The last post had a bunch of typos, and sounds so weird, but I only knew that with feedback from my wife. Thanks to her, I now know that it sounds like I wrote it drunk.
And I think that’s something I wish more people told me more often. Do I sound drunk all the time? Is there a way to make sense of myself? Can I improve? Can I become better? I yearn for correction, because I feel like I’m not good enough to discern.
My balance for what I think ought to be can be easily laid out when thinking for someone else. But for myself, I really struggle to think about what I could do better, and how I could have done it better. I think that I don’t give myself excuses, and that leads me to this weird path of super high self expectations. I don’t think it’s healthy, but I don’t have a better option. So I keep pushing and pushing, until some parts of my ego and thoughts break.
But that’s where I look for feedback. I am listening to what people are saying to me, and about me, and I try to fix those things. I know that it’s not perfect, but I think I ought to try from there. If not, myself as my master, will lead to utter destruction of my own ego.
So feedback helps me, and I learn from it.
It’s not like feedback is easy to listen to. I already struggle to hear my own feedback, I end up going into this mode to fix myself as much as possible. Hearing it from others can be really hurtful, if I take it the wrong way. It’s not to give people an excuse to hurl insults at me, and then adjust to hear the good of what they’re saying. But it’s just simple things like “Could be better”, or “Maybe not like this”. In an overly sensitive state, I could really take that line badly.
But again, if its for improvement, I really need to think hard about why it was said, and what I could really learn from it. I don’t want to listen only to myself, or only to the good, or only to the worst things ever. I want to hear balanced feedback, so that I could be a better person. Maybe not today, but hopefully soon. That’s really the heart of what I’m considering.
So if you’re reading this, and I have not heard your feedback properly, please let me know. Tell me. I will be willing to listen, because I hope to improve. Likewise, I hope that you are telling me, so that I can improve. If you give me the space, I will also tell you how to improve as well, through constructive feedback.