The daily discipline is getting to me.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing, or creating, or thinking. It’s just this thing sitting behind the back of my head, asking if I’ve done the work yet, if I’ve produced something that I am happy with. It’s just there and it’s giving me this added stress of sorts.
I’m not sure yet, if it’s a good stress, or a bad stress.
It’s similar to the pressure I felt when I was training for running. I would be waking up early, trying to clock in the miles needed for the longer distances later in the week. More than just the distances, I needed to finish it in time, because I had other things to do. I had my job then, as I do now. It’s an added stress of a task, that I’ve placed on my own head.
And no one asked me to do it.
It’s all on me. There’s no boss standing behind me, asking me to produce these thoughts, or the other artwork that I’ve been making. It’s just me, asking me to be a better artist, a better creative. It’s my own pressure.
So I really hope I grow again.
As I did before, I grew before, in other daily challenges and months of practice. I needed to get it out of me, and I needed to finish something. In years before, it was Inktober, Bible Lettering. The two sets of the Artist Way, and the daily writing in those months. I might have chalked up maybe a few years worth of daily practice. And I grew each and every time I did it.
I’m doing this because I hope to grow in ways I don’t know yet.
Every time I approach one of these daily practices, or challenges, I just think that there’s parts of me that could change or grow. I listen to podcasts, or just observe work of other artists, and I just think that I could try more, I could make something different. It works, because I end up learning new skills, and defining my style a bit more. It is not easy. It’s not comfortable. But if I knew what I was doing, then would I still be doing the things that I am doing? Or what would I do different? And so I adjust, and learn, and try to make a new change.
One day, one step, at a time.