trisected

Tag: life reflections

  • My compulsion to buy new stuff

    I keep loading up things to buy but I honestly have no need to. I’ve got an iPhone and a MacBook but I’m looking at PCs or some cheap android when I’ve already spent a lot more than any of those items. I don’t know why I keep doing this, and I have things that are worth so much more than what I’m looking at. But my brain tells me life would be a little better if I had those things. It’s so strange because I know my life won’t be, and instead I have many more things o could do on what I have but I still start searching over and over again.

    I tell myself things like having a dedicated device would move me to do more intentionally. But if would also increase the hurdle to get things published. And that’s not the hurdle I wanted to make.

    So instead of searching some more, I’m writing this, as a directed action to make more. Instead of doom scrolling and watching more tech reviews about boosted productivity, I should just be productive. Then there would be no need for me to actually search. It would be like when I was in school again, where my time was focused on getting my work out, in the least likely of situations.

    I was reading Atomic Habits like all other 30 something year olds, and I remembered a good number of things about myself and the goals I had set out for myself to do. They’re not difficult things to achieve, but I do remember wanting to clear space as a whole. There are things I was hoping to get better at, like coding and building tech items on my own. But they’ve since fallen on the wayside, because it’s just a smaller bit of what I really want to do. Maybe more concretely, it’s not who I really want to be.

    Perhaps the need for my personal novelty is a big part. I feel the need to have items from the past, to retain memories one way or another. It’s fun, but it means I have a lot of random things that I could do without 80% of the time.

    I was thinking if it would be helpful to have a habit that stops me from buying things. One of the funniest moments from the keyboard phase was when I could just memorise my three credit cards, because I was so used to writing them in. (Different stores would accept different cards, so I had to try all three.)

    I feel a little more settled about me as a person, after doing some deeper reflection about why I buy when I buy. The question I am now asking myself is Who is buying it? Is it the person running away from the immediate work and decision making I ought to be doing? Or is it someone who has worked really hard and wants just a break? Or is it a spoiled brat who wants something new and novel yet again? All those questions about the person helps me a lot more. I don’t have the time to waste, pretending to be someone else, or feeding the spoiled brat who isn’t growing up to match the actual person I am. I will learn how better to embrace myself in the things and the material wants.

    In the latest episode of Diggnation, Kevin Rose shared about how he lost everything when his house burned down in the Californian fires. The things he wanted to keep the most were the cards from his kids, the woodwork his dad made for him when he was growing up, things that were relational. He was ok-ish about the comic books that were burned, the wine collection, the tech. His conclusion was he might have gone too far in buying and keeping stuff, which made his decision making in the current rebuild a lot more steady. He knew what items he had barely touched, and maybe those things did not deserve another purchase. He could do without it.

    I would like to think about material possessions that way, without a fire burning down my house. There are definitely things I have not touched in forever, and all the projects I wanted to do some day. But time’s running out on things in some way or another. I need space for my baby girl to grow up and own her own stuff. There’s a lot that I could give up, if put to the Fire Test. But I still hold on to them.

    I will aim to start working on them in the current year, and to start, I will actually tell stories about them here. It gives me reason to write, and also I can say goodbye to some items, one at a time.

    Some simple resolutions, as we start the second month of the year.

  • The End of the World

    There are some things that I’ve thought often about. One of those things is really the end of the world.

    It’s not the cliche, it’s more of the reality of it. The thought that perhaps tomorrow we would realize the farce we live in. The pointlessness of the money we try to earn. The silly of paying for things that someone else makes out of random things that come from the earth. The whole shebang of what we consider modern society and science.

    What if one day we realize the imposter syndrome is really the fact that we lie to ourselves everyday and pretend that this world that we’re currently existing in is the ideal world? The imposter would be society and the way the world works, and not us actually.

    It’s actually not us that can’t cope with the successes or the ability to perform, but it was just never needed in the first place. Those who could pretend really well just kept it up until everyone was living the biggest practical joke in the world.

    Or maybe these are just some of the thoughts I have while watching Don’t Look Up on Netflix. lol.

  • Starting out 2021 with a Clack

    So! Here we are, at the start of another year. I think I wrote a lot more this year than in previous years, and it’s pretty nice. They even have some fancy updates for the WordPress stock templates, which is So Much Easier for me. I don’t like to think through these things about websites and all that much anymore. That being said, I think coding is still a pretty fun thing to get started with. Maybe it could be something that I get more into in the months to come.

    Or maybe I just get used to the things that I already have coming. I have built a few too many keyboards for someone who just got into the Mechanical Keyboard hobby in three months. If you are reading this, and you’re interested, hit me up on Instagram and we can make something happen.

    I’ve been writing little reviews of keyboard things on my discord channel, which is meant for other things but the only thing actually active is keyboard discussions. At this point, I would call it an unhealthy obsession, but that would be admitting that I have an issue with keyboards. The horrors of the truth are reasons why ignorance will always be bliss.

    Maybe I do read a bit too much about keyboards. I have honestly watched so many reviews and listened to so many typing tests that I can honestly tell you the sound profiles that I like. I can also tell you how I feel having been typing or trying to touch type for the past few months. I still hit my backspace with my ring finger instead of my pinky. And my letter B with my right hand instead of my left. The things you find out when you get into split keyboards.

    But I think one of the biggest learning points for me is really the way that life works. The “Needs” vs the “wants”. Things that are good to have, or things that are nice to have, and how all that plays for us in everyday life. Sometimes, we keep waiting, or hoping for the best things to appear, but the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is how The Best is something totally preferential.

    So this year starts with a clack, not a bang. It starts small, consistently, and builds itself around. Last year was such a year to find out about myself, and this year won’t be much different, I imagine. Life will remain somewhat mysterious for myself, and we will eventually get through it.

    Maybe I’ll post some pictures of my keyboard builds here. I currently have not posted them on social media for long, only for stories. The therapy of building a keyboard can really suck me away for hours on end.

    Another maybe, I might start writing stories to place here. I used to write on Medium, or on my own spaces. But maybe now, I’ll house them here, and maybe even do some graphics to go with. We’ll see how that goes.

    also subscribe to my youtube if you haven’t already.

    youtube.com/trisected

  • Keyboard Life Part 1

    I actually started a discord just for me to write about keyboards in. I feel like there’s way too much in my brains that goes on and on about keyboards all day long. I feel things like touch typing as important, I feel that the way we press things needs to be well experienced. That finger push that could make your day just that little bit happier, and maybe its all just placebo. But is it really, if I’ve spent so long on it? Just like how people spend so long looking at finance, and making a big deal out of paper that is noted. I’m just looking at an item that I need to make, and not trust some governmental agency to dictate its price for.

    What a world we live in, where mechanical keyboards in its true complexity has made my jam. What a world indeed.

    Major learning about keyboard life this week: an ergonomic split keyboard can include a lot more functionality than a full size keyboard. This is because most ergos have more specialization in their build.

    Today’s writing is brought to you by:
    Tokyo60, with Drop Invyr Holy Panda Switches, and SA 9009 Keycaps. The sound and pressing is really such a great feel. I am enjoying every bit of this post.