Big Bang played in Singapore yesterday, and I had totally forgotten about it. Instead, I had one of the most sleep days I’ve had in a long time. I slept in, and I took a nap in the afternoon, plus I did my best to sleep early as well. What a waste of time! But man, so much sleep.
It’s not easy to say I’d prefer sleep over watching a two decade old K-Pop group. Especially Big Bang, with their sense of style, musicality, and personas. I looked at the updates and saw the remaining trio show off their agelessness, remembering I am close to their age with a lot less fame and fortune. I do have a lot less of their anxiety and a lot more freedom with food to eat whatever I want. (There’s no way Taeyang has his abs without a deficit upon deficit diet.) The pains of being famous and rich, and having swaths of crowds smother you in whichever country you appear in.
Some people like that, and I think it’s a really small minority. I think, and I guess, just based on most of my peers shying away from limelight whenever told to speak or present. Performance anxiety is a huge part of Singaproean culture, and I struggle with it too. The few of us who can stand on a stage, with our thoughts and feelings expressed on a stack of speakers; they’re already doing it somehow. The unlikely few are those behind small cameras otherwise known as smart phones and editing their way to popularity.
Singapore’s nice to our stars, by a huge margin. But give them 10% of Big Bang’s fanbase, and I’m sure you’ll see posts about how “I love you guys, but I really need my space”. Give them the paparazzi peering into every single bit of their personal life, and you’ll get “OMG can people get any more rude?” and their fans would push back willingly, until they realise they are the ones being talked about.
Where does one place the modern day influencer and the Instagram/TikTok Fame? They’re a lot less handled than the pros, and even those who are handled don’t turn out the exact same way. By handled, I do mean having everything vetted before posting, and it would not be as authentic.
Does anyone really want authenticity though? Authenticity and Fame are attributes I hear being asked a lot for, but when presented with, ends up being off putting. I watched a YT clip explaining Malcolm in the Middle being an authentic show, where broke people are really stuck at being broke. It matched what real life was for a lot of people, and Hollywood traditionally did not present real life most of the time.
We want traditional success stories. The ones where the underdog gets the league championship. The one where the nerd has huge glow up moments and becomes some ripped badass falling in love with the hot girl. The one where a poor start up has some brilliant idea and they get the right investor, propelling them to meet Silicone Valley CEOs, and they retire on some hilltop bungalow. The Singaporean ones are where someone doesn’t live in an apartment building and has a house (our goals are very small). And nothing could be further away from the 90% of the world who doesn’t see that.
I don’t know if that’s hope, when we aim for an ideal life where material wealth is abundant and present. I don’t think it’s hope for a huge following, or monumental change to affect the world. Democracy would have worked otherwise, or Communism even. Humans being humans, our sense of life is skewed.
Hope is in something unrealised and ideal, but it should not be material wealth. I live in hope of other ideals being realised, like daily creativity for the pure sake of creativity and expression. I want to be so competent and skilled in thinking because I want to be helpful to the people around me, in whichever situation presents itself. When I say whichever situation, I do mean that.
I hope to add meaning to the world around me with my mind, my body, and my heart in use. It is ok if no one else values it the same way they value money. It is also ok if there are no titles or achievements to place or label me.
It is ok for me to sleep on a day when Big Bang plays in Singapore, the same way it is okay for my friends to enjoy their performances. They’ve added meaning, and people enjoy them wholeheartedly. They ought to be enjoyed.
I am learning to be okay with wasting time sleeping, because life and my own ideals of hope are slowly deviating from everyone else. Slowly but surely.
Leave a Reply