Tag: daily

  • The Point of the Blog

    Whenever I do the daily blog, I come to a day where I just sit down and ask myself why bother writing everyday, and mostly not to anyone in specific. I tried to look through my blog yesterday, and realised that my code was actually kinda messed up. So there’s been some reinstalls for the pages as a whole. And that really begs the purpose of why I want to write everyday, even if no one else sees.

    I was listening to Cal Newport on his long thinking process, where someone should take a notebook, and go into nature, to think and slowly process that one thing they’re struggling to think about. I want to do that, that sounds fun and it sounds like I might walk away being a lot sharper on certain things. But thinking long and daily writing are two different things. I think I actually have long thinking practices, but I definitely struggle more with daily writing.

    Daily writing is hard, because it makes me sit down to pen a thought or two that is worth sharing. I have many thoughts in a day. “I am hungry” is a key one I deal with often. I have others about clothes, “What should I wear”. But there are others, deeper and having a bit more character.

    Those are hard to figure out which goes onto the blog more. Of course there are things to do to guide me, like prompts, or just journalling suggestions. But I think having a daily blog is saying, I want to note this day down somehow.

    My blogs aren’t always daily recaps, because I have another space where I have daily recaps. But I am always happy to share my thoughts. If people like reading , that’s good. If they don’t it’s okay, and i didn’t meant to write to them. I just want to write because I want to write.

    So why write daily? I think i automatically up my creative out put a lot. It always helps that at the end of the daily, at least I have one post up.

  • 20 years later, back in Secondary School

    Today I was in my secondary school, after not being there for the last 20 years or so perhaps. I went by the field before, but not into the school building like I did today. I was preaching about Christmas, and how I see Jesus as the hope for us, as humanity, and from the time before.

    After the preaching, I got to talk with one of the boys from the school. It wasn’t really planned, he spilled something, then I offered for him to sit with me at the table since he was running around. Turns out he’s the head of student council, and we chatted about life in different ways.

    In reflection about our discussions, I think I hit what I wanted to do in life very early, and I just went very strong on it. I linked the rest of the world with how it relates to what I studied — graphic design, and I knew the real world implications of what I do.

    Thinking harder about it, maybe the biggest skill I’ve had before, and I continue to hone on is my ability to speak, and today I really remembered how my talking makes everything else make sense. It’s a weird sense of what Steve Jobs’ Reality Distortion Field, but I do think what I am saying is true, and I speak it with full conviction. People around me sense the enthusiasm, and they follow along with it, even if it might not actually be objectively true.

    But to me, that’s how the world works a lot of the time. People looking for the truth are swayed by people like me who believe so wholeheartedly in what they think is the truth, but it might not turn out that way. Thankfully my bible knowledge is pretty solid, and on top of that, I am happy to find ways to verify my knowledge. But if I was misled, and I misled other people with my “truth” that would be the worst.

    But to some people Christianity might not be the truth… But I think the historical person of Christ is a good enough idea to think about, and his truth is worth me following.

    Some deep thoughts while returning to my school today.

  • I had a thought

    And then the thought slipped away. There were things I had meant to say. Words with meaning, stories and images.

    But instead I have this half baked poem, as I try to recall but fail again and again.

    My cough acts up once more, and I just have to write what I can, and hope that it’s enough, in time, for the post for a daily score.

  • Still coughing

    After a week, or about close to a week, I’m still coughing.

    It sucks when I really want to rest but I can’t control the cough. Or if Clarice wants to rest, and I keep coughing.

    I’ve tried so many liquids to quell the itch, but it just goes.

    I’m really just so done with my throat.


    It happens every few years, I’ll get this bout of a really itchy raspy throat, and it just lingers for a long time. I don’t really like to fall sick, so when I do get something it this it really throws me off and I feel so completely miserable.

    I remember one of the times this happened, I was in reservist. I was coughing and hacking my phlegm all over the place. My friend came up to me and said, hey you know that’s damn gross. I said yeah what to do.

    I could have not turned up actually and just stayed sick in bunk, and I really wanted to do that. But I hated the idea of doing another reservist cycle so I decided against that. Funny enough, I think I determined if I cleared my reservist or not. I should have given myself a break.

  • Watching dramas from Ad recommendations

    I actually started watching a drama app from some Instagram Ads that were playing through, and I think I spent a good chunk of time on it. It’s so funny that I’ve got Netflix, Prime Video and Apple TV, and yet I’m still watching trashy dramas. The writing is so bad and cringe but at the same time it’s so capturing.

    I’ve been thinking about the published work concept- where as much as we would look down on bad quality media, at least someone chose to publish it. Sure, maybe they’re trying to make a buck, but it’s getting eyes on their content and it works.

    Does the publisher need to be held responsible for the quality of media they produce? I don’t know, but if we do hold that line for tv dramas then we need to hold it no matter which platform. Music, visual arts, dance, everything creative needs to be held accountable for their quality of creative output.

    Anyway, I watched “House husband? Try Supreme Immortal” lol. I’m now watching “Watch Out, I’m the Lady Boss” LOL.

    The shame.. haha

  • Daily Disciplines

    Man, I’m really starting to understand the place of daily disciplines in my life. I am actually quite a consistent person if I just tell myself there some challenge effect to it.

    Today I looked at YouTube for a good while, considering the range of things I could watch. There were thumbnails of peoples lives being changed by the bullet journal method, or a pocket notebook being the most life changing thing they had done; or the bullet journal guy had just started using a minimal way to use his phone, and it was a dumb phone but not in a dumb way; or a camping experience or a taste test or a review of some sort.

    These are content I like, but sometimes I just want something else out of the ordinary. Something I would never have touched in a million years, and I feel Instagram gets that part of me a little bit more.

    But I digress, the point of me sharing about the YouTube and the content I watch is how I get distracted about being distracted.

    I actually wanted to write, or read, or create something. Instead, I got myself distracted by watching YouTube. And I couldn’t even be properly distracted because I’d just go and get distracted about how undistracted I was.

    And that’s where I am happy about the daily disciplines. There are things I need to do and finish everyday, and that’s a bit more grounding than choosing what I want to try and clear within an hour or so. I’m happy to just do this post, do my Duolingo, and maybe my Anki? Then write in the different journals I have, and call it a day.

    (I still do my main work for my job of course, I’m referring to the day in general.)

  • Releasing the redundant

    I had a chat with ChatGPT today, about two things I really thought I wanted, and I know that I have enough of.

    The first was an eInk reader, the xteink x4. It’s got buttons only, and for some reason, that’s really interesting to me. The reader I currently have has a touch screen and runs Android. Maybe it’s the overfunctionality that I’m sick of. But in any case, I don’t really need another one especially if I’m not using the current one I have more often.

    The second was a tote bag, the Bellroy totes. There’s just something about some over designed bag, with compartments, padding, and waterproofing. But in all honesty, I have too many tote bags. I know that already, and I know that for sure. I don’t need another one, and I don’t use the many that I already have. At most, I could get a replacement for one of them that I’ve used to death in many ways, but otherwise, I’m actually in no need for a new tote bag.

    But it’s so hard to not think of replacing the things that I already have. I keep imagining, and wishing that I had others. But I’m not in lack, and I’m not in need. They’re completely redundant purchases, as ChatGPT rightly pointed out. Buying them won’t add any significant value to my life, other than aesthetic preferences.

    To me, being an adult is figuring out that I can’t spend like this, because I have things I really want to save up for. This feeling is strange, foreign, and I am quite disturbed by myself. And yet, I know it is deeply necessary to focus. I have to do my best to focus… for my baby at least.

  • Sick Days

    Nothing really gets me down more than sick days. I’m not one to sit still very well, so on a day and time that I can’t do much, I get really quite bothered.

    Yesterday, my fever knocked me out for 4 hours in a mid day nap. I don’t even nap, and I would have slept more, if not for my kid coming home soon, and I needed to prep her bath for the night.

    But it always makes me think harder about how I really need to take care of myself, so that my crashes aren’t so bad after each big stint. I gotta manage myself a lot better, especially now with a kid. I can’t afford to miss too much, if not it’ll affect Clarice more.

    Anyway, I’m at 60% now, and I think I do need to rest well tonight too to get up to speed tomorrow. Hopefully my daughter sleeps straight through the night tonight, late into the morning.

  • Almost done reading: God bless you Mr. Rosewater

    I’m a fan of Kurt Vonnegut, and I really like the way he portrays the so called crazy people in his books. From Kilgore Trout, to Eliot Rosewater, there’s this purity of the crazy person. Of course the satire of idealism as crazy is how he writes all his books, but I can really see that more and more in the current age.


    I’m having a really bad throat and a slight fever, and nothing is more fun than reading Kurt Vonnegut. You’re never sure when you’ve fallen asleep sick or if you’re just seeing what he wrote in your mind. I wish I dared to write more like him.

  • PTS-Something

    Now that the art book fair is over, I keep thinking that there are so many items for me to follow up on. There’s training I want to do, there’s notes and explorations I should be considering, and most of all, I actually really just need rest. But all that aside, I keep imagining that I have forgotten something and I need to rush for something else.

    This morning, as my baby gave me a horrible start to day by waking at 5am and not getting back to sleep for another two hours, I received a text from the Art Book Fair director that I didn’t need to go down to fix up a wall we had banged up. That was a surprise for me, and I was totally ready to go down. Then the second part was that she encouraged me/us to “focus on making and selling books.” It really touched me heart in such a personal way.

    It’s something I’ve been struggling with: what I do with my art and my creative production as a whole. I constantly feel the anxiety about who I am, and what type of work I should produce. I’ve really been wanting to make more books, intentionally. Instead, I get stuck working on the collab projects, or just not really giving myself a chance. I want other people to shine, but I bench myself so often. I don’t want to outshine the rest. So the words from the director really meant so much and encouraged me in ways I didn’t figure out yet.

    It’s PTS something for sure. But I’m taking her words to heart, and I’ll keep making and selling books.

  • The Fair Ends

    A crazy three days!

    I’m really exhausted, but because of our chairs bumping the walls, I’ve got to go back and help patch up a bit. Hopefully it works out well, because its honestly quite a small patch, I’m not too sure how much it could really fix.

    It was great fun getting to see everyone, and getting to talk to so many new people. I think I should write a post about it on Through The Roof too. Its such a great experience!

  • Not the best end to a day

    Today started out pretty okay, and it went along quite alright, until the afternoon took a turn for the worst, and now its a horrible end for the night.

    It’s not about the art book fair or my volunteers that has made the day tough, but it’s loved ones. It’s always because of family — as the Fast and Furious line goes. Those hurt the most, and those cause the most hurt.

    Maybe tomorrow might go better, but probably not because tonight ends in limbo.

    I don’t like things left in limbo, but sometimes that’s the only way to survive the night. Or maybe the night won’t be survived, who’s to know for sure?

  • Singapore Art Book Fair Day 1

    It’s always such an experience to go through the craziness of a fair whenever I’m in it. There are new people to meet, there are the different stories and things to talk through and remember. And there’s actually a backlog of stress and physical labour leading up to the fair – creating the work produced.

    Day 1 always carries this new school day energy. Like a first day of camp, and everyone is meeting each other for the first time. Or maybe it’s more like secondary school, where you might know some people from before and now you’re just catching up for a bit.

    Day 2 is when everyone’s kinda in the groove together already. That’s for tomorrow.

    For today, it was a good day of catching up with everyone. I’m also glad to talk about the different zines we made. We really made so much this year. It’s crazy! Thank God.

  • Real Life

    After yesterday’s post, I really had a moment to consider what I was truly anxious about, and what were real concerns. My concluding thoughts and the start to my day was about how I was quite happy with everything I had done so far for the art book fair, and also contented with all the work we put in.

    Real life becomes materialised for me when I see the final piece of the work done. Seeing the table today, seeing the printed materials of the past few months all complete, it was truly something to behold.

    There were so many people putting their heart efforts into the work, and creating, and making things real. It was something. I am glad for the people met, and for the types of work we had done. It wasn’t the easiest, but it’s good work. I’m happy about it.

    The process was as good as done, and I’m content with the current place we’re at, even though I haven’t sold a single thing yet. It’s something!

  • Pre-show Jitters

    I actually have performance anxiety.

    It’s not really easy to see because I’m on stage a lot, or in front of a crowd a lot. But inside, my head is going crazy. I’m over thinking everything, and definitely trying to be enough for everyone. On the outside, I might seem calm, but it is truly like a duck on water — the feet are paddling like mad.

    I try to balance performance anxiety by stretching the point where preparation ends and performance begins.

    This means that I keep thinking I’m stretching, even though the show is already on. In this day specificially, I’m thinking about Singapore Art Book Fair. I have a table with a lot of zines, and a part of me is super worried I won’t have anything done. But another part of me says, hey, don’t worry, just keep preparing, and soon, the show will be over.

    This is because my preparation level is quite overprepared already. I am probably ready to start a business at this point, but all I really need to do is to be alive for 72 hours over the weekend. I just need to smile, say hi, and sell zines.

    I just feel like I need to perform, even though there’s really no need to. Performance anxiety for sure.

    Anyway, I should be ready for tomorrow… I think!

  • The post written in haste.

    So I’m not even at the table, I’m not even writing with a mechanical keyboard. Instead, I’m on the bus, after an incredibly busy day, writing on the go.

    My thoughts are all over, like my constantly moving iPad, sliding around as the bus starts and stops. There’s lots of work to do tonight, and I don’t have the time to do it. Or at least I’m not sure how to. But I’ll get it done. I have to.

    Where does all the rushing go to? Is this the level I had hoped to be operating on? I thought I had preempted enough, but apparently not. There are so many things I did not expect, and in the months coming up, there are things I can and should work on.

    I have to make do.

    I can’t wait for the perfect moments, like writing in the best of moods and places. I have to just do it.

    Messy as heck, but I’m doing it.

  • Bringing daily blog back again; Becoming a parent

    I’ve been thinking hard about this, and what the point would be, and these are my thoughts:

    • Writing daily gives me a range of thoughts to work on, and I can build on the ones I like better for newsletters or other portions of writing.
    • I can have a far wider scope of work, because I can write about different things everyday.
    • A little bit a day chips away at a bigger goal.
    • I will use some of my writing here to make zines, and finish them up a bit with more imagery and other things.

    I’m a night away from having a baby. Tomorrow we will be inducing our baby to come out, and prayerfully everything will go smoothly.

    I am anxious.

    A part of me wonders if I’m anxious because everyone’s asking me if I’m anxious or not. But the main part of me has always been aware of the risks and complications, and I have this gore nightmare that flickers into my brain every now and then. What if the baby falls, what if we fall on the baby, what if the umbilical cord and this and that, and I go on this panic trip in my head.

    But as I talk about it with other people I am reassured, and everyone tells me not to worry. But they asked if I was anxious in the first place, so I tell them what’s up in my head.

    So the first thing I learnt about parenting is the irony and insanity everyone throws you through.

    I don’t think my child will be the cause of my crazy, but I think it’s everyone else. I finally understand why some people look like they have crazy families, but it’s more like their social settings might have just driven them a little mad, and they’re deciding not to stick with it anymore. So instead of looking normal, they push back and make their families their safe spaces.

    Not that crazy families ask me less crazy sets of questions, but at least I understand why every family’s a little mad.


    Pray for Clarice tomorrow, pray for me tomorrow, pray for baby Allison tomorrow. Pray for the doctors and the nurses, and the midwives, and for my parents who are fetching me around too.

    I can’t wait to see my baby, and I hopefully I learn how to relax a little in the meantime.

  • The Wild Human

    I watched The Wild Robot with a friend today. It was a friend I don’t get to spend much time with, but I thought it would be nice to catch up and watch a movie together with today. Also because today had freed up somewhat, so I decided it was a pretty okay idea.

    But the movie was really great. It was a painted movie, and there were many beautiful scenes. The story was well paced and well crafted, and I thought it was apt for this current era of the world. A bit too much on the accepting community, but otherwise a great story about learning responsibility in this world.

    A key word used was the “programming”, and how this robot went against her programming. There are many times I am so aware of my programming, and how I would end up choosing something because I just know that is what I am supposed to do. But as I grow older, I learn how to choose things wisely, not because I am taught to.

    There are a lot of scenarios in creative training where we are taught to question, and we do think critically of different situations. But the question I think about now is how much of the critical thinking I employ now part of the creative designer programming? In any case, I hope to say I have incorporated critical thinking well enough, but it is not as programmed as it is supposed to be.

    I am not sure if that paragraph really made sense, but then again, I don’t aim to edit these posts much, I just want to have my thoughts out here, in the wild.

    I also watched an interview with Casey Neistat, and it was a good reminder about my creative practices and what I am good at, and what I like to do. Every few months, I really am reminded of these parts of myself.

    The Wild Human

  • Getting Lost in Work

    I’ve been really keeping my head down and trying to focus all day, but it’s been a mix of creative work and planning work. Worst combination to work through, because it needs to actually use my brain 100% of the time. Really high energy stuff, but my brain is tired but my body actually needs the exercise. So I’ve been doing jump rope workouts again, and it’s been a good 10-15 minutes of just jumping rope.

    Getting lost in work means that for a period of time, I have very little friend interactions. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and intentionally catching up. But during this heavy work periods, I actually can lose days or weeks working. I blink and all of a sudden, hours have gone by, and I wonder what Clarice is up to. She’s mostly asleep if I’ve been working in the evenings, because I only notice the time at midnight.

    I might clear the dishes very late at night, and I’ll be thinking, What is everyone else up to today? What was happening in the world? I have no idea, and I just have to guess. Then I finish that, sit down to clear my daily things: This post, a drawing for Inktober, and my Duolingo Russian streak.

    Then I might read or just distract my thinking brain enough to go to sleep. Then I wake up the next day and head back to work again.

    Just getting lost in work for a period of time.

  • A Day of Rest

    Today was a day of recuperating. I don’t give myself enough time to rest in a week, so my Sundays are usually especially precious. By not giving myself time for rest, I mean my day can be packed with 4-5 events from the morning all the way until the night, like starting at 8am and getting back home at 10 or 11.

    In any case, Sunday is rest. But for a constantly moving guy like me, I need specific rest tasks. I actually enjoy clearing my room and desk, despite the constant mess I live with. I like the clean, open table. And I also update my notebooks, with how the week has been, or month sometimes.

    I’ll make myself a nice mug of coffee, or two. If I have special beans, today’s the day I bring them out. I also attempt all the new fancy methods too, if necessary. But today, just the beans from Roots Bangkok, and just a 5 pour V60 technique. I did brush the grinders down too.

    I try to play games, and today was a good day of playing games too. It was a generally relaxing day, hard to complain about a rest day at all. Played some brain teasers along with a horror survival game called Remothered. It was honestly quite frightening.

    Caught up on some social media and other TV drama I had yet to complete, and just spent the day resting with Clarice.

    Very simple general rest day routine.


    I do look forward to the work I do, but this week will be especially exciting with the new printer in. I have much to experiment with. Hopefully the lack of my ring finger will be bearable. It’s been a pain, but at least I can get some cleaning done today.

    I almost wanted to take a picture but I shall spare the world from observing the split of my finger tip. It’s a pretty deep looking crack, and I honestly wish it would heal faster. No climbing for the next few days, but Friday will definitely be climbing for a bit. As part of work.

    We’ll see how the week plays out!

  • Time and time again

    Sometimes I wonder why I don’t dare to write as honestly as my brain thinks. I guess there’s always the apprehension of people reading into my posts, and misunderstanding my point of view, but honestly no one really reads all this. It’s really more for me.


    Today we had friends over for lunch, and it was a good time of catching up. Sometimes, it feels like life could really be much easier if we let it. Like just enjoying a lunch, and having a time of catching up. Or having a moment to just be ourselves and silly as we talk about random things. I enjoyed those days growing up, and maybe I should make more space for things like that as I grow older.

    My finger was cut really bad yesterday, but at least it stopped bleeding today. It’s got a deep gash, but hopefully it heals and doesn’t get infected. There’s no pus, or swelling. Just an open wound. Hopefully it closes soon, so i can get back to things.

    Every now and then i’ll get a cut like this, and honestly it’s so annoying. Resets my climb, and my work schedule. It’s just not fun being slow. I don’t like that at all.


    Hopefully this work and rest thing, and this friends things make sense. Anyway, I’m tired and incoherent. Goodnight.

  • Culture Change

    The hardest mental hurdle that I have to take every single day is the cultural change of Singapore. It’s one thing to say that we’ve Westernized our Asian culture, but the truth of it is still a huge apprehension of what that really looks like. More than that, I think most people actually don’t want too much of a foreign approach, and they want the comfort of familiarity.

    That’s hard when I’m trying to walk up or down and escalator.

    Here is my escalator issue:

    The diagram for standing on an escalator states that you should stand on the left side to hold the rail, and the right side is for people to move past, if they are in a rush.

    However, in a lot of scenarios, Singaporeans like to travel in groups. In a Singaporean group movement, it is key to be in a swarm of some sort, and having to walk ahead is seen as being unfriendly. It is also key to have visual connections to everyone around. This means that on an escalator, it is impossible to stretch a conversation among 4 people in a row. Thus, they will stand two by two, so that the conversations can still take place.

    Then I might come along, wanting to move past, but there are two people blocking the way, and there is usually no space to move past two people. Moving past one person is still something that can be squeezed. But two is just too much.

    So I end up standing behind this set of people, and listen to their conversation (OR LACK OF) and just wait my turn to get off the escalator.

    In this scope: the Asian mindset of “everyone else” is focused on their immediate group. The Western mindset of “we’re on our own but we’re together still” is not there.

    I’ve seen non-Asians be separated from their group, and they would wait at the end of the escalators if they need to walk ahead because of the lack of space.

    As I’m writing this, I also recall the complete ignorance of groups on the escalator when in the London Tube, or in Paris.

    So perhaps

    all people are not able to read signs

    and in a group, no one really cares about the people that are not together with them.

    Ok this post didn’t really go the way that I thought it would. but hey, I learnt something new again today I guess.

  • Misinformed Opinions and Choices.

    Today I went to a mall in an attempt to get some new art materials. I actually looked up the store online, and I checked Google Maps to make sure I got all the timings right. But lo and behold, the entire mall was under construction. Worst part is that I was just at this same mall a few weeks back, and for some reason, it never occurred to me that there was definitely going to be renovations because a few shops had moved away.

    I had to walk to another mall down the road, to look for the same type of art materials.


    On the train, the station displays on the train were off. They were supposed to light up when you get to each stop, but instead, the whole map was just off. Thank goodness I knew Singapore well enough to get out at the right stop with or without the station display lights.

    Sometimes, they even announce the wrong stop.


    Singapore has such a strange relationship with technology and convenience to the point that a lot of people don’t even check it. But if this happened anywhere else in the world, a Singaporean would be completely upset.

    Thus the relationship of Singaporeans and misinformed opinions and choices.

  • Planning the day away

    Sometimes I forget what I need to do, and I end up spending a lot of time thinking and working around things instead of doing the actual things that I need to do.

    Sometimes, I don’t even make the lists of what I need to do, and instead, I end up sitting down with no list, and a huge bunch of tasks in my head.

    But today, I sat down on the train, put my task list on paper, and when I got home, I started to actually do the work that I needed to do.

    I still have things to do, and I wished I planned a little bit less, but at least I did some parts today.

    That’s a good enough start for me, and I’m writing this post because my break from work got more and more distracting and I just needed to do something instead of just scrolling through nothing all over again.

  • Talking about the thing that I am struggling to talk about

    It’s day three of trying to draw or create, or be creative in some aspect or another. Honestly, did not do anything creative today, other than just think a whole lot, and I wrote a whole lot too. I guess I will end today with a lot of writing just to get myself going. and MAYbe that would help me get focused on my creative juices just a little bit.

    I’m also doing this to psyche myself up for the coming Inktober. I have so much apprehension and a part of me just wants to curl up and pretend that creativity can shoot out of my butt when I need to perform. But I know that I need to put in a lot of hard work to make sure it happens. Like a lot of hard work. I’m thinking of spending a few days this week just to brainstorm and prep for the days coming up. It’ll start on Sunday, and boy, I barely feel ready for this.

    My hopes were also to run in into the Through The Roof things, and hopefully, somehow we can get a group going. Like having a running group, just that this one is for creative drawing. It’s gonna be some challenge for real, figuring out mentally how I’m planning to approach the creative daily discipline.

    But one night at a time I guess. Maybe I’ll end tonight with some random thoughts of the world that I want to create.

  • I tried to draw today

    I sketched a bit in church today, and there’s just something else about sketching in real life. I don’t know if its the same as when I’m just doodling about and just trying to think, but I do feel like it might not be the same as a daily drawing discipline. Or maybe it is. Kurt Wallander’s father would draw the same scene over and over again, but sometimes he might include little elements. Otherwise it was the exact same thing.

    I don’t think my sketching has the idea of the same repeated scene, but I am trying to achieve some amount of ink on a single page. I hope I was approaching that today, but I was just trying to draw the scene. I don’t think that’s wrong either, but I don’t feel that creative burst. Maybe feeling it isn’t the point.

    I did consider a lot about writing something special. I had this stock of newsprint paper that just came in and I really want to do some drawing and printing on it, but I can’t seem to find my ink roller. That makes it really challenging because I have no idea how consistent the ink would be over my printing block. Also I need to test it out soon because I’ve got quite a few things to produce in the coming weeks.

    I guess a question I have is: I don’t know how much I should think or not think about the work that I do. And I should learn what the line is to do it for myself or not.

  • The Reason for Discipline

    I have been thinking about this for the past few days, especially in the past week. Leading up to my birthday, I was keeping up with my writing pretty okay, maybe I missed a day or two, but in the few days of gap in writing, I am understanding that why I write is key.

    More than that, the motivations why I continue to do something in a disciplined manner need to be clearly drawn out for myself.


    I watched a few videos on people keeping small notebooks, and the place of writing thoughts or just doodling through the day. I thought those were absolutely perfect ideas. The only issue is its application in my own daily life. What would I do with all these thoughts? Where would I place these ideas and doodles? I have no answer.

    And because I have no clear answer for myself, I don’t see myself starting out on them. The difficulty comes where I know the answer would reveal itself to me while I start out. But the steps to pull myself along to do something that I haven’t done for a very long time is extremely challenging. I don’t feel like doing it, and I don’t end up doing it.

    I actually pulled myself out of bed today for a run. A simple step for me was to wake up too early, so I could clear all my morning tasks quickly, and then I was left with nothing to do. All I could imagine doing was going for a run. So the run came quite quickly.

    But how will tomorrow’s run go? or the day after that too? I can’t imagine, and I need to find that reason for discipline somehow. I don’t think just the simple thought of doing it because it is good for me will work. But perhaps a certain goal that I think makes sense in the long run of things. I’ll work on this over the next few days in this blog, just for my own thoughts as well.

  • Talking Talking

    I’ve been having many conversations in the past few weeks. A lot are about art, and about how we think through the creative work that we do. I say we, because my companions talking with me are mostly creatives.

    These conversations range from how we were supported, or how we felt about the different things that we went through. I don’t think I ever push too much, but I just want to hear and understand, and also share what I think too.

    It is interesting to hear how we change over time. Creatives for sure, in the things we like, and the priorities of what we associate with at the different times. For me, I feel like its part of the process of figuring out between who I am in my identity, and who I am choosing to be.

    Talking makes me hear myself say it out loud. Talking also makes me engage with another person about what they think for themselves and for me. It makes me pause and process again. Processing again all my thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

    It makes me realise that I do enjoy doing things for fun, and I do think that I have to find the right words a lot of the time, because I have to assume that not everyone is on the same page as me.

    Talking talking talking

  • Wiser choices to make

    Singapore can get really hot, and during those hot days, all I can think about is how I wish I wore shorts instead. It’s not like my bosses need me to wear pants, but I just wear pants because I feel like it makes me look a bit more kept. I think my long hair definitely plays into how I feel the need to dress a little bit better. But at the same time, if I had no hair, I would definitely want to also dress better because I have no hair.

    So sometimes, I have to be wise on the choices I have to make because they are really all over the place. These choices on what I wear end up playing on the amount of time I take to get ready, which affect the time I wake up, which in turn decides the time I have to get in bed, which also calls the time that I have to stop playing or relaxing, which affects the time that I last ate, because of the time I stopped working at, which was because of lunch break that I had, from the time I started work in the morning, which was based on the time I got to work, from the time I decided what to wear and get ready.

    As you can tell, it’s definitely a circle of choices, and this simple choice of what to wear affects the next day’s choices.

    I actually meant to talk about how hot it gets, but you get the drift. How hot I get affects the quality of work I produce. Simple.

    But today was really one of those hot days. I wish I made wiser decisions.

  • Long Day of Climbing

    I spent the whole day climbing today, literally from 1030ish until 6pm. We had a lunch break. Haven’t climbed this hard and this long for a long time, but at least I was getting better at some of the routes before our fingers just got too sore from all the climbing.

    It’s actually kinda hard to type now because of all the typing and textures. But hey, at least I’m getting one complaint post up. lol.

  • Writing in the City

    I’m writing this post in a Starbucks in the middle of Singapore’s CBD area. It’s been some time since I sat down in town and just wrote stuff. I used to sit around this same area during the COVID time, and maybe the years before. There was a certain allure, and a thrill, excitement perhaps, of the mass of people before me.

    The funniest part to all of this is that my own career paths have never actually needed me to be in the middle of town at all. There was a time where I would come to the city area to meet people, but never actually ever needing to work in it.

    I don’t know if I still feel the thrill of the CBD area. As I’m writing this now, I’m watching the hordes of white shirts and blouses, the struts of power walks through the crowds. It’s somewhat draining now, a little depressing. It reminds me of the pressures and the stresses of people who are trying so hard to earn their salaries to survive their lifestyle choices. Or maybe they have their financial goals and people to support, myself included, because of the way my salary goes.

    I hope that they get whatever dreams they are hoping for, because I can’t imagine working the way they do. It’s a difficult thing, a difficult thing indeed.

  • Understanding myself: Moving past anger

    A range of things I have been wanting to figure out is who I am as a whole, and what makes me “me”. There’s a lot of ways of figuring this out, but most of the time, I just enjoy writing a journal, or keeping track of myself somewhere, somehow.

    A few years ago, I went to see a counselor. One big reason was because of rage issues. I’ve got a deep sense of frustration that boils over suddenly. It affects everyone around me, especially loved ones, like Clarice and my parents. I realised at that time how important it was to communicate how I was feeling, and most importantly not to give in to the rage, because it would literally feed on itself. An angry person just gets more and more angry, and I say that from real experience.

    While seeing the counselor, there were also other things that I started to think about, and it also led me to think harder about what I was feeling. One of those key feelings was my sense of control. I did not know, but I needed to be in control most of the time. Manifestations of this would be the need for the house to be in a certain way before I felt comfortable enough to relax, the need for things to be placed somewhere, and if it wasn’t I would feel deeply frustrated. Understanding that helped me to figure out also where I was willing to try and grow, and to change the way that I saw myself and saw the situation.

    After a few sessions with the counselor, my job changed its pace, and eventually I also changed jobs. These changes were somewhat good for me, but one of key moments of learning was when I had my last rage incident. I got very very very upset, and in those moments, Clarice had to leave me alone for her own safety. I was not rational at all, and through that time, I had to really figure out who I wanted to become. Would I want to be this angry dude, or do I really want to be someone different?

    I cooled down a lot after that session, and went to talk to a bunch of people about what I was feeling and what happened. Clarice also talked with me about it, and we worked through a lot of the hurts that I was thinking and feeling, and the hurts that I ended up putting on her too.

    At the same time, it gave me a different perspective of Clarice, and how she was really trying so hard on so many other levels. She was working hard at work, she was trying to be as good a wife as she knew how to, and still I was being such a brat. It was quite crazy how big a change that was, because for some reason prior to that, I really don’t think I understood Clarice as well as I do now. I had to learn how to tell her what I was thinking, and ask her for actual help at the parts where I was struggling with. Through that, I think I learnt to also trust other people, starting with Clarice, because as part of the sense of control, I felt that I couldn’t trust myself to lean on her.

    What a strange process I’ve placed myself through, over and over again, to find out that I need to depend and trust other people. There’s absolutely no way I would find out who I am on my own, and learning how to trust other people is really part of this process.

    It’s been quite a while since my last blow up, and I’m quite confident I am a different person. It’s not the same person who was angry, and didn’t know how to control his anger. Now I have learnt my best superpower, which is to depend on someone else for all my frustrations and hurts. I mean I’ve definitely learned to lean on God, but also to lean on the people he provides in my life.

    So a long about way to say how I’m learning to understand myself, is to say that I’m learning how much I need to depend on other people. Truly, a conundrum of life.

  • Creative Directions

    I’ve been trying to sort out how I want to approach and sell my art, and one of the key things that I’ve arrived at is the format of who I am.

    One part of who I am is an Instigator. I want to make people do something, and it might be in a good way, or in a bad way. (Although instigator usually has a bad connotation to it.)(Also usually because I make people do embarrassing things)

    • This means my work has to push someone to action somehow.
    • My work must also impact the viewer in a way that the viewer personally feels like they can do something.
    • Maybe motivation is the positive in place of Instigating, but I want it to be somewhat challenging societal norms, so maybe instigating is ok?

    Another part of who I am is an observer of patterns. I love to see a pattern in life, or to catch a puzzle piece that would fit across different contexts. Easiest way to see or hear this is through Puns. A pun works best when everyone knows the context and knows the misapplied context, and it’s funny.

    • My work has to show the viewer a misapplied context
    • It might be funny
    • But it should be a pattern that viewers can see, and that they can understand is out of place but funny.
    • Or ironic.

    A last part of who I am is somewhat of a cheapo. I mean I would pay well for things that deserving of my cash, but otherwise, as cheap as possible please! And that also means I love to do things by myself, like DIY.

    • so my work needs to be DIY somehow (obviously if im doing art)
    • It has to be made with things I would find easily, and be able to produce as widespread as possible
    • It has to be fun enough for viewers to want to pick up straight away.

    Essentially, I think I’m giving myself the biggest headache on what I want to produce, but I hope it’ll work out anyway. After all, all capitalists will understand biggest bang for buck right. lol.

  • maybe it’s just that easy: understanding a next gen person

    There’s been a lot of talk and discussion about how to reach the next generation, or how will the young people come into the midst of the older ones, or how will we work with gen z’s and gen alpha’s in the years to come.

    Today, I’ve had a good prolonged interaction with a gen alpha, and guess what, they’re a human being just like us.

    I think it’s really strange sometimes the amount of labels we place on each other and analyze over and over again. Maybe it’s the fault of targeted marketing, and the way that the capitalist world has given specific markers for the existing markets, and now they don’t know how to produce something that this market would like.

    But guess what, they don’t either, because they’re kids still.

    When I was a kid, I would change my interests every other week maybe.

    Based on today’s marketing angles, can you imagine, the marketeers changing their plans every 2 weeks to fit the trends of young people? But that’s the consistent frantic speed that everyone is working towards now. And we keep thinking we don’t know how to talk to them, but the truth of it is: they’re as much of kids as we were. Just because they have the means of social media, doesn’t mean mental clarity to dictate what exactly they want to do. It doesn’t mean they know who they are, and that their identity is set in stone. Things change, and they will too.

    But what is hard is if the adults keep changing just to cater to their whims and fancies. From what I understand now, there’s so much a young person can push by saying or suggesting things. Talking about power to the people. Just a tiktok trend in a few people could start a whole new Shopee ad campaign. If someone starts watching a new TV show and shares about it, it spirals into a whole set of ideologies that YouTube picks up for more things.

    But at the heart of it, its just kids having fun. I remember having fun and doing these exact things, but without the medium of social media to boost this to the rest of the observing advertising eyes.

    So maybe the real deal is just to back off, and let kids be kids and have fun. These questions, these labels, and the ways and methods we think would “help us understand them better”, it’s just how we understand ourselves as humans better. We’re all the same, and I was definitely there once.


    my two cents worth. If you’re a gen z or a gen alpha, am I getting you wrong? are you not just having fun growing up? please let me know.

  • A Bit of Gaming History : Humble Bundle

    Since I’ve been gaming a bit more these days, I’ll share a little about how gaming used to be years ago. I’ve been quite inspired by a gaming podcast, and I think it’ll be fun to share what I used to do.

    I was a broke kid, like every other broke kid out there. We’ve all gone through that time period when we were relying on our parents for cash and allowance, and then came the days when we were earning something of our own. As crazy as that sounds, we would then buy games with the little income we had, and starve for a good period of time. Or at least, I did that a lot.

    There was a point where I was trying to get the most amount of games for the best pricing. I mean why else would we try to buy games, if not to play them one day, if any day at all.

    I was also adamant that if I could afford games, I should be able to buy as original as possible, but with the biggest sale price. This meant that Steam Summer sales were really all the rage. It was quite fun because Steam would give you points and you could win a little bit of cash for clearing games and getting trophies or card packs.

    Then came along this amazing thing called Humble Bundle. The current Humble Bundle looks very different from what I was used to. It was a service that collated a bunch of games, and sold them to you at a bulk price. It was like maybe 5 games and it would be 5 bucks at minimum. Soon after that it was bundles of about maybe 20 games, and the game collection just kept on growing.

    I think one of the most fun parts of humble bundle was that it soon included comics and books, and I ended up reading a bunch of comics through that bundled means too.

    Eventually, it became a lot bigger, and the bundles were more expensive. Then they sold games at slightly cheaper prices to Steam itself, and I decided that I didn’t really need to hitch on Humble Bundle anymore. Also my steam library was way too big by then.

    I really enjoyed this process of getting games as well, because it was kinda curated for you. Some of my favourite podcasts were dying away slowly, the 1UP show and other older gaming podcasts, and I needed a fun way to find out new games that might pique my interest. It was good.

    Now, I feel old because there are just so many gaming studios, and so many types of games. It’s huge, and its great, but it’s too much for a person like me. I love indie games as much as I love big name triple A games, and it was nice to get an assortment that seemed dependable at that time.

  • another cold rainy day

    Actually the last few cold rainy days were quite some time away. But there’s always a certain dread in the cold rainy days. It’s hard to get out of the house cause you’ll most definitely get wet along the way. It’s hard to will yourself to get out of bed because it’s just so nice and warm and cosy.

    But then again, I was remembering that I used to really embrace the cold days when I stayed at Jalan Minyak. It was a moment today when I had to peel off my old address and to stick on the new one, to state that I would officially find my place of residence here in Bukit Batok instead.

    I remembered that I would find myself in pajamas even though I had no air conditioning. I would also be snuggled into bed, with dim lighting, and maybe playing a vinyl or two. There was just something really special about having life that way, and it was good on the cold rainy days.

    But now it’s really just another cold rainy day again.

    The dread to do work, because it’s so cosy. I say that, but I literally cleared so much work today. It was kinda nuts. Maybe it was because unlike before, now my work from home situation is quite well equipped to handle a whole range of things to do. I also find myself being quite happy to sit at my table and figure out what’s the next thing coming up.

    Cold and rainy, but maybe there could be a new routine to develop.

    I’m sitting in my pajamas now, and just typing away to end the busy day. I think I’ve done quite well today, and I’m happy if tomorrow would be similar. Maybe this would start a routine of it’s own, in this new place, in a new cold rainy day.

  • An Old Routine: A Keyboard A Day

    Today I woke up and remembered something that I had forgotten quite some time back. There was a time where I would put a new keyboard together before I started work. At that time, I think I was going through many things mentally, and this past week, I felt some of that old anxiety creeping back in. Building a keyboard everyday for myself was a real way for me to deal with that anxiety, by having something I could control, and it would distract me for at least half an hour before I would start my work.

    Assembling a keyboard daily isn’t a task that everyone could do, or afford to do. In hindsight, I know that what I was doing was something almost completely unnecessary, and there were probably a million other ways for me to destress and get ready for the day. It was just that at that time, keyboard building was the sweet spot for me. I was also filming so much of my keyboard builds, and I think I really enjoyed the processes of making all that happen. It provided this means of escape, if just a little.

    The deeper question to ask is about the anxiety I face. A lot of it had to do with the lack of control, despite being tasked to do something. I think I’ve transferred that action sometimes to my wife, by asking her to do something, but then completely limiting her on how to do it. It has to be done how I want it to be done. While sounding completely stupid, it makes sense sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. Like how to fry and egg. Or how to wipe a table down. It’s pretty dumb then, but I can get really picky and annoying about things like that.

    But when it’s something a bit more vague and ambiguous, like to achieve a goal, or to perform in a certain way, there’s a lot of ways to get something done. When there are many ways to get something done, the buy in from everyone else needs to be there. And sometimes, in getting the buy in, compromises have to be made. But what gave me the most anxiety is when my work of hitting a specific goal, was tasked to me almost to the dot, and that gave me a lot of pressure, because I simply wasn’t being me.

    Thankfully, my current work now embraces me as a person, and incorporates who I am into the workflow. It allows for the company to grow, and for me to also learn more comfortably about other people. But the anxiety that I felt was triggered a lot from the past, and I am glad to be reminded that I don’t have to work that way anymore.

    In all this learning, I think the key point is to really let my wife do her own thing. 🙂

  • Learning from Sadness and Pain

    Today I spent some time with my friend, and just listening to him and how he is working through a really rough patch in life. I won’t share about his problems for sure, but I will share about what I learnt when I went through my own times of grieving and sadness.

    There is always something to learn about yourself as you suffer.

    I think I’ve gone through a lot of sadness, and in different forms. I’ve experienced grief from the passing of a loved one, the heartache of breaking up, the loss of a pet, moving and the change of where home is, alienation and exclusion, and the list goes on. It’s not a bad of honour, but it’s just the amount of things I was forced to learn at each of those times. I hated every moment of it, but I learnt the softness of my heart. I learnt how I can’t handle separation very well. It hurts for me to go through disunity. And I can’t stand the feeling of losing a pet.

    One of the key things I end up asking myself is how I could have avoided the situation. How could I not feel sad? Is there a way to avoid it? What do I need to do to make sure I can avoid this feeling? In this whole portion, I also found out how avoidant I am about sadness, and the length I would go to to make sure that I don’t feel too sad. But with things like death, I don’t have much of a choice. I have learnt to accept death, though extremely painful.

    There is always something to learn about the world around you.

    The world is not a great place, and as much as a lot of people like to say that everyone in the world is just trying to make the world a better place, they’re just trying to make the world better for them, and it’s always at someone’s expense one way or another. That itself is a sad situation.

    But directly dealing with things like grief and loss, I have learnt that it is actually common in the world. We are all sad creatures that are dealing with loss in one way or another. In fact, we’re losing time as I type this and as you read it. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to cry about it, but at the same time, I’m not really happy that I’m losing time. But I will cry about losing a friend, about losing a friend to death, and about losing animals to death too.

    The way the person dies is almost irrelevant, I will feel sad the same way. It is the absence of the person. The distance of eternity of living and dead, and I can never speak with the person this exact same way ever again. Death is the worst because I just cannot do anything to link back up with the person ever again. There is no more connection. It hurts the most.

    There is something to place about God at a time of loss.

    Perhaps God isn’t your term for this. But there’s this entity, after all your shouting and screaming, beyond the other sad people. There’s this person that you ask “Why did you take this away from me?”

    This question to this entity, I call God, and I know as God. I ask Him often (I attribute male because I am male, but I assume gender as a human thing, not a divine thing), why do you allow humans to take away from each other? To murder, to steal, to take emotions away.

    My answer from Him is usually because they can choose to give as well. As much as I am grieving from loss, I am also glad when receiving something. I am glad to to give sometimes, not all the time, because when I choose to give, I’m choosing to part with something.

    This portion gets a bit more Christian, but bear with me, I’m just sharing what I learnt about God through my sadness.

    This frames as well my idea of Jesus as a saviour, as God’s gift to mankind. It’s an imagery of God parting with Jesus. It is sad, it is hard. It is painful and difficult. But he gives Jesus to us for the sake of our futures. It is good to receive Jesus because I can later have a solving of a lot other brokenness because what having Jesus means.

    It is painful, but God relates. It is separation. God relates.

    Why, God? Because there’s something to learn from it.

    It might never feel good, but I am learning from it.


    I don’t know how to cheer people up very well, as you can tell. All I can ever say is, I know your pain, and I will cry with you. I am crying with you tonight my buddy. I hope it cheers you up a bit to know that.

    Why, God? What do we have to learn today?

  • Weddings and Showing Up

    I always end up talking about social things because I think it’s a large part of who we are as people. Today’s thought from that is due to the wedding I visited yesterday, and it was my good friend’s wedding. He had the wedding with his own taste to things, and there were many things that were unique to him. I knew to expect that and I really appreciated the time at his wedding as a whole.

    Then comes my social critique on weddings in Singapore a least: I find there’s a need to show up in a certain way for weddings, and it takes some guts to either show up in a chill, less formal way, and it takes even more guts to give a range of money that might not be the “market rate” of the different dining grounds.

    In Singapore, the wedding is usually segmented with a lot of different moments of social pressure and tension. It would be safe to say that most of my peers had a hard time working out the influence either side would bring to the party, and how much of a compromise either would have. It is a start to the marriage for sure, but the Singapore wedding itself pressures in a certain way.

    One certain pressure is the expectations of the parents as the couples choose what to do. There’s a payment cost per table, per head, and the parents might demand a certain amount of invitees for themselves. These would be extended family members, friends, and maybe colleagues of the parents. It’s a show of face at times, and the parents place this pressure on the couple. The couple then has to navigate the type of restaurant that could handle the size of the invitees, and the best pricing to get with the better “name” behind it. There’s no point in having a cheap restaurant that can hold everyone, because the show of face that the parents might have is a need to be of a certain standard.

    This is the part that gets to me, as a friend invited. Yesterday’s wedding was amazing, and I think the parents on both ends were very happy to have the couple make the choice on the dining experience. Because of the type of place chose, the guests are expected to give a certain amount of money to the couple as a wedding gift, that would cover the cost of the table per head. There are sites for this online, and the guests attending usually check before attending the wedding. My friend’s wedding was not conventional, so I think the pricing was slightly different, and I appreciated it.

    The regular issue that guests like me face is the need to pay for a wedding where I might not know the people too well, and the family has asked for a place that is a little beyond my budget. Perhaps also beyond the family’s own budget. Some guests leave with the thought of needing to get the best value for it, or they might just feel upset with the amount they had to part with, just for the sake of the couple’s family and their choices.


    But that’s not what a wedding is about, isn’t it? I’ve always thought of a wedding as a joyous occasion, where people celebrate the couple coming together. There’s a purity in that, just to celebrate for the sake of celebrating. I thought of that in my wedding, and that approach led us to also have a fun time at our lunch reception, which was not big. Instead, we had very good quality food there, and it would just be a great way to rejoice together.

    I really hope somehow the culture in Singapore changes, where we compare less, calculate less, and spend more time enjoying each other and our time together.


    Today I listened to: Blink 182 again, Turnstile, and some other vinyls.

    Watched Lighthouse on Netflix (Gen Hoshino)

    Had friends come over to play board games and it was pretty darn fun.

  • 10 minute post

    Started to write this at 1141PM on 2 Sep:

    Today was a super long day. We spent the day at a wedding, and then Clarice and I both went to Artcade and Open Fields markets. These were pretty different markets, and I enjoyed myself there in a big way! By big, I mean that I spent a lot of money on a lot of things. Lol.

    One of the realisations I had at these markets was the type of merch made, and the amount that was made. There was a LOT of things, like I think if you combined all the created work together, there would easily be over a hundred thousand types of artwork made. There was just so many things. Some things looked similar, but otherwise, there was really just so many. This overwhelming amount of things really made me feel like I had too many things to choose from, and maybe I chose quite randomly at the end of it all. The ones at Artcade were a lot more similar than the ones at Open Fields, in my opinion. Both had super different types of work, but really, there was just a lot of work produced.

    Another realisation was the type of work I would like to produce. I don’t think I can produce at that quantity, and at that type of merchandising. There was just too many different types of things made, and I think some were smart, but some were just made to sell. It works if selling is the aim, but I think I place myself too idealistically, and I don’t want to just make things to sell. I want to make things that tell a story, and unfortunately, at markets, the feeling isn’t really to hear stories that much. I think the spot to tell stories would be at art galleries, but then there’s not much buying there I guess.

    In any case, these two thoughts were going through my head, and I think they will direct the type of things that I make in the next few months, in the zines that I’m approaching to make. I hope to change the way I sell and the way I tell stories, and to also find a spot that makes the most sense for me, as trisected, as joel.

    My thoughts weren’t meant to offend anyone, or to judge or critique. Just my thoughts for my own work and my own journey, shared on my own blog to express for how I thought through these things.


    All in 10 mins!

  • A return to Jalan Minyak for a minute

    Today we ran around a bit; I had forgotten to update my residential address, and ended up having to go to Jalan Minyak once again to do my voting. I saw my ex-neighbour’s son, the neighbours were in the hospital, because Uncle had some medical issues.

    Going back to Jalan Minyak, it really hit me how much I missed this area and the joys of living in a smaller place, with less luxury. We had no air con, no heated water, namely because it just didn’t make sense to install the things with the idea that we were moving soon. But still it gave some reference to how the rest of our neighbours lived. At least we had space, which was also another luxury. Less space than what we have now, but still more space the people around us.

    It sounds horrible, and it doesn’t make sense why I would miss any of it, but it was a quite a uniting thought to know that the people next to you weren’t in the best state and everyone was just trying to get by. It’s quite something when humans live through tough times together, due to whatever circumstances we’ve been put through. I don’t have that same uniting point with my neighbours currently. It doesn’t feel like we’re in hardship, other than just being absolutely far from the city center. We are united in that, and yet, no one talks on the train or the bus on the way to work.

    But I remember the strolls from the supermarket back home with the aunties in the evening. I’d have my hands full of food for the dinner soon to be made, and the aunties also with their trolleys. I’d offer to help carry, but they would just shoo me away, and ask me to just walk with them and to let them carry it. We would walk up the hill step by step, and talk about life, talk about the next few days, maybe share tips about what we would cook for dinner and why.

    I don’t have that here, maybe not yet.


    Today’s consumption: Playing tons of Nier Automata, but also a lot of talking with parents. F1 weekend too, so that’s what’s going on in the background, along with the presidential election sample count.

  • Teamwork makes the dream work

    I’ve got quite a few teams that I work with, and a lot of the time I can’t decide if the team is working together with me or not. Sometimes, I feel very conflicted, that by being myself, I end up messing with how things work. Other times, I feel like I’m the main one pulling it together.

    Whenever I do personality tests, or maybe team work and working dynamic quizzes, I end up with this strong, independent personality, but much of the time, I actually just like making fun of people and things. There’s so much nonsense in how we choose to approach certain ideas, and I feel like it’s my responsibility to say what I think for the sanity of the other humans around us. Like do we even hear ourselves and what we’re saying sometimes.

    In any case, I find that I do need quite a bit of discussion whenever I’m in a team, because I am listening and processing with all my tangents in mind. I am constantly trying to connect the dots too other dots. I’m not always thinking of solving the problem at hand, but I’m trying to solve as many problems at one go, and that solves that problem of work and life. Perhaps one day, I would be able to pull that thought together. Maybe that would be when I make the whole world friends with each other.

    We all know that won’t happen, the same way we know that the projects we aim to take over the world won’t really happen either. But at least we can try.

  • The Woes of Writing Daily

    Every time I write daily, I realise a few things.

    One: I struggle to put work up everyday.

    Two: I struggle with what kind of work I put up everyday.


    When I’m writing daily like this current time again, I find myself pausing through the day to think what is worth writing about. I know that Casey Neistat shared about how he crafted the day to fit his storyline, including his meetings with people. It also meant he cut a lot of people out of his life, especially if they weren’t interesting enough.

    Me, on the other hand, have moments of thought where I think would make for the world’s next philosophy. I mentally think through plans and revisions of it, and I think it’ll change the society we live in, and might get rid of poverty. I think it would revolutionise the social structures and traditions.

    and then I come to the computer to type it out, only to find that I either can’t remember it, or if I made notes, the notes make no sense.

    And there, I learn another thing in my daily writing

    Three: I can really make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes.


    Today’s book reading and music listening was:

    • The Secret History by Donna Tart (about 10% into the book)
    • Classical Music for Reading Spotify Playlist
    • The Daily Podcast: for 29 Aug, not 30 Aug
    • Jocko Podcast with Remi Adeleke (10mins in)

    Games:

    • Nier Automata – my aim is to get to the first save point. It’s taking forever, and I died twice. I bought a new Playstation controller to get a bit more control over this situation.

    I might try to update with these things that I’ve read and consumed through the day, it might lead to a bit more interesting blog updates. Which might lead to more interesting art, who knows?

  • Dealing with my collecting self

    I collect a lot of things, I’m careful not to say hoard, cause I do throw things away. I have collections of books, shoes, pens, games, inks, all sorts of things.

    Collecting too many of the same thing has become something I watch out for, so currently, I’ve stopped collecting black t-shirts. I had written a few times about my black t-shirt collections, but I really have stopped. It’s quite a change now to have colorful clothing, but I still have a soft spot for my black tees. Thankfully, I’m wearing down some of them, and some are even becoming grey! The materials are pretty good, so there’s some wear, but not at the speed that I can really get rid of them entirely.

    Which brings me to how I’m dealing with my collecting self: I’m trying to use things up

    It sounds ridiculous, but usually I would save things and keep them. But now I’m just trying to use as much as I can.

    • I’m trying to play through my video game collections, so that I can actually enjoy them instead of just thinking about how great it would be to play them.
    • I’m trying to draw a bit more, so I’m bringing my sketchbooks and pens around, but it’s kinda heavy. But I’m still trying to get some of this done.
    • I was running quite a bit, to get my wear into my shoes, but I stopped, and I’m going to try getting back to it again.
    • And I was attempting 52 books this year, to start hacking away at my book collection. It’s a mix of digital and physical books, but I’m getting along bit by bit.

    Hopefully by the end of this year, I’ll be able to say that I’ve read X amount of books, and given away a few of them. Or that I’ve worn through my t-shirts and started on other things. Or just clearing games that have laid in my library unplayed.

    Just one day at a time, and hopefully I’ll get over most of it.

  • Leading by example

    I don’t think it’s super easy to describe what happens when you step into a role of leadership. Or how it is when you have to gather a group of people and convince them that you’re doing it right, and they should be listening to you.

    Let me attempt to describe it:

    It is impossible. Most of the time.


    I’m usually found in a place of leadership. Not because I want to, but because I am talking too much, and people either like what I am saying, or they don’t like it, and they want me to be in front so that others can also disagree with me publicly. The trouble to this is that I am usually unafraid of speaking in front, and more often, I am convinced that my thoughts would win more people over from my presented thoughts and opinions.

    I don’t think this always equates to being a leader, but it is not hard thereafter to tell everyone that they ought to follow what I’m saying, because I’m there talking about it.

    In that sense, I think I can lead.


    But in other forms of the word: I often think of leadership as the man in front of the army, commanding a thousand men behind him to rush the enemies in front. I think of the presidents, and ministers, saying things that they might not have a clear idea about, but still presenting it in hope to rally the people.

    That sense of leadership is somewhat hard for me to grasp, because I don’t necessarily agree with an organised group to the extent of a government. It’s not that I don’t agree with the government, its more like I question the need and the purpose of it. But that being said, I can’t imagine being that kind of leader. Perhaps because the need and purpose question is not something I have worked out.


    So I am trying my best, in the places where I am at, to lead by example.

  • the hobbies and the people

    Sometimes when I look through the hobbies I follow, I chance upon the people who also like the same hobby. It sounds obvious enough, but sometimes when I see the other people who like raw denim for example, it gives me a bit of a shock. It’s not that they’re not nice people, or that I’m being overly judgemental. I think I’m just used to seeing Japanese people wearing Japanese denim, with their slimmer stature. But the truth of it is everyone else is also wearing Japanese denim, who don’t look Japanese, including myself.

    It happens with mechanical keyboards sometimes too. I watch so many YouTube videos, and think that everyone will look like Taeha Types or Alexotos, but they actually don’t. I mean even I don’t look like them.

    These sound a bit silly in observation, but the key point is that there’s really no external proof of someone to be interested in a hobby to look a certain way. It means two things: it means that gatekeeping based on appearances should not be the case. It also means that just because someone is interested in something, they don’t need to change who they are about it and they can still stick to the hobby.

    And yet, sometimes these are really hard concepts to apply practically…

  • some changes

    So I started do some adjusting around the site as a whole, kinda to get myself a bit more visibility in the right areas, or so I hope. The blog will still be a blog, and I’ve got a clear link for it now.

    But instead, all other areas are a bit more defined.

    Basically I just arranged my front page in a certain way so that it wouldn’t assail you with my thoughts and emotions from the get go. I actually did all this because of something that I’ve been thinking hard about: how much hard work am I putting in?

    I honestly feel like I’ve been trying to cruise at what I’m pretty good at. Like writing, or just coming up with ideas. I can do that all day, almost without any effort. That also means that I can afford to “not feel like it” most of the day. Because I could crash something out really fast.

    But having to work at web design (which I can do but I suck at), or design as a whole (which I enjoy, but I can’t do well), these things take a bit more out of me. I also don’t mind making friends with strangers, but having to sell them something I don’t completely understand also feels strange to me. Which is why I rework my art programs looking for perfection, but honestly it’s just a bit too much to keep on at it without actually starting something going.

    So I’m working on the site, in hope that I direct myself to something more feasible. It also makes me work harder, which I haven’t done in a long time.

    Maybe actually for years…

    But yeah, it feels good, and you’re getting to see parts of the result of it, like on the website.

    It feels great!

  • Keeping it up

    There’s always so much work that could be done, and sometimes getting started is difficult, but I always think that maintaining is the hardest. Here are some thoughts I am having, as I try to motivate myself through my own afternoon humps.

    Motivations

    Digging deep to find why I’m doing something is always helpful. It makes me think harder about why I’m doing something, and I try to develop a bit more value to the task at hand. It needs to outweigh the value of the distraction, which is usually quite easily discarded as distractions.

    Breaks

    But sometimes the distractions help you to find the value of the task at hand. Like having some mediocre coffee always reminds me that there’s better coffee elsewhere. That gives me some energy to try and wake up earlier the next day so that I can actually make better coffee.

    Similarly for work, sometimes the breaks are seen and perceived as a waste of time. This might work positively, because I wouldn’t want to waste my time would I? Instead, I might want to focus more on the work I have, and making that more valuable.

    Friends and Workmates

    The social aspect to work is always key. I find that days when my colleagues are also working hard, it is easier to remind myself to keep on at it. But on other days, especially after big meals, everyone might distract each other not to work. So the friends around also play a part on how we feel about doing the work.

    Most of the time, having someone around that is willing to work, and to keep with the work, that makes for a good experience of working. I also find it a bit more motivating when there’s a clear time of play after. For example, sometimes I would go work with friends, and we would go bouldering after that. I would intentionally try to finish my work quicker, or with a lot more focus, so that the play later is more stress free.

    The Audience

    Close to motivations; I find that meeting the people who would be receiving my work is always a good reason to keep my focus on the work. Sometimes it might be a client, other times it might be students or people I am mentoring. Meeting them straight would also give me a bit more alignment, and even help with my own ideas and how I generate them.

    The To Do List

    This one always works. Breaking down the day into small tasks that I can mark off as the day goes on. For some reason, having clear indicators of what I am doing and what is done helps me to get more work done faster. Psychological maybe.


    Just a short post today, with some short points. I’m just really distracted with my own work and decided to make something positive out of my distractions. Clearing off my daily blog post 🙂

  • The Turn of a Day

    Some days start off real bad.

    Like today, I had left my earphones at home. I took a really crowded bus to the train station, and then a really close encounter with a couple who had no sense of personal space. It got me kinda flustered, but it just piled on that the day felt like it was going downhill.

    But after lunch, it was moment after moment of brilliant coincidences. People that I haven’t met for ages appearing, and I had introductions to people I would not have had the pleasure of meeting if I was alone. These moments took me by surprise, and I was glad to be there.


    I was so close to giving up today, and just going back home. The day started out bad, what proof did I have that it would get better? Was there any objective difference I knew of that would change things dramatically for the rest of the day? Nope, no proof, no nothing.

    But thank God, because the day changed in such an amazing way, that I was left speechless, and I’m still extremely glad that I did not go home, and I made the effort to stick around.

    It felt like God was giving me an encouraging nudge, a pat on the back.


    I don’t usually write with such a strong Christian influence, but I have no other way to explain today. Sudden alignment of the universe? Sure. I’ll take that, and I’ll also go another step to say that I know the one who aligned it for me.

  • Vietnam in Gist

    I thought to put this down somewhere before I forget, and also because it seems that I’m taking too long to do a video/long post about the whole trip.

    On the first day, we arrived at the airport, and found that Grab was the main form of transport now. It was a busy scene at the airport with many other taxi drivers, locals and foreigners trying to get themselves out of the airport region and towards the city, or whichever city and street they were staying at.

    Essentially, we stayed within a nice area of town about 2-3KM wide. The main street we stayed on was Ly Tu Trong. Later we found out at a museum that Ly Tu Trong was actually a boy who died during the revolutionary wars. He died at 17, as a revolutionary martyr, and his boyish form is spotted in the different museums.

    As soon as we arrived, we went to the travel agent, a short walk away from our hotel Sanouva, and got ourselves some money changed, and tickets for our activities the next few days. Unfortunately, because we arrived on the 30th of April, it was the actual independence day of Vietnam. 1st of May would be labour day, and a lot of shops and tour locations were closed. So we booked tickets for the Cu Chi Tunnels on Tuesday the 2nd. We also booked for the Water Puppet Show, after touring the tunnels. Settling our plans, we walked a little further down to a family restaurant that had a lot of local dishes, but priced a bit higher than the usual roadside pricing of Ho Chi Minh. During dinner, the F1 Baku Grand Prix started, and I tuned myself to start watching the race, even though it was running on my data. Later I went back to the hotel to try the WiFi there, but it seemed to go against the programming of the app, so I still ended up using data roaming anyway. I also managed to pick up a beer before I headed back to the hotel, and my in laws went around the Ben Thanh Market for an evening stroll, and the hope to catch some fireworks later in the night.

    We slept to the sound of the fireworks of the independence day, and awoke to a bright morning with the Vietnamese sun rising at about 5AM. Outside our hotel, a number of street hawkers were preparing breakfasts, and we had some Banh Mi, a delicious cold cut sandwich, and brought that to a local juice bar around the corner. It was called Juceciti, and it had an extremely kind owner who made all the juices with much love. Also he allowed the hawkers around his shop to bring food into his shop. This gave everyone a great time of sitting and enjoying his very cool juice bar, and also having their local food.

    We went over to the war museum, where the front yard was littered with war machines from the American Vietnam war. Helicopters, tanks, armored vehicles were all on its front lawn. Inside, a building held all the memories of the pains and hurts of the country, inflicted by the American soldiers. It was a gruesome sight, and made the reality for a lot of the war movies I had watched growing up.

    After that, we made our way to the Bitexco tower, where we went to the 49th or 50th floor. A panoramic view of the city below us, and we spotted all the old and new buildings of Ho Chi Minh. The rivers that flowed around and through the city were also beautiful, and extremely crowded.

    Coming down from the tower, we made our way to the Cafe Apartments, but along the way, we stopped over at a bookstore and picked up some English books. They had a pretty interesting selection for a good price, and I ended up buying 3 books. We walked over to the Cafe Apartment after that, full of cafes and restaurants, and found some lunch and tea for ourselves. My in-laws left to see the casino, and Clarice and I spent the rest of the afternoon at the building, exploring many things. We took a nice stroll back to the hotel, and napped, before going out again to the same area at night.

    We had dinner at a mall in the city area, and it was quite a fun local dinner again. It was the mall that was the mark difference this time, and it looked like a Singaporean mall, one with all the brands plastered around it. Had a great dinner, and we walked off towards our night spot.

    The street we saw in the morning and afternoon was empty in the heat of the day, but at night, it was a vibrant and crowded spot. Locals and foreigners were crowded in the area, looking for a place to observe the sights around us. We walked around a bit, and slowly tried to make our way back to our hotel. We decided to try walking back, and it was a fun experience of seeing a lot of the street from the day, but darkened by night instead.

    The next morning, we had breakfast in the hotel, and got ourselves ready for a day out at the Cu Chi Tunnels. A two hour bus ride with a bus load of other tourists, and we found ourselves in the middle of the forested areas that once was a warzone. We spent a good two hours in these areas, learning the history of the place, and I also started listening to an audiobook called The Sympathizer, about a double agent during the Vietnam war. It made so many of the scenes so real for me.

    Coming back to the city, Clarice and I decided to try explore more of the city and have lunch at a vegan restaurant. We were determined to try find a range of vegan options, or vegetarian at least, because the food seemed to be extremely tasty. We strolled around a bit more, and went back to rest before our water puppet show that night.

    We had Pho for dinner, at a famous Pho shop called Pho 2000. Apparently Bill Clinton had come by for a bowl in the years before. We weren’t anywhere that famous, but it was still good fun to try the Pho that he ate. I thought it was simple tasting Pho, and might have had better ones elsewhere. It still filled me up for dinner in any case, and I tried their Creme Caramel for dessert. I found out later that most of their Creme Caramels tended to have more burnt caramel than just sweet.

    The water puppet show was very exciting. I was quite impressed by the control of the puppets through the water, and it was worth the watch, despite a very dingy theater experience. The guests were also horrible, constantly using their phones to record, or just sitting in a way that blocked everyone else behind them. But it ended nicely, and we strolled back to our hotel, stopping by an orchid flower fair at a nearby park. I picked up some water and drinks with my father in law before crashing for the night.

    On our third morning, we had steamed rice noodle rolls, or Chee Cheong Fun, as we commonly call them. The vietnamese variation had meat and some fungi placed inside, and it tasted great! After that, we decided to attempt a recommendation coffee place from our friends, and it was a jazz bar. Funny enough, nothing in the coffee shop appealed to my in-laws, and after our coffees, we were out, and started heading towards the Revolutionary Museum just around the corner.

    After understanding the Vietnamese fight against the French, we went over to the Post Office, which still works as a post office, but also a place for souvenirs. Next to it was the Book Street. There were nice places to sit down and read books, but most of the bookshops were in Vietnamese, as they should be.

    We took a short Grab trip to the Fine Art Museum, clearing through generations of fine arts of Vietnam in an hour, including sculptures of all sorts. The intense hour left us a bit overwhelmed, so Clarice and I went for a short walk to find a few other cafes, while the rest of the family went back to the hotel for a short rest.

    My father in law very determinedly brought us to eat seafood in the evening, and we walked through streets of extremely loud party music, and everyone calling out for us to join their bar and their dance floor. Thankfully, we found our seafood store, and had an awesome night of crab, shellfish, and other kinds of seafood. It was delicious Vietnamese barbecued seafood. We walked back to our hotel again, and strolled along the way and almost got Clarice a nice helmet for her future cycling adventures. Unfortunately, they didn’t have her size.

    The next morning, we had more juice at Juice citi again, and Clarice and I went around to another cafe to explore. After all, we were leaving the country that very afternoon. It was the 15th day of the lunar calendar that Vietnam was following, so they gave us some mandarins as part of our cafe moment there. After that, we walked around the gardens in front of the Independence Palace, arranged in beautiful French fashion, and circled our way back to the hotel.

    We packed up, grabbed one last bowl of Pho, and made our way to the airport, only for our flight to be delayed by an hour. We arrived back in Singapore later than expected, and tremendously hungry, about seven hours since our last meal. After eating at the airport, we went home separately, and I went for a short jog before falling asleep for a good long rest.

    What a holiday, and what a packed 5 days we had. It was all in all a great experience and I wouldn’t mind traveling for a short trip there again.

  • on contentedness

    I have this there where I like getting new things. I mean that in every way, just brand new items, fresh out of the box. Going for new experiences not so much, but items and objects that are new are definitely up my alley.

    At the same time, I really like things that are ages old. Like it took me years to throw away my math text books from my secondary school days (14-16 years old). I keep and collect things that can’t be found anymore, because I just like the rarity of things.

    But when it comes to having more things, sometimes I have to ask myself, do I really need it? What’s wrong with what I have right now, and am I content with these things?

    All the minimalism stories on YouTube would explain these things in much better ways, but I would suggest somewhat of an alternative.

    No I am not content.

    I don’t think anyone will ever be. There’s something about humanity and about humans, and we want to do things, make things, have things. I remember when I was getting into mechanical keyboards, there were nights where all I heard were the sounds of typing and switches being activated. In branding, marketing, advertising, the whole premise is to help other companies get more and more. Influencers are telling us that the lifestyles they have are achievable if we try this and that.

    So why bother pretending that we’re ok with what we have, when actually sometimes we’re not even content with how content we are?

    It’s a fine line of being a complete neophile (person who loves new things, not dead people), and the other end to be a hoarder stuck in the past. But even the hoarder is not content, that’s the whole point of why they hoard. They don’t think they’ll ever have enough, and so they keep as much as possible.

    I am ok to admit that I’m not content, because honestly there’s a lot of things that I want more of, or that I’m looking forward to. Sometimes these things are improvements, sometimes they are alternatives.

    But I can be happy with or without what I have

    I’m not ungrateful for the opportunities and the things that I’ve received. I’ve lived a great life so far, from all my sharing and comparison with friends. I’ve definitely been blessed beyond measure, and I would attribute that to God. These items or these new things that I’m looking for, they are just a small part of life.

    I don’t think having things are key to my happiness, and I think contentedness is also not linked to happiness. It could affect it a bit, but it’s not the basis of my happiness for sure. I would say contentedness affects my willpower, or my drive for what I want.


    Some of these thoughts were from the Vietnam trip for sure, seeing the distinct old and new. I observed this want for new things, and the keeping of old at the same time. It made the city look haphazard almost, but still producing a local charm. I do think most of us would be able to find a similar personal charm while balancing our wants and needs. But I do think we lose it when we try to live our lives to some inhumane standard of life that no one really can live by. Some idealistic worldview that produces a non-consumer; but in essence, we’re definitely consumers as humans. Might as well embrace that part of us, and learn the other parts of ourselves too.

  • productivity on F1 days

    Today’s a specific topic, just to give myself a bit more time to think about what I want to say about my Vietnam holiday. It’s actually F1 race season, and last weekend at this time, I was watching some of the craziest practice races on the Baku circuit. On Sunday, after arriving in Vietnam, I actually burst my data roaming watching the Grand Prix. Despite the consistently crazy practice races, and the sprint race as well, the actual race had no red flags. This means that through the entire race, there was no stop because of a crash or another. The teams were hoping that there would be a crash of some sort, but nothing happened, and instead, two teams reached the end of the race before sending their cars in for the required pit stop by FIA.

    This week in Miami looks completely different, in terms of the circuit itself. It looks super fun and relaxing, and maybe it is, but I finally understand that Miami colorway that so many keyboards have applied on their colors.

    But I digress. The point of today’s blog is about how I keep myself productive, while being glued to the screen, watching every single lap that the sports channel gives me. I actually don’t do anything else but watch F1 for the hour or so. It’s one of my most focused times, and I find myself being having laser focus throughout. It’s exciting and I enjoy it.

    After the race is over, I become this sort of super productive person. I feel like every second matters, because I’ve just watched multi million dollars worth of automobiles circle laps for literally milliseconds off each other’s timing. If that doesn’t teach you the value of money, I don’t know what else would.

    As I say this, I’m also aware of the amount of time I do waste. I’ve been having mornings scrolling through social media, just browsing, and in the name of researching trends and culture. My strategy to record things fall through, and for those moments, I just drop off for a bit. I come back to my work with this distracted mind, and sometimes I don’t come back. I end up whiling hours away, watching something on YouTube (recently NewJeans), or Netflix (recently Blacklist).

    Perhaps my research needs to actually come to some limits, and perhaps like an F1 race, I ought to give myself some very strict rules, so that every second counts. Because that’s the truth of it: every second does actually count.

  • Decision Fatigue

    When I woke up today, I was really spoiled for choice on which of my many hobbies I wanted to work on!

    There was a part of me that wanted to work on my keyboard, because I had just gotten the Cherry Nixie Switches. I thought to put them in a board and do a whole stock sound test, recording that to put it in a video soon.

    Another part of me really wanted to go climbing, as I had been for the past few Saturday mornings. But my climbing friends weren’t climbing today, and I would be climbing alone.

    I also considered going for a run, having done a few runs in the week so far. The good sunny weather would always be a great draw, a great reason to run in the morning.

    I wanted to pack some creative work along for my coming holiday. I would be flying away tomorrow morning, and I had some ideas of what to bring, but I wasn’t sure how much I would bring.

    In the end, after all those thoughts, I spent about an hour in bed just flipping through social media.


    Sometimes when there’s too many options, the easiest option is always the one you subconsciously revert to.

    But I did go climbing in the end. I probably shouldn’t have though, because my work out from last night really added some good ache to my shoulders and my arms. I’ll need to do a bit more massage and relaxing, and hopefully I don’t stress out too much during the holiday.


    One of my key thoughts this week: What’s my time worth?

    Are my hobbies worth the time I spend on it? Or the different people I get to meet?

    Still haven’t really gotten to a good answer for myself.

  • The end of a week

    It’s been some time since I’ve felt the end of a week properly.

    When I was in the army, the weekend mattered a lot. It was the breath of freedom, a moment to just take a break from the monotony of work. In the past few weeks of work, I’ve not been aware of the possible stresses that was on my mind.

    One of the things that really struck me clearly was Clarice finishing her work. It was her last day of work today, and she’s been working for the past five years straight. I think it’s been an interesting time for sure, and perhaps it’s been something I was not really thinking about.

    But because her work has ended, this weekend really feels like a weekend. There’s this moment of relief, the freedom setting in. I actually have a work dinner on tomorrow, and the fun part is that Clarice is joining me for that dinner. What’s also very fun is that shes finally free to join in with a lot of the work that I do. My work relies heavily on volunteers, so it’s actually really great to have her with me, as a volunteer in some ways.


    This week has also been very active for me. I’ve exercised a number of mornings and afternoons, and I’m really quite happy to be so active again. It’s making me quite energised, and I was looking forward to more exercise today. I did clear out some strength training workouts, while watching a very chaotic free practice in the Formula 1 weekend.

    We’re also getting ready for our flight this coming Sunday, and that’ll be an exciting time too. Tomorrow would probably be a lot of packing to make sure we’ve got all we need for the next five days in Vietnam!


    End of a week, start of a holiday!

  • The Death of Book Depository

    I still remember the season of Borders at Wheelock.

    Borders was a physical bookstore at the corner of Orchard Road, part of an American franchise of bookstores. It was a place where you could get music, books, movies. I had spent years there, browsing through design books, and fiction, and listening to so much music.

    But Borders closed down in 2011. I remember being pretty sad about it but not very sad, because I had already faced some breakups with my bookshops before already. MPH at Stamford Road was a place I had spent a lot of my childhood growing up, and during that time, Tower Records and Tower Books was still around. The bookstores of the past was really what led me to appreciate music, art, and stories the way I have in modern day.

    In the past four to five years, Kinokuniya also closed some of their outlets in Singapore, and now we’re left with the main store at Takashimaya, and their outlet in Bugis as well. I remember literally crying when they had closed their Liang Court outlet, before Liang Court closed down within the next year. It was really a place where I spent years doing magazine collections, and just browsing and learning more about the world around me, because of the publications next to each other.

    And now, Book Depository, an online store closes.

    The move to start buying books online came out of a necessity. It was hard to find some books, or perhaps the different editions that I would find in store would be marked up significantly. I bought a lot of Book Depository books especially when I was at work, during my busy periods. I would come home to my own surprise when the book would arrive, usually three to four weeks later. With every package sent, they would usually send a bookmark as well, and soon I had a thick stack of Book Depository bookmarks in my room somewhere.

    It’s quite something to go through, losing these places that gave me access to much more of the world around. It was my window to the world, beyond the searches that the Internet gives. I was quite happy to actually bump into other people at the book stores, and to hear other recommendation from the different staff, from the different people onsite.

    Digital books have literally no place in my heart. There is no physical element, there is no paper. It is literally just the story. Every entertainer, anyone doing a presentation knows that the way that a story is received changes everything. From the way a music artist cuts an album on vinyl (which part of the album splits into the half), or the movie directors choosing to shoot with film instead of adding grain to 5K cinema quality, each of the creative decisions in the actual medium plays a huge part to the receiving of the content.

    Sure, anyone can also play forward the idea that the story is the most important. But who would want to just listen to an objective telling of a story? A man loses something he really needs, struggles ensue, but he finds it, and it’s great. That’s the premise for most movies, and yet, each one is told differently. The choice of how it is told includes the way it’s told. Is it told loudly, is it told with dramatic pauses, and all the other storytelling cues?

    Books tell that story in that way for me. The choice of the cover design, the way the fonts and the paper comes together, whether publisher, or designer, or the writer made a choice for it, it was a choice and it added to my own reading experience. Even the difference between hardcover and softcover add such a huge difference for me, and I am happy to collect multiple copies of the books that I enjoy. Re-reading would lead to such a different experience, especially if re-read with a new edition, with updated authors notes.

    I will miss Book Depository. I thought of getting myself a Kindle, but I think my heart just aches for the shrinking market of the printed book. I hope one day, maybe I would publish my own, just to keep this hobby of mine going. Maybe that would be my own founder problem.

  • Skate Morning

    I woke up later than usual today, and went over to the skate park nearby to skate a bit. It’s really been ages since I’ve gone skateboarding so consistently, but I really felt the need to, especially when the new skate park is so much nearer. The skate bowls are also easier to skate in, but with every new place, there’s a need to get familiar with a place. A breaking in of myself, in a way.

    Skateboarding demands such confidence and determination. It’s not the easiest sport to approach, and the amount of time and effort that’s needed to make pros is insane. They have already spent years skating, and those childhood days of just messing around would add up.

    The person’s position and facing needs to be trained when skateboarding. The proper term would be the skating stance. I am really not consistent in skateboarding so my stance is really not the best. I end up usually facing straight, which doesn’t make sense, because on a skateboard, you’re actually moving sideways. My mind tells me to position myself properly, but my body just automatically swings back into a regular squared shoulders position. So I end up taking a good half hour or so, just getting my body into that position and shape.

    Tricks that once were consistently easy, or easier for me to do, are now all just out of my reach by a little bit. I had to build back so much confidence to try, and just to make sense of some of the movements. I don’t dare to do a lot, and I keep being afraid of falling. In skateboarding, there’s really almost no space for that. Everyone skating has to have full confidence that they can do the trick, or at least they have to attempt their tricks with that. If they don’t and if there’s any form of doubt or uncertainty, they would land wobbly and fall. It’s a lot to do with trusting the board to do its thing, and to be part of the movement as a whole.

    Maybe one day I would be able to express the experience better, but for now, I’ll just start rebuilding my skate confidence all over again. One fall at a time.

  • Tick Tock TikTok?

    Tick Tock TikTok?

    I just watched the TED Talk with the TikTok CEO, and it’s quite an interesting set of things he brings up. He talked about how the app actually scans your face as you use it. I mean I should have guessed it before, considering the filters that have been on for ages. But I guess it was quite surprising.

    But I think another thing that really struck me was the high focus on creativity he kept mentioning. The company mission stands as Inspiring Creativity, and Bringing Joy. I personally enjoy that idea, but for some reason I always end up thinking of the action of getting stuck on TikTok, over the actual creation of the videos behind it. It really makes me think that I ought to try, and make something interesting for TikTok, especially with the type of content that I do.

    I also think there’s a lot that I say here, or to people on stream, or just talk about, but it’s not publicised the same way that I do the rest of my content. It doesn’t get the same views and pull I guess.

    But nonetheless, still very inspired to try something new on, especially for TikTok. That’s really something else to work on.

  • The Right Wrong Steps

    The Right Wrong Steps

    As much as I think that I’ve planned things the right way all the time, I know I’ve taken so many detours, bringing me around the mountain of life in the strangest ways. My mechanical keyboard hobby for one, completely on a whim. I started running because I was just so bored one night that I decided I wanted to exercise and run as long as I could without stopping. Some seemingly random situations have brought me to new places, and introduced me to strangers. I shall call these detours “The Right Wrong Steps”


    Take today for example. I set out to work, thinking about the work that I had to do. I had some artwork that I needed to produce (still need to actually), but I decided to stop over at an art school before lunch. This gave me a good pause, to stop and rethink what I was aiming to do. It also gave me a moment to reflect on my own art, and my own processes of work, like the idea spawning this present article.

    After that, I strolled my way over to an art store, and picked up some art supplies, with a renewed sense of vigor. Encouraged, reminded, and motivated, to do some good artwork in the months ahead. Definitely have the materials to now as well.

    Perhaps the right right step would have been to go home and do the work immediately. The trouble would be being distracted, and my internal motivations would still prove shaky. Not that work wouldn’t be done, but I might probably take a lot more steps to get there, steps that I might not have wanted to do.

    I think the space of these right wrong steps give me a place to just destress, and to find new forms of creativity that I might not come to naturally. I am really excited to make some new things happen, I’m just not sure how just yet. but very excited to start.

  • Post Pizza Days

    Post Pizza Days

    There are also days like this.

    The party’s mostly over type of day, and there’s just too many things going on. Maybe too much to clear.


    On days like these, the barrier to getting started gets raised by a lot. I’ll need to clear the table, wash up after that, make sure that everything’s in some what of it’s place before I can really get going.

    It just makes it harder to get started, but doesn’t mean that I can’t get started.

    And perhaps, the reason to get started on my work needs to be even higher. I really need to dig deep, to remember why I’m doing what I’m doing.


    Preparation is key.

    Sometimes the way to make sure that I get work done is by getting the work done the day before. And then all of a sudden the work is really easy. It’s not super easy, but a lot easier. The barrier is lowered, and I can get to it, making whatever I want to make, as quickly as I can mentally make it.

    As I write this, I look at the other messes that I still have yet to clear, and I just wonder to myself, will I ever stop making messes?

    Probably not, but I can definitely try to minimize some of them. Maybe I should do that right now.

  • A Good Climb Day

    A Good Climb Day

    I think there are many days to have but some days are really just good climbing days. Today is one of those days, and I really had a lot of fun climbing around. I made climbing moves that I haven’t done in so long, because of my wrist that was giving me issues. But today I decided that it was long enough, and I really needed to start giving my wrist some strength training. It is turning out well enough so far, I’ll keep massaging it through the day, but hopefully it ends well.


    I am also thinking a lot about what I’m making today:

    Am I just observing the world around me still, or should I make an idea in my head come to life?

    One of those ideas is supposed to be a running club or climbing club or a racing club t-shirt. Merchandising is always fun, but I’ve been shying away from it because of the stresses of putting down money to make it happen.

    But like my good climb days, maybe today’s a great day to start?

    Trisected Climbing Club


    Also I snagged such a nice picture of the cranes next door

  • An Early Morning Post

    An Early Morning Post

    Today my brain decided to wake me up a lot earlier. It also helped that I made a keyboard that I was really happy with, and now I am happy typing away at it.


    One of the things I struggle with in my creative process is the lack of an Approver. At work, if I make something, the one to clear it would be my bosses. If I make something with my friends, one of them might be the one to check through and give the ok. But with my own work, I am the approver, and also the one doing it, and I get stuck.

    I don’t think I should be my own approver because I get very critical with my own work. I think all my work is bad, and I keep getting upset with myself for not doing better. My friends come in to encourage me, and I don’t believe them for some reason, and then I end up not publishing anything.

    That’s kinda where I am right now. I have work that I wish I could put up, but I’m just not sure what I feel about it. I’m not too sure if it’s worth publishing.

    At this point, a motivating factor appears. It might be a Seth Godin email, or a YouTube clip, or just something I read or watched telling me to try, and to just publish. The line about “The world’s worst golfer did not play today. More than that, the world’s worst golfer probably doesn’t even play golf.” or something like that.

    So I’m definitely not the world’s worst artist, because I’m still making something today. At least I’ve made this post. More than that, I’ve gotten ideas and drawings out that I just need to put online, or to just publish somewhere.

    So my internal approver/critic just has to deal with that level being pushed all the way down: At least I’ve done work today, that’s better than the days I did nothing at all.


    Let’s go

  • In the name of creativity

    In the name of creativity

    The daily discipline is getting to me.

    It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing, or creating, or thinking. It’s just this thing sitting behind the back of my head, asking if I’ve done the work yet, if I’ve produced something that I am happy with. It’s just there and it’s giving me this added stress of sorts.

    I’m not sure yet, if it’s a good stress, or a bad stress.

    It’s similar to the pressure I felt when I was training for running. I would be waking up early, trying to clock in the miles needed for the longer distances later in the week. More than just the distances, I needed to finish it in time, because I had other things to do. I had my job then, as I do now. It’s an added stress of a task, that I’ve placed on my own head.

    And no one asked me to do it.

    It’s all on me. There’s no boss standing behind me, asking me to produce these thoughts, or the other artwork that I’ve been making. It’s just me, asking me to be a better artist, a better creative. It’s my own pressure.

    So I really hope I grow again.

    As I did before, I grew before, in other daily challenges and months of practice. I needed to get it out of me, and I needed to finish something. In years before, it was Inktober, Bible Lettering. The two sets of the Artist Way, and the daily writing in those months. I might have chalked up maybe a few years worth of daily practice. And I grew each and every time I did it.

    I’m doing this because I hope to grow in ways I don’t know yet.

    Every time I approach one of these daily practices, or challenges, I just think that there’s parts of me that could change or grow. I listen to podcasts, or just observe work of other artists, and I just think that I could try more, I could make something different. It works, because I end up learning new skills, and defining my style a bit more. It is not easy. It’s not comfortable. But if I knew what I was doing, then would I still be doing the things that I am doing? Or what would I do different? And so I adjust, and learn, and try to make a new change.

    One day, one step, at a time.

  • Work and Play

    Today was an interesting day of experimenting some new things:

    Skate

    I went to a new skate park that opened near my place today, and it’s really good and beginner friendly. It’s a short bus ride down, and man its pretty big. I went in the morning with some friends, and I found out how rusty I am skateboarding. Too much of my confidence went back to my hands for climbing, and now I’ve got to regain some confidence for my feet and balance again.

    Painting

    I’ve asked to do some classes and stuff in the recent months, but I’ve not actually painted for myself, for fun. So I actually tried that today. It took more out of me to start painting, than for me to do keyboards or to write or to do anything else. I think mentally I go through so many hurdles, and I tell myself how hard it will be and all that.

    But the moment I got started, I think I just wanted to do more. I just wanted to make more things happen. I had to rush off for dinner, but parts of me just wanted to sit there and paint some more.

    I was using watercolor, wet on wet techniques, and it was just such a colorful mess that I haven’t been thinking about for so long. I really enjoyed it.


    Revisiting these two things made me think of my work, and how I’ve been holding back some of the things that I’ve been needing to do. I am slightly more motivated right now, and perhaps, I needed these moments of “play” to get my engines going.

    On a spiritual side, I actually prayed for some motivation today, and just pondered where Jesus would be in my life today. Just a really random thought of placing how Jesus would approach skateboarding and watercolor drawing.

  • Doing things I like productively

    Today felt like less of a productive day than yesterday for sure. I didn’t churn out as many drawings, and the day is slowly coming to an end. Clarice is away at a staff retreat, so my mental clock timing of what to do when is kinda all over the place. I’m not really that hungry cause I ate so much for lunch, and lunch in itself was so carb heavy, that I just feel satiated. I’m just nice.

    I had planned to do something, but I wasn’t too sure what. I moved the things in my store room around a whole bunch, and now there’s a lot of good space in the store, to which I could move things out, and make more space in the rooms and all that.

    While I was doing all that, I decided to listen to the Joe Rogan Podcast, the one he did recently with David Choe. As I was listening, it really struck me: he’s just recording this podcast for a few hours. He’s spent the day working out, and doing things with his family, and his work is really just sitting down and talking with people all day.

    A part of me really felt like I want to have that life. To be aware of what makes me tick, and to make that as productive as possible. He gets paid to sit down and talk with people, and that in itself is something to do. The better part of it is that he still has to do research, he still has to put in time for other things and real friends, running other businesses and all that, and yet, he’s still got his main thing down so well.

    If I guess one of the key things in life is finding the meaning in work, and if that’s a positive example of finding meaning in work, I think that would be an ideal to live towards. Perhaps I really ought to start recording more of my conversations with people as we go along. It really might lead to some good things happening.

  • creativity overload

    Today was an extremely creative day. I drew so much, produced so much, in ways that I haven’t for years. The craziest thing is that I was also exceedingly good at my chess game as well. So it felt like something went off in my head.

    A part of me is thinking: How can I recreate a day like this again? All the productivity gurus living inside me are asking me to write out today’s schedule and to follow it as strictly as possible, just so that we could make a repeat happen.

    But I know that the truth behind it is purely that today was a really blessed day of creativity. God gave me abundant willpower to keep drawing, even if I was doing nothing. There was great joy behind it, and I was just happy to make. It was great also to have people support and encourage me almost immediately. I shared my work with Mark and Clarice and they both thought it was good.

    I can’t wait to make it happen for real, to print, to publish.

    I might do some sneak peeks here, but I’m really thinking of the creative process.

    Perhaps today’s main learning point was embracing the pure idea of making, even if I didn’t know what was going to come out of it. At least something would happen, and at least there was something to show for my ideas. On top of that, I also did not keep to my phone, as much as I could. It was good.

    I need to learn how to give myself space to produce even when I’m moving around. It helps to be able to think on the go, or to make things happen whenever. I think I end up playing games, or being just very trivial when I’m moving, and I could afford to make a lot more. I wonder how.


    In any case, there will definitely be a consistent flow of youtube videos for this month at least. I need to cut some of them down for size, but I think I have a much better idea in my head how to approach video and the graphic design elements together.

    I really am starting to appreciate my own brain a lot more, and I’m really learning how to play to my creative strengths. I should have done this way earlier!

    But today’s a great day to learn how to start. And I shall take the win, Thank God for blessing me with a really great day.

  • People really do matter

    There’s a part of me that had questioned a lot of social norms back in the day. I blame it on teenage angst, among other things. I also think that being a teenager is incredibly difficult, and in this current day and age, it’s even harder.

    But I think one of the key things I did not have, but have grown to have is actual real friends. I never really understood that properly. There were people that really loved me and cared for me as I was growing up. There were friends who went out of their way to care for me, to give me things, and cherish me in ways that I would never be able to pay it back to them.

    I understand that dynamic of friendship more now. People who look me in the eye and care for me in ways that I can actually repay back, and I do it. Or at least I try to. Today is one of those days where I learn how to be a friend, just being a person and not having any agendas or goals, but just being there and listening and speaking.

    It’s not productive, in the sense of the word where something is made, but it is essential, and I’ve grown so much by having friends. It is such a hard concept for me to accept, but now I can’t see myself without my friends.

    It’s a crutch, its a reliance, its a dependency- I use the words with negative connotations, because honestly, it really is that way. I don’t think the simple companionship idea is just as easy as that, but it is one person realising that he cannot do it on his own. So he asks another person for help; I ask my friends for help.

    Sometimes the help is just to be around another person. Loneliness, and the emptiness of the journey gets less when there’s another person around. You don’t have to talk to yourself if there’s someone else to talk to.

    Of course, one of the most important friend is my wife. And really, even that relationship dynamic took so much time and effort for me to learn, for me to grow in. People are definitely an essential part of my life, and relationships are definitely a key part of life.


    Thanks friends, you matter to me in ways that I can barely explain.

  • Creative Intentions

    Reviewing some of the artwork that I had gotten yesterday, I think there’s a lot I could make on the simple basis of wanting to create stories. There are moments that I wish I could retell again, or keep for the sake of memories.

    One of the key things that I wanted to recall last year was my family holiday to Melbourne. It was a really fun time out, and I think both Clarice and I enjoyed ourselves a lot. We’re going again this year, and maybe we would be able to make something fun to bring back, to show Clarice’s Aunty and her cousin.


    As much as I was dreaming about making something about my trip to Melbourne, I realised how intentional I have to be. I actually need to make something. I can’t just dream or just hope that it would magically appear. But I really need to actually put words down, and then maybe print it to make it happen.

    I also love love love the idea of quantity in a publication. Like a ton of things for real. I think that adds to what I like about publications and zines, and I am very keen to make that happen ASAP.

    I have no idea what’s my topic tho, but I do have a lot of subject matter to draw: the Minyak apartment and the pictures I took there, and all the coffee things I have. I have collected every bag of coffee over the past three years, in hope of drawing and then painting them again. I should really get started soon.


    And I think what these actions show me is that the style thing comes in when I am working. It is like how you only learn running form after you’ve started running and the need to learn how to run properly comes from wanting to avoid getting hurt. I think that’s where style will come in: how I create in a way that allows me to produce as much as I can.

  • Singapore Art Book Fair 2023

    It’s been some time since going to a creative thing of sorts, and today was a great day going back to it! I really saw an array of stores all over the place, and it was good fun getting to see the different people, and the different types of graphic design going on. There are some thoughts I personally have, as a review for myself, if I were to publish or present work at these fairs.

    Presenting limited quantities of work

    I think the booths with too much work came off as just trying to sell me things. Worse still, there was one booth that just covered their tags, and I had no idea who they were, and if I’d want to buy things from them. It was just too much at one moment, and there was no proper curation.

    On the other hand, booths that had a neat line or a very simple set up with enough space in between the different items, those made me appreciate their wares more. It also helped that they would normally stand up to those coming, or at least sit up straight and appear interested. Some booths managers were very lax in their demeanor and made me feel as if I didn’t matter.

    Having work that is really affordable

    I think running between the limited quantities, it’s also important to price appropriately. If I picked up a zine that was really thick, and it was charging me about $30 bucks, I might feel more inclined to purchase, if the content looked very interesting and appealing. If it was thin, and just with little content, I might not.

    I also preferred functional items over pure aesthetic ones. It was a good reminder to make things that I personally would want to get, cause I think a number of people just made things that were just marketable, forgetting that the other booths would do almost exactly the same thing.

    This means that if I was going to sell something, it needed to be something limited, affordable, and somewhat functional. One of the coolest things I saw, but didn’t get, was a fidget spinner that would animate a man running. It was so awesome, but I just had no more money left by then.

    I spent most of my money on stickers, smaller zines, and things that I would use, or I could reuse later on.


    That’s about it, but maybe after pondering a bit more, and doodling around, I might add more thoughts tomorrow.

    My haul of stuff: two zines, a lot of stickers, one poster and one sandwich wrapper.

  • Revisiting Purpose

    It’s been some time since I’ve written here, and today I was reminded why. I’ve lost the purpose of why I started writing here, and I am quite sure now why I would like to start writing again.

    I want to write here to explain why and what I think about when I do the work that I do. This blog is a place for me to give the behind the scenes of my everyday life, including my everyday thoughts and things that direct the decisions I make and take on.

    If anything, this gives an explanation to the work that I produce, or the content that I express. Perhaps that’s the key too, that I could intentionally develop content both on here and Medium again.

    But yes, I will use this blog daily again, and to explain the things I am thinking about.

    I shall also start making things again, extremely motivated to do more after a great meeting amongst other creatives today. It is really a good place to be when other people are spurring each other on with ideal and pure ideas.

  • Setting Boundaries

    Clarice mentioned the word Boundaries to me today, and I’m reminded of the space of boundaries, and margins. I learnt during a seminar of sorts a few years back, that I need to set margins in my life. The margins keep space for you to handle urgent last minute things in life. I’ve not really managed my own boundaries very well, but today I am faced with a conundrum of sorts.

    My current lack of boundaries

    I think I struggle to say no to many things, and especially people. I keep saying yes, and that I wouldn’t mind. But now, coming to my mid thirties, I feel that I need to be selective, if not specific with the limited time I have. It feels like there needs to be clearer lines drawn for the things that I don’t want to spend time on, but that I have to spend time on. Societal and voluntary obligations, or maybe work related necessities, I need to limit how much time I want to spend on them.

    Unfortunately in this week specifically, I had batched to spend a whole day on my obligations, and it’s made me feel extremely overloaded in just one long day. I’m learning how not to do that again, and also the consequences of stacking the day that way.

    It’s also made me feel overwhelmed, to a point where I felt like just taking the day off to recover. Thankfully, I thought otherwise, and decided to just not think too hard about it, and move on with today. It helped because I found myself enjoying a very reliant day- a day where I relied on the people around me to support my under performing self. I practiced asking for help, and I also practiced not being the one with all the answers. It was not easy, but I am thankful for the opportunity.

    Because of the lack of boundaries…

    I feel that I was unable to befriend a person I would normally spend some amount of time trying to befriend. A person literally popped up in my life suddenly, with no real connection to me, other than an extremely happenstance moment. We traded numbers, but I was unaware that he probably suffers for a mental disorder of sorts, as I’ve dealt with people who do suffer from similar mental disorders, as they behave in the same way. In that first meeting, I was not sure if it was severe or not, but after some time, he texted me randomly, and spammed me with a number of things.

    This was quite unsettling, as he called me at work one of the days while I was actually quite busy with a number of things. This made me feel quite uncomfortable, but I brushed it off, and decided to wait some time before I would respond to him.

    However, today, he randomly appeared again, where I go to church at. I was in the middle of a discussion and he decided to barge in and just talk to me, but I explained that I was in the middle of a discussion. Later he called me a number of times, attempting to find me, but I had left the building already.

    I feel that a part of me would have wanted to befriend him and talk with him, but because of the lack of boundaries I had been having, it felt like I was not ready to befriend him, or to talk with him in the long run. I had to turn him down, and tell him that I was sorry that I would not be able to talk with him, and that I was uncomfortable with his demand for the communication that I was unable to provide.

    I am not comfortable with someone’s incessant texting and calling, but I am also uncomfortable not being able to be someone’s friend. It was a very hard line to draw, but I decided to draw it hard because the stressors I would face there would affect my other relationships in my life in a big way too. I still wish I had some space and boundaries to talk and befriend, but it is really not a wise thing for me to do in this space and time.


    Relationships take time, and sometimes there are relationships that I really have no link to, and I can’t spare the time for them. I might really want to, but there are only 24 hours in a day, and I have to be wise in how I commit my time and effort.

    While I am sad that I am unable to befriend, my mind is also wondering: at what stage and point would i be free enough to befriend someone like that? Someone who does not have the understanding of other people’s boundaries, and they would just want to call and talk as much as they please. Would I need to be able to spare time like that always? These are some of the questions that I am considering, as I reflect on the very long day, and my boundaries that I have to learn how to draw better again.

  • Uncertain Fears: YouTube

    I’ve posted a new video on YouTube today, and it really took some part of me to make that happen. I actually showed my face, gasp, and unlike other times, like on stream, I actually had to edit myself. It was honestly an uncomfortable experience, and I spent the last few days questioning myself about it. Like should I still do more of these kind of videos and things like that.

    And I’m diving deep into so many questions about myself: what do I stand for as a person? Am I okay with how I’m presenting myself, and how I’m presenting my work on YouTube? Are these things that I can be proud of?

    And all these questions aside; a part of me says to myself: at least this version of me is producing something. Not like the other versions of myself questioning everything that’s being done, but not actually producing. Even if its a bad video, at least it’s still a video. The worst YouTubers don’t exist on YouTube, and I have to start somewhere.


    So in all this, my next video that I’m going to film will hopefully be my channel intro, and what I hope to do as a whole. Then I really have to make sense of my workflows and what I really want to become as a person on the Internet.

    If you could help me add to my views, that’d be great 😀

    Anyway, to the next few exciting chapters of my life!

  • Starting Points

    In many ways, a lot of why I started writing a lot more here is because of Seth Godin and his blog. I love this guy, and I love the way he thinks about so many things, because it feels like what I would have done if given the courage to just do it.

    Maybe it is quite an entitled way to think, I’ve been considering that notion more frequently these days. But honestly, if it gets things done, then I’m all for it.


    There are many days, like today, where I have no idea what to start with. By the time I can come to my computer to just sit and think, the day is almost over, and I’m just feeling drained. Like an egg yolk separated from the white, just all messy all over and sticky cause I sweat a lot.

    But then I find little reminders of the inspiration I draw from people like Seth Godin. I can just do something now, and just do it today.


    I really want to incorporate bits like this into my YouTube, because I think it’s part of who I am a lot. The part of me that struggles and flip flops with decisions. I want to share that part of me, because I feel that I have to behave a certain way a lot of the time when I’m around other people. I have to be older, be wiser, be certain. I’m just quite a normal guy, because I do struggle. But I’m not that normal, because I just want to do something to stop that struggle. I don’t like frustration, and I would do anything to end frustrations, even if it means getting more frustrated for a short time. Because it would be worth it at the end of the day.

    But for today, I’ll just write this out. At least.

  • Smart Work Pays OFF

    my last ever ippt result slip.

    My long posts about how IPPT scoring works, and how I geared myself to make sure I got a GOLD for today.

    Highlights: I got into each of that last point in that last second. I was really scraping it through and I really just hammered that last point in, for both the sit ups and push ups. It was not easy, was not fun, but I got those points that I really needed.

    For my run, I was holding my breath for the first few rounds, because I didn’t want to out pace myself. But in the last 100m, I was able to grab a full sprint easily, and I wasn’t even that tired out in the end. So I feel like I should have just sprinted the last 400m, and then gasp for air after all that was done. But anyway, no more testing to do, it’s all good.


    Honestly, it was difficult. I had a really bad headache, and I honestly felt a little fluey. But it was worth it, and my training really helped me speed through so much of it. I recovered between each station a lot better, and even at the end, I felt really okay. It felt like I could have done another two more physical tests.

    So the next few weeks will be cutting back my eating, cause I don’t need to burn so much anymore. Then I will need to start finding a good motivation to continue exercising, now that I don’t have an annual physical fitness test as the main aim.

    First proper rest day that I don’t feel bad about in a month. I’m gonna enjoy it a little. Gonna look at getting myself some climbing shoes maybe!

  • Second Last Day of March

    Did you know that it’s already the end of March? The year has really moved so quickly and now we’re crossing over into the second quarter of the year. It’s really rushing and coming fast.

    There were a lot of things that I wanted to do at the start of the year. But at the truth of it is that I could have done it. I wish I had better ways to make things happen.

    I feel so much about this, that I actually bought myself a productivity, anti-procrastination type of program to get me to actually start to do things. Strangely enough, a part of me says that I should have just done those things that I wanted to do instead of getting this course. But I think the course will help me to think through better. I hope it does, because I’m really just done with how I think in the long run.

    I really hope to have grown by leap and bounds, its not enough for me to just do this once, but I need to sort my own mind out in the long run.

    Hopefully next year, I won’t feel that the year has gone by too quickly. And maybe just in the years to come, I would feel more accomplished about the days that have passed.

  • Cool Days for Cool People

    I keep thinking if I should have a better scheme, or a better content plan for my blog. My own answers to myself are: No, it is a blog, and the spontaneity is part of who I am. Secondly, I do have some specific content that I want people to read, and that’s on my pages. So I will always write as I feel like, and if it stretches over a series of posts, then good for you, the reader who is looking for specific content that is only that one single strain of things. I am, unfortunately, not a very one tracked person, and I am also unapologetic about it, as my life is increasingly varied.

    I am learning more and more about the effects of denim on myself, on cold days like today. Today it finally rained cats and dogs, and maybe guinea pigs too. There was a pure sheet of white over the cityscape as I looked out, and the day kept its cool til the night. But my denim jacket on me started to lose its point, and I started to become this mix of cold and hot at the same time. I think something similar happens to me when I wear hoodies, but I think it happens differently then. I need to figure out what that difference is.

    Also, I am realising that I really need to air my denim jacket often. I failed to do so last week, and today I smelled the jacket, and it smelt as a damp denim jacket should smell: Sweaty.

    So my jacket is now currently airing, next to my jeans, and hopefully it clears itself out of my sweaty smells.


    On a cool day like this, I remained the cool guy who decided not to wear his mask as he walked home from the clubbing districts of Singapore. I decided that I would embrace the cold air of the night, and just enjoy my walk home, after an evening of clearing up work. It was a nice walk, but I saw so many younger people just wearing their masks in packs. I was held my uncertainty within me, as I strode against their direction. They were going to club, but I was going home. And then it hit me. I am not a cool guy unmasked, but I’m the not cool guy unmasked not going out on a Tuesday night.

    This is all sarcasm, in case it is misread and taken that I think myself not cool. But okay, whether you decide to wear your mask or not outdoors, I really can’t. Personally, I get too sweaty, and it just bugs me and makes me really uncomfortable. Don’t judge me, I was just telling a joke. It’s a prank bro.

    Okay, gonna go do some laundry, good night world.

  • Finally some rain

    The rain appeared as a cloud, coming over the horizon from the view of my office windows. It looked majestic, as the grey washed over the windows, and poured on and on for a good hour or so.

    The night is finally cool, and I showered with cool water, not the warm tepid water that just rinses. I actually take showers without a heater, because I like cold showers. But the past few days were so hot that even the water was just warm.


    In Singapore we usually face a range of temperatures, but the current temperature that we’re at is just so hot that it doesn’t even make sense anymore. Today’s rain helped to cool it down by a little bit, and I hope it maintains, if not it’s gonna be really hard for me to take my IPPT on Thursday. Refer to my post about IPPT, if you’re not sure what that is.

    Anyway, it’s about time to rest, and I really have been craving some tactility on a keyboard. So this coming week, I really need to change up some of my keyboards, for some different typing action. I’ll definitely update about that.

    See ya.

  • Just when you thought yesterday was hot…

    I literally felt the sweat bead up on my chest, underneath my T-Shirt as I put it on after showering. Literally. I questioned all sense of what hygiene was about during my entire journey to meet my wife for lunch.

    The sun bore down directly on me, all the day long. The worst part was when I saw the hope of a dark cloud, the possibility of rain. But instead it just moved over and the sun came back again. It was so, so, so hot.

    These hot days add challenges to my sleep as well. I wake up full of sweat, and just really hot. I have to change my shirt, I have to move my pillows away, because it’s just too wet, full of sweat. More things to sun dry the next day. And all I hope is that I get some sleep at some point. It’s horrendous, these hot days.


    I really just hope tomorrow I get to hide in the shelter of air conditioning in my office, and I really hope that I don’t need to do too much physical work, in this attempt to stay cool through the day.

    Really just such a hot day today.

  • Keyboard Days Like These

    I think I haven’t changed my keyboard in way too long.

    Now, I’m not doing a keyboard post in hope of boosting my blog site views or anything. Nor am I trying to get more content out of my keyboard obsession. I’m saying this furreal, because I felt that today, as I was typing away at work.

    I miss the feeling of tactiles on a keyboard. That nice snappiness to the keypresses, that tactility. Just so fun. I miss the Holy Pandas, and the other switches like those. That feeling of just hammering away, and not necessarily bottoming out because of the long stem, but just because it was the tactile snap that you could feel as you were typing. I miss that.

    Totally such a point of privilege.

    Also I think I’ve been typing on split keyboards too long. Either that or I sprained my fingers while doing my climbing the other day. Because there’s a certain stretch on the keys that just hurt a little bit. I mean what kind of a life am I living for me to even say that “I’ve been typing on long pole linears for too long, and too much on the splits too”. Like seriously, what have I become?

    Probably just another spoiled brat that thinks he knows evEryThINg about keyboards. I might actually know a lot though, but at least I bought keyboards with my own money and not my parents (other than the HHKB Hybrid).

    Hopefully I get to desolder my other keyboard and use my Holy Panda switches in the Rama U80-A, because I really like this keyboard and it feels really sick to type on this. I love it.

  • Two Tired

    Does one ever feel too stretched in too many place?

    I’m watching through Formula 1 on Netflix, and whenever I watch this series, I always feel as if I’m living the driver’s life metaphorically, or in an another parallel. I feel the pressure of performance, the pressures of watching to get things done well for my own sense of excellence, and the stress from the people around me too. It just really adds up together.

    Not to mention the sense of heat that has just poured over us in Singapore. It feels like the F1 suits match exactly the feeling I have whenever I put on pants or clothing, just another hot sweaty mess.


    There are lots of things that are demanding my attention, and screaming for me to pay attention to it. But honestly, I’m just a bit too tired to manage all of it at the same time. I literally have to take a day at a time, and then in my little gaps, I slot in things like this blog writing. It helps a bit. In other spaces, I have to just keep pushing and pushing, keeping the pace up, and confirming where I will be slotting the next push ahead and all that.

    My jaw tends to be perpetually clenched at certain periods, but thankfully with army out of the way, it’s a little bit more relaxed. There’s no more persistent jaw ache that I felt from the weeks before. Now it’s just the frustration of the next few weeks, and the time leading up to the next slot of leave that I’m hoping to take, and soon after that, it’s the end of my two year contract in my current place of work.


    Just a bit more, and it will soon be done.

    Not that life after that will be Cloud 9, but at least, hopefully I won’t be able to relate to the stress of a race car driver anymore.

  • A Poem: My Fingers Hurt

    Ah, cool water over sore fingers
    Easing strains, swollen and tender.

    The result of climbing, stretching, gripping,
    An attempt at a sport known as bouldering.

    Not that actual boulders are in use
    Just in case you might confuse

    The scene of humans splayed on a wall
    Full of little grips, with colors and all.

    I was one human on one of theses walls,
    Doing this thing called bouldering
    involving a lot of holding and gripping
    Mixed in with heavy breathing
    As I climbed my way across the hall.

    Now I write with pain
    from all the finger strain

    And even the skin
    is feeling thin

    As I start to recover
    from the climb that I discover
    that I am no longer
    any younger.

    And i cant decide what to end this poem with.

  • Heat

    Today was a semi rest day from all the working out I’ve been doing, but I’m trying to pushups more consistently throughout the day.

    It was a semi rest day because I didn’t actually do a full work out, but I walked a whole bunch, and all the push ups made me still need to eat quite well. On top of all that, there was this wet heat over Singapore (at least the part of Singapore that I’m at).

    Wet heat is really gross. It makes you stay damp all day, but not necessarily sweaty, but just damp. Clammy. The wind blowing is hot as well, so it doesn’t really dry you up, as much as it just moves more moisture to your skin.

    I end up being very wet all day long. An everlasting layer of sweat just coated on me, making me very shiny and very sticky. The worst part is that I start to sweat because of the heat, and that just adds to the stickiness.

    So I walked around today, as a sticky brown man, sweating, dripping sweat wherever I go, and just being really grumpy in between aircon spots.

  • The Need for Gold

    The IPPT: The Individual Physical Proficiency Test.

    Every army around the world has their different testing systems. The Singapore Armed Forces has had the IPPT for a very long time, and the testing criteria have changed over the years.

    When I was first enlisted, as part of my National Service in the conscripted army of Singapore, the IPPT was a 5 station test that you needed to pass. The entry for this, was the NAPFA Test: The National Physical Fitness Award.

    The stations of testing for the NAPFA Test:

    1. Bent Knee sit ups
    2. Standing Broad Jump
    3. Sit and Reach
    4. Inclined or Hanging Pullups
    5. 4 X 10M shuttle run
    6. 2.4KM run

    Every station has a max of 5 points per station, and the top award given being Gold. A Gold score needs a minimum of 21 points, meaning you could afford to max out only one or two stations, but your lowest station needs to be at least a 3 point. (This is critical in planning because it comes back later for the IPPT test)

    So if a male boy scores a Gold for his NAPFA test (done before enlistment), he can enter army slightly later. The peers that did not get Gold are required to enter army 2 months earlier for physical training.


    So the IPPT Test. Every soldier must pass their IPPT, if not they would need to go for extra training, to make up for failing it. Failing to attempt it also results in punishment, occurring during Reservist periods, rather than during their National Service time.

    These days, there are some who are physically ineligible to take the test, due to weak joints, or other medical related issues.

    However, many, including myself, would push our physical limits to get a Gold scoring for IPPT, as there are monetary incentives for it.

    A Gold score during our NS days (2 years or 1 year 10months) would get you a SGD$200 monetary payout. A Silver score is SGD$100, and a pass gets you something else. I honestly can’t remember what it was because I never let myself go that badly.

    However, when we have completed our NS training, and are Operationally Ready to be Deployed (ORD personnel), we are give SG$500 for gold, SGD$300 for silver, and SGD$200 for a pass with incentive. We can only take the test once a year, but we can keep retaking it until we get the highest score. The year period to take it starts and ends on our birth date. If a silver was scored first, and then a gold after that, the money incentive would only add on another $200, instead of another full $500.


    The IPPT Test stations are:

    1. Push ups
    2. Sit ups
    3. 2.4KM run

    During my service time, the stations were:

    1. Sit ups
    2. Sit and Reach
    3. 4 X 10M shuttle run
    4. Standing Broad Jump
    5. Pull ups
    6. 2.4KM Run

    As you can tell, the older stations for the IPPT matched the NAPFA Test almost identically. The scoring would be the same both ways, meaning we would still get the same monetary incentives. The modern IPPT is really aimed to give us a great and easy way of getting Gold.

    The point system works this way: 50 points come from the 2.4km Run, 25 points come from Push ups and 25 points come from Sit ups. As long as you hit 85 points, you get Gold. Based on your age, the quantity of sit ups or push ups changes to get within the range of 20-25 points, and then your run timing would be adjusted based on that as well.

    For example, I would usually try to get about 41-45 sit ups within a minute, and 41-45 push ups within a minute as well. This would get me about 20-21 points per segment. Meaning that I would have a total of about 42 (optimistically). My run timing would just need to hit about 43 points for me to get 85 points, and securing my gold. The run timing would need to be about 10mins 30secs for that 43 points, for my age group.


    This very long and detailed explanation is necessary because at this current point, I am training for my last IPPT that I will ever take as a National Serviceman, and I desperately want to get my last Gold ever. It comes as a point of pride, and also for the monetary rewards as well.

    I am stressing out about it a bit, but man. I really need to get this Gold. Wish me luck.

  • Back to Work Blues

    Usually most people would complain about Mondays in some way, but being away for the past three weeks, it was a real challenge to even just stay awake at some parts. My calendar dates were changed and there were things that I really had to tweak last minute to fit into time properly.


    I think that’s one part of my current job that I don’t enjoy: the high flux of events and dates. Everyone claims to have had settled dates early, but most of the time the adjustments really come in last minute and I just have to make do and change things. It spoils many things, or a lot of things are left hanging and I just wish that there were better ways to make sense of the things that I have to do. Or a better scheduling system. Or just to not have that many things to do as well.

    That’s definitely been a huge reason why I haven’t been able to do many keyboard things, or draw, or just have time out. It really sucks, because I keep feeling really bogged down by all the things to do, and I just have to keep doing them. I don’t want to try and stop it, but I know that the System would keep it going. It comes at the cost of the rest of the team picking up slack, and I don’t like to be the reason for things not to be done. That part really gets to me too.


    Sadly, I can’t wait to get out of my current job, and to just meet friends that I just haven’t been able to for some time. I really don’t like the standby mode that I’ve been on for way too long.

  • Reliving Memories

    Today was a fun day out, Clarice went for spin and I went to do my daily readings in the morning. I’m on a 9 month long bible reading course, that I’m leading in my church. It’s pretty fun, it’s my fifth time doing it, and I do enjoy reading through it.

    When we got back, I went through a bunch of my army things, and it was really running through memory lane. There were a lot of things that I had kept in my army notebooks that I had forgotten. I had even written down podcast ideas from way back when just to get things going at that time. Great reminder for me to start chopping up the current recordings that Clarice and I have done.

    Anyway, we spent the day watching a really old episode of Infinity Challenge, where GD, Taeyang, IU, Zion T, Hyukoh were all in on the same episode. I really loved that season, because it was really fun to listen to all the new bands, and to hear their songs. I really enjoyed it then, and I really liked it again today rewatching it with Clarice.


    It’s nice when we make new memories together. It’s a fun process of remaking new things. We did this for Harry Potter too, and I watched through all of it with Clarice over a period of a few weeks. I guess I should definitely cover the books some time soon too.

    Nice simple day, and a lot of fun.

  • More Minyak Memories

    In the past few years, I think one of the key things that really marked my time here was my time in the army, as I lived here. It’s a very accessible location, and I think it really was quite nice moving to and fro, from this place. My army gear was always in an accessible spot, and it seemed easier to wash my army stuff, maybe because the whole house is mine (and clarice’s), and everything would just be hanging all over the place.

    I do miss the ease of travel, from home to camp. Like it takes me 15 minutes to get from here to Clementi Camp. In Singapore, the travel usually ranges from about half an hour to an hour to most places. Traveling within 15 minutes is usually time taken from our apartment houses to the train stations. I am counting my travel time to camp by a car drive, and the travel time towards stations in the time it takes on a bus.

    In any case, the convenience of this place is definitely something I will miss, along with my army fatigues hanging out in different parts of the home.


    We had another nice night out today, walking from Great World City back home. Great World City is a mall in Singapore, that used to be really popular years ago. It still caters to a lot of people who stay near the city shopping districts, but it’s not one of the super big malls with everything inside.

    The walk home from Great World is usually along the riverside, and its full of exercise enthusiasts, or weekend bicycling warriors. As we’re walking, we’re assailed by cyclists who have gotten lost along the way, or families with kids that run as their eyes please, and sometimes the sweaty runners, who were hoping for a change of scenery. Then there’s Clarice and me, and other people, full from their dinners or meals and walking to their homes, or along the river. Full of food, we walk along the river, enjoying the breeze and the lights. And after about 10 minutes, it gets old, and I want to go home.

    I don’t think I’ll ever get a chance to live this way again in Singapore. Its something I definitely treasure, and something that I really have enjoyed. Maybe in the years to come, the stories to tell would be of the other parts of Singapore life. But right now, it’s this snazzy one, along a river, with a lot of bright lights, night life, and food.

  • The Last Time

    There’s a time when some things will come to an end, and today, one of those things is my time in army. It is finally done.

    There is no more annual call ups to turn up for reservist; no more IPPT (physical fitness tests); no more staying in camp and being limited with what can and can’t be done. I’m free to do as I please in some sense.

    It feels weird, like when you finish a school year. You’re happy that you never have to study again (or for a time) and yet, you miss some of the memories.

    But most of the time, the bad times outweigh the good memories, and that’s definitely what I feel. I don’t want to go through any more National Service moments, because it’s just too much to keep going through, and I’m really tired with all of it. It’s just too much nonsense to keep dealing with.

    And this is the last time I’ll ever do it, and I think I did it as well as I could. I’m happy that it’s done, and I’ll miss some parts of how I could come to the rescue of many people, but other than that, I don’t miss the actual work of it at all.

    I am happy to defend my country, and happy to be part of this whole army, but I’m not happy that a lot of it feels like it weighs solely on my shoulders. I’m glad that I have to let go now, and others have to pick up my pieces that I’ve tried my best to let go of nicely.

    I’m glad it’s the last time. Thanks for the memories.

  • Last Night Jitters

    It’s the last night that I’m staying in this camp for. Currently all my things are mostly packed, and it feels like the last night at an AirBnB. Everything’s mostly ready to go, just one more night of making sure the things are in place, and then getting ready to go. A lot of adrenaline, a lot of tapping of feet and waiting.

    I think it happens everywhere, whenever I’m prepping for things. Then I have this whole bulk of time that I’m super free for. A lot of extra waiting time at the end, but I prefer that, than the stress that I don’t have everything ready for myself.

    I think this also links to how I keep buying keyboards as soon as I can. A lot of group buys come out and I purchase the things As Soon As the site goes live. That edge of anticipation.


    The feeling also comes from being really afraid of the things that I’ll be stepping back into in work. I’ve already gotten enough texts and updates, and I’ll have to spend a day or two to sit there and look through all the meeting minutes, and all the planning that is supposed to be cleared.

    That’s not something I’m looking forward to at all. But all the same, nervous for it. And the week will continue to build up until the events are over one by one.


    Like going to school for the first day of the year.

    Just really not sure of what to expect, and just hoping that nothing goes wrong. It won’t really I guess, but the fear still exists.

    I really just can’t wait to get home.

  • Birds of a Feather

    I have this idea that we will always meet the people that we enjoy meeting. Not because we’re actively looking out for them, but our lifestyles will make the world spin in a similar direction. The paths would cross, and we would find ourselves filtered through the different times and places. It would be a time where friendships are grown because of how similar the thoughts have been.

    There’s books like CS Lewis’ 4 loves, where he goes through a deep dive on what love means, and therefore what friendships are. I think it’s beyond just friendships.

    I think that if you were inclined to coffee on an individual level, you would naturally meet other coffee lovers. After that, when you speak about coffee and hear other people speak about coffee, the communication levels are what matter. How does this person speak about the same topic? Is it what I also agree and think with, and does this person agree and think the same things too?

    Later when it comes to forming thoughts, we think again: Do I like the person I’m forming thoughts with? At that point is where most friendships are formalized.

    This is beyond the norming storming forming that most other group management programs talk about. I’m thinking about it when there’s no main aim, and there are only interests around. In a time where there is no work to do, and what we end up with is only what we like or our preferences.


    I feel that there is a time coming soon where this social currency will count a lot. It will be the main way that we assess the world around us. Not social media, but the actual physical social interactions. And the person with the high quantity of deep quality social relationships will be the one on top.

    That’s just my thoughts on life and friendships today.

  • Sunshine and Rainbows

    Sunshine is really hot. Rainbows come after some seriously heavy or constant rain, and then the sun shines after that, then you get rainbows and tonnes of humidity in the air.


    Today is one of those days when everything is just so darn heavy, and just beats consistently on you. Like a rattly spacebar on an office keyboard that you can’t run away from. It just keeps rattling, and you sit there wondering why you didn’t just bring one of your many keyboards to said office. (obscure reference to my life/youtube channel) (like comment subscribe)

    It’s days like these that really make me think of other things to do in life. Where I run and hide to be distracted by something else but I honestly can’t because there’s too many things on my mind in the first place. And it goes on for quite a while, until I settle the things that I have to do.

    It’s not an adulting thing, it’s just a life thing. Or a personality and perspective thing. I can’t move out of it, and I’m just stuck in between. I have to do the things that I have to do. Perhaps this is the same obsessive behavior that drove me to get deep into keyboards.

    Perhaps you have a similar drive for something. Imagine that in every part of your life. That’s my brain. I have to do what I do well, and I am horrible at dealing with failure. I have to make sure I know what I’m doing and I want to do it as well as I can.

    But then again, I have some hobbies that I don’t have the time to commit to overall. That’s tough too, because I see that as my own failure to live up to my hobby. Like drawing and painting and stuff.

    I just have 3 more days to get through, and I’ll be done with this army thing. Can’t wait to be done, but then again, I’m not super looking forward to dealing with the backlog of 3 weeks of work too.


    Sunshine, and Rainbows. Nothing to look forward to in life.

  • A Morning Post

    Today I’m standing by on a number of things, waiting for people to appear, and waiting for things to be settled. It’s waiting, and uncertainty. But it’s okay, I mean I try to still get some things done.

    One of the first notifications I got was from a Subscriber on YouTube. It’s my first fan art appreciations for my keyboard work so far. It’s a really heart felt drawing of a keyboard I really wish I had (the Alix40, sold out in minutes), and honestly I’ve never felt so honored in my life. It’s not the Mona Lisa, but man, I am really grateful. I can’t imagine what I did to deserve this, but I’ll share this here because I’m really really moved by this. It makes me feel like I should reach out to the creators that I follow and pass this forward too.

    THANKS ASH!!!!!!

    I’m waiting for a number of other things to finish up today. There’s some people coming to visit the place that I’m at. I’ve actually just finished reading one of the books that I had brought along this time in the army. I still have some books to finish, and some papers that I had hoped to write during this time. At least I’m getting work done still, and hopefully I don’t have too many interruptions today.

    I wonder if it’s possible for me to start waking up early again, and start my morning posts all over again. They were fun, but I just felt so tired from having all my night meetings. Now that I’m not at work, I don’t have night meetings, but when I get back, maybe that’s something I need to be careful about.

    Hopefully. I’ll be out on Friday, so it’s about 4-5 more days to go…

  • Spoiled for Choice

    I really tend to over prepare on too many things. I’ve usually thought through what I want to do, and presupposed that the amount of time I have. This has led to me first owning too many things, and secondly, I usually am overladen.

    This happens even in video games. I play the classic Diablo 3 every now and then, and when I do, my character is carrying a whole lot of low level loot that I couldn’t make sense to discard. “I could use this for another character build” “Maybe I could sell it at the next market” “Perhaps I should put gems into it and it could sell for even more”. The possibilities are endless but my inventory is not.

    Clarice, on the other hand, barely picks things up unnecessarily. The way she plays This War of Mine is so intentional on surviving, and now she’s playing to try earn and gain more things. Maybe if she plays Diablo, her character probably wouldn’t even store an inventory of things. In real life, she packs really light, but I’m the one with 2 weeks of clothing for a one week trip.


    Currently, in camp, I’m looking at all the food I brought in, with the thought that I would be able to eat it. I’m looking at the drawing tools I have, and how I thought I would be able to draw something more often. It’s just not very sane, how I approached these things. The possibilities were limited, but at the same time, my daily schedule proved to squeeze over what I was able to do in the first place.

    I’ve gotten time in to read, or to watch a show or two, or to just relax and catch up on sleep. But otherwise, I’m falling far from what I had expected to be able to do during this week. I mean okay, I still have another 5 more days, but I am expecting a bit more to do during that time.

    Hopefully I’ll be able to get some good shows under my belt. I actually finally watched The Joker, and man, it’s a really good show. I can now watch The Batman with some high hopes. I’ve prepared to finish watching at least 2 K-Dramas, but I’m barely past the second episode of the first one. A bit ashamed that I couldn’t finish it, but I’ll do my part right now and head back on to the show.

  • In the Heat of the Moment…

    you might end up buying the wrong things.


    I caught myself trying to purchase something that I really didn’t need yesterday. I was loading up a whole bunch of things into cart on one of the keyboard websites, and just as I was checking out, the delivery prices popped up and I looked at the phone stunned at what I was doing.

    I didn’t even need those things: 70 Gateron Mochi Switches, and 50 Kailh Black Switches. There was no need, there was just a mindless scrolling on my phone of the things that were all around.

    It was kinda nuts, having those moments. You really pause and think about yourself and sorta slap yourself silly. Wake up! Why are you doing these things?!

    And I snapped out of it, and decided to finish up my next few YouTube videos, so there’s a bunch of clips coming out in the next few days. Honestly, I can’t wait for my future apartment. It’ll probably be due later this year, but man, I really want a space to just create more efficiently. It’s not easy right now, actually downright uncomfortable. Can’t wait for that time to come, and for that freedom that I’m looking forward to.

    Anyway, if there’s anything I’ve got to do, it’s to pay for the things that I’ve already gotten this month. Hopefully my pay day comes soon and I can sort that part out. It’s nice to have no more debt to pay – as what my wife would say 🙂

  • A Good Read

    I think there are a many good days when the world can benefit from a good book, or something stimulating to read. I don’t think my blog is one of them, but I know my wife enjoys to read my posts.

    It’s a mix of emotions. Reading takes concentration, and sometimes that concentration isn’t something that you want to give. But you plough through it, and try to make the best of the situation. It’s tiring some days, like today for me. I really want to finish the book that I have on hand “Something Nasty in the Woodshed”. It sounds like a ridiculous title, but that’s the very reason why I want to read it in the first place. I want to give my focus and concentration to read it, but I don’t think I’m getting that strength out of myself.

    There’s the feeling of wanting to know the story, and wanting to come to the end of it. But when you do, sometimes it’s not a nice ending. Sometimes the ending just makes you wish that there was something else to it. One of the feelings is that of an incomplete ending, where there are questions unanswered. The other lacking feeling is one where the story ends, but there’s more to the story that should continue on. Two different emotions to that same end of a read.

    Maybe later I might get a bit more mental strength to plough through and read the rest of the book. I’ve got about another 30-40 pages to go through, which I would normally be able to fly through quickly. But I’m really having quite a bit of fun reading through the details of the book, catching specific nitty gritty bits that are descriptive and really enjoyable.

    Or I might just take a nap and read tomorrow instead.

  • Some Fears

    In the midst of the current posts about memories, and some of the thoughts I have, I thought to share about some of the fears I carry with me daily. They’re the everyday anxiety type of fears, but some of them stem into the way that I live my life. Maybe this makes sense for you, but just thought to share them.

    Fear of being left out (or FOMO)

    For my friends that know me, they would think that I don’t have this fear at all. I seem often quite independent, and maybe even aloof at times. But I personally developed this facade after feeling left out too many times. I don’t think I was ever intentionally left out of things, or maybe I was. But most of the time, I do think that I might be left out of group gatherings, or I would just not be well accepted by people who don’t know me.

    I try to evade this fear by either being very outspoken, so if someone wants to talk with me, they know from the start the type of person that I am. I have also tried to ensure that I have more than enough groups of friends that I would never be left alone. This however led to me being very tired, and never having a real deep group of friends that I grow with. I’ve since stopped doing that, but instead, intentionally made effort to relate better to people.

    I am now learning to be more secure of myself, and to also be more secure of the friendships that I have. My wedding was one of these occasions, where I needed to rely on my friends to be there for me, to help me run the show. And they really did show up in the biggest ways possible. I really treasured my friendships.

    Also I learnt that because of that constant busyness with other friends, it appeared to everyone that I was too busy for them. But sadly, its just the other way around. I was afraid that people don’t want me in their lives.

    Fear of not having stuff

    It’s not a point of poverty (perhaps it is), but I think its more the fear that I would run out of something, and be very inconvenienced by it. It’s quite ridiculous though, in the ways that these things happen. I have backups on backups, I have multiples of the same things, its just in case something happens.

    I would suggest that this stems from my dad, who carries a huge bag with him around all day. He’s got a medikit, a whole set of stationery, at least 1 note book and one book, chargers, cables, you name it. And I carry something similar many times. I’ve got a spare t-shirt (cause I sweat a lot), spare pens, two books (in case I finish one while I’m still out), sketchbooks, spare phone, cables.

    In my house, I’ve got so many keyboards for one. Another collection is my black t-shirt collection. And then my Denim collection too. As you can tell the word collection informs you that I have more than 10 of these things.

    I feel a sense of security with these things around me, and I think there’s a comfort in that. I don’t know exactly why, but I will continue to think about it as the days go on.

    Fear of Sudden Death

    I keep thinking something’s gonna collapse on me, and I’ll get squashed. Or that a car might spin out of control and run right into me. Or that a knife would fall and slice my hands clean off. Things like that play in my head all day long.

    I would blame this directly at a lot of gore that I had watched growing up. The worst things in the world to introduce your child into, but I don’t think my parents asked me to watch it, as much as I wanted to watch it.

    The result is that I have extremely high sensitivity to things around me. I hear a lot, I see a lot, and I preempt as many situations as possible before things happen. This also adds to the things that I have, in case I would need them. I usually can hear when someone’s walking that I’m familiar with, because of their gait. I can see a car moving really quickly, or if someone’s mannerisms seem to come towards me aggressively.

    It’s kinda really cool spidey sense, but derived from a really anxious and paranoid mind instead. Of course, I can tell if someone is aware of this, and I would preempt that and try to look as cool as possible, if I can maintain the face.


    Anyway I wrote this, because I’ll be heading into camp tomorrow, and I have a fear that I will miss something out. Of course I probably wont, and instead, I’m highly overpacked. In any case, we’ll see, when I update from camp tomorrow.

    See ya

  • Raining Cats and Dogs

    One of the deepest memories I’ve formed living in this area is the amount of cats and dogs that have been coming to my house. We’ve gotten visited by at least 3-4 cats, and one consistent dog (my neighbour’s). I really enjoyed it, and I think it makes me think a lot about taking care of the animals around me, the environment around me. Literally, because they will jump into all the things that I have.

    Myself, Juna, and Coco

    This is a usual constant scene in our place. The dog that’s closer to me is the one that usually runs over, or opens my gate on her own. She’ll run around, trying to figure out where we are and get her belly rubs, or head pets. After about 5 minutes of this, we’ll walk her back to my neighbour’s and say bye.

    Little Kitty on the Ledge

    This little cat was the one that really broke my heart. I saw it stuck on the ledge, and I was wondering why it was there. I spent the morning trying to call out to it, and trying to get it to come into my house, but it didn’t want to.

    Clarice (my wife) with the cat in front of her

    Clarice had to get out on the ledge to carry it back home. And it stayed with us for the whole day. But it was at night that we found out that Clarice really could not handle a cat in the room. She had such a bad allergy and we had to put the cat to sleep outside our house. The trouble was that the dog next door would bark at it, and it kept getting scared and jumping back out onto the ledge again.

    Kitty sleeping on my hand

    It stayed with us for all of another day. I’m allergic to dogs, so I’ve never had another animal nuzzle me because of that fear, but the cat nuzzled me and demanded to sleep in my arms. I had no allergies, so it was totally fine for me.

    But man, letting the cat go at night, I cried so much. I really felt so bad for letting it just go out into the night, and I couldn’t take care of it.


    Right now, we think that the cat was picked up by the neighbors on the first floor. And good for them, because at least they could take care of it without any worries.

    We also learnt how to welcome cats into our house, and bring them down to feed them, so that they don’t come back just for food and get in trouble with the dog next door. It’s tough, really tough, but we’re hoping to own our own pets when we move into our new apartment. That’s due to be ready mid year, and we just hope to get a place this year anyway.

  • Night Scenes

    When Instagram was first starting out, everyone was trying their best to get these really cool artistic photos. It was all these really high saturation, high contrast, tonnes of grain type of photos. Then the whole tilt shift lens thing came in and everyone wanted their places to look mini and small.

    It was at that time, that I decided I would attempt to overthrow the photography overlords, and post a bunch of night scenes. The only thing is, no one can see what on earth is going on in a night scene. It just looks dark and some spots of light just shining out. What does that even mean for someone looking?

    In any case, here’s a recent night scene that I’ve been enjoying, as part of my memories of living here.

    It’s been a good three years since moving into this neighbourhood. We used to walk back from Outram park station, thinking to ourselves that we would be moving away from the area by the time the North East Line comes up. Eventually, COVID hit, and we realised that maybe we would be here longer than we expected. Then another year passed, and we’re still in the middle of it. And now, the North East Line is opening up soon, and we’re still here.

    The building in construction isn’t part of the Outram Park station at all. It’s actually a condominium that’s being built slowly, and has been around since. It’s just fun to have this picture on, as one of the things that we would always walk by when we’re on our way back home from the MRT station.


    One of the key things I need to highlight for the sake of the international audience that might be watching/reading this post after watching my YouTube Videos:

    1. Constant construction is a large part of Singaporean life. Living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, if not the most, comes with a constant change to improve and to build better, sleeker looking buildings. These condominiums are the size of two or three bedrooms put together, and will ring you up for a few million Singapore Dollars (current conversion rate’s about 1.34USD per 1SGD).
    2. We do have people driving, but cars are another huge cost, so a lot of us rely on public transport to get around. These systems are called MRT – Mass Rapid Transit. They’re trains that are sometimes driven and sometimes automatic. There’s a location stop every 2-4km in Singapore, so the nation is pretty well covered. The closest station to my house is called Outram Park station (Here’s the wiki page)
    3. Everyone is quite very tech savvy in Singapore, and most if not all our elderly have to deal with tech one way or another. Currently all public mall access requires vaccinations and digital identification via our government based identification systems (maybe I should write a scifi post about this just for the fun of it).

    All these are fun things to know, if you’re a fellow keyboard enthusiast, and interested to find out more things about other keyboard people around the world. There’s quite a few of us in Singapore, and it’s better that you know now that we’re not a part of China at all. Hopefully this helps to educate, and shed light into learning some new things.

    If you’re a personal friend of mine and reading this, please bear with me. It says on my stats that a lot of people who visit my site aren’t from Singapore, so this is just to help them understand our Sunny Singapore better.

  • The Bump of Excitement at the End of the Day.

    Today seemed to progress about just nice. I was all ready to give another memory of this place, with the rain and all that.

    But lo and behold, the day has a bump of excitement, with a rush of sudden things to think through. I would say, the scene that I’m currently working from has seen many of these sudden changes, and decision making on last minute reactionary measures.


    The Messy Table

    In any case, my place in this room, in this house, has changed multiple times. I’ve had a work space in my bedroom, in another corner of the study, and finally, after three years, I’ve gotten myself where the picture above shows.

    It’s a set up with two computers running actually. The other screen links to my really old MacBook Pro, that’s standing behind my iMac. It’s got a Realforce fullsized attached to it, and it’s happy, because there’s also a mouse, and other needed things stuck to it. I really wanted to have a text only computer running separately to write story ideas down immediately. However, that plan has not been working well. Mostly because there’s too many things on my desk and pulling out another keyboard just to type requires some movements, some shifting around.

    Anyway, this workspace, as with any workspace, has the memories of the times attached to it. If there’s one key memory of this place, is me yelling at my screen, which faces the window outside. Yelling because I talk Really Loudly when I’m on zoom, or when I did my Twitch Streams. I get enthusiastic, and I can’t hear myself very well. The whole COVID work period was formed with myself in this one corner.

    It’s a nice memory, no history attached to it, but just me and my COVID Work From Home situations.


    Back to solving the problem on hand now… See ya.

  • Too Many Memories

    Around the place I live, there are a ton of historical locations. There are places of Chinese heritage, tourist attractions, colonial monuments, everything of that sort.

    The thing is that now, many of my own memories of the locations are tied together with the stories that they hold. Nearby, down the street where I live, where the road meets the river, that’s where the Chinese coolies used to live, and that’s where they had many opium houses of old. Now, its full of pubs, and where people go to rest after a hard day’s work. My memory with it is linked as my running route, and I just remember the tired people trying to look happy, sitting next to historical buildings where The Man used to tell them how to live.

    This area is also known as Boat Quay. I do intend to write a bit more about this but here’s just a sample picture for an idea.

    The Beautifully Slavish Boat Quay

    All these things are really scenic, really nice to look at, and to live near. It’s just really sad when you think about the hamster wheel life that they live, to quote Emma Chamberlain’s recent rant on what YouTube life was for her. The people move in, and try to work hard for what they think life should be, and they spend day and night trying to make it happen. It’s not fun, they lose their lives, and they just end up unhappy, and alone.

    But maybe some do make it, and that gives the rest hope. Maybe that’s what’s the glimmer is for many who do strive for that 1% of Singapore’s top bracket. But it’s expensive to live as the 1% in the World’s Most Expensive country. It also makes sense that we’re not the happiest people in the world. Clear proof that money doesn’t make you happy. I wish there were better statistical correlations that people could objectively look at to see this, but I guess many won’t even think too hard about what that would mean for them. That’s really the sad bit of it too.

    Anyway, my memories of my current carefree life, lived next to these modern day coolies are now intertwined. I hope one day someone bans the modern day opium of self made success.

  • Hot start to the day

    Today is blistering hot. There are no words for it. At the start of the day, I thought it would be a good day to have a bath, but I’m really double think if I would want to do that later today.

    If I were in army again, and it were this hot, there would be a different range of things to be thinking about. First, they would keep you under the shade and have a ton of water going through you. They would make you drink water bottle after bottle after bottle, in the name of hydration. It works, just that it feels mighty uncomfortable to be hot, and swollen with water.

    The next thing that would happen is constant breaks. They would keep making you take a break. There’s literal timings that they are forced to follow, and then you’ll just be moving from place to place in the heat, with all your gear on. It sucks.

    Then after all that’s done, you sit in your sweaty fatigues, and just wait for the time to shower. I hate that part the most. I literally would just sit in the middle of my bunk in my underwear, waiting for the time to go. I’m hot, sticky, and so uncomfortable. I hate that feeling.


    Anyway, today’s heat definitely reminds me of that, and I’m not looking forward to doing that any time soon next week. There are days when I get such bad headaches from the heat, and all those things really just pile up one on top of another.

    So glad that I’m in my room, in the shade, with the fan pointing at me. It would be nice to have air-conditioning on, but this will do for now.

  • Tightened Bootlaces

    Early mornings, when the sun isn’t up yet. There’s the scuffle of people moving around, getting out of bed, alarms going off in different series of rings. It’s the day of the mission, and everyone’s tense on their things that they have to do, before we start our attack. I’m usually sensitive to sound when I know I have an important time to meet, so I pick myself out quickly and stretch a bit. I sleep in my underwear, so I put on my green pixelated army pants. They’re really loose for some reason, or a really straight cut, which make them super wide. Under these gatherings of cloth, my feet find their way through and I capture them with my socks. Then come the boots.

    My boots sit below my bed, or at the corner of the right side, if my bed mattress is on the floor. I prefer the right to the left. I slip my feet into them, and wiggle them in. Then in one straight pull upwards, the shoelaces tighten through the loops. I pull the lace clip towards the opening of the laces, and braid the end of the laces into a little chain.

    I grab a pair of green gutters, and gather my loose pants into a neat tuck. I sneak the braid of laces into the tuck, and hope that it stays there as I run around for the rest of the day.

    Then I put on a shirt and go brush my teeth.


    The feeling of this whole process always makes me feel as if the day is starting. It makes me feel right, or prepared. There’s no good or bad feeling to it, but it feels ready. The feeling you get when the green walking light starts flashing on the road. The feeling of finishing a cup of water because you are thirsty. It’s not a good or bad feeling, its just there.

    I really think because my time in the army is ending, that I keep capturing these snapshots of my time so far, and what I really think about them. I should draw this somehow I guess. or I’ll just write about it and maybe one day I’ll do something.

  • Reliving memories

    Today feels like a day from the past. Still another day in the army, but it feels like the days from long ago. A decade even, and it feels like humans are still the same. Everyone does things in the same way and behaves the same. Little actions that get you annoyed, or small inconveniences that you wished could be done better. But it’s 10 years on, some people changed, but it still feels horrible. It still feels as if the world had never understood what was going on, and we still live in a bubble of what we think works, but doesn’t really.

    I don’t even make sense I think, at this point. It feels like the tiredness of being on duty has made me a person that I didn’t enjoy being. I still don’t enjoy being that person. I’m glad that soon after this, I don’t have to make this choice anymore because I’ll be past it. It’ll be a memory of long ago.

    Maybe one day I might miss this, the person who I have to relive as today. But currently, in this moment, I don’t think I am happy.

  • Lighter Load, Heavier Heart.

    Today comes as a huge mixed bag of emotions. There are some parts today that I’m really annoyed with. There are also some parts that I wish I could have more of.

    I’m on my Reservist at this time. That’s where all the Singaporean males are called back to the National Service, our Army. We serve as soldiers, and do everything as one would normally do in the army. It’ll usually take a period of a week or two, and we would not be able to do our normal work. We wouldn’t be on leave, but we would be paid our regular salaries by the Army instead, for that period of time.

    The frustrations usually come from a range of things. One of the key frustrations is how seldom we get to work together, and just during this time for a week or two, we have to jump in and make everything work like clockwork. It would work if everyone knew exactly what they need to do, but most of the time, we take a day or two to figure it out, another day or two to actually do something that we think would work, and by the time we’ve kinda gotten it down, it’s the end of our time together, and we see each other again the next year, only to go through the same cycle over and over again.

    But at the same time, some of the joys is having go through hardship together, because of situations that we go through. Sometimes it’s because of the experiences that we have, and we can be a part of the team. We get to meet people, and have an interesting time living life together in that few weeks.

    The mixed feelings is because I’ll be on my way out of this time of service soon. It’s not easy to leave because I’ll need to say bye, or more specifically I won’t have that time together with everyone else to say bye to them. I’ll be able to see them during their parades, but otherwise, it’ll be difficult. I’m not unhappy about it, it’s just hard to have a cycle of things come to an end. It also means that I don’t have to do the work that I’ve become used to doing. Some of my identity has formed over this time period, doing this every year. It’s a lot of work that I had put in during these times, and it’s a lot of my identity as I grew up through the years. It feels weird that something I don’t look forward to every year is taken away, because now I have nothing that I don’t look forward to.

    I think I’ll work out more of my feelings on this in the weeks to come, but right now, I’m just dealing with my sadness of departure. I’ll work out how to let go over time.

  • Cricket; the sound of rest.

    Sometimes, it’s very peaceful to come back at night, and sit in my room, typing, as I listen to the sound of the crickets at night. When I was younger, it was annoying. But now, after the multitude of Japanese drama, and slice-of-life anime, I appreciate these sounds of crickets or cicadas chirping away at night. The warm light, orange glows, and the dark navy night. Spots of white lamp posts splattered in the background.

    It’s nice especially when the night before, everything was frantic, when it wasn’t fun. It’s nice to appreciate a good day, when you’ve had a bad day before. I’m enjoying the cool breeze of tonight, and the buzz of a nice warm tea. I’m appreciating my crazy looking keycaps from the other day, and my watch that was just revived on Sunday.

    And now, I can take a pause from all that rush from the past few days. Maybe I’ll even sleep well tonight, if everything really does go as planned. Maybe even that.

  • Stretched Like Pizza

    There are days like today, where my mind is just really pulled. It’s days like this when I question if I was a good explainer, a good communicator of any sort. If communication’s basis is how well people understand what you’re saying, I feel like I failed today in some big ways.

    It felt like no one really understood what I was saying. More than that, it felt like I was really forced to tell everyone everything, because as much as I wasn’t communicating very well, neither was any one else. The entire experience today was really frustrating, and I think that really added to a lot of stress that I was having to deal with.

    It’s been some time that my mind has had to stretch this way, and man it really stretched. Now, after all the day has ended, I feel like I’m collapsing into a pile of yellow cheese goo. Thankfully, I’ve done most of the work I could do, so I can afford to collect my yellow goo brain together. And then hopefully tomorrow manages itself a little bit better, and I’ll try my best to survive it the best way I can.

  • Double Work

    There are days like today, where I felt there was So Much double work done. I needed to plan some deliverables a few months back, but because of the COVID scenarios, I’ve had to replan them on Friday, and then again today.

    I hate having to do work twice. Meaning that if I had known the urgency was more towards this immediate time, I would have just done it closer to this day.

    But at the same time, I don’t know if I have the mental strength to hold back, and to wait. I think my own sense of anxiety would take over. It feels weird, and uneasy, for me to do something like that.

    In any case, the work is done.


    I was thinking about something to share, a bit more creative, a bit more on the fringe, and this is what I thought to share:

    This song was a deeply haunting song from my teens, really enjoyed it for that darkness to the song. I really enjoyed The Knife as a whole.

    I should do a zine for some of their songs, some time soon.

  • The Money Relationship

    My pay came in today, along with my keycaps that I had ordered from last July.

    I mean these are really nice keycaps.

    And I just recalled the process I had to take in order to plan the purchase for these keycaps. It didn’t take too long, it was a process of thinking “hey these keycaps are kinda cute” and “hey it ships kinda quick!”

    Quick shipping in keyboard terms usually means within 6 months, and these were supposed to be shipped last year end, but they only just arrived. In keyboard terms, this is also not too late, considering that it was within half a year. Usually keycaps take about 2-3 years to ship, and that’s those that are on time.

    In any case, the story is about the relationship with money that I have. I don’t usually consider saving, but the resources I have at hand to use. Sometimes these resources are also into resources that I receive on credit. I know that’s not a good idea, but sometimes I dig into it anyway.

    This way of thinking, and having this relationship with money usually lead a lot of people to question my judgment. But I reassure everyone constantly, it’s just that I really don’t see the point of having too much money in my hands that I will die not having used.

    I realised over time as well, the privileged life I have lived to be able to say that, and that’s why I do want to talk about how I think about it.

    Too often I’ve heard to flip side of the story, especially in Asian cultures, where we save money, or buy money based things, like insurances, stocks, lottery. In Singaporean Chinese culture specifically, it feels as if it’s the best if we spent the least amount of money for the most quantity of things. This results in huge orders of unnecessary things from Shopee, or an extremely large savings account with only one or two names for the dependents of that account.

    I see the point of it as storing the wealth for the next generations, but I also see a lot of hurt and brokenness. I see families broken apart because they feel that the money should be theirs. Or worst still, when they are told specifically that the money is not theirs.

    Theres money, but there are no humans left, the relationships are all broken.

    Both approaches are bad, because there could be better relationships to draw with money. And in the long run of it, I think this is something many people and cultures need to approach. Why do we work, and why do we want to draw a salary. Why do we think savings are better than spending. Why and what drives us for many of these things.

    I don’t want to make a positive judgment statement for either approaches, but I can tell you that right now, tonight, I am happy because I have my keycaps, and because my wife is also happy for me to receive these keycaps. Sure money spent helped me get these, but money saved wouldn’t have, that’s for sure.

    I’ll probably think different about this some time soon, so don’t worry. I’ll be alright one day. And maybe I’ll think different about that another time after that.

  • The Smell of Piss

    There are definitely times when the smell of human urination just hits your nose. It’s this horrible scent of metallic substances, just really sour, and pungent. It hits your nose when you approach a toilet that hasn’t been cleaned for very long, or sometimes when you walk past an exhaust fan outside a toilet. Other times, a weird neighbour might have let himself or herself go in the lift, or at a staircase, and you walk past it, smelling last night’s liquid going straight into your nostrils.

    My bunk in my reservist camp is next to the toilet, and it smells like piss.


    Maybe the smell of piss wouldn’t have been that offensive to me, but it seems to pile on my feelings of the Reservist portion. It’s something that comes naturally time to time, this feeling of dread having to go through a refresher for conscription. But at the same time, it’s absolutely necessary.

    If I banned everyone from taking a piss at that toilet, it would inconvenience everyone. If I closed all the windows, it’ll be the room incredibly hot, and we would be stuck with the smell of each other instead. It’s just not a very pleasant set of experiences.

    Likewise, the conscription sucks in a big way. Having to come back yearly to do it sucks even more. But if it’s not done, then a lot of other shit would happen instead. The prevailing lack of nationalism might decline, although possibly not as well. The general fitness of a Singaporean male might also drop dramatically. There are a lot of other shitty things that would happen.

    So I’m just trying to survive. I’ll figure out a way next week to deal with this smell of piss and shit. Like every year, just figure out a way to survive this annual visit of conscription, of national service.

  • Moments of Sadness

    Today was a pretty good day. It was nice and rainy, Clarice and I went for a nice lunch and then a nice dinner. We even got to take a nice nap in the afternoon and we chilled out watching Filthy Frank and Joji evolutions heh.

    But somewhat suddenly, I saw a picture of someone who looked like an uncle I had, that passed away suddenly last year. I saw the picture and I was thinking through when the next time I might see him. And then I remembered that he passed.

    He was a nice guy, very smiley around me. Whenever we had caught up at the different family reunions, he would say hi. He was roundish, not slim, and had a certain look in his eye. It felt like he always was thinking about something, but would always offer you the time if you said hi.

    I didn’t have too much time with him, but it was sad to think that I won’t be able to catch up with him ever again. Or at least not in this lifetime.

    That sadness really hit, like accidentally poking my finger with a staple sticking out of a stack of paper. My heart felt that prick, and it hurt for that bit, to remember the loss.

    It didn’t spoil the day in any way. But it just hurt a little. That prick of sadness.

    Take care Uncle Kevin. I hope you’re having a chill time with God.

  • How Today Went for Clarice and I in Singapore.

    We went out for a nice coffee at Glyph coffee today. It was worth the hype. The service was great as well. (Glyph is a trendy coffee place in Singapore)

    Before that, we had lunch at Han’s, and I had the Beef Superburger with Egg. (It’s basically just a burger from a Hainanese eatery in Singapore).


    After lunch, we ran around for errands, and then I had to go for a meeting after that.

    Then we went for dinner, and we had some Indian food, at a random Indian restaurant around Little India (A localised area in Singapore where there are a lot of Indian people have their culture at)


    Today basically felt like a day with Clarice, where we existed as Singaporeans living through different cultures, and different demographics.

    That’s sometimes a large part of being Singaporean, and we have such easy access to so much of the world at our doorsteps. I am thankful for this today, and I hope if you’re reading this and not from Singapore, this would be a good reason for you to come and visit, if its possible.

  • Two too?

    There were way too many good memes for today’s 22 Feb 22, so I will leave that for everyone to dissect in their own time. But today I did a lot of Filthy Frank catch up, that I never knew I would like this much. It’s the Jackass of the YouTube era, and just the wilder, more unconventional, and definitely extremely rude versions of many of the pranks of old.

    At the same time, it’s really interesting to see how much Joji changed over the year. I mean, it’s honestly something that I think I would love to approach as a person, or something that maybe I hope I could look back on one day in gladness. Right now, I’m still waiting for myself to get started on many of these things, and I just want to write for the time being.

    Maybe in a short while I’ll really get something going, and get a good showcase of something going on. Maybe one day soon.

  • Distractions Pt. 2

    There are some days when the distractions are wild, and they exist all over the place, but these are mostly the days when the distractions are internal. But there are definitely days where the distractions are external, and today has been one of those days.

    The daytime was full of people playing games downstairs, screaming and playing loud music through the day. Right now at night, close to 11PM, there is a family below with kids running around and screaming through the windows. It feels like they have no concept of night, and neither a sense of privacy. But at the same time, the parents are telling the kids to kept quiet and trying to hush them.

    So instead of being distracted on writing something, I write about my distraction, to make the best sense of what I am feeling right now.

    And with that, my post ends here. Life in the Neighbourhoods.

  • A Day in the Life of a Distracted Young Adult

    Or whichever label society decides to place on who I am today.


    Today was one of those days that I just didn’t really feel like doing anything. It also led to me not doing much, and yet a little bit more than I thought.

    I managed to rearrange some keyboards, and put a couple of videos up on YouTube. I started watching a TV series that I had planned on watching quite awhile back, and it led to me being even more distracted. Space Force started again too, and that added to my TV binge.

    On top of binging, I actually ate really poorly today. There were too many things I should have had done, but I just didn’t do very well. It was quite frustrating, because it felt that I didn’t get one task done well properly.

    I have socks left in the front area of my house, I have my shoes outside, along with my skateboard, because of some light rain. I have some reading that I intend to do, but I’m stuck here in the middle of another YouTube video, and also writing this post. And on top of all this, I still wanted to actually prepare some other things for the rest of the week, because time is honestly quite tight for the coming week.


    Today’s attention span and focus is completely like the weather: highly erratic, and I wish it were better.

    Thankfully, the night is ending very cool, and hopefully I will end the night in the same way too.

  • Late Post; Late Day

    Super long day; and its still not done yet. But it’s great conversations and life is working out fine.

    Gonna watch this video later

  • Reflections of the Week

    I remember I was trying to do weekly updates at one point last year end, but it’s quite a difficult process. Instead, I think I will reflect on a portion of my journey that I decided to cherish as a moment in my head.


    There is a short journey I take from my house towards the bus stop. It’s quite a special one, because it involves walking through a series of places that I would not normally approach. It’s a shortcut, but it doesn’t save me a lot of time, thus, it’s a short journey instead.

    I take this route only if it hasn’t been raining for at least two days in a row. The route needs me to walk through a field, and rain usually softens the ground. I would end up slipping into the mud, or getting my shoes or my clothes dirty.

    I start the route, at the top of the hill, where my house is at. I walk down, past a school on my right. The school has white walls, and the sun usually reflects into my eyes as I walk past. In Singapore, if the days haven’t been raining, it means the days have been scorching hot. So this route is usually a bright route, but not necessarily too hot. In any case, the downhill walk past the school ends at a corner, that turns into a shaded path on the right. Walking left would lead me downhill into another direction, to another bus stop, but that’s not the short journey stop that I’m remembering for us today.

    I turn right, going downhill past the fenced corner of the school compound. Tall foliage provides shade from the right, and on my left busy cars drive uphill past me. It always surprises me how slow and yet fast a car goes, as they drive uphill. Some really speed along, and some seem to be putting a lot of effort in, but they’re just huffing and puffing their way up. But I’m walking downhill, and leaves lean over, shading me as I go.

    Coming to the end of the shade, therein lies the path. The trees make way to reveal a shallow dirt path in the middle of a field. I glance quickly at the state of the field, to check some tell tale signs of wet dirt, if I should start my steps through it. I decide that it is dry enough, and I start my careful footwork through the shallow path.

    It’s a shallow path because the dirt isn’t very exposed, and there is some grass growing over it. Someone had placed some broken up pieces of concrete into the areas were the mud might have been deeper, and it lends for easier walking as well. I step carefully on these pieces of concrete, trusting that the mix of mud caking below would prove a sturdy step. After about ten or twelve steps, the concrete ends, and the dirt path continues in a slight zig, maybe zag, and then it reaches a little cement bridge, wide enough for a car to drive through. On some days, there are cars parked in this field, which is behind a Chinese Temple.

    Walking across the bridge, I walk onto a single asphalt road. I cross the small road within six steps, and reach a pavement path. The road actually leads to a small open air car park at the end of it, on the right. It looks like an abandoned carpark, and it actually is. But someone had called the cops on me when I had skate boarded there once, which made me wonder who would call the cops on a carpark in the middle of nowhere.

    In any case, I walk onto pavement, and it leads me down a flight of crudely made stairs, that turn left and then right. These stairs are a bright grey concrete, and the height of each stair is unevenly high. Many times, it feels as if a wrong step would scrap my shin, if I were walking up the stairs. The stairs lead to another open air parking lot, and most of the time there is at least one car in this parking lot. That means no skating for sure.

    I walk through the parking lot, crossing diagonally. I step around the cars, walking through the parked ones, waving at the moving ones to indicate where I was walking towards (the bus stop). There is no clearly defined exit for the parking area, so I walk through another patch of dirt to exit, and make my way to the bus stop, a few steps away.

    It’s a mini adventure, just to get to a bus stop. I’ve never had to take a bus this way before, and I think I would miss the adventure of it when I move out. Perhaps next week I would write about the other bus stop, if I took a left instead. That journey is a lot shorter, but still there’s some good ideas to it too.

    Have a good adventure!

  • A Quick Break

    I’m in the middle of cleaning up my study table and my study room because firstly, it was in somewhat of a mess. Secondly I was missing a stabilizer that I need for one of my keyboards. It’s frustrating me to no end, and I think I need to buy it. It’s an old type of stabs called costar stabs. The other annoying part was that I had mentally prepped myself that I would finish this keyboard today so it’s just really pissing me off that I didn’t.

    So because of that, I decided to take it out on myself and clear up my table top and room. It has led to a pile of things on the floor. Imagery follows:

    Said mess.

    I have a bunch of stuff to throw, but I actually have a few things I need to salvage from all this. Hardest thing is that I needed to write this post before the day ended.


    Side note: fun things that I did today included Worldle — where you find the country mapped out. I also got to hang out with two of my favourite friends that I’ve made in the past three years.

    That’s about it for today. Now back to the clean up of the year…

  • Keyboard Update:

    I always wonder how much of my blog here should be keyboard related. Namely because I think that my life is a lot more complex than keyboards. But I do know that most traffic here would be from my keyboard side of things. At the same time, I wonder how much my art and drawing should be mixed into my YouTube, Instagram and all that.

    In any case, here’s a general update about keyboard life from me:

    1. I have become super lazy about soldering and desoldering things. I really think that I’m just lazy, and its not because I don’t enjoy it. I like the process of troubleshooting, and getting the whole board set up real nice, but it’s just so tiring to keep on changing my switches and all that. Just so lazy. Really happy to keep on typing with my HHKB, or with switches that have lived in boards for months now. Last year at this time, I was changing the switches every single week.

    2. I have totally enjoyed my long pole switches, to the point where now I’m not sure how I feel about regular switches at regular length. It’s almost like what’s the point of getting a typing experience that feels like this, if that’s all I have. In any case, I’m just apprehensive about installing them because I don’t know if I would like them anymore.

    3. I enjoy using thinner keycaps. Never thought I’d say that. Also because I think I’m very used to the thick keycaps from all the MT3 and SA profiles. So it feels like a thinner keycap is more enjoyable at this point.

    4. I’m actually really late on rebuilding a specific board. I received a full sized Filco Majestouch board from a friend, and I honestly want to rebuild it. I have a full set of keycaps that are gonna go really sick with it, and I had gotten some extra switches just so that I will fill the whole set. But man. I really am so lazy and its taking forever to rebuild.

    5. I actually feel like I should go on stream again some time soon. This is super long overdue, especially because it’s really been ages since. And I think doing some of these on stream would be a great way to restart my twitch channel, and motivate me for my YouTube as well.

    Ok! That’s about all I have for today. Done.

  • Background

    There are many things that happen in the background of my mind. Some of the things I think about in the background are the expectations I have of the people around me. Sometimes its a running awareness of events that are happening around me, and what I need to do to manage them. Sometimes, it’s a song I had a chance to listen to, and I might have been pondering about it through the day.

    Other times, in the background, my mind goes to dreamlands. I imagine myself in a cool country, and I imagine that the world I’m currently facing is the facade. Then somewhere in my head, it snaps and I realise that I’m in the middle of sweltering heat, trying to cope with the work that I have to do, and getting bitten by mosquitoes all at the same time.


    Background things are never said aloud. But it’s really nice to actually say them aloud sometimes. It makes you hate the present reality a little bit more, and it makes you wake up and realise that you want to fight for something bigger than you.

  • Comfortable

    In planning for the year ahead, I’ve been thinking about the range of things that I want to try for myself. It’s somewhat because I have been comfortable with the things that I’ve been doing.

    For example, I feel that my YouTube channel has been somewhat dead, and I’m letting the views stack slowly over time. I used to think harder about what I produced, including making intentional time to stream my keyboard builds and things like that.

    Another example of being totally comfortable is just having regular everyday conversations with Clarice, and some times the routines of normal day takes over and we don’t put too much effort into a day.

    But today being Valentines, we had thought of treating each other to a nice gift yesterday, and then enjoying a meal together as well. It’s something that we don’t do too often, but it’s something we do enjoy with each other. The comfort being the place where we just might not try for something new, but knowing we’re just comfortable doing what we know works. We actually try to change things up every now and then, which makes for exciting changes that we grow with as well.

    And creatively, I do think that this year, I try my best to include Clarice in my creative pursuits, being a challenge to my sense of comfort. I’m used to working on my own, and my creativity exists on its own self. But with Clarice, I need to think of her thoughts too, and how to incorporate our thoughts together. Or maybe even to think of how I could grow more because I have her creative thoughts too.

    That challenge of being comfortable.

    Perhaps tomorrow I’ll work on the other side of it, and share about the enjoyments of being comfortable. If it happens that way, that is.

  • Heat and Humidity

    There are some easy days in Singapore. These are the days when the air is nice and cool, and it rains all day long. And then there are days where it is really hot and sunny, and it feels like standing in the sun is like sticking your hand into an oven.

    And then there are days when it feels like the world is a sauna, just that you’re wearing all your clothes, plus a mask, and its just outright hard to breathe.

    That’s what today felt like when I was running around for errands. It felt like there was someone trying to waterboard me, just that it was myself with my mask on, and the water being poured on was my sweat along with my humid breath. I dripped sweat from the back of my head sitting in an air conditioned bus. It was just such a mad sense of humidity. Didn’t enjoy it at all.

    I hope tomorrow’s weather is slightly better. Less like a damn pair of underwear.


    side note: Just started watching the new Disenchanted. It’s making my sense of comedy drop tremendously, along with my grammar. Help I can’t stop myself. Honk.

  • Sleep Stats: My Night Time Routine


    There’s some pride I take towards getting good sleep score when I sleep and wake up the next day. I think its mostly me being proud of myself getting in a place to get good sleep, like reading, and chilling out. Getting a good night time routine going to get me asleep.

    Currently this is my night time routine:

    Turn off all major bright room lights and get all warm lights on

    Shower for the day (cold showers preferable)

    Floss and Brush teeth, maybe gargle / mouthwash.

    Cool down in the bedroom, with aircon and fan on, to get my body temp lower.

    Write or summarize the day in some way. It could be an app tracking the things I did today. Or this daily blog

    Read a book.


    I find that this sequence has worked one of the best, and got me a really good score yesterday. And it needs to be done by about 10PM, if not my brain gets kinda cranky, and I don’t get myself to sleep properly.

    I also realised I really enjoy the use of soft earplugs. Last night I used the Loop earbuds, that are great to sleep with for some reason. They don’t hurt my ears like how some of the foam ones do, and they don’t roll out of my ears through the night.

    I’m aiming to have really good sleep tonight again, because I’ve done all the things that I mentioned above, and I’m really ready to rest well for tomorrow’s early day.

    A self reminder post for myself to have good sleep.

  • Unexpected Friendships

    I think there are times when I am meeting new people for the first time, and when I do get to talk to them, all of a sudden, it feels like we were always meant to be friends. This doesn’t happen all the time, and its not because the person is charismatic or anything, but it’s just that connection.

    I reflect on two friendships: one with a friend closer to my age, and another where the friend is much younger, by about 10 years of difference. Both people are extremely different in personality, and how they approach life. Yet, both are friends that I would text often to talk with. It might also be a good time to state here that both might not think of themselves being good friends to me, but I do actually consider both of them as close friends of mine. Perhaps I am the weird one, that keeps people at arms lengths most of the time, because of the thoughts I have, and the actual introversion that I deal with.

    Both of these friends were not friendships that I sought after, meaning I was looking to make friends at that time. Instead, both were relationships that were formed suddenly. I happened to be at a group meeting, at both times, and I took to them in a positive light. I enjoyed their thoughts and their inputs. I enjoyed my interactions with them. There was no transactional benefit, in my own opinion, other than actually just whole heartedly enjoying the time I had with them.


    Much like entertainment, friendships can be wildly entertaining for both parties, without a transactional benefit for either one. “My Dinner with Andre” being a movie that looked at the theatre of the abstract, and became in itself a movie that observed that abstract interaction between friends. That enjoyment of conversation is something I treasure deeply with friends. The spontaneity, the randomness. The lack of planning, and the simple presence of existing.

    If only there was more time in the world catered for friendships. But enough with wishing, and instead, I will exist for that purpose, to enjoy friendships, as God has given them to me to enjoy.

    Thank God for friends, especially those that I never sought, and have received miraculously.

  • Trying to type with a very old and ancient keyboard

    I had read somewhere that the writers of old had really appreciated the pen, in the way that the speed of writing would play as a speed limit for an author’s thoughts. At that time, it was also thought that the typewriter would kill the author’s writing processes, and yet we progressed further to the computer. However, I am now writing on an extremely old keyboard, and my thoughts are only travelling as fast as my keyboard speed can go.

    The shift key does not work well, the enter key needs a lot of pushing. Basically, all the keys have some level of annoying press that I need to push through, before it decides to agree with me.

    I find the irony of writing in this process, as an artistic expression of one’s own approach to life – we intentionally go through the most difficult things, in order to have some sense of achievement from it. The keyboard enthusiast in me is screaming, in joy for the chance to type on such an old device, and in functional pain, from trouble of pressing repeatedly so many times to type things out.

    I will need to deep clean this board soon, to get a bit more consistency in function. Otherwise, my attempt at slowing my thoughts down will lead to just outright frustration all the day long.

  • Talking and Walking

    Sometimes I really enjoy doing this; talking with a friend, as I walk around. Its fun to just move and talk, and to get some bits of exercise as we’re talking, to notice the scenery around. It makes for some distractions sometimes, but otherwise, I find these conversations very enjoyable. Granted, meeting times are meant to be more serious. But not all catch ups are meetings, and sometimes its fun to talk and walk.

    Even when it’s in the rain, or when it’s bright sunny weather. It’s nice to literally journey with another human being.

  • Today’s Tough Thought

    How do you tell someone that they’re not good at something that they think they’re good at?


    An example of this is someone who thinks that they’re good at social engagements, but unfortunately, they’re actually quite socially awkward. I find this specific example very difficult to explain to people, because their perception of what made for good conversation is quite different. Their readings of other people’s physical responses to their speech is also not very accurate, which leads to more misunderstood approval.

    Perhaps I also suffer from this at times, when I misread someone’s physical cues, and I assume that everything is going well. But this is quite infrequent, and thankfully I have my wife to alert me on occasions when I do misread. But truthfully, perhaps this happens more often.

    Maybe at the end of the day, I’m actually the one that’s not very good at something that I think I’m good at. And unfortunately, that will be something I need to work through. I think keeping myself humble through all these thoughts of self glorification is something I really need to be aware about, and work towards improving in any way possible.

    But before it goes into a dark spiral of self doubt, I do think having other people to correct or to affirm you is really a good thing to look forward towards. I appreciate the times when I’m corrected, and I look forward to my own improvement. I just hope I get it more often, and in an encouraging way of course.

  • Perspectives: The Ant

    There’s a bible verse that reads as this:

    Go to the ant, you sluggard;
        consider its ways and be wise!
     It has no commander,
        no overseer or ruler,
    yet it stores its provisions in summer
        and gathers its food at harvest.

    Proverbs 6:6-8

    It was during today’s short work out in the morning where I saw the ant, and saw its continual work that it was doing. I was up early because I couldn’t sleep. I felt that there was work to do, which I was not yet doing, and I needed to do it. So I got up, started my day, and then went to do some morning exercises.

    But lo and behold, as I was doing pushups mindlessly for my own vanity, an ant was already crawling around the ground, and working for its queen somewhere. It wasn’t seeking its own fame or fortune, but literally working for the better of his society, for his queen.


    I don’t always think this way. I don’t put the priorities of everyone else ahead of mine, to the point of approaching a giant, in hopes of getting food for the day. That’s really mind blowing, and in many ways, it’s highly self sacrificial.

    Starting with a verse, I don’t mean to preach, I just mean to look at the creatures constantly beneath my feet. I look, and I see that I am often no better than the ant. I might have intelligence, and I might have sophistication, but where is my heart for the people around me, and for the society that I exist in?

    More than that, am I a sluggard, that just sits there, waiting for the world to fall into the right shape so that I can follow the well trodden path? Or perhaps I ought to make the first lanes, facing the giants ahead. Perhaps these perilous routes will lead for more to take over me thereafter.

    Perhaps I might need to face giants more often, so that I can be an ant to the groups around me.

    Go to the ant you sluggard, consider it’s ways and be wise!

  • Sleepy Sunday

    I actually slept in past 10AM today. In a normal day, I would usually be up and about by 8AM, with cup of coffee and daily journal in hand.

    But there was something very soothing in today’s morning sleep. It felt like I had some interruptions in sleep, I do remember getting up to go pee every now and then. And yet, my sleep was good. There was a good sense of rest and relaxation, and it felt like the world was wrapping me up in dreams and just the softness of the bed.

    After waking, I remained in a horizontal position for awhile more, and decided to finish up the book that I was reading. Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett, as part of the Discworld Series. It was nice to finish a book, a thoroughly funny and nonsensical one, within a realm of fantasy that understood its place in modern times.

    It always leads me to ask myself. If I started writing a book today, what would I write on? What interests me the most to start writing about it, or what do I feel creatively about to have a story written? I think having themed words are fun for many people to get started, but sometimes the simplicity of daily life is sometimes enough for me to think about life too.

    I like Haruki Murakami for his slice of life that’s somewhat spooky. I enjoy that twist. I also like the straightforwardness of some academic writing, or the self help books. Perhaps that’s the right direction that I should take. Self help for the idealist in modern times.

    In any case, it’s early, and I’m sleepy already, so goodnight world.

  • Unfinished Business

    Finish the task at hand before starting a new one.

    I think this is the line I have the most trouble with sometimes. I have a million things on hand, and I keep having to find separate times to finish different bits of it. I hate it, and I find that sometimes one of the key things I do is to sit down and finish up work that I had started.

    Worst still is the feeling of a long term task that was unfulfilled. I hate it when a project sits unfinished, and I have no means of finishing it because it links to another person’s task instead. That sits on my mind so badly, and I spend most of my time wishing I wasn’t involved in those projects in the first place.

    Like a lottery ticket that didn’t win, it’s just hopes and dreams that never became real.

    So I have to try somehow to make sense of it. To complete the work in a level that at least, I am out of the picture. It’s not perfect, but at least I’ll be done with the work that would drag for ages instead.

  • Simple Fridays

    were never really possible to begin with. Because most of the time, Fridays are spent rushing around, making sure a range of things are happening at exactly the right times. What makes it even crazier really is that today I had my intern come over to learn how to use design softwares, and I had a working lunch, where I needed to forecast things into the future.

    I do wonder if I would ever approach things in a normal way, where I do only one task a day. I remember the feeling of that vividly during the lockdown periods, and I really didn’t like it. I would still end up spending the day doing something else, and basically I would busy myself somehow.

    But I do aim for a simpler day, as an ideal or a dream. A day when I can wake up and read a book leisurely as the sun rays stream into the room. Or maybe a day where I can just relax and not think too hard about what needs to be done, and I can just exist.

    But then again, that’s not really me. Bu the search for simplicity is me. The same way that I would always strive for minimalism, and never get it, because of who I am.

    That’s okay, I’m okay to say that I’ll never hit it, as much as I try to. Not for the lack of trying, but because if I do reach that goal, I would actually not be happy. I know that, and I am willing to just keep it as a floating idea in the back of my head.


    I also thought that I should choose some of my thoughts to write into a zine. and to publish that zine as an art magazine.

    Maybe I would also start to write more intentionally here, in either a more expressive way, or with more writing finesse. I haven’t decided yet, obviously, but I will make sense of this somehow.

  • 4 Minute Post

    Time has been really tight today, and I would say it is by choice.

    I was slow in the morning, and it felt like the day really snowballed in many ways.

    One of the most surprising things today was that a cat came into our house, and was stuck under our chest of drawers. Then we fed it an egg, and a bunch of cat snacks.

    Then we had to bring it down, because we couldn’t hold at cat at home basically, and we rushed cooking dinner. It was a crazy day of getting things ready and being present.

    I love the inconsistency of today, and how it really just went against every grain of my sense of routine. But at the same time, I really wish there was a better plan of how today could have gone.

    Ohwell, here’s to another tomorrow.

  • Revisiting Memories

    Just watched The Matrix today with Clarice. It was really quite interesting to rewatch many of the sequences that I had remembered as a child. And to pair them with scenes from Matrix Resurrections, it was really something I didn’t expect to recall in specific ways.

    The Matrix does hold a special place in my heart, because of its philosophical aspects of it. More than that, I think it was a uber cool mix of computer hacking things, heavy metal music, along with super cool fight scenes.

    I really wonder what type of a child I was when I was growing up, to be so into a movie like that. Not the regular Star Wars (I was into Star Wars, but a lot more into the Matrix), and not the regular fantasy of Harry Potter, but into this cyberpunk world of fight scenes, bullet time, and all those types of things.

    Bigger ideas of the Animatrix, and the expanded universe of the Matrix franchise are really things that I enjoyed thinking about, watching, enjoying. These were really hobbies, thoughts and fascinations that I carried with me into adulthood. It framed a lot of how I saw and viewed the world, and I really enjoyed it.

    I’m thinking of my own narratives, on how the world works, and what I think I should tell to the generations after that. I really hope that I would be able to leave something behind for the rest of the world to watch, and to relate to somehow.

  • Relative Time

    It feels like today passed really quickly, and even more than that, we’re already into the second month of the year. Every day passes as if I’m on a skateboard rolling downhill. It doesn’t help that the days are filled with different types of meetings, and I’m just in the capsule of my room or my office orbiting around the worlds of meetings.

    But today’s the Lunar New Year, and we’ve gotten a chance to catch up with family.

    It was really good to see my uncle that I’ve not seen in much at all in the past year. It feels like forever since I’ve seen him, and I’m really glad that he is okay, and that he’s had time with my cousins in America. Catching up with him always comes back to the times when I’ve traveled with him, and it’s been more than 10 years since.

    That’s really life, rolling on a skateboard downhill, and it just goes faster and faster, until you realised its crashing into its end.

    And there’s no jumping off it either.

  • Chinese Reunion Dinners

    As a Chinese person, I have the luxury of celebrating the Chinese Lunar New Year. Luxury of stuffing myself with a multitude of reunion dinners, where the pure aim is to eat as much food as possible, and to commend your family for their great cooking. At the same time, there’s the constant talk about how things are, and what life is about.

    The good thing would be that after the New Years dinners, you would be able to celebrate the first day of Chinese New Year with a lot of Red Packets, where money is given. Parents will give their children, and married people will give unmarried people within the family.


    Traditions aside, my goal has been to just survive the food every year. This year, I have begun to fail terribly, but I have learnt to just not eat during the day time. It works, until it doesn’t, where I have over eaten during the dinner itself.

    I hug my food baby, as Clarice and I waddle back home, and I hold myself for a bit, as I try to induce myself to poop as much as my bowels will allow.

    After the pushing, and the food baby partially exits my body, I crawl back to bed, exhausted from eating, and pooping. I sleep, and wake up, and repeat it for the next few meals.

    And that, is a Chinese New Year dinner. This goes on for at least 2-3 days. Pray for me.

  • Bad Influences

    There’s some major ideas of what is good, and what is right. And most of the world is willing to get behind most morally good things.

    But sometimes, you get some really dark and weird influences, like Filthy Frank:

    It’s mean, it’s racist, its everything, but at the same time you know its satire, and people there are really just trying to say things that are as mean as possible so that their comments would be read, or something along those lines. Ok, or possibly they’re really truly offended by what “Frank” was saying. In any case, I personally feel there’s definitely space for expression like this, no matter how disturbing and dark it gets.


    So as I pour through Joji’s old clips as Frank and stuff, I’m just really curious how and when did he decide to make the song parts of things real. And maybe even deeper, how did he even get started on Frank in the first place.

    I guess I wonder these things because I feel like there’s a Frank inside me, waiting to get out one day too.

  • Another Rushed Post

    I keep writing these really last minute posts, just to keep my writing streak. I think it’s a balance to the super long ones that come in between.


    I went for a Barter Market today, and I traded things that I actually wanted to give out. It was quite fun, and had a really quick set of great conversations. I caught up with some friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in years.

    Memories are really hard to deal with at times I guess. It’s kinda crazy how time flies by.


    I should do some real research and start my book draft going. I really hope to start writing, and to come up with a book that I could be happy with somehow.

    Fears of publishing, fears of just being myself on paper, on words. I just gotta try it and see how it goes. At the end of the day, it would just be for myself anyway. That’s the aim of it all I guess.

  • Staycation Ends

    Today started out fine, but man it snowballed through. Thankfully it ended okay, but going through the hump of the middle of the day was really not easy.

    We almost couldn’t find a way to get out of the airport, the areas were all boarded up to direct the human traffic flow. But it meant that we literally could not make out of the airport. We basically ended up running to our Grab Ride, because the driver was driving in circles to try and find us.


    Exits aside, we actually had a great lunch at a Michelin Star Soba restaurant. I had a truffle shoyu soba, and Clarice had an agemono don. Really tasty stuff, and it was definitely worth the 45 bucks we spent on it.

    Before that, we had a tragic Starbucks morning. The regular brewed coffee that I go for had some sediments just floating all over it. I think the paper had broke, and basically I changed a cup for the exact same thing. Meant that the coffee was ultra dark and bitter, but hey, that’s kinda what I was asking for.


    Yesterday, we had a long day of sitting around, reading, and watching movies. We also cycled along the Jurassic Mile, from the airport towards East Coast Park. The sun was great, the wind was really great, and it was a generally easy cycle the whole way through.

    We watched Scream at night, and it was another requel – the reboot sequel, where legacy characters are brought again. It actually felt very much the same as the Matrix show we had watched the day before.

    Matrix Resurrections really felt like that too, but I enjoyed the general idea of it. A little disappointed in the story line, but for the sake of another Matrix show, I don’t mind it.

    The King’s Man, the prequel to the Kingsman Series, was really well done. I appreciated the story, and that they got Ralph Fiennes to get into it. Another classic English actor playing one of those very gentlemanly roles. Great show, and explained a lot about how I personally feel about war as well.


    I really appreciated that I could watch and read things without being bothered because of how I had scheduled my notifications. It was really great that no one could bother me, unless I intentionally made effort to look at my texts. Obviously I did not. But that was a good reminder of the amount of restraint that was needed for me to do that. It really does take an intentional step aside to make sense of that.

    I would really make effort to do those things in the months to come, and to really just go off the grid to disappear. It was a good time of rest, and I wish I could do it more often.


    An imagery that stuck with me was cycling past the Radio Controlled Club – or something along things lines. Everyone there was playing with remote controlled cars, and driving these noisy little cars with really loud engines around a small track.

    Just a bunch of older guys, sitting around a miniature racing track, and chilling out through the day. It was a good reminder of what life really should be like, and what we work so hard for.

    To just enjoy his toil. That’s God’s gift to man. Please help me enjoy my toil, God.

  • Busy, good, fulfilling rest

    There’s a lot to say, but not enough time to right now, because we’re going to watch another movie.

    More updates tomorrow, but in other news, I hope everyone buys the dip – regarding the ETH and other things crashing lol.

  • Now It’s a Holiday! (Taking leave from work amidst a pandemic)

    When taking a break from work, especially in this COVID situation, it always feels as if you’re not really off from work, or it feels as if there’s no point being away from work. But I deeply disagree with that, because there’s too much of a clash, from too many things. The compartmentalized part of my brain sees it as a constantly overflow. The box holding work and time commitments is continually being over filled, and never cleared, because there really hasn’t been a time to break properly.

    So my biggest tip for taking leave during the pandemic is to cut all notifications.

    In the most current iOS updates, there’s a Focus modes, where you can choose who can contact you, what apps can send you push notifications, and the list goes on. So I am currently completely uncontactable. I mean you could send me things, but I’m not going to see it at all.

    This is great for someone like me who has a big problem seeing that red dot on my notifications. I literally will clear all texts just to have that red button gone. Perhaps I should really reconsider how often I check my phone as well, but there are times when I’m needed to respond for time sensitive occasions, so I leave it on. But in the time to come, it will definitely be off.


    My mental work boxes are starting to clear up, I’m getting a better sense of clarity of what and how much I’ve been taken up by, and how much more I want to let go off in the coming year. I’m planning handovers, and getting the people working with me for my departure. Thankfully I have that time now to plan that, but key for me, I really need to plan for that time for me to leave more brain space open. I’m really filled too much to the brim right now.


    Side note: Finally watched Matrix Resurrections, and I’ll definitely buy the iTunes movie version of it, and watch it a million times over and over. It’s great because of the universe it keeps expanding to, but I really wish there was more backstory into the world of the machines, like how the AniMatrix went into. I’m psyched, just wish there was more.

    Gonna watch The King’s Men in a bit, will probably add that to tomorrow’s post instead.

  • New Keyboard Test Post

    I should have a standard set of things I write for a test post for a new keyboard. Or maybe I should just make things up as I go along.

    Currently writing on this: Prime E – a 40% Alice.

    I’m trying to get used to the typing, and sometimes writing numbers and symbols really make you get used to writing with a new board. This paragraph is coming along much faster than writing that one sentence just now, because I had to figure out where everything is.

    Also I’ve programmed my right spacebar as enter, and the left one as space, as how I would have for any other split board. But for the 40, man, this is a real pain in the ass.


    In any case, this keyboard was a good year in the making, because I had ordered the PCB last year, and literally spent the year thinking about which case to buy. And finally I saw a case that I’m pretty happy to work with.

    Right now, this keyboard really sounds just perfect *chef’s kiss*. Only slight regret is that I can’t bring this keyboard with me tomorrow for my holiday.

  • Getting over blocks

    I think today is one of those days, where I’m trying to vault over all the issues that I’ve been mentally dealing with. Over the weekend, I gathered a really long list of things that I needed to clear today. I cleared through about 80-90% of them, and tomorrow I will clear through the rest of it.

    One of the key things that this list includes is actually working out, and at 10PM, I’ve actually done a set of workouts that I haven’t done in a really long time. It was a kettlebell set, and it’s to train me to do overhead presses in a better and more efficient way. The only thing is that I’m really hot now, and the way that this set of exercises go is a long slow burn. So I’m not exactly aching, but my internal body heat feels really really high.

    In the back of my mind, I do have some keyboard builds to complete. I’m also going for a staycation on Wednesday, so I’m getting ready for that too. I feel like I really need a good break from doing all the work that I’ve been doing.


    Everyone needs a good break once in awhile, and I hope that if you’re reading this, you’re taking a good break too.

  • A HOT day out

    Today was so hot.

    I felt my skin burning under the sun, and the moment I hit the shade, it really felt so cool. The only time I’ve felt sun this hot and scorching was when I was in Australia. It was a dry heat too, so maybe that’s why I thought of Australia too.


    It was definitely a day of a lot of conversation, and not a quiet day. I think from the start of the day, I’ve not really stopped talking, unless for time short times of travel.


    So maybe right now, I’m a little talked out. A little out of steam, from all the talking.

    Oh but I did have a hot bath too, which was really relaxing, and I enjoyed that time.


    Little thoughts, because I had expressed a lot of what I was already thinking about. Guess it was a good day!

  • Missed a day!

    I think that’s really one of the troubles of a daily blog. I would miss some days that are too busy, and sometimes I just wouldn’t have the space to talk about something that happened.

    But I guess that could be a topic on its own: on yesterday’s busy day.

    One of the dinners we had before all the rush was at Saizeriya. It’s not like the greatest food, but sometimes a cheap meal with some taste similar to what I hoped for is more than enough. Not complaining about it at all! The view was really great though, the image above is the street that our table overlooked.


    But yesterday’s busyness was really one that was all over the place. I was so awake and determined to do something that I just made every effort to get out of the house early and start chipping away at the work that I needed to do.

    Lunch was a great time of catching up with a pastor whom journeys with me, since I was fresh out of army. I would say it’s even been 10 years since we’ve started meeting, and it was a really pleasant time of catching up, sharing thoughts and ideas.

    I was so tired from the morning work, that I napped almost immediately after I got home, and it was a good hour of nap before another 2 hour meeting.

    Followed by a spicy dinner – Chix Hot Chicken, and then another meeting, but I was doing my work through that meeting, so it wasn’t too crazy.

    Spent the rest of the night finishing up the work from the morning, and then crashed for the night.


    I don’t know why exactly I’m explaining the many meetings of my day, but I guess my initial ideas of what would make an exciting blog post didn’t really turn out that way. It just reads like my complaints of how much work I had to do in a day.

    But that’s mostly it as well, I do think that I had too much to do in a day, and maybe tomorrow, I’ll explain what I did to destress. It includes purchasing random nonsense for Clarice.

  • OPTIONS

    I was in a life funk of sorts over the past few weeks, and I struggled to try and get a sense of what I would like to do, or what I want to be, who I want to be. As part of this, I still did my daily journalling, writing here, and all that.

    Today I’ve been feeling better a bit, so I flipped back through my journal, and I found that I really enjoyed writing this week because of the range of pens and ink colors I’ve gotten to use:

    Muji, Muji, Energel, TWSBI, Pilot Metro, Pilot Metro, Platinum Preppy

    This looks somewhat crazy, but I swap between quite a few pens during the day too, along with my keyboards.

    I found that each color and the writing feel just changes how I feel about the things that I’m going through. I end up feeling happier a little bit, especially upon reflection.


    This leads me to also see that as much as I like and idealise the minimalist lifestyle, it’s not me. I realised that the past few weeks, I’ve dreaded looking through the writing that I was doing, and it was really because I kept having to deal with my same old boring colors. I basically put two grey colors on two of my pens, it made me feel really low and dull.

    The same for typing and keyboards: having a range of keyboards to type with really change the way that I feel.

    Strangely enough, for work, I’m happy to have a range of black T-shirts (maybe that’s the variation), and with my raw denim jeans, and I’m good to go. But I do feel the need to have other colors of white and other printed tees on my days off, on days when I’m just chilling.

    Maybe tomorrow I’ll find out more things about myself from my daily activities that I don’t really think so hard about.

  • The Daily: Artisans and another slump

    There are some things that I do that and I wonder if they’re insignificant. For example, yesterday, I added an artisan on my keyboard, and I was wondering if I should talk about it.

    Cute little artisan monitor

    In some sense, artisan keycaps are something I do wonder about a lot. If someone bought a mechanical keyboard just for their artisan keycaps, it feels like an overkill. It’s like attaching a bionic leg just for the sake of having another shoe on your feet. Extreme example, but an example nonetheless.

    In my self righteous claim of why I use a mechanical keyboard, I always revert to the keyboard being one for the typing purpose, and it should always be surrounding the experience of typing. But then again, that’s really just me, and maybe for a lot more people it’s the look of the keyboard above everything else.


    Keyboards aside, what’s up with yesterday’s crypto crash as well? Everything looked like it was hopeful for all of a day, but now… we’re looking at it sliding back down again. Ohwell.

  • Re calibrating; Raw Denim Jacket First Wash

    Whenever I do these daily blog things, I end up going into two very different mindsets. Either it becomes this huge philosophical piece, or I get into my emotions and end up becoming very frustrated at a range of things. Then I question if I could maintain this blog in the first place but maybe that’s not really the point of a blog.


    So I’m deciding to just talk about things that happen to me daily, and my thoughts on those things. Or the things that have happened the day before, and my thoughts on those things. I’ll try it out, and maybe that would work better.


    I washed my denim jacket the other day:

    This is it washed, I forgot to take the before picture

    I did a 30 minute soak with detergent, followed by 4 rinses to get the dirt and soap out. Then left it to air dry in both sun and shade, so that it would dry ASAP. And it did, so everything was dried within a day.

    Normally, I would prefer to wash it after much longer, but I had a real bad sweat in it one of the days, so it became way too stinky for me to wear it. Kept smelling really funky, but I think I got a good 103 hours of wear since Sep 2021. The aim that I was trying to follow with the Momotaro company with was 32hrs a week, so I definitely fell far from that. But at least I tried I guess?

    A point is that after washing, the jacket got its fabric stiffness back again. Just before washing, it was getting softer and softer, from all the movements. But after washing, the sun drying, and I guess just from letting it hang, it became stiff again, as with all other raw or one wash denims.


    Denim Details:

    Momotaro Type 2 Jacket – Going to Battle, 03-051. Size 38.

    Started wearing in 15 Sep 2021, and first wash on 15 Jan 2021. (122 days apart, 4 Months)

    Total time worn: 103 hours

    Average wear: 0.84hrs a day

  • The End of the World

    There are some things that I’ve thought often about. One of those things is really the end of the world.

    It’s not the cliche, it’s more of the reality of it. The thought that perhaps tomorrow we would realize the farce we live in. The pointlessness of the money we try to earn. The silly of paying for things that someone else makes out of random things that come from the earth. The whole shebang of what we consider modern society and science.

    What if one day we realize the imposter syndrome is really the fact that we lie to ourselves everyday and pretend that this world that we’re currently existing in is the ideal world? The imposter would be society and the way the world works, and not us actually.

    It’s actually not us that can’t cope with the successes or the ability to perform, but it was just never needed in the first place. Those who could pretend really well just kept it up until everyone was living the biggest practical joke in the world.

    Or maybe these are just some of the thoughts I have while watching Don’t Look Up on Netflix. lol.

  • Gratefulness

    I really feel handicapped at times, when I want to make or progress in a creative direction. I feel this sense of a lack of time, a lack of resources, and just don’t have the right things in hand. Then I go on this spree and buy a million things to make sure that I have everything right. Then I start to do something, only to work on it for a good month or two, and I give up.

    This process really frustrates myself, and I am the exact cause of it. I see myself needing these things, and I feel as if I can’t do it without that item, or tool.

    But the truth of it, along with some other self reflection, is that I can do it. It’ll take me longer, it’ll take more time, but I can do it. And more than that, I should do it. Because sometimes I just need to make do with what I have.

    I think it boils down to gratefulness. Am I content and grateful for what I currently have? I know I am not. I want more, and I need it to function, or so I suggest to myself.

    But I need to be, I need to learn to manage these emotions, and these desires, before they make me into a self serving person. It could very easily continue in this current way, and for me to have many things, and never producing anything that I am actually happy with. Or just not being there consistently enough to develop that skill of mastery.

    Anyway, these thoughts are happening because I’m thinking whether I could work off an iPhone 13 Pro Max, or a MacBook Pro/Air. Super different needs and purposes that would be served, but these thoughts are just in my head.

  • Anti Me

    There are days that are good, and I feel at ease,

    But right now, my days are off by quite a tangent, and I am not me.

    There seems to be a different version,

    Something maybe broken,

    but probably, its just me being anti me.


    As much as I’ve been able to write some of my thoughts here, and post some of what I think and my processes, I’m still living my life everyday. Right now, that part of my life, the everyday part that goes to work, and tries to manage things there, it feels like that part is severely out of sync. I try my best to manage it, but I think that there are too many things on, and it’s not doing well for my health and for my mind.

    I write here, in some hope that it would help me to manage, and it works in some way. I do look forward to writing here because I can type away, and be myself in some form.

    But at the heart of it, my inner being is challenged with who I am and who I have to be. My role in work requires some level of leadership, and I have to be in the front a lot. It means there are times when I have to be someone that I don’t agree with. I try my best to step out of that person, but when I allow myself to be a bit more disagreeable, I find that sorrow breeds more sorrow. To be less abstract, I feel that when I allow myself to rant and address my frustrations to any one of my co-leaders, it creates more dissatisfaction and I don’t know how to get out of it. I prefer my original self, that just either hides the frustration until it goes away. Its not that I don’t face the frustrations, its just that I face the issue first, and then I decompress my feelings after that. But right now, I actually don’t know if I have the mental space to do that.

    No harm trying though, to think myself back to how my mind prefers to hear and understand myself. And I’ll keep writing to give myself something to look forward to everyday.

  • Directions

    Where is this going?

    Is there a need for it to go a certain way?

    What are the benefits?

    Am I enjoying the present?


    These are some of the questions that I was asking myself at the start of the day, and surprisingly enough, I think I was forced to answer these questions for myself as the day went along.

    In terms of a process, I really started today with some dread. There were some things that I was really not ready to do, and I was just not looking forward to it. But time passed, and I just swallowed my frogs as the day went along.

    Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

    Mark Twain

    There were actually other frogs along the way today, but honestly, I really cleared out some bad ones in the morning. Not necessarily horrible, but there were calls I just dreaded to make, and scenarios that I was not looking forward to dealing with.

    Sometimes, I do wonder, what’s the point of my managing my life well if other people are going to miss it up. Like is there really any benefit to trying to make life work out well? There’s always chaos around, so is there truly any benefit of making it better at the current state. I don’t seem to have a good answer to that, so there are some days where I just exist in chaos and allow the world around me to deal with it. Some days I add on to the chaos, in hope of alleviating my own frustrations in some cathartic fashion.

    All in all, I guess I still try to make things turn out in a positive light. I don’t like to deal with a negative storyline. Which direction, and how are things heading? Hopefully in an uptrend for myself as I make sense of the world around me.

  • What would you do if you weren’t you

    Strange reference, but Travis Barker is a dude that I relate to in a big way. Not because of the tatts, but just because of his attitude towards music and making things work. I wish I was half as collaborative as him.

    I think it was on Joe Rogan, where he explained how he was getting off drugs and starting to make life different. There might have been other interviews that I had watched, but it was just about his general work ethic. He really keeps on going with drums and makes as much as he can, because if he wasn’t, then he would be in a homeless bum somewhere.

    I think I relate to that the most, because if I wasn’t me now, I’d probably not be alive. There’s a lot that I attribute to God being there at times when I needed help. And in that sense, I do what I do now because of all the things that I had done then, trusting in who God claims to be, and presents himself to me as in the years past.

    Thus, I linked a YouTube video of a heavily tattooed drummer covering a very controversial musician, in reference to my life and work ethic. The irony and the way life turns out indeed.

  • Special and Sad

    I’ll do a few more posts on how sad it is to be different from people, then later I’ll see what else I can make sense of in happier ways.

    Feeling like you’re always on the outside

    I would think that everyone actually deals with this, but sometimes being the person that speaks up and makes actions to prove that one is unique, that really makes you aware of how individual one really might be. There have been a number of occasions in a group discussion where I can see eyes darting around for assurance from each other, but I’m happy to just speak my mind and be the one that is not with everyone else. It excludes me, but truthfully, everyone is also struggling with this sense of exclusion.

    Not being heard

    So this one is the one that really gets to me the most. There are times when I am disregarded because of how out of the norm I think. My expressions, though everyone might be thinking similar possibilities, are usually just considered as thoughts that don’t make sense, or that don’t match with the majority.

    This means I honestly suffer a ton when doing table top role playing games. The game masters would either appreciate my thoughts, but the group is usually struggling in the wildest ways on how to make sense of what I’ve just thrown us into.


    I think these are two short ones for today, I’ll write more about other things tomorrow, it does feel like I’m beating a dead horse a bit. Or maybe I’m just not in the mindset to write more today. We’ll see how things go.

  • The Pains of Peculiarity

    In line with what I was saying yesterday, there’s some very specific things to think about for one to actually be different.

    Only the expressed unique being is unique.

    It doesn’t matter whatever the internal thoughts are, because many are thinking the same things. But it’s the one who lives them out that really makes that difference into the person who is being.

    If someone says “you took the words out of my mouth”, it probably means that you had the same thought as the person, but you are the one who said it. It also makes you the specific person who changed that tone, the mood, the conversation, that point in time.

    Many people look at abstract art and say, “I could have done that myself.” The question is really, would you have? Because you could have and you did not. But the artist did and the artist becomes that unique person.

    Only the person who expressed that point is the one who holds that flair of being unique.

    The unique person is constantly misunderstood.

    Even though everyone had the same thought as you, you were the one who said it. It means that everyone else didn’t say it, and that you were the odd one out. Therefore, you are not the same as everyone else, and the common thought is “why did he/she say it?”

    This doesn’t seem to make logical sense, but humans are actually very illogical creatures. We tend to be a mix of irony and biases that lean towards our current preferences. We like something when our friends are there, but if it’s someone new and unknown saying something completely special, we take it with a bucket full of distrust. Objectively, this would not make sense, but within the context of humans being quite trapped in their daily context, we would not see otherwise as well.


    I’ll do a few more of these, because I think I can express myself here as a person who is constantly seen as weird, or special, or unique (everyone else’s words, not mine). At least I can say it here, and continue to claim my spot as a weird person.

  • Unique

    What makes me special?

    What makes anything different?

    Are we even different?

    Or is everything the same?


    From my youth, I understood that people always viewed being special as something important. At the same time, people also viewed people who didn’t fit in as weird. Special and weird were sometimes correlated, but self perceptions were always something to think through. Was I ever really someone totally different and unique? Or was I just weird?

    As an adult now, I understand my weirdness was just more acceptable than others. I also understand that I was not really as unique as I had thought, but there were just parts of me that were a lot more expressive, and that gave off the impression that I was unique. But I objectively felt the same as everyone else, or so I thought.


    I think some of the thoughts I have about life really relate to what I perceive as me being unique or not. There are many times that I see myself being very flawed. There are also times where I see myself as being extremely bold to take certain choices. Today was a day of bold choices, because honestly, I feel too constrained for too long.

    I am waiting to express, to feel, and to just be different. Whether others accept me or not, is not as important as myself becoming completely unalike from the people around me. An extreme ideal, but I think it would be a fun challenge.

    Perhaps I would elaborate on this more tomorrow, and that would be a better way to rest my tired mind.

  • TLDR; I’m sad

    I think I’m personally in a dark phase at the moment. I feel as if there are many things inside my mind that I am troubled by, and I have to be careful how I express it. I have disagreements with how the world is working around me, and with my perceptions of what value is compared to the rest of the work. It’s a dark place because of the depth of what I’m feeling – frustrations with the system, sadness for people who are suffering, and with this, my inability to change or care for them all. It’s also a dark place because I don’t think I’m supposed to care for them myself, and instead, I’ve placed this burden and this sense of wanting to be a saviour to such a personal and high extent that it becomes so unnecessary. I don’t like how it’s making me feel, but I have realised how deep the hole of personal boundary has been dug. It feels like I’ve been a recluse and I hid intentionally to keep from a range of silly people because of the silly things that they do. That makes it all the worse, because I share even less then. It’s a constant realisation that I don’t agree with many people, and the more I realise that, the further I draw away, dig deeper into myself.

  • How much does one diversify? I honestly think that there’s a lot that I think about that I don’t really express too much. That’s really because I have so many thoughts on so many things. I think many people are like this too, and sometimes, we dismiss thoughts that might not match our character.

    But I tend to accept both sides of me, the dualism that exists, and I’m okay for that. I’m okay to have parts of me in complete disagreement, and for me to exist as such. This gives me a middle ground that I end up living out sometimes. Most of the time it turns out in extremes, but I think it’s quite a funny scene.

    One of these is minimalism and hoarding multiples of the same one item. I only choose one, but I will have as many of that one as possible. I have at least 20 Black T-Shirts right now. I think I wrote about it – trisected.com/the-non-minimalistic-life/

    Another one is with the idea of money and value, where I see the need to spend wisely, for value, and not for the purpose of saving money. I might have very little money, but I have a good number of items that are of good value. Maybe one day they would be items of great value, but right now they’re just doing okay.


    Aside from owning things, I think one key area I struggle to decide is with my creative output. There’s many things that I could do, and yet, I struggle to decide which to publish.

    I do have my interests, and my niches. I really enjoy talks about tech, health, longevity and productivity. These are different from things like Christianity, philosophy, and arts. Even more distant is hip hop, literature, and cooking. I guess it looks like things that I’m throwing up at random, but I do think I have quite an idea of what these different things are for me.

    When it comes to publishing what I’m thinking about, I toggle through these different interests and the thinking patterns each one has. I decide which one makes the most sense for it. It works sometimes, but the internal struggle is hard to push against. Routine like this daily blog is something that fights for it. I force the flow, and force my brain from stopping me, like I’ve expressed before.


    I think a part of me really wants to make more, and I think I just will go ahead for it. Maybe it’ll do well, and maybe it won’t. But much like this blog, I don’t think I do this for anyone else, other than me.

  • Planned Processes

    So here’s my balance to yesterday’s creative meanderings:

    There’s definitely a part of me that over plans everything.

    I think way too much over too many small things and I am always almost all over the place because of those thoughts. I’m either all over the place, or very prepared, because I’ve thought of the worst case scenarios.

    I’ve also thought through many strategies on what would work and what wouldn’t work on different channels, and honestly, that’s really one of the biggest hindrances to my creativity. I tell myself that plan A won’t work because it’s not in this or that. Or plan B needs more refinement in this and that areas, so I shouldn’t publish. I should just focus on sharpening it more and more and more.

    But what ends up is that I have nothing to show for all my thoughts.

    That’s where this blog came in. I wanted a space to show that I had thought. I have been mulling about many ideas for some time. And this space is proof that I have. It’s not really cohesive. I mean from here, you’ll definitely not understand anything about keyboards. You also won’t understand anything about art.

    But if you look through, you’ll see me. And that’s more important for me I guess. Perhaps that’s a good thing for me to do: to categorize my thoughts here into the different interests and you can then understand those portions better.

    I’ll probably do that now.


    In any case, one of the best creative breaks I’ve ever given myself was during the time that I did the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I started to see myself in a new light, and to see my creativity in a new light as well. It was really a breath of fresh air, and I think I will try my best to work towards that direction again. I need that space to breathe, and to create. But it takes time, that I need to commit to. That commitment entails some early waking up, which I haven’t been as consistent as I used to be with.

    Perhaps that should be something I should begin to restart now.

    For tomorrow’s Joel to work out!

  • Creative Late Night Posting

    Man! Doing a daily post is really something I found difficult last time, and now, its still something I need to put some effort into to get it right. Almost missed today’s post and I had a lot of good thoughts that I wanted to place here but the day is almost over and I have forgotten quite a bit of it.


    I’ve been able to do creative things today – helped a friend out with a wall mural. It’s probably going to be finished in the next few days, but I don’t have any more slots to help her out with.

    Being able to do something creative isn’t the whole magical shebang that you would imagine. Or at least, I don’t think that’s what I glean from my creatives sessions. I see it as a time where my hands are working, and my mind is thinking. My hands are not really being controlled, other than to match what I’ve set out to do – like painting, drawing, calligraphy. My mind is wandering because I’m seeing the space in many different ways, and I don’t really need to think of how to interact with it. It just interacts.

    This “mindless interaction” is something that I really look forward to. My mind is usually at work, solving things, thinking and planning. But in my art, in my expression, it just goes. I don’t control, or at least I’ve learnt not to control. This gives me a lot more joy, as compared to previous experiences when I had a lot more of a controlled experience. Not to say that those controlled experiences weren’t wrong, but just to address my own current creative space that I look forward to.

    I don’t need it to be defined, and I feel like defining these moments would spoil the fun of it. So I just do whatever creative pursuits pop up, and the aimlessness of it makes it interesting.

    Then the planning side of me comes up, and I get very annoyed with myself. But to be smart, I shall save that story for tomorrow: How I combat my creative brain.

  • Brick Walls

    Today is starting to feel like an opposite of yesterday.

    Yesterday, there was a sense of lethargy to get things going, but today it feels like there are many things waiting to get started, except that I keep running into walls.

    A text updating me about something I had planned, a random person shouting below my block that throws my concentration off, table space that blocks my writing and typing.

    And the biggest one: random YouTube comments about things that I don’t care about. Like my mouse. I have dedicated plans to talk specifically about the mice I have and use daily. I literally will point out what I have been using and why I am specifically not going to get a gaming mouse. It’s just not worth the money and time.

    Same reason I will never get a PC. I would rather install bootcamp or the current equivalent on my Mac than to buy a PC and then to have a PC build. Either that, or I could also get a console or something, I don’t know.

    But NO NEW MOUSE, and NO PC. It’s just not worth the time and space in my life.

    kthxbye, thanks for coming to my ted talk. or website, whichever.

  • Momentum

    What do you do on the days when you don’t feel like doing any work?

    It’s not that we’ve been lazy (yes, I dragged you into this), but maybe we’ve just done enough. There’s no more need to do any more.

    The cool weather, with a nice touch of sun to light up the home, and thoughts of lazing in bed before the galore of responsibilities crash like a delivery driver on an electric scooter. Just smacking your straight on, with loud euro trash electro, and flashing lights. Saw it a mile away, and yet, we tried our best to savor the peace and quiet of the moment as long as we could.

    An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

    Newton’s First Law of Physics

    Was Newton not describing me today, sitting on my chair, lazing in my sofa, lying in bed, napping away?

    Life is really when science and art meet.


    End note: so much for the progress that I was working on for the past few days. The irony of it is that I’m still maintaining that sense of work, just that I don’t want to do it.

  • Time vs Money

    I awoke earlier than expected today, which led me to think, why not? And I decided to go for a morning run at 630, instead of rushing it at 730. This gave me a whole hour ahead, and I’ve already cleared through some of my morning routine before my regular waking hours. It might mean that tomorrow I would try to make these same timings again, or maybe I would sleep in because tonight would end a bit later than usual.

    Yet, Time is what I’m really chasing after.

    I’ve been watching many finance videos recently because of a sudden interest in NFT gaming, and the whole crypto space. The more finance videos I watched, the more entranced I became with the idea of money being key. But today, on my run, that was something I really just struggled to come to terms with. What do I want money for? What’s the point of it?

    I currently live in a smallish apartment, under a government based rental scheme, as I wait for my pre-booked apartment to be built. In Singapore we call these BTOs – Built To Order. But because I have my current apartment, I’ve been able to purchase many things for the household. We have a single seater sofa, we have our bed, we have shelving (that I purchased in my twenties), clothes that will last me a good 3-5 years without me buying new ones, and a few other household things that I would survive very well with.

    I honestly have to say that I am living a very rich life right now. My interests are easily pursued, and the depth of knowledge and experience that I would like to pursue is within my fingertips. I don’t need anything that would require me to have a lot of money for it. I currently don’t see the need for the “financial stability” that many in finance have been talking about.

    I do see the flip side, that if my interests, in collect keyboards, vinyl, and diving deep into things like art; if money becomes one of these interests, I can see myself diving very deep into it as well, and aiming to “collect as much as possible”. But why? Money as a point of collection or accumulation sounds ridiculous in the skill and scope of what I have been able to achieve. Currently at least.

    And because of that, I will still play around with crypto, and properly throw some money into long term investments, maybe with a regular yield (regular to be defined). But I will not invest the same amount of time and effort that I had put into keyboards, or my other creative hobbies just for gaining wealth. I think that would be an unwise use of my time.

    Instead, I will chase my daily times of exercise, of creativity. I think even the gaming NFTs (Gods Unchained and Axie Inifinity) have more holistic gains because I’m able to learn tactics, and enjoy myself. I will chase the things that would be harder to chase after when I hit my older age. Like learning new things, experiences and stretching my body to its healthier limits when I still can.


    As I note myself thinking through these things, I am reminded that I am after all saying all these things from a place of much career safety. I would like to think that I am in a niche, and will be needed. But I know the truth of it being that no one is really needed that same way.

    I also understand that I am very influenced by my own sense of idealism. I do not mean to put any one down. I know that the hobby of collecting keyboards would sound ridiculous to someone who is into finance and investment. And my ideals are really not normal.

    I am also moved by my current moment, which does not need me striving for money. My views on all these might change one day, and probably will. But for today, I will live with my ideals.

    Tomorrow might be entirely different.

  • Process and Productivity

    Definitely made good progress from yesterday to today! I utilized as many productivity processes that I could think of and here are the ones that I settled with.


    Notion Template

    I use a year – month – week – day Notion template. I was trying really hard to find it, but the template gallery has been really hard to work with. I’ll link it back here when I’ve gotten it together.

    In essence, I get a year overview, then I get a monthly direction thing that I can set for myself, including personal goals and reflections, then I have a weekly log for weekly goals, and the finally a daily log with a journal and reflection space as well. Honestly if I was unemployed, or pursuing arts purely, I might use that template in a real life journal for me to track myself.

    The Yearly Schedule
    The monthly template looks like this
    Weekly
    Finally, the daily journal portion

    Bullet Journal

    I also use a bullet journal, the minimal and highly functional type. This gives me an overview of the month/year and I know that I can use it for daily tasks, but sometimes I just don’t have the space to carry this on me. I try to use it at the end or at the start of the day specifically.

    My template follows the most basic bullet journal layout, from the guys themselves: https://bulletjournal.com/pages/learn. I made a tweak for two portions: my monthly log has my full work schedule inside, and instead of goals, I’ve placed my habit tracker on the right hand side. This is because my daily tasks don’t usually follow through, and I don’t really track them on my bullet journal. Or at least I haven’t the past two years.

    Monthly log

    Within the space next to the date and day, I have 4 slots of time, which are expanded on the right of it. It’s indicative of morning, afternoon, evening, and night. This came mostly because my work has flexible hours, except for some non negotiable slots, so I have to track my working slots specifically. Usually I plonk in the mandatory ones first, then I will fill the space as I go along the day.

    On the right side, the habit tracker is really for my own noting. I find that noting it this way works better than using a digital tracker, which I also have. I think its the process of taking the bullet journal out that makes it a very intentional tracking process. Also I don’t get distracted by texts and emails on my bullet journal.


    Past Year Review

    Lastly, I’ve used Tim Ferriss Past Year Review for this year round. It’s an interesting process to think through the year past, and I’ve come up with some things that I really want to do more of, and some things that I should really avoid. Because of that, I’ve also intentionally included things like skateboarding, or reading into my schedule

    It’s more of an internal process than anything else, but that determines your set of actions that you choose to take daily. One of the key things that I’ve really been annoyed with and I want to avoid is the obligatory meetings that I need to attend. To skip out on something that I actually need to be present for sounds ridiculous, but I’ve decided to draw and to create during those meetings. My hands can practice as my mind wanders a bit, and hopefully it will end up being a productive time for myself.


    Hopefully these thoughts and processes were helpful. I think it’s made me come up with one of the most intentional posts I’ve ever written here.

  • 2022: It begins

    It’s been some time since updating here. I had the weekly review just before the absence, and I think I was really struggling to keep it going somehow. It was great when I was doing the daily blog, and when I just missed it, it just started to slip away. There’s many things I’ve learnt about this process of writing every day, or making content every day, and this is something that I really struggle with.

    I struggle to publish. Seth Godin had a few episodes on his podcast where he explains the need to publish, instead of just creating. I understand the purpose of that, but sometimes, that effort to place my artwork, or my thoughts and to press that button, it’s just not the same. There’s a million factors coming in, as I flip and flop between pressing that publish button or not to. Questions of what it means to me, and how I think about myself, and how I want to be perceived. Questions of quality and whether I’m happy with the work that I’ve produced. These weigh on me constantly, and sometimes the daily work just isn’t enough to keep it going, especially when I’ve taken a short break to reflect. That’s one reason why I’ve not published my artwork up for a long time.

    I do want to restart daily blogging here. But I think I need to give myself more realistic limits, so that those questions that assail me would not tear down the content upon scrutiny. Either that, or the format in itself would match a range of things that I am happy with.

    More thoughts on this soon, and perhaps this first week of daily blogging will be my process thoughts on how I will assess this daily blogging format.


    Personal creative struggle aside, I am thankful for all that this year has given. Being able to write here has been a welcome blessing. If you’ve been a constant visitor here, I hope this gives you a glimpse into the layers of my thoughts as I process many things in a day.

    I wish you all a blessed new year, because I hope the year will bless you abundantly in your needs and wants. I know that my needs and wants will be blessed for sure. May you have that same certainty as me.

  • New Routines

    Making a new routine is legit tough work. The night before, I wrote out this really long line by line time table of the things I needed to go through, and man, it really was quite detailed. But I think after the first part of the day, I couldn’t really keep to it. I’ll do a debrief for myself later, and hopefully tomorrow I can do a nice work time table again.

    As much as I really like to make the new routines and timetables, I really feel like I need a larger sense of freedom in the first place. I stand by what Jocko Willink preaches: Discipline Equals Freedom. That space that I can hold tight for each purpose gives me a larger sense of freedom that I can’t find if nothing is defined. It’s not cool when I can’t do something when I want to, because there’s no time limitations on it. If I put time limitations on, at least that way I know that I can dedicate 100% of my efforts for that time specifically.

    In any case, one day of routine at a time. And as a daily blog will be good for me.

  • Keyboard Post: Marshmallow Switches

    Straight up one of my favourite switches I’ve ever bought, and one of my favourite switches that I can go to at almost any day and find myself really happy with whatever I’m typing with. It’s a switch that gets a great sound from it, and paired with any board, no matter how stiff or bouncy, I get really giddy with joy typing with it.

    Produced by ThicThock, the Marshmallow switch is exactly what it’s name suggests, its supposed to feel like you’re typing on marshmallows. That means that it’s kinda soft as you press down, but yet some what of a cushioning appears. This comes simply from the Progressive springs that ThicThock produces themselves.

    Their spring title is equally impressive, the Magically Progressive 68G springs. The 68G stands for 68grams of weight that is needed to bottom out the spring – bottom out meaning to completely compress the spring down. Usually there are two numbers, the actuation weight – the weight in which the mechanical switch leaf makes contact and actuates a keystroke or keypress; and the other number, which is the bottom out weight.

    Most of the time, these weights mean nothing until you start experimenting. If you notice that you accidentally press letters too much, it means that you probably are having switches that are too light for your preference. If you type in a way that you get tired of quite fast, then your switches might be too heavy for you. These things will only be known after testing, or trying out a range of boards.

    In any case, the Marshmallows are slightly on the heavy half of spring weights. The middle ground stands at about 62-64G of weight, and there are a number of switches within this weight range.

    There are other kinds of switches that one could experiment with, and these switches fall into the range called Linears, meaning it goes straight down without a tactile bump. Tactile bumps within a keypress give you a Tactile Switch, which means you are usually feeling the actuation close by. The last one is a clicky switch, meaning there is a mechanism that gives an immediate feedback when a switch is activated. This comes in two main parts: click jackets, or click bars.

    These are all Cherry MX Style switches of course, and maybe tomorrow or on another day when I’m rushing for a post, I’ll write about this in greater detail.


    Anyway, I typed this whole post on my Marshmallow switches. And they will probably stay in this board for a much longer time that they had before.

  • Denim

    I’ve been in a seriously hardcore denim phase for the past few weeks. I think it started from the denim jacket that came during my birthday, and since then I’ve been wearing my raws like almost every day. Its pretty intense.

    Here’s a quick breakdown of what I have, and what I am enjoying.

    1. Momotaro 10th Anniversary Edition 0205SP

    I had bought this pair in 2016, and Momotaro was a brand that just looked so badass. They have their “Going to Battle” stripes that are so bold and just really look so cool. At the same time, I know that anything silkscreened on the butt pockets will definitely fade uniquely. So I put my money down on that pair, and was broke for a bit. Met Clarice soon after and didn’t buy another pair of raws until our honeymoon.

    I washed them for the first time in Tasmania about a year later, and then I washed them 2-3 more times. I think twice in Bukit Batok, but once in Jalan Minyak, where I’m staying at now. (4 Washes in 5 years)

    These are Slim Straight Jeans, and I got them in 32in. They took some time to wear in, and they were really pretty thick for someone who never wore raws before.

    2. Momotaro 0201TN

    I got this pair on my honeymoon in Kyoto, at the Momotaro Kyoto Store. I was actually wearing the 10th Anniversary pair there, to which the store salesperson said that I should wear them out a lot more. I told him I was wearing the Jeans once a week, on Sundays. He said, more more.

    Anyway, I got myself a very similar looking pair, and I washed them once so far. I wore them to school a bunch of times, but currently I’m wearing them every other day or daily during this time. (1 Wash in 2 Years)

    These are also Slim Straight, but I think the leg opening tapers a bit more. They’re pretty fun to wear on an every day basis, as they’re not as baggy looking as the Anniversary pair. I also cuffed them higher, so they’re showing off my ankles a bit.


    I actually also have a bunch of Uniqlo’s that are dark washes, but only one that is definitely a raw or just one wash. But for the sake of keeping things sane, I’m not putting that one here.


    3. Momotaro Type 2 GTB Jacket

    This is the most recent one, that I keep wearing all the time now. It’s awesome, I love it. No washes, it’s just being worn as much as possible, as often as I can. I’m actually keeping a tally of the wears I’m getting in, so hopefully I can track these things as objectively as possible.

  • One Day

    Maybe one day, there will be no such thing as hunger on the earth.

    Maybe one day, where there is only great keyboards to use.

    One day, the weather would be great, cooling enough and yet not too hot.

    One day, and donuts won’t add to your calories.

    Maybe someday, but not today.


    Days like today, I just feel so rotten and upset with the world. It’s not like anyone did anything bad to me, but just reflecting on the worst situations that people are placed in. Humans being really mean to other humans, or animals. Just utter mistreatment, and just not good things done well.

    Then there are other days when the world decides to poop on you, and just everything goes wrong. Coffee spills on you, you stain your raw denim, your keycaps fly off and you can’t seem to find them again. Maybe your shoes are slightly damp because you left them out in the rain a bit.

    And then you just hope for a better day some day. Like me right now. Just hoping things would be better tomorrow.

    All things considered, I’m getting to blog in a very nice cool day, and it’s been a day of great denim wear, and I got to talk to my friends. I think it’s a great day actually. But what a hard day to start with today. I’m glad it’s over.

    I hope tomorrow goes well. Praying to God that it does.

  • Aims and Purposes

    Whenever I have a meeting, or start a discussion of some sort, there’s always that question of what the point of the meeting is. Or maybe what do we hope to get out of it, after the meeting. After some time, one of the most ironic things that I’ve realised, is that the meetings with an aim that is too clear usually has someone directing the meeting specifically. On a rare occasion does that meeting leader actually utilise the meeting for it’s proper purpose: to meet with others.

    It doesn’t mean that meetings are useless, but sometimes the over directed aim becomes over bearing. A meeting would be one where everyone gives their views and contributes to that sense of where the group is planning to go towards. But a Briefing, on the other hand, is one that is planned already, and everyone is briefed on what to do instead.

    I think for the sake of my sanity, and for a lot of others, we should call more meetings briefings. Especially when the leaders of the meetings have already planned everything. If not, sometimes I really come into a meeting with ideas, and plans, only to be told that the plans were already decided.

    I wonder why I’m explaining meetings on my blog, but I guess it’s something that I’m constantly going through. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write a nice book about how to handle yourself through meetings. It would most probably include how to have multiple tabs on for shopping websites. Buying things during meetings means that when the meeting ends, you have a present for yourself for sitting through the meeting. What a good reward. Sitting still for the past three hours truly deserves some level of reward.


    In a side note, and specific to today: I have a couple of Work With Me videos on my YouTube now. So if you wanna try working with a nice keyboard typing nearby you, hit up my YouTube.


    Also, this might be one of my most boring posts ever. Talking about meetings, what a bore.

  • Personal Pressure

    Talk about worse things in the world to happen. Just as I was starting to write this post, I spilled all my freshly made ice coffee all over me. If there’s any clearer a sign for being under personal pressure, I think it would have a director yelling “Action!”, as the coffee was about to spill.

    Why does this exist though? Why does personal pressure exist, even though we could be absolutely lazy if we chose to be? I think that in itself becomes a conundrum of sorts. Why would we be pressuring ourselves if we don’t actually want to do things at all?

    And I think that’s really where we have a disjoint between what we like to do, versus what we actually do. That makes everything very troublesome, and honestly, there are a lot of improvements we could make on our own selves. If we make this a smooth flow, what we want to do, and we do what we want to do, then we actually would enjoy ourselves a lot more. I feel that the pressure we feel is when we want to do something, but we don’t actually do it. That makes us uncomfortable, and we end up feeling really pressured by ourselves.

    I think that if I do the things that I want to do, and actually get it done, the pressure really lifts off. And as my coffee as told me today, there’s a lot more that I wish I could be doing that I’m not doing. That’s some real pressure build up.


    Learning point: I really need to get things done today.

  • Coffee on Hot Days

    Why do I do these things to myself? I just wrote a (fake) 10 things to do to survive hot Singapore, and yet the next morning when I wake up I make a hot cup of coffee. The amount of sweat that I keep giving out is intense, and I really just can’t deal with this.

    There’s also this thought that having a warm drink on a warm day will make the hot weather feel cooler. But honestly, it really doesn’t. I feel myself getting sweaty, just pouring out sweat from all my pores. I just keep showering most of the time, and it’s making me feel too damp most of the time.


    Quick review of Blue Bottle Bold Coffee beans: I rate it 3/5 Coffee beans. It’s strong especially on pour over, that I normally do it on. It reminds me of the Starbucks and Coffee bean brewed coffee kinda flavours. It’s not horrible, but its not great either. Meh. Maybe it’ll taste better on Aeropress. Better and more detailed review soon.


    Is it because the familiar taste of hot coffee overpowers the heat sensors within the body? Or maybe it’s because the idea of routine and what makes up the routine is more important the actual heat that I face through the process of the routine.

    It also asks the question of the routine: was the routine meant for the person, or the person for the routine? I think it’s a big question that demands a flexible change for when you need to do something. At some point, the decision of why you had planned something in the first place might have changed. So a new routine needs to be made, to match the current time’s needs.

    One of the key things that I’ll need to adjust for in my routines is to deal with the current heat wave, and I think having time to cool down daily is a good thing to plan for. I’m trying to figure out a cool drink or a cooling posture to have. Maybe sitting down in front of somewhere, or just in a cooling place in the home.

    I’ll update back about this soon, I hope, if I don’t forget.

  • Top 10 Tips on How to Survive Hot Weather in Singapore

    1. Decide if you want to deal with it or not. (You could just complain about it and not do anything, that’s a real thing)

    2. Constantly refresh weather forecast apps, in hope of “rain”. Hope is extremely refreshing

    3. Stay in the shade as much as you can. Even the shadow of a traffic light counts as shade. (Again, another real thing)

    4. Stay under Air conditioning, by any means necessary.

    5. Queue in line for half an hour, for Mr Coconut Milkshake. It is worth the wait, despite the sunburn you get while queuing.

    6. Find some hot drama online, to make the actual heat seem cooling. What is 39 degrees celsius weather, when major local YouTube channels deal with whistleblowing? What is the point of worrying about sweat?

    7. Thank Indonesia for the good weather, at least there’s no haze.

    8. Convince the local governments that rain seeding is necessary during this time.

    9. Wear as little clothing as possible, meaning stay in active wear all day long, no matter where you’re going. It is Lululemon after all, and you want people to know you got it 😉

    10. Turn off your phone or computer that you’re reading or watching this on. It honestly creates some heat when it’s on. Stop it now.

    SATIRE THIS IS A JOKE

  • Thresholds & Credibility

    These are the two learning points today. What are the limits and thresholds to what I am willing to go through as a human being, and the other is the credibility of myself as a human being.

    On Thresholds

    After at certain point of going through some sort of difficult encounter, I need to ask myself, was it worth all this effort? If it was, then I find myself broadening my limits. If I find that it was not worth my effort, then I actually pull back my limits. I stop myself from going any where close to that previous line, because I found it so repelling (if I did).

    That being said, I’m thinking of these thresholds because I’m honestly so sick and tired of the heat in Singapore. And I’m hitting another level of heat tolerances, because of that. It’s not by choice, but in a sense, I’m choosing to stay in Singapore. But because I have no immediate choice to change things now, I’m planning for things in the future. I’m remembering how hot I am feeling and I really want to get aircon for my entire house later.

    That’s horrible because it plays against the environment and stuff, but honestly, I don’t know how to will myself to do anything when the weather is so hot. Maybe that’s why in South East Asia, there’s actually no need to do work and we can just chill and enjoy the great scenery that we have without worrying about freezing to death. It’s a great reason.

    On Credibility

    Who am I to say what I am saying? Do I need to prove myself in order to be heard or understood as a person? The actual answer that a lot of the philosophical world was moving towards was no: you don’t need to have experience to prove yourself. You just need to come to your logical reasoning and understanding.

    That being said, the current postmodern world has reverted. And instead, we are usually share our points of view based on really relative personal experiences.

    While that is not good, it’s also not entirely incorrect.

    But I’m who I am saying what I am saying, because I have read, understood, thought through, and experienced the things that I am talking about.

    In any case, I am not the horse back riding teacher who has never ridden the horse. I have ridden the horse, though not literally.

    More thoughts tomorrow, I’m honestly really full and sleepy right now.

  • Off Day Post Day

    Still writing without my pinky. Honestly it’s really not that easy, because I do use my left pinky to hit a lot of the letters. I’m trying to make up for it by using my right pinky to type more instead.

    Today is a pretty good day to try different things. Clarice and I have travelled to a particular Starbucks that we’ve always gone past but never really entered. We’ve seen in from the bus passing by, or just after a day out, we would chance upon it and say, hey we should really try this Starbucks out.

    There’s something fun about going out to try something new, and at the same time, there’s something very comforting about staying at home to rest and laze in bed. Sometimes I feel like I wish both could happen at the same time, and that’s when a staycation happens. This is unique to this time of the world of course.

    Maybe sometime soon I’ll post something from the corner of Paris. Maybe Italy. But most probably not, because I’d much rather go to a few other countries before I go towards Europe again.

    Off days are for things like this, to muse randomly on plans that would most probably not happen that quickly.

  • The Littlest One

    I had no idea how much I really needed my pinky for, until yesterday and today, when I’ve sliced it. Strangely enough, I was watching a video from Reddit, where a guy makes a whole new hand for himself, after the insurance companies deemed that it was not essential for him to have fingers. Anyway, he made a whole hand, and today, I feel like I need that again. I would like to have my pinky back please.

    • The bandages do come off tomorrow, but for the sake of keeping things safe, I honestly feel like leaving them on for another day. Knowing me, I’ll probably hurt myself somehow somewhere. Or bump into my pinky in some way.

    That’s also where my mind is at right now. How do I consider the “weakest part” of my hands? Am I aware of what is affecting it, and do I do anything to help it get better in anyway?

    In that same sense, where in the current scheme of the world, we care a lot for the under privileged, and we want to help the poor. But while we are doing all this, it feels like there are other parts of society that are breaking down in a big way. There are other things that have taken priority, and it feels like we should really take some time to rethink how we are doing what we are doing. We’re not really caring for the smallest, littlest guys around.

    Which also means we need to take a reassessment of what the smallest and weakest things are right now.

    Maybe that should be a zine that I should write about sometime soon.

  • Fear of Blood

    I found out today that I have a fear of blood.

    This is not something that I knew about before. Strangely enough, I sense fear when I see bullets or needles. But never before for blood, or at least not to my knowledge.

    So what happened today was that I had sliced my finger at home, on a rusty broom that broke apart while I was using it. Then I placed a lot of pressure on it to stop it from bleeding, wrapped it up and went to the doctors to get it sorted out. At the docs, the doctor needed to unwrap the dressing I did, and clean the wound. As I watched him do this, I started to feel faint, and it took me a good moment or two before I said, I’m blacking out. The world was spinning, it was hard for me to breathe, I couldn’t hear things, and my hands were unable to move. They were clenched, frozen. I couldn’t see anymore, and it was just so bad.

    I heard the doctor asking me questions, and I thought I was answering them, but I realised that he wasn’t talking to me later. There were so many things that were just fading in and out, I couldn’t hear, there was no sense of time. It was so crazy.

    Anyway, so I have no emotional registered sense of fear. But my body rejects it, or even my mind I guess. I’m still feeling mad queasy, and it’s been a good two to three hours since that. Not cool, but at the same time, I think that it’s really good to learn this about myself.

    I’ll share more stories of my blood fears later, especially in reflecting of this fear with the past experiences passing out. lol.

  • False Sense of Urgency

    Sometimes there’s this weird lie I tell myself: “You are very busy this week.” I’m actually not really that busy, but with a weird scale of things to do, it does feel that way. By weird scale of things to do, I mean tasks that are not clearly time defined, and might spill over into different time periods that were not allocated. So it actually feels busier than it is supposed to.

    That being said, it’s not as if I’m unable to do things fast enough. My competency is not in question. I am able to finish things, and am able to make firm quick decisions on others. But without the proper calendaring, it really feels as if everything will spill over.

    Thus, the false sense of urgency appears. I rush to sit at my desk, and get very thrown around with multiple random tasks. I could have inched my way closer to passing my major tasks, but I get distracted, thinking the more urgent, but less critical ones are the ones that I need to clear.

    It’s a false sense of urgency also because many of the things are actually not as urgent as my mind makes them out to be. I just tell myself that these are important, and it’s a great thing to clear before I hit my major tasks. It feels as if I am more productive, but on hindsight, my major tasks aren’t cleared, and I still feel as if there’s a lot to do.

    These mental hurdles are really annoying, and honestly could be solved with a good planning session every morning, to get myself going for the day. But sometimes, like the past few weeks, it’s just been hard to get started. It’s something I want to get back to doing again, but man, it really is hard to get started.

    I will start the planning now, as soon as this post goes up, and hopefully tomorrow will be a little more on track than today, and the days before.

  • A little earlier!

    I have some time literally set aside right now, to get things sorted out a bit. It’s great, that I can write, and that I have a good half hour or so, just to start things going. But it doesn’t really mean that I can type endlessly for a straight half hour.

    I usually take a 5-10 minutes to write these things out. I don’t really spend too much time writing, because I could write for too long. Also I end up writing for a few too many topics at one time. That makes it really hard to understand what I’m trying to say. At least with this, you have some space to try and make sense of things for yourself, as you read these different posts. It’s the overcooked food idea, when the work gets over done, and it just becomes a whole bunch of misunderstood nonsense. That really makes things hard to understand.

    But this idea that spending 10 minutes a day is difficult is actually something that works as a warning sign of sorts. It’s 10 minutes. Some YouTube videos are a good 20 minutes, and its just someone downloading their information to us. In 10 minutes, I am forced to think aloud, I would need to process information, and think through different things to make sense of it. 10 minutes is also time that could be spent having a good conversation, or sending a note to loved ones.

    I always end up thinking how important time is for me, and this is really one of the key things that I hold true for myself as long as I can. Which also means I get quite frustrated when I don’t spend my 10 minutes wisely. It’s time I can’t get back. Of course, I shouldn’t waste even more time being upset about wasting 10 minutes. The irony of that action would lead to even more time wasted. Instead, I am now making it a productive point by writing about the pointlessness of it. It’s supposed to be a big brain move, and I actually think it’s quite funny.


    In any case, this is my earlier post. I hope I get back to writing these in the morning. I do enjoy them being earlier, because I do get a better sense of the day after that. Also it’s a lot more relaxing, instead of rushing around for last minute requests.

    Have a good weekend!

  • ALMOST

    missed today.

    I had carried out this huge back of things again, but unfortunately, I actually did not have time to type much today.

    It was a super hot day, and the heat made my head hurt.

    Topping it off with little sleep last night.

    Good night, World. A longer post awaits you tomorrow.

  • 4

    There are too many times when I take out a huge bag of stuff, thinking that I would use all of it. I’ve got an iPad, one keyboard, two diaries, a denim jacket, two types of earphones, my pencil cases, a sketchbook. You’d think I’ll be out for the day, but I’ve just got two hours on my own.

    The worst part of this was my frustration at a place to sit down and write at. I really wanted my peace and quiet, but literally everyone is filled with people who don’t understand personal space. Either that or they don’t know how to queue in line at food queues.

    But really, should I allow someone who doesn’t understand how to queue to upset me? There’s really no need to waste emotion or energy on someone who cannot read the the floor instructions, or to pay attention to instructions. Literally arrows and lines on the floor, but unable to see or understand it. I mean, should I really waste my physical breath on people like that.

    That being said, I don’t read the word “Pull” on doors often enough.


    Musical Interlude: 4 – Aphex Twin


    I enjoy the Stoic approach, of not wasting time and breath on people who don’t deserve it. But at the same time, when you’re in the middle of it, it’s really hard to pull back, and to remember not to allow yours emotions to fly. I do prefer the Christian point of view, where you understand your emotion, and try to work around it. Like understand that there’s nothing to really worry about, or to be pressured about.

    It’s really easy to say these things by the way, but it’s really hard to live that way. I enjoy the idealism behind Christianity, that’s definitely why I’ve stuck with it for so long. But sometimes, it’s really tragic when other Christians don’t feel the same way. Then they take very practical shortcuts to take away the idealism of Christianity. That really sucks, and that annoys me a ton.

    I just wished that we all lived according to what we say we would live by. I really don’t like the half way truths of things. It does not work out for anyone, and especially not for me.

  • Time adjustments

    I’ve been writing these in the afternoon or evenings, and it feels a bit weird. I do prefer writing these blog posts in the mornings, it really feels good to have some thoughts like these out nicely in the morning. It also feels better to know that I’ve cleared some daily to-do’s that I personally want to cover. It’s really not fun when the whole day is just things for other people.

    Today’s been a pretty good day so far, I had skate time in the morning, and a great catch up brunch. Then I came back and basically cooked until two, finished up some work, and then finished watching Hell’s Kitchen Season 20. I love days like this, where I can get things done, and still have time to chill a bit.

    Adjusting time for myself, and time to do things for other people is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to balance. I think that one of the key things that I struggle with the most is how much time I should allow for myself. I’m not good with gauging that, or at least thinking that I should give myself the excuse to not be on 100% all the time. It’s not the best way to think, but I don’t know why we would say we are 100% committed to something, if we were not going to spend our 100% of time on something. It’s taking the phrase literally, but what other way could I place it? If I agree with something, I really mean that I do.

    But now, growing up more and more, I find out that I need to really set some time to breath. I had no idea how important that is, and I realized that I used to have really bad crash periods. I thought I had understood myself well enough, and catered enough time, but in the past year, I really see that I need more breaks than these. It’s not right, and it’s not beneficial in the long run for my mental health and my long term well being. It’s just not being nice to the future me.

    In any case, I’ve had 4 coffees already today, but I honestly feel like I could use another 2, more because I really like the taste of coffee right now. But we’ll see how this evening goes, I still have a dinner to host!

  • Success

    I think if I define my blog into different areas, and start to build specifically on some topics, it’ll become one of those really typical self help blogs that I honestly don’t always agree with. But I can’t help myself, I really do think about these topics, and they do mean a lot to me. Especially today.

    One of my buddies growing up just won the world’s best restaurant. I’m honestly happy for him inside, but at the same time, parts of me are just wondering why I’m not there with him in some way. Why I’m not there with him at the top of the world. That’s something I really struggle with internally. Why is it that some of my friends, or peers of my age group are able to hit the top? And instead, I’m a few far steps behind.

    It spirals into a blame game of sorts as well; why didn’t this teacher or that give us an opportunity to do better? Why didn’t my parents let me go overseas? The list really grows. The worst part of this is the lack of effort on my part to actually take ownership of the current state of events, and to blame everyone else for what is happening now. The pure nurture argument can really say that everyone else is the reason why you’re not standing there at the top.

    But in the same way, if it flips and you are at the top, the success you hold isn’t your own, and its everyone’s effort that led you there. And that’s something that people don’t want to accept as well. I don’t know if I accept it for sure, because I think I had to go against the odds. Or at least that would be the story I tell myself.

    So it’s not about how everyone else helped, or didn’t help you get there. It’s about the game that we’re all playing. Unfortunately, “the world’s best” is something that we all get fooled into. Even the word “best” or “top” is something of a lie. How long does that stay on top for? Is there a need for it to be that way? I struggle with these terms.

    I definitely think that the people we are with will make us think this way. The teams that I am working with now are struggling with these terms in their own way, and they are finding their path on what success is determined by. But then again, this adds that people are to blame. So there’s definitely a thought process to why this happens the way it does. I think people contribute to how much I can grow, but I can’t blame people for my lack of efforts to try harder and to get past the groups that don’t help.

    At the same time, I am quite willing to not play in the same game that everyone is playing with. Changing the game from the top or the best, to something that either I can win at, or that has no winning in the first place. I just want to enjoy the moment, without a sense of win or lose. That’s really the key to what I’m trying to think.


    But for my friend, who’s now at the top, I wish you all the best. I really knew you could do it, all the way when we were fourteen. I wish I was around your life more, and I am happy for you. I hope you keep being the top, and that you keep changing the world with the food you make.

  • A Short Story about Mosquitos

    A small mosquito flew around the room. It sensed the heat of a human being, and flew around, and landed on the person. Phew, the person didn’t feel the needle piercing through his skin. The mosquito got a bit of a blood snack, and with a slightly bloated belly, flew towards a ledge within the room. As it was landing, it felt the close shave of the human’s hand swiping by it. Literally, the swipe took out one of it legs. Good thing the mosquito had another five more legs to land with. The flight was a little wobbly, readjusting from the loss of a leg and… CLAP. There was no more mosquito, but just a splat of blood.


    I’m getting bitten by mosquitos way too often at home now.

  • Today’s almost done…

    And I almost didn’t post! It’s been a whirlwind of a day today. I really feel it.


    I’m writing in bed, because I decided to bring the iPad in bed, and just writing away on the HHKB because I miss typing on this thing. Every now and then I forget where my fingers are supposed to go to when I’m typing, and my right thumb gets really sore. Apparently you’re supposed to press your space bar with your left hand rather than your right. And also Y is pressed with the right hand, not the left. Just some side notes about typing techniques.


    Long days like this can really mess up routines sometimes. Especially month long routines like writing in the morning. I did well most of the month plus, and today is just later a bit. But it’s a close shave. I really feel the edge of the day coming close.

    I guess that’s my learning point for you to know today. When you come close to almost losing a daily streak in blogging, you just gotta write something nonsensical to close the day. At least something’s up right?

    I don’t know. Honestly, I’m just happy to type right now. That’s good enough for me.

  • Old Stuff Part 2

    Talking about things that age well, keyboards fall into this range too. Most keyboards get smoother over time, as you use them more and more. But some others, like the one I am typing on right now, is just really old, and some of the keys don’t register the same as the others.

    Like the Letter “O“ in this case, needs a bit of a hard press, if not a very specific angle that it takes the action of pressing a bit better. That being said, the keyboard is from 1999, and the fact that it even works is a pretty rad thing.


    But therein lies the irony of these hobbies that I like. Things that age well, but I buy brand new. There’s a part of me that really likes to make a mark for myself, to own it. I think there’s a part like that for everyone, but some feel it a lot more than others.

    I remember growing up, and how a lot of my stuff would have a sticker of mine. Not that I would label every single thing, I’ve seen friends who did that. But I would still mark it out in my own way. I think it was mark making, and that became in some ways how I viewed graphic design and the arts.

    But that’s also still consumption, when I buy something new that ages well. The fact that it ages well doesn’t change the point that I still needed to buy it. It might be actually worse, cause it can’t be simply discarded.

    At the end of the day, I just need to really watch my purchases, and to be happy with what I have. Why shouldn’t I, especially when everything that I’ve gotten so far are really special things that make me really excited and happy to see?

  • Intentionally Old

    A lot of the hobbies I have are hobbies that get better with age. The items might be new, but a lot of them would work better when worn in, when weathered out and tested over time and time.

    One of these things is the somewhat silly addiction to Raw Denim. I really enjoy raw denim, and recently, I received a very nice raw denim jacket on my birthday. While this was really fun to get, the fresh denim is really something else to deal with again. At the start, it’s super stiff, due to a range of reasons. It takes a good month or two of consistent daily wear to really break in jeans. Speaking from experience, I have two pairs of raw jeans from Momotaro, the same brand of my jacket — and one of them is worn in by 5 years, and the other by 2. These two jeans are on top of the other jeans that I already have, and the other pants that I have as well. So these all take ages to wear in, and I feel like it’s taking forever to get the cool fades that raw denim provides.

    I actually track how much time I put into my jacket wearing. My neediness on data and all has grown over the years, and I’ve learnt different skills on how to track things like this. I used to track my coffee cups per day as well, but I think it’s just a bit too much…

    There was another guy who had gotten a denim jacket the same day that I had, but he was aiming to wear 32 hours of denim wear per week. This might sound easy, like just wearing it for a whole day and a half, but actually getting it on and keeping it on is difficult. Especially with the heat in Singapore, it really makes it tough.

    Anyway, I think I got in about 2 hours with it today, and looking forward to hitting 3 haha. Wish me luck.

  • A Grocery Bag with Wheels

    It sounds like a great idea. There’s thermal insulation, and theres a drawstring at the top, and then with all of that, you still have wheels that helps to roll up step by step. But the biggest question is where are you going to keep it? Or how? It’s big, and it doesn’t fold up, and its just a mess.

    Every few months, I’ll rearrange the house, and we’ll try to find ways to keep it. But its just such a hard thing to hide away. And there’s no other use for it than for grocery carrying.

    Note to self (and Clarice): Never buy grocery bag with wheels ever again.

  • Waves of Life

    There’s times when I’m really quite disciplined to get things done consistently through the day or week. And there are times when I just don’t feel like doing anything for another range of time. I think I mask this quite well by being competent at most things, but otherwise, it’s actually really quite a bummer.

    I wish that I was able to keep on at things all the time. The inner Jocko Willink in me says “Just do, don’t think.“ That works out, sometimes. Actually it works out a lot more often than I would like to admit. It’s just a pain to be an asshole to yourself, as you do the work that you need to do, day after day. There are definitely times when you want to just take a break and call it a day. Or just to have an off day. Jocko’s premise is that the enemy might always strike, but honestly I don’t have an enemy that I need to strike at this time.

    Another part of me lies with the Artist’s and their impulsive driven creativity. I don’t necessarily agree with this, but I agree with the expressions in the Artist Way. Julia Cameron says “Don’t be too hard on yourself, and just accept all the work you produce.“ That works out for me, but there are days when I really don’t like the work that I do either. I just don’t want to do work, I just want to lie down and look at the world passing me by

    I guess it would be wise to observe that a part of me now really enjoys that. I have learnt from Clarice some of the arts of lying down to just pause and not do anything. It is incredibly difficult for me, but I am trying to develop space for myself to just observe the world around me. It’s weird because there’s always the do, do, do. But there’s an aspect of doing that’s just to sit there and stop, and pause, and appreciate the moment.


    I’m thinking about painting again, but I’m honestly scared. Scared that I can’t make sense of my drawings, or that the liberal part of me would accept any nonsense I produce. In that fear, I run to keyboards again, I run to YouTube and Netflix and Disneyplus. I just haven’t dared to paint. But I know I need to, I just need to get it done.

    I’ll aim to do it this weekend, but God help me. I really need some deep internal motivation, that really hasn’t been around for the longest time.

  • Which comes first? The Chicken, or the Egg?

    Or in my case, does the keycaps come first, or is it the keyboard?

    I’m legit stuck on which keycaps I should get, and honestly I wish there were other ways around it. I don’t want to get any more keyboards because I’ve already got a ton. But some of the keycap options are just so much cheaper because of the keyboard that comes with it. It’s kinda annoying, and I wish there were other ways to work around these things, but unfortunately for this keyboard hobby, it’s really not that simple to work around.

    I have some time to decide, but its not like there’s a real rush for it in the first place. Only the thought that if I don’t get this sorted now, its going to cost a lot more in a few more months. Or weeks.

    At least I’m staying far away from getting in debt again. I’m keeping everything in the black, and it’s really working out quite well.

    Or maybe I should get my IPPT done again and get some money there. And get fit too.


    In any case, the egg came first, in my opinion. lol.

  • Blast from the Past

    If you didn’t realise by now, there’s actually tweaked paragraph spacing between the paragraphs in this site’s reading. It’s because I was going through it the other day, and I saw how close everything was and I really didn’t like it. It was too tight, and I know too much about typography to leave it be.

    Which brings me to my key point for today: It still surprises me how much I remember things from my youth. I had learnt how to do HTML coding when I was in primary school, and it kinda stuck with me through the years. It’s a skill that I never knew was going to be so important, but it helped me in my understanding of design programs, and learning logic flows.

    There are other things that I still do often now, that I had learnt from my younger days. Things like learning how to take things apart and put them together. I’m a lot stronger now, and I’ve also understood more things, so I’m definitely better than how I used to be, but there’s still a lot that I know I’m recalling from my youth.

    Because of these things, I’ll definitely encourage my children in the future to learn as much as they can growing up. They might not be great at it straightaway, but some of the basics can be improved on as they get older. Kids just need a chance to try something, and that can give them a shot in picking up things that will stick with them for life.

  • Be Myself

    How does one approach personal growth and understanding? One of the hardest things that any artist actually has to do is finding their own style and their own feel. The artists have to deal with this as part of their occupational stand, they have to express themselves in the most personal way possible. But it’s something that we all have to deal with actually.

    How do you know what is you, and what is not you? We’ve got different influences, but we have to navigate how much of the influence has become part of us.

    For example, I’m born in Singapore, but I’ve been influenced by the British Colonial powers that once were. So because of that I express the best with English. Does that mean that I’m English? Not necessarily. But it’s become part of who I am. And that’s ok, it’s fine.

    Hobbies add to this too, and currently with the keyboard things, I’m really part electrical engineer. I’m able to now see more electrical based things, like circuit boards, and the wiring and stuff like that. It doesn’t make me less of Joel, but I’m getting more level ups, and more skill equips.

    But was it part of me already? Like was I this way before this? I think that I might not have gotten a chance to experiment with it before, but my inquisitive nature was always there. Now I just dare to take more things apart, and put more things back together.

    So being myself would have led me down this path anyway. That’s an approach I currently take, “What else is part of who I am?” And I just keep adding on more to who I am instead.

  • Old T Shirt: Ctrl + Z

    Ctrl + Z from Threadless

    This one is one of the oldest T-Shirts I have that is still in good state. It was one of the first few that I had gotten in that whole Threadless era of T-shirts. There was a shop I used to visit at Far East Plaza that sold other Threadless Tees, but by the time I had gotten this one, there were shipping deals coming from the US at a cheaper rate. The quality on this is still pretty legit, it hasn’t torn through, or busted out any of holes. It’s just faded. There’s even pictures of me wearing this when I was 15 or 16 years old.

    These were one of the t-shirts I had gotten with my own money. That time of your age when you could save up and start choosing your own fashion entirely. It made me feel like I was really growing up, and I really wore my t-shirts with such pride. It stood for more than just the graphic, although this graphic was really quite a cool one.

    There were gigs watched in this, movies, dates, classes, everything. It fits me just snug now, I mean I did grow a bit bigger. But it’s really reminiscent of a time that I don’t think exists in the same way anymore. A time when people were meeting other people, and making new friends at different places. That was really a coming of age.

    Maybe I’ll write a book about that.

  • Keep trying

    I’ve been following this app called Stoic, because my daily disciplines have been out of sync. This probably sounds really weird, considering I write a post up every day. But this post is the only thing that I’ve really been doing consistently. Prior to this, I was on a Notion template, to try and get life sorted out properly, but it just got really confusing. I enjoyed it for some time, but then I just got busy, or I just didn’t have time to maintain the way that I had initially envisioned that I would.

    Anyway, the app has been going great, other than some writing prompts at times that I can’t really get a good handle on. Other than that, I’ll just keep trying to get a daily routine back again. It is Really quite tiring to keep on doing all this change, and hopefully the daily routine would get things back on track.

    Just gotta keep trying.

  • Another Hot Day

    There are days like today, where I just sit there and feel the heat pour over me. I just showered to get myself going, and to just feel a bit more fresh. But I just feel damp after. It just feels like the sun is covering me with a thick hot wet blanket, sucking away my energy.

    It doesn’t help that I thought today would turn out a bit more chill, so I had made a hot cup of coffee instead of going for one of the cold teas that I had prepped from before.

    Days like these are also days when I feel just fat, for some reason. I just feel as if I’m wearing a fat suit, and its just making me get even hotter. I feel frustrated with everyone and everything, and it just keeps on going. The heat, the irritation.

    It feels like today would be a good day for burger and fries, and a nice cold milkshake. A nice vanilla milkshake, with chocolate chips or something. I think I know what I’m having for lunch, and at least I can look forward to that.


    I’ve been watching a lot of Emma Chamberlain recently, just seeing what had made her so famous, and just understanding who she is as a person. She reminds me of Casey Neistat, and that era of vlogging. It’s actually one of the motivations for me to start writing here a lot more often, and a lot more personally. I don’t really want to appear on camera, and to have to do all the video editing after that, so I feel like this works out for me in a good way.

    I don’t need my site to “take off” or to “go big”; to be honest, I don’t need my YouTube to do that either. I just want to be me, and I can be that right now. I don’t have to try, I don’t have to push things aside, I’m just enjoying my own little existence on the interwebs, and I exist as myself, without sponsors, without an audience, just being me.

    I like this, and I hope whoever reads this will also appreciate who they are and be happy with their current state of life.

  • Day to Day

    I had really bad sleep again last night. I was rudely awakened by the clock in the hall falling down and basically breaking into a few parts. It crashed, and I jolted awake, and basically looked at the mess that laid outside. Then I decided to just leave it and go back to sleep.

    But going back to bed, my head just went through constant thoughts of past regrets, or just things that I haven’t thought about for the longest time. I thought through the times when I was 15 until 18, the amount of unnecessary stresses that I had placed myself through. Life could have been easier, but honestly, I just wanted to experience things in some of the worst ways possible.

    I remember one of the worst nights I had, I was sitting at one of my ex girlfriend’s houses, we had broken up already but I just sat outside her house and cried and cried and cried. It was one of those, 2AM situations, finding myself there, because I had cabbed there, hoping for things to work out again. But they messed up in the first place because of how I wasn’t really a good boyfriend, and I just wasn’t really a nice person at that time. I remembered calling one of my close friends at that time and just crying on the phone, trying to get myself out of there and back home. Those nights really sucked, because I really think I had pushed so many people away by then.

    Anyway, TLDR: last night, I revisited the other times when I was awake at 3AM, hoping to be asleep. I don’t like revisiting, because I don’t like who I was at that age.


    That’s also why I make extra effort to be nice now, or at least I hope to. I think every day matters, and while it was a bad past, I can make some amends for the future. It’s a hurdle to hop over, but that’s part of what’s needed to move on for tomorrow.

    I hate that sometimes though, I hate that hurdle. I wish there were other things in life to deal with, but I just have to deal with myself, and who I was.


    This is what I’m looking forward to now: (or at least things like this)

    Because, my home should be coming some time soon, and we really have to start planning how its gonna look like. My list of how the house looks is growing. At least something for me to really look forward to, along with my wife’s presence in the home with me. Clarice is a really lovely wife that I don’t deserve, super grateful for her. Super duper grateful.

  • Hot Day

    Sun shines bright on me

    No words, just light; no control

    Eternal summer.


    Nice to form a haiku every now and then, I wonder if these would be appreciated.

    In other news, my neighbours next door have gotten COVID. A little shocked and surprised to say the least. I keep checking to see if I’ve gotten any close contact alerts, but it seems to be alright for now. Personally I’ve been praying for the aunty who contracted it, and I hope she is ok.

    This is my jam for today, it’s got all the vibes that I’m feeling. Just oozy and goozy all over the place. There’s really some spell cast over us today, Clarice and I. I think it’s a mix of the sun, and it’s just a lazy day in the middle of the week. There’s work to do for sure yeah, but honestly, work from home allows lazy days like these to be appreciated.

    Either that or both of us have COVID and are experiences the side effects of tiredness. I hope its just a lazy day.

  • A Regular Disclaimer

    Just in case! I thought it would be good to put some general guidelines and disclaimers to what I write about here.

    All of these posts are my own. They’re my thoughts, they’re a blog I mean. I feel like sometimes we forget what a blog or what a vlog is. It’s not meant to be taken as fact, its just a rough idea, or a thought, or something about the passing day or time that we consider and decide to pen down. As much as it could be taken for reference later, it should be taken as creative reference. Meaning like referencing a Mona Lisa smile, or a Kafka-esque thought. More as an adjective rather than objective fact.

    That’s how I perceive these posts, and I hope that you might do the same too.

    Also, it’s super bright out right now, but there’s also a light drizzle. Crazy Singaporean weather. The drizzle and the sunlight makes the whole place light up, as if there’s smoke covering everything and its a bright smoke. Oh, no, wait. There IS smoke. A neighbour is burning a barrel drum of hell notes for their dead ancestors.

    Yup. That’s life today.

  • Bubble Boys

    I shall coin a new term, and I’m not going to research it right now. I thought just to put my idea out here straight away, and just to define what I think, and later I might read an article or two or three about what I’m talking about here.


    Bubble Boys

    Definition: Men, of different ages, but who experienced the Tech Bubble of the 90’s and early 00’s. Experienced either as a 1st hand participant: working for companies of the Tech bubble era, or as a 2nd hand observer: studying university and applying for jobs within that era.


    I find that the Bubble boys, much like every other group of people labelled by their era, find themselves in a weird struggle today. Against the millennials that have risen up in their companies, or against the current flow of Gen Z’s, the daily demands of what life should be looks entirely different.

    Success in itself is also lived differently. For example, I would think that the way a Bubble boy considers what a successful job would be one that allows the freedom to leave the job as and when, but at the same time, giving a great salary with great perks. Something like a win-win-win situation. I think of the Patrick Bateman of American Psycho and the Yuppie era. The Bubble boys are the same, hoping for these different perks. However, few are willing to leave the bubble and to venture into true jobless freedom. Many still hold fast to what they think they ought to keep to, to make their job appear legitimate to the previous generation stakeholders: the Baby Boomers.

    The Gen Z and Millennials (G&M), on the other hand, are so comfortable not doing anything, and truly willing to be fired for standing up for what they believe in. This creates risk for the Bubble boys, as they see their next generations floating away from them bit by bit.

    Thus arrives the flexible hours, and the extremely well stocked pantries and staff canteen in the major tech companies. Both Bubble boys and G&M’s like the same type of food, of course with the health nut and vegan options too. This becomes a point where the Bubble boys see as a possibility to have common ground, to share that life is indeed good, if you keep working for us.

    But after that, the mindsets approaching issues are so different. Where the Bubble boy saw success with tech taking over the world, revenge of the Nerds and the like, the G&M’s saw success as having an enclave, a small group to belong to. The size might not matter as much as the deep quality of the friendships, the relationships that came with it. Authenticity as the main trade value. This was very difficult for both sides to process, and other products of similar thought came along the way.

    I have a few more observations, but being a Millennial myself, I shall just end here because I have better things to do than to write more about the Bubble boys.

    Just a side note: there are no Bubble girls, because the Bubble boys didn’t know how to play proper with girls. lulz. Reference: Gamergate.

  • Old Tees: 99 Red Luftballoons

    Haruki Murakami did a long running column on Popeye Magazine, where he shared his stories behind his different t-shirts that he had. I thought I could do something similar, and maybe just to give myself a good time to say good bye to some of my things from my youth.


    99 Red Luftballoons – Bought from Threadless.com

    I had gotten this T-shirt when I was 16-17. Not my first Threadless T-shirt, but we’ll get to that one in due time. The graphic was based on the song, 99 Red Balloons by Nena. At that time, the song was also still in my head from the movie, The Wedding Singer. There was an opening portion introducing the character Julia (Drew Barrymore), and she was listening to that song on headphones.

    I remember wearing this t-shirt so many times at one point, and always remembering the song as I put it on. The song itself is a real ear worm, and it just stuck in my head. I had ordered this when I was already studying Graphic Design in Temasek Design School / Temasek Polytechnic. The song was really just a part of me that remembered my childhood watching the movie, and the bits of the song coming on. The movie itself came out when I was 9 or 10, and I remember watching it over and over again, because we had the VCD.

    Another memory of this was when my mother had painted a glass bottle, inspired by this red balloons. She would also try to count to see if the designer did place 99 red balloons on the t-shirt graphic. It’s quite hard to explain, but I think memories like that make it hard for me to give or throw this t-shirt out.

    Right now, Clarice wears this shirt more often than I do. Not that I don’t like it, but I guess it fits her vibe for a t-shirt to wear comfortably at home.

  • Old Habits…

    I always end up buying things, or I end up doing things in a certain way that I might not necessarily think is the most effective or efficient. That doesn’t mean that they’re bad, but the mind or the body reverts to something that they’re used to. I don’t think it’s always a fair statement to say that they’re bad habits, but I think that a lot of the time, its just how we make sense of the things that we do instead. Maybe, there’s just a simpler way to approach things, and perhaps that’s an ideal approach. Then we learn that approach but after some time, it fades, and we go back to what we’re familiar with.

    The idea of getting better really comes from a Christian place, in my opinion. We have this idea of the hope of Christ, and the new creation that we become through our faith. But at the same time, we deal with the inner man and how he used to think and how he used to be. There’s a sense of freedom of that for sure. And then the ideal to work ahead for the new person, for a better, more heavenly kingdom mindset.

    But this mindset might not necessarily be what the rest of society thinks or expects. Society in itself is unsure of what it ought to be many times, but currently, I would say that I would much rather assume the bible as truth, than to revert to my regular person, or towards what society deems as ideal. An ideal society would be the one that I read about, not my dreamy ideas of peace, or my humanly warped sense of justice.

    And yet, these are things that I revert to sometimes…

  • Things Money Can’t Buy

    It’s always a good reminder to have things in life that money can’t buy. Like family, friends, happiness or joy. Those are things worth having. Good memories, great dinners. Things that you couldn’t peg to a dollar value, and you can’t get immediately either. The dream or the movie family might sound unreal, but also kinda achievable if you’ve put in the effort right. It’s not really about replicating a movie scene, but more towards understanding your family and friends better. It’s not that everyone gets the best life experience from the start, but changes to try and get things right along the way help everyone as well.

    Those are things that are worth trying to get, and at the same time, those are almost impossible to get without the right effort. Can’t trade things for them, but so many times, it’s just something that we wish we could have more chances to have the older we get.

  • 1989

    It’s my birthday, and it’s been 32 years since.

    There’s many ways to think about it, but one of the things I’m really most thankful for today and this time is really how much I’ve been seeing myself grow in the past few years. It’s been extremely reflective this past two years, and I’ve been learning many things about myself, and the things and events that have made me who I am today.

    I’ve always thought of my current age as a comparison against all the other people who became famous at my current age. Like when I was in my twenties, I thought about how Taylor Swift was so famous and doing so many things. I thought about the Christian writer Joshua Harris and how he started out writing by then already. Of course, we wouldn’t necessarily say that life was so so much better for them, but I was still kinda envious.

    I still think that now, and it’s one of the things that motivate me to keep on at what I do. I still think that I wish I had that world wide level of fame. I don’t say it much, but it’s something I do consider.

    But in the past few years, I’ve understood a different kind of life set out for me. Maybe I might not be that famous person who has changed the world. I’ve seen that I’ve changed the lives of the people around me, in little bits, or in large parts. I’ve seen that I’m a friend, and that I’m not necessarily the star, but these aren’t bad parts at all. Maybe they’re actually the even bigger parts.

    I don’t have to wish for fame anymore, because just being me, I’m kinda famous already. My friends all know me, and that’s fame enough. Might sound like a compromise, but I am truly happy for all the friends that I’ve gotten to know over my 32 years. Some longer than others, but I am thankful for all of them. They are the best people in the world, that fame will never understand. My friends are so directly important and precious to me, that I will really miss their presence if it were taken away.

    So even though I still think about what world impact I could do and change, I still know that at the end of the day, I’ve already achieved that. I know that I have close friends that love and cherish me for all that I am. I am super thankful for that, and I’m glad I don’t have to think if they’re here for my money or my fame in itself, but they’re just here for me. That’s awesome.

    I’ll be here for them too. Or there for them. I’ll be with them. Because I know that all of it matters, and it’s been really an amazing journey with all of them.

    The most of all being Clarice, who has really changed me in the biggest ways. At 32, other than my parents, I don’t know anyone else more loving to me than she is.

    Maybe one day this will be a speech, but a speech for my friends, who have stood by me all this time. They’re the best, and I really wish I had more time to write these things, but I’m off to spend more time with my family, and friends too.

    What a life I’ve gotten to live. I am so thankful to God for carrying me through all this, and to all the friends He has given me. So so so so so thankful.

  • Learning Points

    I remembered reading once or twice from friends that they would chance upon the blog every now and then, and then I thought to myself, maybe there should be more intentional learning points.

    I didn’t really work on that, until yesterday, I thought about it again.

    So here’s a learning point:

    Never skip a step in a instructional manual

    I mean this is common sense, but a lot of people lack it.

    Most of the things we have bought or purchased, they’re not actually something we’re familiar with. Unless you’ve gotten it before. But even then, if you just assumed that you know how to use something without reading the manual, that’s a huge assumption.

    Someone on the development team would have sat down and wrote the step by step instructions, covering every need you’d require with that tool. There was a reason for it being written, and it would not hurt you in any way to read it.

    In fact, there are a lot of instructions around us most of the time, that tells you what to do and what not to do, and following that would result in optimal use.

    But a lot of the time, we don’t read it, and it just ends up spoiling, or not working so well. Then it breaks down and then we get another thing.

    So save us all some effort, and be appreciative of the guy who wrote the stuff down, and just read the manual, and don’t skip a step.

    If you think about it, the only things that don’t have a manual are usually idiot proof things. So you could be an idiot and be happy with that, or you could just read the manual and not be an idiot.

  • The Life I Choose to Live

    I’m in constant dilemma in my life. I’m really enjoy watching videos about single bag trips, or a guy living out of a bag for years, or about minimalism and being able to live with nothing or very little things.

    But at the same time, I really love having the things that I have, and I love the choices I have, for even things like keyboards and shoes and all that.

    I can never decide, and I guess I’ll enjoy the thought of the minimalism, but I’ll just live happy with the much that I have.

  • GooD SleeP

    The past week has been quite bad on my sleep for some reason. The weeks before I had pretty tough time trying to stay asleep; I would wake up to go pee in the middle of the night and just not be able to get back asleep. Now I can sleep pretty easy, but I just haven’t had good long quality sleep. It’s a mixture of late nights and early mornings that just play against each other. But last night’s sleep was great.

    The bad sleep just makes the whole day sore a bit. It feels like nothing goes right after that. Today I woke up feeling completely fine though, and I didn’t feel as if my head was going to spin over. The past few mornings were tough, but this morning is great. I think it also helps that it rained in, and I had a nice cool start to the day.


    I usually write these blog posts in the morning, and the next few days I’ll be staying at my parent’s place. It’ll be exciting especially because I have no idea how it’s gonna be like now, that I’m older. It’s been 2 years since I’ve gotten married and moved out. I think the next few days will be interesting, and I’ll have to find a new or nice spot to have these morning writings.

    (Also I’ll definitely miss this keyboard, but the other one that I’ll be typing on will be great too. lol.)

  • Sunday Funday / Simple Sunday

    Having a good meal on Sunday is something I really enjoy. I think I’ve had them growing up, and its become somewhat of a reminder of what Sundays are for me.

    When I was younger, it was Spaghetti’s at Tanglin Mall that really made the day for me. It was a family lunch, and I would have a Fettuccine Carbonara, and finish the extremely creamy meal with Tiramisu. This gave way for a quick visit to the toilet, because of my lactose intolerance, but it was so worth it.

    When I got older a bit more, it would be a meal with my church mates after Sunday School. We ate a heavily seasoned QQ noodle, most of the time adding extra noodles. It was a minced meat noodle with a lot of flavor.

    While serving my National Service, the Sunday meals would be based on the time I had out of camp. Most of the time, I would return to camp stuffed with a good meal, mostly meats then.

    Currently, with Clarice, we make things up as we go along. But today in specific, we had a really nice Bak Kut Teh meal at Song Fa. Clarice is Pescatarian, meaning the only meat she eats is fish. So she had a sliced fish meal, and I had the regular pork rib soup. Finished off with a nice aged Pu-Er Cha.

    A good meal to remind me that it’s sunday, and I can rest. For a bit.

  • Making this work

    So the past week I’ve had really long posts. It’s actually really fun to type because I’m typing on keyboards that I really like. But that’s not always the point. Or maybe it shouldn’t be. Like maybe I should be writing about something because it needs to make a strong point, or it needs to educate. Do I want the world to know that I only like typing because of the typing experiences on the keyboards I have?

    Maybe I do, and maybe that’s how I could be known. But I think the idea of how this will work is a bit more important.


    There is definitely some lethargy to get started some days. Like what is the title of what I should even call this? But there are days when I’m just flying through, and everything is rushing to get out of me.

    I try my best to manage this by being present, as I allow my brain to just write away. I try to just let my fingers enjoy the flow of the typing, and then for my ears to enjoy the sound of the typing. Then of course, there’s some flow state involved there, I think.

    I might want to try writing fiction, but honestly, I think that I need so much more effort for that, and I’m trying to keep this one low, and easy to hit, so that I can write everyday. The quality might suffer, but the quantity is so high.

    I guess I could try planning things out, and making it make sense properly. But once again, as I’ve said many times, I started this for me, and not for anyone else.


    So you know, I could just record how much I like typing on this keyboard, because I really do. I hate that I have to leave in a sec to get work done, because my work does not involve typing on this keyboard. Or at least not the work that I have to do today. I will come back and type for sure, after the work is done.

  • The Comfort of Strangers

    Yesterday I had two occasions where I saw myself comforting strangers in two extremely different circumstances.

    The Man

    A man boarded the train that I was on, and stood near the doors, leaning on the side. When he boarded, there was a whiff of alcohol that came in with him, and after some time, it was clear that he was intoxicated on some level. This is during the bright 2PM afternoon that we have. I have no issue with drinking midday, but I think being drunk midday is another issue on its own. In any case, a drunk man on the afternoon train.

    I was sitting in a row with no one next to me, because it was the afternoon train, no one was really out. So quite naturally, he moved slowly towards the seats next to me and decided to sit down.

    This would normally have been alright, actually it was totally fine. I’ve definitely been the drunk guy on many nights in the train and towards my friends, and its cool to try to be sober as you aim yourself to seat your butt on the seat. He sat next to me in this manner, and proceeded to watch or listen to his shows on YouTube.

    What happened after was slightly comical, he fell asleep a few times, dropping his phone into his bag. He was leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands holding, or not holding, his phone. This happened a few times, but what really was not comical, was that he started to drool.

    How I knew he was drooling was because he took off his mask, wiped his drool, and then sneezed or breathed real heavy a few times, splattering spit all over the MRT floor. At that point, I felt greatly disturbed. Like really grossed out. Like what the hell man. But it was a drunk dude, and we don’t know what happened and why he’s drunk in the middle of the day, maybe it was a bad day or something. So I tried my best to reserve judgement, and to let him be, and just sleep it off.

    But what continued on was that then he started to lean on me. To which I decided was a good time for me to indicate “okay, sure lean on me, but I will tap you because you are unmasked“ type of tap. I did this like three times, but I could not see his eyes actually registering that He even knew what was going on. This made me just really not want to sit there anymore. So that’s what I did, I stopped sitting there. I got up, got my bag, and walked out of the cabin at the next stop, and then I hopped into another cabin a few doors down.


    The Baby

    The baby is a little more complicated. I have met the baby before, once actually, about 5 months ago. The crazy part is that the baby’s face changed over time, and that made for a very interesting situation. I knew the baby but at the same time, I really didn’t. That was just not what exactly I had in mind when coming to meet the baby for this second time.

    So what happened was that I was really then given a chance to meet this baby anew. At the same time, the last time I saw the baby, he was just not in a time for me to hold him. He just cried away, and almost never stopped crying. That made for a very difficult first meet.

    But this time, the baby wasn’t crying. His mom (my friend) and me, walked together from a stop light, and made our way over to the house, and we sat down together to look at the baby and just talk with the baby.

    The baby lay flat on his tummy. This made for a very interesting looking scenario, and I decided that I will stroke the baby’s head, if that would be helpful. Honestly, I was thinking of my family’s dog that I just visited, and not that a baby is a dog in any case, just that my most recent form of care within that past few hours was my family’s dog. I just saw that coming together that way.

    I stroked the baby’s head, slowly and really just gently, as much as I could. He was pretty chill about it, and then started to rest his feet on my arms, he was curled up like a little prawn, with his feet coming near to his face. At that point also, he was just drooling all over his shirt, and he had a little bib on that he just continuously chewed on. He also chewed on his shirt buttons, and just yanked them around.

    I was resting my other hand on his tummy, to pat him, and his hands somehow caught a grasp of my hands. Then he pulled my hands towards his hands, and decided to start biting on my thumb. That was fine, I didn’t really mind that. But what was really strange was that he started to really chew on it. Like hard, with the back of his teeth. He went on like this for a good ten minutes, and then he decided to move on to my other fingers, one by one. I think he ate on my hand for a good half an hour or more.

    His mom had to go take a phone call at some point, and he was just with me alone. He decided to break out in tears completely and just freak out. I just held him, as he cried, and just felt his helplessness, and just resonated with it.

    Later, he needed to get distracted, as he was putting his tiny shirt on after his shower. I decided to try and give him my knuckle to chew on, and he grabbed it really quick, and just straight up chewed away.


    Both incidents were pretty gross, and kinda disturbing. But the baby’s one was okay. But the man’s one was not okay. I would think that at some point, we actually hope and think that our men would grow up and not be babies. But the truth of it really is that both are in need of comfort.

    If there was a hygienic way for me to have helped the man, I think I would really like to find out, and to just try. I would appreciate comfort like that any day, especially from the ones I love, but even from a stranger, that would be just fine.

  • The False Impression of Choice

    Sometimes, it really doesn’t make sense if we think about the idea of choice. Do we really have it? Do you really have a choice to make the decisions that you do make? Or more precisely, is there really a choice?

    For example, having options to choose between what foods to eat at a food court. You might not have every single choice in the world, in fact, you are limited by the food court and whatever they choose to provide for you. That in itself is a lack of choice, and we don’t really have a choice. We just have to eat whatever is provided.

    One of the biggest choice questions is one of naming. We are given our name, much like how we are given the body that we have. We have no choice in these things, and we are just dealing with what we have.

    I think the illusion of choice is what we have come to think that is enough for ourselves. More than that, maybe we assume this should be the norm for everything that we go through, when honestly maybe it really shouldn’t be the case. We have to realise at some point that we could pretend that we have choice, but what benefit would that bring?


    So what is the actual choice that we have, when we do exercise our choosing actions? We choose between presented options, and sometimes we try to have other options that might or not might exist just yet. Perhaps you would like to have sushi at said food court, that does not serve sushi. Maybe the immediate choice of having sushi is not present, but the possibility of a future choice of sushi is there, through appropriate feedback channels. But perhaps the sushi shop being present is impossible because of the lack of temperature controls within the food court stand. That then proves that choice is indeed not present, and it is just impossible.

    This is the same principle that goes for career choices and study, especially in Singapore. The basis for studying as hard as you can is to open up as many options as possible. The less academic ability you show, the less chances for you to receive a job or a career in your choice.

    But at the same time, one must understand one’s own preferences beyond the simple idea of opening up one’s options. For example, should a person realise that he or she enjoys building and construction, and not the planning of blueprints, the route to actual construction work might not require that much academic study. It would be useful to have spare information, but at the same time, does it help the construction work itself? Should a construction worker understand biology, or have an in depth knowledge on literary arts? It would be interesting for his life, but perhaps not for his career. At this point, the unnecessary illusion of choice creates more distractions, instead of focusing one’s choice and ability.

    While this might seem like a small example, it spreads further into other ideas that we might have. The international city is one that gives us a multitude of choices. But we are often plagued with the daily “What should we eat today?” which also becomes “Where should I work in next?” and later “How should we be thinking about these issues?” This development is one that triggers our mindsets, and then, much like the unnecessary addition of academics within a choice range, we are given distractions to our main goals.

    So therefore, what is the choice of our mindset, or our philosophy? Is it happiness? Is it peace? That aim within our minds is our choice, or at least we hope it to be. The larger question also is, does one choose to be happy? Is that possible? Some strive for this, at the expense of other people’s happiness, but at the same time, at least their happiness is achieved. Is that worth it? Perhaps.

    But at the end of the day, that one person’s happiness at the risk of others not being happy, is usually deemed as selfish, or dictator like even. There will be added stress and frustration, as one attempts to reach his or her own happiness, because of the others that are around. They would feel less happy, if the one pursuing happiness was pursuing it at their expense. The one with that happiness, upon reflection, might come to a conclusion that he or she is not actually happy with the current state of events, and thus losing his or her happiness that was so carefully sought after. That leaves no one happy at the end of the day.

    Therefore, there is really no choice, even in mindset. We might hope and attempt for it, unless achieved in group or herd, there might be a possibility, but eventually, the individuals within the group might start to fray, and question their own sense of happiness, beyond the group. The illusion of choice is dark, and becomes a gluttonous hole of emotion and effort. It would be, therefore, easier, if one takes reference from another to form the idea of choices and options, for feeling, for thought, or even for food.

  • One thought away

    Maybe its yesterday’s long post on Steve Jobs that is making me think this, but I am currently thinking: Some of the world’s best ideas are just one thought away. It’s not that far. It’s just another step and we have to hit that step somehow.


    Daily blogging mixed in with typing on a RealForce board has really become a sort of therapy for me. I really enjoy typing, and it’s something I should embrace properly. I can have fun with it, and I should. I feel as if my thoughts are stuck with how my keyboard life ought to be, and the need to do things a certain way just to be part of the keyboard community. But it’s definitely not true, and I look forward to these daily occasions to type away, and just feel the keyboard underneath my fingers.

    Me being me, I keep looking at more and more options, which doesn’t really work out that well for my wallet. I keep looking more variations to test and play around on these things. It’s really quite an exciting process, expensive process.


    Maybe one day, these thoughts would be that thought that helps to change things up. And just maybe, I could track that on one of these many keyboards that I have right now.

  • The Apple Generation

    Steve Jobs who designed Apple for the current generation 

    Reviewing the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson.


    Another draft post from 2017. I honestly had loaded up quite a few draft posts then, thinking that I was going to be blogging often and all that. If I’m right, it was because I had come back from a holiday trip and I was really in this motivated mood to keep creating. I really have these ups and downs in my creativity. It’s a little frustrating when it’s down, but it’s so tiring to keep when it’s actually on going.


    Did Apple shape the world, or was Apple shaped by the world? Meaning was it a range of factors that led to Steve Jobs developing the company the way that we currently know it? Or was it this new way of thinking that Apple introduced into the mainstream?

    The biography on Steve Jobs, written by Walter Isaacson covers a lot of interesting ground. I personally enjoyed the thought processes and how Isaacson had portrayed Jobs in the best and worst light. The influences from his childhood and teenage wandering years really showed that there was a huge possibility of how things could grow in the years to come. Perhaps it was the way that Isaacson had put it, an event causing something to change in Jobs, which led to more events, and more changes. The cause and effect of the world on Steve Jobs: disappointments, achievements and successes. The pure madness surrounding the man as well. It really spoke volumes, and I still remember large portions of the book, four years on.

    Apple’s effect on how we see the world right now gives us a clear understanding that people do appreciate the appropriate amount of simplicity. There is such a thing as oversimplifying, within the engineering and design realms. And at the same time, there is a chance of it being over designed, where something is unnecessarily complicated. Both are areas to easily fall into, but the bare minimum that Apple gives is usually enough.

    “Enough“ is a term that evaded a lot of computer hardware developers at that time, and even now. There’s always this statement I hear whenever comparing a Mac build to a PC build, “For the price of the Mac, I could build a PC with much greater specs.“ That statement is definitely true. But it holds some other assumptions: you need to build the PC yourself. That’s something a lot of people are not willing to get into, especially in a very simple consumer market. It’s the same reason people look at me funny when I build custom keyboards. Why do you want to put yourself through the hassle? So it’s not that I don’t understand the need for customizing, I am happy to pay the price for a Mac because at its build level, its enough for me. In fact, if Apple chases the top tier graphics and processing speeds, they end up chasing the wrong crowd. They’re here to make sure their computers provide you with just enough to get your YouTube career going, for you to play enough games within their Apple Ecosystem. The aim is not for overclocking your PC or to run a server, although both are possible with a bit of research.

    To echo the sentiments stated in the biography, the home brew crowd that were building their own PCs then were so frustrated and upset with Apple for developing a system that could not have added integrations, and was a one piece self contained unit. That was the mantra from the beginning. Right to repair or not, Apple did not want you to touch their carefully engineered equipment that would fit snug right into the chassis of their choice. The freedom of choice you got from the beginning was to choose to buy Apple or not.

    I found that the simplicity of design that Apple brings, gives reason for a lot of other companies to either simplify, or just go to the tech extremes. Recent phones and tech coming out have become a lot simpler, but without their own issues. The simplicity forgets that Apple designed with the consumer in mind, the person who might not have any idea how to do what they would want to do. That latent need that would be fulfilled through Apple alone. That’s how the simplicity works towards.

    Some companies are getting it, because now it’s been a long time since Apple started. Working on the latent needs of a consumer could be put through AI, which is what Google is doing to us now. We have our data mined, and the computer gods give us our algorithm based decisions. That’s a good try, a nice attempt at trying to understand the human mind.

    But at the end of it, Steve Jobs made his things because he wanted something like that himself. He himself was the consumer that he was trying to reach out to. From the onset, he was never the computer developer. He was the kid who was hyped about the computer things, and he enjoyed his life, somewhat. At the heart of it, if the companies do not want the items for themselves, and want it as the best product they could think of, it would not be easy to develop that latent need. It’s something that one really has to want. That’s something that either a lot of self reflection can get, or a lot of self dissonance will reveal.


    Do we know what we want though? As the current generations who have had their latent needs fulfilled, are we sure we know what is going on? I, for one, have no idea what I would love to see, and I try my best to dig deep often to figure out. I have tried and I constantly dive into multiple new hobbies, only to come out broke and still unsure if that’s the right thing for the future.

    But I still live as a consumer, thinking about what is nice and fancy. There are products that are just enough, like the Mac I’m typing this into, with the keyboards that I currently have. There are products that remain good enough, like my iPhone SE1 and 2. I might want the next few Apple products, but I still struggle to see the need to get a PC, other than for the games that I might want to play. Those aren’t needs, but they’re still at the back of my mind somewhere. Maybe one day, I would go towards a fully custom everything in life. Right now, I’ll enjoy my Apple Ecosystem.

  • Presence

    Presence as existence. As one is a being, existing. I am here, I am being. The current form of which as human. The formation of matter and will to be present. Having breath, having life, having a mind and intelligence. There is a space I take up within this current time space universe, and I require it.

    Not present as the lack of existence. Ceasing to remain, being a void, and not having a will anymore. There is nothing, and there will be nothing, because of the lack of presence. Like the air in a vacuum, the emptiness filling, the gaseous matter sucked out. There is nothing and there can be nothing.


    I am present today, and I choose to be. But is it really my choice to exist? What is the existence that we think we deserve?

    I am present today, because God has chosen. Or the form of God that I attribute the ultimate creative power to, forming out of nothing.

    I am present, as God’s presence exists. It is presence that I am filled by, through breath, through my emotions, through my existence itself.


    Why do people live as if there is no presence in their lives? They live as if they are a void, sucking the air out. They are a vacuuming, taking in and never giving out. They stand in the way, blocking literally the flow of traffic. They ask questions that suck away the space, and make you question your own existence. They are without will, they are without direction and form. They are not present


    Do I live in the present, the here and now? Or am I without presence?

    I will always choose to be present, no matter the circumstance. I am grateful for my existence and I will claim my moment of existence gratefully. Appreciating it by living it out as largely as I can.

    Maybe one day even to the Moon.


    Watching Ad Astra right now, or at least some quarter way through it. Brad Pitt can really play such a good range of roles. I really like his acting.

  • Childish thoughts

    It was good sleep for both Clarice and myself last night. We sang ourselves to sleep on a whole range of songs, and now we’re up and awake on a bright hot Sunday afternoon, listening to the songs that we were singing to last night.

    It’s fun to just not have to care about anyone else, and just do what we feel like. A few of our friends who have babies can’t do this anymore. They’re in that job of being parents. Maybe they could go for dates, and spend time together when the kids are asleep. But they can’t just take a break whenever they want to. Or just sleep in just because. There’s always gonna be someone there to take care of, until the day they die.

    I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, to be really honest. More than that, I don’t know if I want to stop being carefree, and silly. I enjoy my time with Clarice tremendously. I also enjoy being able to spend money on keyboards, and other random ventures when I feel like it. It’s childish, self centered, but it’s quite fun.

    Would I lose myself, when gaining another person into my life? So far, it’s not been the case, and I find myself growing more and more as a person. But for a child, I think a part of me dies, and another part is born and growing, as the child does too. I can’t tell yet, because I’m not there, but I’m thinking about it.

    When that happens, I’ll find out. Both Clarice and I will find out, and we will need to grow together from there too.

    But otherwise, I’ll just enjoy this Sunny Sunday with my love.

    p.s. We had a ton of Tea and Biscuits for breakfast today for fun, so I might be awake most of tonight lol.

  • The beauty that the Artists draws from 

    How do you get inspiration, and how does this propel you to do better work? 

    — — —

    Wow so I wrote this post in 2017, July. I can’t remember what exactly I was aiming for, but this gist is something that I find so hard even now to think about. I mean like, how does one get inspiration? That is a fine and hard question.

    I’m not sure how much of this makes sense, but I think each day has it’s moments. I’ve learnt how to be a lot more forgiving on myself, if I can’t produce something that I had hoped to initially. There’s really no forcing it.

    I think it’s a range of learning as well. What am I looking for in the motivation, in the inspiration? I think when I first thought of this draft 5 years ago, I was probably being a lot more direct and immediate into art itself. But from how things are going now, and how things will continue to go: I think daily life needs motivations too.

    I haven’t touched my art materials for a very long time. I don’t know if I can do much, or if anything at all. I’ll have to dust off a lot of mental inertia to get started again. Is there beauty? Yes. But the question now has become, what do I really need to capture? Is it worth me capturing? And somehow, the answer needs to be yes.

    What is beauty at the end of the day? What am I really thinking about when I think of how to draw from the beauty of this world? Why did I think such hard questions then???

    If i am asking myself that today, it goes back to how I see each day’s individual moments. There are a number of things that I’ve seen that are incredibly powerful everyday. It’s not easy, but it’s not difficult either. It needs me to stop, and to pause. I find trouble in doing that a lot of the time. The captured moments need a good time of reflecting on how things even got to where they are right now.

    Maybe I should revisit this in 5 years, and my answers would change by then. Like the Billie Eilish interviews, I might grow to find myself annoying. Perhaps.

  • Simple Silly Stuff

    Time to get somewhat technical on all of you: I’ve just managed to switch my site to a “https://” page.

    Every single month, I try to tweak the different parts of my site, to keep it lighter, to make sure that I have enough space for all my posts and whatever else. And then to update the security. I’ve tried a number of times to make sure that I get the secure connection. I want that lock icon at the left hand side of my menu bar to show LOCKED.

    It should like this for you and me now, because it’s finally on HTTPS.

    I dug through my website’s back end, I searched and renewed as many certificates as I could (within the free range of course lol), and all to no avail. I was so angry at the site, and at my own back end ability to manage a webspace. I even contemplated going to Square Space. Forgive me WordPress Overlords.

    But today, I decided for some reason to click on that portion that says “You have 1 security issue to work on.” I’ve passed it many, many, many times, because I’ve always assumed: It’s gonna tell me that I need to add security on my site. But today I clicked it, and it resolved this super longstanding issue for me. It updated my security certificates, and FINALLY, finally, the site is locked.

    So thank you WordPress, for making it that simple. I appreciate you, and I will continue blogging with you as much as I can. Daily, at best.

  • Kanye’s Donda

    Let’s not talk about the audio, or how it sounds. Because even though I love Kanye, musically this album wasn’t anything ground breaking.

    But the album stands for a few things. It definitely stands as a voice for those who need help, from their ethnic backgrounds and upbringing. It also stands for his remembrance for his mother, his loved ones, and who God is to him as well. These things are clearly just stated out right, with little imagination.

    But that’s another thought process of what we would consider a lyrically strong album. I think Kanye knows what a lyrically deep song might looks like, he’s obviously done enough. But for some reason, repetition, and simplicity, is his current main message medium. Maybe it’s laziness, maybe it’s a refrain idea. There’s a lot of ideas of why and how he would choose these ways of speaking.

    I’d like to reference Bieber’s Peaches – and how simple his approach was for most of the song. More than that, a number of artists are approaching that simple, short catchy chorus. It forms a earworm that just crawls through your internal melody for days. In that same way, until now, I still hear Kanye saying, “Junya Watanabe on my Wri!“ It’s not a super verse, but the way he did it, it’s really stuck on.


    At the same time, this album goes for another Christian hit. He’s expressing his Christian faith all over again, and pulling his friends in to be part of it too. It’s really something to get so many artists in to say that they’re willing to speak up outright about their sin and their struggles in their lives. I think it takes effort, especially because of what this means for someone in America to associate with mainstream Christianity. I don’t think the cultural identity of it matches the intended theology, but it lies as a close tie to tradition and conservative politics.

    ]These associations for liberal artists that are known to not follow conservative notions are a step in another direction. A direction where we wouldn’t really be comfortable with as a whole. I find that its a struggle, myself included, to agree with the idea of a Christendom again. I think society has moved beyond that, and it polarizes more than unites. But at the same time, there is the idea that it could happen. I am slightly encouraged by that, and at the same time very wary of what that implicates as a whole too.

    But at the end of the day, I think I could definitely chant along with the refrain “I’ll be honest, we all liars“. We all struggle with our faith, and our stands in one way or another. If we pretend that we’re all okay, and we’re not okay (see what I did there), it just becomes a hypocritical expression of what a Christian looks like.

    I hope that Kanye finds someone to walk with him. Someone who’s willing to take the words that Jesus said and lives them out. Not someone hiding behind theology or tradition, but someone who just wants to live rightly before God, no matter the persecution. Even if it means that the Church itself doesn’t agree with it. I really hope God will send someone to him, to help Kanye live a life closer to God. If Johnny Cash could do it, so could Kanye.

  • When is now?

    I keep forgetting where I am on these daily updates. I forget what week I’m on, what day it is, and the list goes on. There are days when I forget when I’ve eaten, and when I’ve exercised. I forget when I’ve replied people, the meetings and other things that I’ve scheduled together.

    Maybe it’s the cause of working from home. Maybe it’s this COVID situation and all the constant news that sounds so much the same every day. But I really can’t keep living my life this way.

    I’ve been trying to take stock and get things aligned again. Discipline is really hard to come by. I have to keep on at it, and it’s really easy to just drop off. I’ve got daily planners, alarms, schedules, everything. But it’s just me who hasn’t gotten it down well.

    One day and one habit at a time I guess. Slowly but surely huh.

  • Sudden Rain

    There’s that time when all is calm, and then it rains suddenly. It’s the worst feeling in the world because you didn’t plan for it, and it gets you so badly soaked. And then after a few minutes, the rain lightens up, and you’re there, still soaked, but now in a humid mess of weather. The weather the past few days have been like that, and its really been a pain to travel around. Even right now, it’s just raining, heavier than a drizzle, but less than a thunderstorm. Perhaps this is the best definition for Showers.

    Typing on this JIS keyboard, I realise that I don’t know where the double quotation marks are. That’s pretty funny.

    The sudden rain is the worst because its like someone throwing a bucket of water at you. You don’t have a change of clothes, and you’re there, drenched and just not feeling it. You were unprepared for the worst case scenario: getting completely soaked in seconds.

    That’s the same feeling when someone does some last minute change on my time, or on my plans. It’s the worst case scenario happening, and I was completely not ready for it. You can’t really blame anyone else, you just have to embrace it. Embrace the suck and just move on. I hate it. I guess I’m really just talking to myself through this, because honestly I think that’s how I’ve been getting myself to deal with the past year of having random things to do.

    There are ways to enjoy the sudden rain, to make the suck less sucky. I found some peace doing keyboards, some enjoyment making friends, and getting to talk with people. But there are days when it just gets so tiring, and I’m just not sure what could help the situation. It’s those days when life gets to a tough point .

    And now, the sudden rain has become a heavy shower, maybe even a thunderstorm. No one plans for these things. They happen, and the people getting completely soaked are now just drenched. Walking around with their wet socks, wet shoes, and wondering what will be of their life. I don’t think anyone thinks of how rich and happy they are, or their investment strategies, or their 10 year plans, when they are getting stuck in the rain. They’re just like every other human at that point: embracing the suck, or trying to get out of the rain as fast as they possibly can.

  • Late Night, Last Minute

    I’ve been wanting to sit down all day. More than that, I’ve been wanting to type on this particular keyboard that I’m currently typing one for the whole day too. It’s a big keyboard, a full sized one, with the number pad and all that. I’ve not typed on any of these for the longest time, and personally, I think that it’s really huge. To add to it, it’s a JIS layout, which swaps around a bunch of the keys that regular keyboards use. Normally I, as with most of us, would be on an ANSI board.

    But today, tonight, I’m typing on a board that’s a few years old, and it’s also got some really nice clacks to it, as I’m typing. It’s Topre, a rubber dome electrocapacitive switch. It’s also got no OS Key, which makes me type in the strangest way. I am really used to having my Mac Command Key, but I’m just mouse clicking my copy and paste, and things like that.

    In any case, I’m still having fun typing on this. It’s quite fun, but not as fun as the HHKB. Maybe because of the layout, without the command key? Maybe because of the JIS and all the apostrophes are Shift + 7, and it took me like 30 seconds to find the plus sign. (Plus is Shift + Colon, and parenthesis is Shift + 8 and Shift + 9) Tonnes of relearning to do.

    But hey, I have this really nice noisy keyboard to type with, and its really fun. Its louder than the HHKB, and also takes some effort to press. But man, this is really sparking some interesting ideas in my head for future keyboard plans…

    Here’s to tomorrow’s Joel, who will figure out what to do about these keyboards somehow.

  • Daily Blogging is tough

    I have to keep thinking about what to say, and its just like on and on and on. LOL. I have a lot of things to talk about, but not everything is “blog worthy” I guess.

    And to make a post, I shall complain about blog-worthiness. It feels like there needs to be a point made, or something that I’ve reflected on one way or another. But honestly, it’s not really true. I could write about anything I want, because it’s a daily blog after all.

    So I shall just update that I’ve won two old boards on Yahoo Auctions Japan right now, and I’m just waiting for them to ship, and I’ll sort out all the shipping fees later. But wow, I am honestly quite excited for this journey down retro boards and all that.

    Wish me luck, and pray for my wallet. I have set caps, and thankfully I’m keeping to them. But just in case… hahaha…

  • How Time Flies

    It doesn’t really fly, but it moves so quickly and it’s as if I’m sitting in a time machine every day. It’s moving at the pace of one second a second, but every moment just moving on and on as we drift through space on this planet.

    Nostalgia and regret; the two biggest enemies on this fight against time. Future and Patience are other enemies too, but I think the ones that cause me a lot of pain are the ones of things that I could have done better.

    It’s because of how I think about the past that affects the way I think about the future. I know that for sure, and maybe I’ve even mentioned that here a few times. But at the end of it, where am I really?

    What is the present, if not a time for immediate action? And why do I think and reflect, only to lose more time later?

    So to make sense of all these thoughts, I think this daily blogging here is good for me, because my reflections are immediately shared, and then I can re-do my thoughts later. Maybe it would work for the current time, and maybe, just maybe time would stand still for a moment.

    But it won’t, and you would have spent time just to read this.

    So spend time wisely, because it flies. Really really quickly it flies. Can’t ever catch it back, and can’t ever earn it back.

  • The Relaxed Position

    Today was a day that I really wanted to try something new: I wanted to try to be as relaxed as I possibly could. I wanted to just be a teenager again, and watch TV shows as I ate leftovers from the fridge. I wanted to just chill and take naps where I felt like it.

    But this is really one of the hardest things for me to do. Most of the time, I really feel like I need to be doing something. So I actually catered a space today. I made space to make my YouTube videos, and now there’s a huge backlog. I have so many descriptions to write, and so many thumbnails to make. But at least I have a really fun space that I carved out to relax in.

    I watched TV shows, and just made myself feel really comfortable. I enjoyed it. I might try it again tomorrow, and get other work done in a similar way. Tomorrow’s a work day again after all.

    When I’m in that chill state, even if I’m doing a ton of work, it feels easier. It’s that gear on my mind that it’s just in the zone, but not really in the zone. It’s a glide, it’s cruising. I’m not really pushing, I’m just enjoying the flow of things.

    Daily blogging is helping me with that; the range of reflection tools I placed in for my wind down routines also help. It’s a way for myself to enjoy my keep active, without the added stress that I put on myself. I really need to develop a formula, because there are many days when I wish this would happen more often. I end up missing the forest for the trees, and everything just ends up in a mess of sorts. I don’t enjoy the day, and there’s no work done. I’m unhappy, unfulfilled, and honestly, I’ll end up behind on the work I have to do.

    So my hope is that tomorrow, I’ll work from that cruising state. I’ll try my best to, but I’ll also try not to put pressure on myself for that to happen.


    And two songs to motivate myself, and to keep myself in that mood:

    Negative Thinking by The Death Set, and Let’s Daba Daba by Polysics

  • Finding a Personal Space

    I think it’s always something that I struggle with. While I might be friendly, sometimes I find it hard to share what is really on my mind. I think I lean towards different people’s preferences a lot of the time.

    Today we had a time of reflection, as part of work. During that time, I realised how much I’ve been keeping on my own mind, and not sharing it properly to the people around me. It takes a bit of effort, but I find that I am quite overloaded with my own thoughts. I don’t speak much of what I am really feeling, and at the end of the day, I am still quite alone.

    Maybe this is a reason why I don’t have a normal YouTube Channel, and I’m quite happy with just showcasing the typing tests, as my own reference point.

    Actually, maybe other than this blog, I don’t really share myself on the Internet as a whole. So I guess if you’re reading this, you do get to see a glimpse of me that I don’t really show anywhere else. I just find that it’s not the right space to share myself, on Instagram, on YouTube. But this place is quite an appropriate place. So I’m fine with this.


    Here’s a song/album I’m really into now, and it keeps playing in my head: Holiday / No Surprise / Mystery / T.L.C. (TURNSTILE LOVE CONNECTION)

  • Today’s New Attempt: Yahoo Auctions Japan

    I tried to use Yahoo Auctions Japan for the very first time today. It was a mad rush to try and bid for a crappy RealForce board. I wanted to harvest it for the keycaps and place them into a secondhand RealForce board that I have already (that doesn’t have keycaps).

    I’ve never tried this whole bidding thing before, but at the last minute, there’s a chance for you to outbid another person. Then the bidding resets, and you have another 5 minutes added, and the other person can outbid you too. It goes on like that for quite some time.

    Personally, I got really excited, and I kept thinking “OK! I can extend my price by another ¥100!” I did this at least 4 times, which means I increased my original bid by ¥800. This counts for the times where the person outbid my bid by ¥100. That’s the minimum you can raise against the other person.

    At the end, I decided to stop when the conversion back to Singapore Dollars went beyond what I was willing to pay for, including shipping prices. I thought that I would be willing to try and stretch that by just a little bit more, but thankfully, my common sense got the better of me, and I stopped.

    Would I do it again? Sure! But I would set hard caps, and I would also try to buy the item instead of waiting for the bidding. This would be in case someone went into a bidding war, and we would emerge paying a lot more than what the buying price would be.

    Try at your own risk: Buyee.jp to make an account with Tenso as well, and they will help to translate the terms you are searching for. Very exciting stuff, and you can find some real gems inside.

  • Mango’s on an Apple Tree

    There’s always this saying that you can’t expect an apple tree to grow mangos, and in that same way, we shouldn’t not expect something unnatural out of someone.

    As much as we think that, we also keep asking people to get out of their comfort zones. Isn’t that similar, or at least asking an apple tree to try to become like a mango-like apple? Like an attempt at becoming something that they might not necessarily be.

    I find that in my own experiences, I’d rather be the best tasting apple tree ever, than to be a mango + apple + whatever other fruit type of tree. That’s what I would rather, but I know that I’m often asked to become a different type of tree to fit the different needs of people who ask for my help.

    We say such silly things, in order to convince ourselves either to not do work, or to do even more work. We’re really just weird trees walking around, thinking that we ought to tell other trees what to do. Maybe we should just settle down, and grow big, and be whatever tree we can be, the best that we can grow. That would be good, great maybe.

  • The daily grind

    Apparently it was something to note that I had written a blog post every day for three days in a row. WordPress gave me a little achievement award that I had done that.

    And I think that the three day streak is gone now, but at least I have something in mind that I can write forward for. Some gamification for myself, just to make things interesting here.

    Maybe it’s not about the actual content that I produce here, but the consistency that I post with. That’s really the truth of life most of the time right. How consistent are wise with the things that we do? Diets, exercise, money saving, practicing the skills that we’ve learnt. If only we were good at keeping consistent, life would appear so much easier to deal with.

    I guess I could try just being consistent to post something here everyday. That wouldn’t be a chore, because of the nice keyboards I get to type with. It’s really quite fun, and it’s something I like to do. But it’s just on the days when things are so packed, and I just don’t have the time.

    But I’ll learn how to make time. A bit, a line or two, every day. Just grinding it out.

  • Typing in Bed

    This sounds absolutely ludicrous, but after years, I am finally typing in bed again.

    It’s a thing because when I was much younger, say about 17, 18 years old, I used to love typing in bed, and just spilling my thoughts out. I would write an email newsletter to a range of friends and acquaintances. I would write on LiveJournal, this old blogsite that a lot of us had used back in the day. All these written on my white MacBook, and just rattling away on the built in keyboard.

    It was that where I really enjoyed the idea of typing, and soon after I purchased my Apple Magic Keyboard, so that I could type more and more. I would type from a distance, because I could. And this kept up through my army days as well. I would write on the weekends, and every now and then, just type away on my bed as I thought through things before I slept. It was a really relaxing way to end the day.

    There’s an imagery and scene in my head: view of the street below, with the orange yellow street lights that glowed through the rain trees. The flashes of the zebra crossing, and the cars driving past in sporadic intervals. And then of course, the white glow of the Apple Logo, mirrored against the window glass. Because I would be sitting there typing away, and hoping to make sense of my brain as I put it on an email. Or a post.

    I’m back writing in bed again, after over 10 years.

    Ok, that’s a dramatic statement.

    I’m back writing in bed again, after some time, because I’ve got a keyboard that fits nicely on my lap, and I’m writing on my iPad, as part of WordPress apps that allow it. I couldn’t do this for the past few years, because my white MacBook from my teens, became way too slow. My MacBook Pro from 2014 has also slowed down dramatically, but more because of a faulty battery that I cant deal with so much. And the iMacs that I have cant be carried to bed to type.

    But now, those technical difficulties are put away. More than that, I have a keyboard that is really of such an enjoyable quality, that I am encouraged to type more and more. Thus, this very long post about how I have a new keyboard. The night owl Joel, who loves to write and talk, has been reawakened!

    Stay tuned for a lot more consistent posts… I hope.

  • The Rush to Wait

    The Rush to Wait

    Christmas rushing is always a thing for the year end. It’s so exciting running around shops, hunting for the best discounts that match your friend or family the best. I lose myself at the shelf of red tags stating a large cut from the original price, picking and repicking the items that I was looking for.

    And every year it ends, with me looking at the gift bills, and now with clarice, at least I’ve got her to consider the amounts of money with. Last night we sat down at my table just going throught the costs, and watching the rain on the end of the day and night.

     

    Does life always work on that adrenaline high, where we really rush and get something done, and then we wait for the next thing to look forward to? I know I love the rush because of events and work and stuff. I feel this need for consistency, like the daily something that I had just wrote about before this. I don’t like the drop, so I’d rather have the rush all the time. The only thing about that is that my energy would deplete really quickly.

    Let’s see how things go in the coming year, and I’ll be looking forward to just writing once a day, or just doing something every day.

  • Creative Dilemmas

    Creative Dilemmas

    24 hours in a day is too little. Yes, wildly known fact.

    But the hardest part I find is that my passion level in each interest grows or wanes everyday. For example, last week I really wanted to run. And I still kinda do.

    But today, I awoke and hey, there’s time for a run but I just didn’t feel like running. Instead I drew, and I was quite happy drawing. I watched videos, arranged and organized things, no running or exercise at all. And it was fine. Then I watched some skate videos and felt the same lack of interest.

    The funny thing is that maybe a month or more ago, it was the complete opposite. I was eating up anything skate related at all, and all my efforts were trying to get skateboarding as a priority. Sketching and watercoloring were just things to do so that I could skate around.

    So I really wonder, when and at what time will it stabilize itself? Will there always be a passion conflict for all interests? Or will it all work itself out together?

  • A daily –

    Something.

    Anything.

    After the daily challenges, of lettering and of sketching/inking, I’m feeling the laziness hit me. It’s like when I stopped running, I could feel myself still able to do a 12k run easy, but the physical toll after would be some effort recovering.

    I can draw okay, I just really need to focus. I need to see the shapes and colors and pull them out the same way I did when I did it everyday.

    I can letter okay, but to make it really pop and look professionally acceptable, I need to do it slowly or practice 100 more times than if I were doing it everyday.

    I can think okay, I can process about right. But it takes effort too. I used to write a lot better especially when presentations are due and I’ve got to be eloquent enough for people to understand.

    So something, just anything, everyday.

    Hope you’re ready, cause I’m not.