There are some days when I wake up and think about all the random projects that I have done, even this blog. And I wonder why or who am I writing all this for? There might be one or two people coming in to read, or to see because they were linked to it from before, but really, it’s not that much.
So at the end of the day, I’m making for me. Am I interested in the things that I’m making? Because if I’m not, then what’s going to to keep me going in the stuff that I do? Because of that, I find that my content that I created is very closely linked to the hobbies that I’m interested in doing. I don’t have that deep drive that pushes just because. I would like that yes, but I find that my hobbies push my content, and along with that, when I feel like I have nothing I’m wholeheartedly interested about, I don’t create anything.
I enjoy the processing of making things. I really do. I like putting my thoughts out on these posts; I really like drawing and seeing lines form an image; it’s therapeutic. Maybe its cathartic. It’s the feelings of excitement deep down inside me that is spilling over, and I desperately want tell everyone everything that I currently know about the topic that I’m reading up about.
And at the same time, I only want to tell me. I want to hear myself saying the things that I already know, and I want to see what I have been thinking about, and to applaud myself a job well done. I have become my own echo chamber, and honestly I’m quite okay with that. Because at the end of the day, if I do work that is for someone else’s approval, I end up being reliant on people for what they think.
But I think I really just need to finish the Seth Godin book about Tribes. It might be great to find my tribe. Until then, I’ll just be making for me.