The Re-org

I spent the entire day cleaning up my room, and just adjusting my physical life around a bit. And the first thing I end up doing are lino prints, as Christmas presents for my close friends this year end. It’s also now past midnight, and as much as it’s my shift to take my baby during this time, I’m also quite energised by the cleaning to do something serious.

But it’s not the right time, because I am physically tired. Excited mentally, but it’s just not the right time to do anything deep right now. Thus, a short post to acknowledge the re-organization of my room, and to acknowledge my own efforts for myself.

I’ve been staring at my mess for the past few months, and I know I’m stuck. I know there are things I could do without, and there are things I ought to get rid of. I’ve talked about getting rid of things, but today, finally I’ve done it. Before the sun set, I already cleared 2 bags of garbage, and I’ve got another one almost filled.

But it took me so long to get here.

I consulted ChatGPT about why I feel so emotionally torn when getting rid of things. A short answer is because I’ve been remembering things. I listened to YouTube clips about how to get rid of things, and so many times, it’s talking about how we have to give space to acknowledge things. But the realities come to: I just need to give more space for myself.

The more space I have, the more bandwidth I have literally. Then I can do more things as I had hoped to, and i get to be more present for the different things in my life. Because I let things go, I’ll have space for Allison to grow, and space for Clarice to use too.

It’s a win win, but it still hurts to lose some memories. It’s not like I’m throwing everything out, but there are small things that I keep some memory to, and I’m getting rid of them.

It hurts to see how short life is. I won’t be able to bring them to the grave for sure. And life has passed far point many of these items. I am living today and now, and sometimes, having the past always front and centre is too much to weigh on my heart. It distracts me from being the most I can be. I have to use the past to stand taller, not to step back.

So the re-org. It’s meant to give me direction, and it certainly has. I have the focus now to make something, and I will seize that opportunity. But not right now, I’ve got to go sleep right now.