trisected

Tag: clarice

  • Reliving Memories

    Today was a fun day out, Clarice went for spin and I went to do my daily readings in the morning. I’m on a 9 month long bible reading course, that I’m leading in my church. It’s pretty fun, it’s my fifth time doing it, and I do enjoy reading through it.

    When we got back, I went through a bunch of my army things, and it was really running through memory lane. There were a lot of things that I had kept in my army notebooks that I had forgotten. I had even written down podcast ideas from way back when just to get things going at that time. Great reminder for me to start chopping up the current recordings that Clarice and I have done.

    Anyway, we spent the day watching a really old episode of Infinity Challenge, where GD, Taeyang, IU, Zion T, Hyukoh were all in on the same episode. I really loved that season, because it was really fun to listen to all the new bands, and to hear their songs. I really enjoyed it then, and I really liked it again today rewatching it with Clarice.

    It’s nice when we make new memories together. It’s a fun process of remaking new things. We did this for Harry Potter too, and I watched through all of it with Clarice over a period of a few weeks. I guess I should definitely cover the books some time soon too.

    Nice simple day, and a lot of fun.

  • Comfortable

    In planning for the year ahead, I’ve been thinking about the range of things that I want to try for myself. It’s somewhat because I have been comfortable with the things that I’ve been doing.

    For example, I feel that my YouTube channel has been somewhat dead, and I’m letting the views stack slowly over time. I used to think harder about what I produced, including making intentional time to stream my keyboard builds and things like that.

    Another example of being totally comfortable is just having regular everyday conversations with Clarice, and some times the routines of normal day takes over and we don’t put too much effort into a day.

    But today being Valentines, we had thought of treating each other to a nice gift yesterday, and then enjoying a meal together as well. It’s something that we don’t do too often, but it’s something we do enjoy with each other. The comfort being the place where we just might not try for something new, but knowing we’re just comfortable doing what we know works. We actually try to change things up every now and then, which makes for exciting changes that we grow with as well.

    And creatively, I do think that this year, I try my best to include Clarice in my creative pursuits, being a challenge to my sense of comfort. I’m used to working on my own, and my creativity exists on its own self. But with Clarice, I need to think of her thoughts too, and how to incorporate our thoughts together. Or maybe even to think of how I could grow more because I have her creative thoughts too.

    That challenge of being comfortable.

    Perhaps tomorrow I’ll work on the other side of it, and share about the enjoyments of being comfortable. If it happens that way, that is.

  • Weekly Roundup 31 Oct – 6 Nov 2021

    How fast time flies especially when I’m not blogging! I was thinking about how I should jump back onto updates here, especially because there’s actually a lot that goes on. I mean, I did manage to daily blog for at least 50 days in a row. I really have a lot of random things going on in my life at one time.

    I had two orders come in that I was really excited about: Keyboards and Used Jeans. Orders from Amazon Japan, and from Yahoo Auctions Japan. I had won a full size RealForce Keyboard at a really good auctioned price, and then I won a nice pair of used Momotaro jeans. There are some parts that are so nice, and honestly, I see myself enjoying the things that I’ve gotten.

    This week also proved to be a bit more restful than expected. I got to join in a mural painting on Wednesday. It was great getting to do some painting outdoors, and just to talk to other people who weren’t my colleagues. Sometimes there’s really a lot of baggage that we keep on carrying, and I just gotta let go of it. It’s not good to hold on to it, and I need to help my friends brush their baggage away too.

    Books I’ve finished reading: The Great War by Ralph Kern. Sci-fi war book, interesting premise, and I’ve just finished Book 1 of 5. I will probably do the rest in the months to come.

    Books I’m still reading: Sanshiro. I lay in bed one of the mornings and decided to start the book afresh. Man there were so many good lines that I had missed. Natsume Soeseki is really such a great author, and has such good command of expression. I keep thinking about what the Japanese original piece would say, instead of the English translation that I’m currently on. I will get to the Japanese book soon, I’ve already bought the book, and it’s sitting on my bookshelf.

    Listening to: Yaeji and Oh Hyuk’s EP: 29 and Year after Year. It’s really such a jam. Really enjoying Yaeji’s rapping and vocals though, it’s very chill, and her phrasing is very interesting. Silk Sonic just released a new track too, and that’s really quite dope too. Anderson Paak and Bruno Mars is a really nice collab group. Such is the theme for this week’s music update I guess.

    Things I’ve been doing: Sashiko (Repairing embroidery) and Running. The sashiko thing has been on my mind since Kenjima (on YouTube) showed the embroidered Levi Jackets, and also the sashiko jeans. Such a nice vibe.

    Been running again because Clarice had started running, and asked me to train her. She got a really nice pair of running shoes, and I’m really stoked to train her in running. It means that I’m running 5 days out of the week too, but that’s good for me. I get some exercise, and I’ve been feeling a lot more positive in life.

    I do want to get back to daily blogging, because I think there was a space for that in my life. But I’m not sure which part of the day I want to try that on again, and I’m not sure if I can keep to it. But I’ll work on these weekly ones first and we’ll see how things go from there.

  • A Grocery Bag with Wheels

    It sounds like a great idea. There’s thermal insulation, and theres a drawstring at the top, and then with all of that, you still have wheels that helps to roll up step by step. But the biggest question is where are you going to keep it? Or how? It’s big, and it doesn’t fold up, and its just a mess.

    Every few months, I’ll rearrange the house, and we’ll try to find ways to keep it. But its just such a hard thing to hide away. And there’s no other use for it than for grocery carrying.

    Note to self (and Clarice): Never buy grocery bag with wheels ever again.

  • Waves of Life

    There’s times when I’m really quite disciplined to get things done consistently through the day or week. And there are times when I just don’t feel like doing anything for another range of time. I think I mask this quite well by being competent at most things, but otherwise, it’s actually really quite a bummer.

    I wish that I was able to keep on at things all the time. The inner Jocko Willink in me says “Just do, don’t think.“ That works out, sometimes. Actually it works out a lot more often than I would like to admit. It’s just a pain to be an asshole to yourself, as you do the work that you need to do, day after day. There are definitely times when you want to just take a break and call it a day. Or just to have an off day. Jocko’s premise is that the enemy might always strike, but honestly I don’t have an enemy that I need to strike at this time.

    Another part of me lies with the Artist’s and their impulsive driven creativity. I don’t necessarily agree with this, but I agree with the expressions in the Artist Way. Julia Cameron says “Don’t be too hard on yourself, and just accept all the work you produce.“ That works out for me, but there are days when I really don’t like the work that I do either. I just don’t want to do work, I just want to lie down and look at the world passing me by

    I guess it would be wise to observe that a part of me now really enjoys that. I have learnt from Clarice some of the arts of lying down to just pause and not do anything. It is incredibly difficult for me, but I am trying to develop space for myself to just observe the world around me. It’s weird because there’s always the do, do, do. But there’s an aspect of doing that’s just to sit there and stop, and pause, and appreciate the moment.

    I’m thinking about painting again, but I’m honestly scared. Scared that I can’t make sense of my drawings, or that the liberal part of me would accept any nonsense I produce. In that fear, I run to keyboards again, I run to YouTube and Netflix and Disneyplus. I just haven’t dared to paint. But I know I need to, I just need to get it done.

    I’ll aim to do it this weekend, but God help me. I really need some deep internal motivation, that really hasn’t been around for the longest time.

  • Day to Day

    I had really bad sleep again last night. I was rudely awakened by the clock in the hall falling down and basically breaking into a few parts. It crashed, and I jolted awake, and basically looked at the mess that laid outside. Then I decided to just leave it and go back to sleep.

    But going back to bed, my head just went through constant thoughts of past regrets, or just things that I haven’t thought about for the longest time. I thought through the times when I was 15 until 18, the amount of unnecessary stresses that I had placed myself through. Life could have been easier, but honestly, I just wanted to experience things in some of the worst ways possible.

    I remember one of the worst nights I had, I was sitting at one of my ex girlfriend’s houses, we had broken up already but I just sat outside her house and cried and cried and cried. It was one of those, 2AM situations, finding myself there, because I had cabbed there, hoping for things to work out again. But they messed up in the first place because of how I wasn’t really a good boyfriend, and I just wasn’t really a nice person at that time. I remembered calling one of my close friends at that time and just crying on the phone, trying to get myself out of there and back home. Those nights really sucked, because I really think I had pushed so many people away by then.

    Anyway, TLDR: last night, I revisited the other times when I was awake at 3AM, hoping to be asleep. I don’t like revisiting, because I don’t like who I was at that age.

    That’s also why I make extra effort to be nice now, or at least I hope to. I think every day matters, and while it was a bad past, I can make some amends for the future. It’s a hurdle to hop over, but that’s part of what’s needed to move on for tomorrow.

    I hate that sometimes though, I hate that hurdle. I wish there were other things in life to deal with, but I just have to deal with myself, and who I was.

    This is what I’m looking forward to now: (or at least things like this)

    Because, my home should be coming some time soon, and we really have to start planning how its gonna look like. My list of how the house looks is growing. At least something for me to really look forward to, along with my wife’s presence in the home with me. Clarice is a really lovely wife that I don’t deserve, super grateful for her. Super duper grateful.

  • 1989

    It’s my birthday, and it’s been 32 years since.

    There’s many ways to think about it, but one of the things I’m really most thankful for today and this time is really how much I’ve been seeing myself grow in the past few years. It’s been extremely reflective this past two years, and I’ve been learning many things about myself, and the things and events that have made me who I am today.

    I’ve always thought of my current age as a comparison against all the other people who became famous at my current age. Like when I was in my twenties, I thought about how Taylor Swift was so famous and doing so many things. I thought about the Christian writer Joshua Harris and how he started out writing by then already. Of course, we wouldn’t necessarily say that life was so so much better for them, but I was still kinda envious.

    I still think that now, and it’s one of the things that motivate me to keep on at what I do. I still think that I wish I had that world wide level of fame. I don’t say it much, but it’s something I do consider.

    But in the past few years, I’ve understood a different kind of life set out for me. Maybe I might not be that famous person who has changed the world. I’ve seen that I’ve changed the lives of the people around me, in little bits, or in large parts. I’ve seen that I’m a friend, and that I’m not necessarily the star, but these aren’t bad parts at all. Maybe they’re actually the even bigger parts.

    I don’t have to wish for fame anymore, because just being me, I’m kinda famous already. My friends all know me, and that’s fame enough. Might sound like a compromise, but I am truly happy for all the friends that I’ve gotten to know over my 32 years. Some longer than others, but I am thankful for all of them. They are the best people in the world, that fame will never understand. My friends are so directly important and precious to me, that I will really miss their presence if it were taken away.

    So even though I still think about what world impact I could do and change, I still know that at the end of the day, I’ve already achieved that. I know that I have close friends that love and cherish me for all that I am. I am super thankful for that, and I’m glad I don’t have to think if they’re here for my money or my fame in itself, but they’re just here for me. That’s awesome.

    I’ll be here for them too. Or there for them. I’ll be with them. Because I know that all of it matters, and it’s been really an amazing journey with all of them.

    The most of all being Clarice, who has really changed me in the biggest ways. At 32, other than my parents, I don’t know anyone else more loving to me than she is.

    Maybe one day this will be a speech, but a speech for my friends, who have stood by me all this time. They’re the best, and I really wish I had more time to write these things, but I’m off to spend more time with my family, and friends too.

    What a life I’ve gotten to live. I am so thankful to God for carrying me through all this, and to all the friends He has given me. So so so so so thankful.

  • Sunday Funday / Simple Sunday

    Having a good meal on Sunday is something I really enjoy. I think I’ve had them growing up, and its become somewhat of a reminder of what Sundays are for me.

    When I was younger, it was Spaghetti’s at Tanglin Mall that really made the day for me. It was a family lunch, and I would have a Fettuccine Carbonara, and finish the extremely creamy meal with Tiramisu. This gave way for a quick visit to the toilet, because of my lactose intolerance, but it was so worth it.

    When I got older a bit more, it would be a meal with my church mates after Sunday School. We ate a heavily seasoned QQ noodle, most of the time adding extra noodles. It was a minced meat noodle with a lot of flavor.

    While serving my National Service, the Sunday meals would be based on the time I had out of camp. Most of the time, I would return to camp stuffed with a good meal, mostly meats then.

    Currently, with Clarice, we make things up as we go along. But today in specific, we had a really nice Bak Kut Teh meal at Song Fa. Clarice is Pescatarian, meaning the only meat she eats is fish. So she had a sliced fish meal, and I had the regular pork rib soup. Finished off with a nice aged Pu-Er Cha.

    A good meal to remind me that it’s sunday, and I can rest. For a bit.

  • My 2nd Anniversary

    In case you did not know, I am married. Married for two years at that. It’s something that I am extremely proud about, because I think making a marriage work for two years is a lot of effort. There were many times when I feel like just throwing everything away and just calling it quits. There were fierce fights, and real debates about how things ought to be done. And it feels silly, especially when you look back at it. Worse still, it feels silly if you hear someone telling you, “Oh when you’re getting ready for marriage, remember to be chill about dish washing.” I will honestly say that dish washing has caused a lot more pain than I expected. It’s so strange, because I think the love that we see from our parents, or some old couple walking along the street, it’s just not that easy. It’s a lot of friction, and it can really hurt.

    But I’m proud because I think Clarice and I have really had that friction and grown past that in huge ways. We’re really not the same people that we had fell in love with. Some parts have remained, but others have grown. I have grown. I am really a different person. I don’t dislike it in any way, I just know that I am really in a good place now, and it took a lot of effort to get here. I am proud, really proud, of our partnership.

    I hope one day I’ll read this post again, and be reminded of how happy and proud I am of my marriage. It is truly a beautiful thing.

  • The Rush to Wait

    The Rush to Wait

    Christmas rushing is always a thing for the year end. It’s so exciting running around shops, hunting for the best discounts that match your friend or family the best. I lose myself at the shelf of red tags stating a large cut from the original price, picking and repicking the items that I was looking for.

    And every year it ends, with me looking at the gift bills, and now with clarice, at least I’ve got her to consider the amounts of money with. Last night we sat down at my table just going throught the costs, and watching the rain on the end of the day and night.

     

    Does life always work on that adrenaline high, where we really rush and get something done, and then we wait for the next thing to look forward to? I know I love the rush because of events and work and stuff. I feel this need for consistency, like the daily something that I had just wrote about before this. I don’t like the drop, so I’d rather have the rush all the time. The only thing about that is that my energy would deplete really quickly.

    Let’s see how things go in the coming year, and I’ll be looking forward to just writing once a day, or just doing something every day.