personally, I get too sweaty, and it just bugs me and makes me really uncomfortable. Don’t judge me, I was just telling a joke. It’s a prank bro.

Okay, gonna go do some laundry, good night world.

Finally some rain

The rain appeared as a cloud, coming over the horizon from the view of my office windows. It looked majestic, as the grey washed over the windows, and poured on and on for a good hour or so.

The night is finally cool, and I showered with cool water, not the warm tepid water that just rinses. I actually take showers without a heater, because I like cold showers. But the past few days were so hot that even the water was just warm.


In Singapore we usually face a range of temperatures, but the current temperature that we’re at is just so hot that it doesn’t even make sense anymore. Today’s rain helped to cool it down by a little bit, and I hope it maintains, if not it’s gonna be really hard for me to take my IPPT on Thursday. Refer to my post about IPPT, if you’re not sure what that is.

Anyway, it’s about time to rest, and I really have been craving some tactility on a keyboard. So this coming week, I really need to change up some of my keyboards, for some different typing action. I’ll definitely update about that.

See ya.