I actually have performance anxiety.
It’s not really easy to see because I’m on stage a lot, or in front of a crowd a lot. But inside, my head is going crazy. I’m over thinking everything, and definitely trying to be enough for everyone. On the outside, I might seem calm, but it is truly like a duck on water — the feet are paddling like mad.
I try to balance performance anxiety by stretching the point where preparation ends and performance begins.
This means that I keep thinking I’m stretching, even though the show is already on. In this day specificially, I’m thinking about Singapore Art Book Fair. I have a table with a lot of zines, and a part of me is super worried I won’t have anything done. But another part of me says, hey, don’t worry, just keep preparing, and soon, the show will be over.
This is because my preparation level is quite overprepared already. I am probably ready to start a business at this point, but all I really need to do is to be alive for 72 hours over the weekend. I just need to smile, say hi, and sell zines.
I just feel like I need to perform, even though there’s really no need to. Performance anxiety for sure.
Anyway, I should be ready for tomorrow… I think!
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