I passed my driving test on Monday, and by the next day, I was hitting the highways, with my father in the passenger seat, and my wife in the back. It’s a quick rush to the finish, but I feel funny inside.
I know I passed, but there were portions I was so sure I lucked out on. There was a part where the pedestrians crossed illegally, and I allowed them to. There was a moment where the turning light flashed, and pressed the brakes hard, because I didn’t want to run the light. Then another time when the amber light came on midway, but I was going slow enough for myself to stop. After those moments, I definitely felt huge regrets, and ready to book another test session. But as we pulled up to the driving centre, the tester told me to take a breather, because I passed already. I was so hugely relieved. My favourite instructor just happened to be there as I was leaving and I gave him a hug. I was really excited and thankful in so many ways for him.
And now, my third day driving, I feel like I don’t deserve it. There were moments today where I felt I made bad calls on what how I drove and where I chose to do what. I know there’s no such thing as a perfect drive every day, but maybe that’s an idealistic thought I imagine would happen all the time after passing driving. But there honestly would be no way of that happening, because at the heart of it, it’s a human process, and everyone’s bound to make some mistakes.
I should really give myself a break some times, it’s literally only my second time on the highways, and my third day driving. I don’t understand why I am so hard on myself when there’s absolutely no need for it.
Ok today’s post became a lot more like a diary/journal reflection. It’s still me, just the part of me with huge critical pointing fingers, saying I’m not good enough. It’s a tough line, and I have to learn how to be chill with myself a lot more.
Leave a Reply