trisected

Tag: social commentary

  • Weddings and Showing Up

    I always end up talking about social things because I think it’s a large part of who we are as people. Today’s thought from that is due to the wedding I visited yesterday, and it was my good friend’s wedding. He had the wedding with his own taste to things, and there were many things that were unique to him. I knew to expect that and I really appreciated the time at his wedding as a whole.

    Then comes my social critique on weddings in Singapore a least: I find there’s a need to show up in a certain way for weddings, and it takes some guts to either show up in a chill, less formal way, and it takes even more guts to give a range of money that might not be the “market rate” of the different dining grounds.

    In Singapore, the wedding is usually segmented with a lot of different moments of social pressure and tension. It would be safe to say that most of my peers had a hard time working out the influence either side would bring to the party, and how much of a compromise either would have. It is a start to the marriage for sure, but the Singapore wedding itself pressures in a certain way.

    One certain pressure is the expectations of the parents as the couples choose what to do. There’s a payment cost per table, per head, and the parents might demand a certain amount of invitees for themselves. These would be extended family members, friends, and maybe colleagues of the parents. It’s a show of face at times, and the parents place this pressure on the couple. The couple then has to navigate the type of restaurant that could handle the size of the invitees, and the best pricing to get with the better “name” behind it. There’s no point in having a cheap restaurant that can hold everyone, because the show of face that the parents might have is a need to be of a certain standard.

    This is the part that gets to me, as a friend invited. Yesterday’s wedding was amazing, and I think the parents on both ends were very happy to have the couple make the choice on the dining experience. Because of the type of place chose, the guests are expected to give a certain amount of money to the couple as a wedding gift, that would cover the cost of the table per head. There are sites for this online, and the guests attending usually check before attending the wedding. My friend’s wedding was not conventional, so I think the pricing was slightly different, and I appreciated it.

    The regular issue that guests like me face is the need to pay for a wedding where I might not know the people too well, and the family has asked for a place that is a little beyond my budget. Perhaps also beyond the family’s own budget. Some guests leave with the thought of needing to get the best value for it, or they might just feel upset with the amount they had to part with, just for the sake of the couple’s family and their choices.

    But that’s not what a wedding is about, isn’t it? I’ve always thought of a wedding as a joyous occasion, where people celebrate the couple coming together. There’s a purity in that, just to celebrate for the sake of celebrating. I thought of that in my wedding, and that approach led us to also have a fun time at our lunch reception, which was not big. Instead, we had very good quality food there, and it would just be a great way to rejoice together.

    I really hope somehow the culture in Singapore changes, where we compare less, calculate less, and spend more time enjoying each other and our time together.

    Today I listened to: Blink 182 again, Turnstile, and some other vinyls.

    Watched Lighthouse on Netflix (Gen Hoshino)

    Had friends come over to play board games and it was pretty darn fun.

  • The Boulder Problem

    There’s a pun on this; because the boulder problems are what people climb, and I have a problem with bouldering: I really like it.

    If you’ve seen my Instagram by now, you’d know that I’m really into bouldering or sport climbing for that matter. In fact, I’ve really gotten so hooked onto it that I’ve started climbing at least twice a week, for the past two weeks. My hands are aching, but getting stronger, and I’m starting to buy 10 passes into gyms that I’ve never entered in my life. It’s nuts.

    Also I’m seeing people that are a good ten years younger than me climb some really fancy routes, and all I think about is how old I’m feeling and how much I wished I had that youth of healing, to get past injuries.

    Like when I started skateboarding again, I sprained both my wrists to the point that they were soft to hold. I could squish them basically, and Clarice was really worried about it. Right now my shoulder’s gotten really achy and stiff from one of the earliest injuries – the one that I had just before my IPPT. I just hope I get over it in the next few months.

    Great Video posted last year.

    But it’s really addictive/addicting. This video puts it quite well together, although I don’t necessarily agree with the social part of it. In Singapore, it feels like another elite sport that only the rich can afford, or like there is a cash barrier to it. That makes bouldering in Singapore quite a different approach to how it is in other countries, based on what I’m seeing on the different channels. But then again, internet access to showcase what one can do in their free time already states some level of monetary privilege.

    Which brings me to another boulder problem: the economics of hobbies. Are hobbies something of privilege? That one can afford to pay for something for fun?

    As I sit in the climbing gyms, I just wonder if everyone can safely afford to climb. I’m sure some really can’t and they’re trying their best to make it. That thought makes me kinda sad, and I feel like I need to do something about it, which also makes me address my savior complex.

    In any case, before I dive even deeper into more issues and social commentary, I really just do enjoy climbing, and I think that I want to be a positive change around those in the climbing gyms. If I can find a friend who needs help, and offer them one of my multi passes, why not? It’ll be cheaper than the full prices for single entry, and it’ll be a great way to make a friend.