I was going to write this to ChatGPT because I usually rant to my AI because I want some intelligence observing my thoughts and giving me a response, but I think it’s worth a shot to just write this here and just to offload for my own brain sake.
I am getting more and more frustrated with the lack of time I have to do things. Coincidentally, my sister shared with me about this book: Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, and in her brief summary is about the lack of time we actually have. Hey, I just said I was frustrated about that. Guess I should read the book ASAP.
Truthfully, I know I have way too many hobbies to count. There is an issue with my ability to consider the limitations of 24 hours in a day. I assume I have more, I assume I am able to accomplish 2-3 times more than regular people. But I am regular. I am just a human being stuck in this timeline. Worst still, I am a creative. I appreciate exploration, and I love to explore. Exploring is what got me here in the first place.
I sit here, in the middle of my room, surrounded by keyboards (one unfinished one due for some remote fixing with the keyboard creator on Discord). I have my earphones and earbuds hung on hooks, or rolled into little bundles of untapped musical energy. I have pens and inks tucked away from the sunlight and my eye sight thus severely under used. I have notebooks and journals yet to be filled, and can’t be filled by sitting at a desk for sure. I have gaming devices and stacks of games to play through, even though I play the same type of games over and over again. I have books to be read, I have art to be drawn, I have endless supplies of everything. I am almost certain I can avoid buying anything for the next few years and still not be able to finish using all the expendables I have collected over the decades.
Perhaps I am lucky to find out at 37 that I will die not reading every best selling author in the world. I am fortunate to have had so many different types of mechanical keyboards to pass underneath my fingers, or just the chance to listen to music at a good quality. I am just so spoiled for choice, and I envy the minimalists living in their empty apartments and their cars with nothing inside it. I do truly feel happy with the things I have, but I have had too much. This is when the buffet has gone sideways. There’s too much on the plate and the manager is coming by to say they’ll have to charge me for every gram wasted. Now I’m forcing myself to eat and eat, and I’ll just throw up.
That’s a horrible way to live life, maxed out to all the ends. I don’t want that life. I want to appreciate the things I’ve gotten. But how do I do that when more things are being produced all the time? What do I do? I’ve shut off the social media now, and I’m only looking at Some videos. It doesn’t help. Capitalism says get more and you gotta keep on going. Force yourself to eat and eat, and if you throw up, just do it in the toilet so that you can come back and finish up the rest.
Appreciation is so underrated.
I will try the Tom Sachs mantra, Own Less and Do More, and hopefully, I get somewhere. And I will also stress myself out less if I don’t use everything by the time I die. I’ll just live my life, and I’ll appreciate all the moments, whatever they might be.
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