I always end up talking about social things because I think it’s a large part of who we are as people. Today’s thought from that is due to the wedding I visited yesterday, and it was my good friend’s wedding. He had the wedding with his own taste to things, and there were many things that were unique to him. I knew to expect that and I really appreciated the time at his wedding as a whole.
Then comes my social critique on weddings in Singapore a least: I find there’s a need to show up in a certain way for weddings, and it takes some guts to either show up in a chill, less formal way, and it takes even more guts to give a range of money that might not be the “market rate” of the different dining grounds.
In Singapore, the wedding is usually segmented with a lot of different moments of social pressure and tension. It would be safe to say that most of my peers had a hard time working out the influence either side would bring to the party, and how much of a compromise either would have. It is a start to the marriage for sure, but the Singapore wedding itself pressures in a certain way.
One certain pressure is the expectations of the parents as the couples choose what to do. There’s a payment cost per table, per head, and the parents might demand a certain amount of invitees for themselves. These would be extended family members, friends, and maybe colleagues of the parents. It’s a show of face at times, and the parents place this pressure on the couple. The couple then has to navigate the type of restaurant that could handle the size of the invitees, and the best pricing to get with the better “name” behind it. There’s no point in having a cheap restaurant that can hold everyone, because the show of face that the parents might have is a need to be of a certain standard.
This is the part that gets to me, as a friend invited. Yesterday’s wedding was amazing, and I think the parents on both ends were very happy to have the couple make the choice on the dining experience. Because of the type of place chose, the guests are expected to give a certain amount of money to the couple as a wedding gift, that would cover the cost of the table per head. There are sites for this online, and the guests attending usually check before attending the wedding. My friend’s wedding was not conventional, so I think the pricing was slightly different, and I appreciated it.
The regular issue that guests like me face is the need to pay for a wedding where I might not know the people too well, and the family has asked for a place that is a little beyond my budget. Perhaps also beyond the family’s own budget. Some guests leave with the thought of needing to get the best value for it, or they might just feel upset with the amount they had to part with, just for the sake of the couple’s family and their choices.
But that’s not what a wedding is about, isn’t it? I’ve always thought of a wedding as a joyous occasion, where people celebrate the couple coming together. There’s a purity in that, just to celebrate for the sake of celebrating. I thought of that in my wedding, and that approach led us to also have a fun time at our lunch reception, which was not big. Instead, we had very good quality food there, and it would just be a great way to rejoice together.
I really hope somehow the culture in Singapore changes, where we compare less, calculate less, and spend more time enjoying each other and our time together.
Today I listened to: Blink 182 again, Turnstile, and some other vinyls.
Watched Lighthouse on Netflix (Gen Hoshino)
Had friends come over to play board games and it was pretty darn fun.