trisected

Tag: creativity

  • Creating out of Something

    I am not the most comfortable with sitting somewhere, and waiting for creativity to strike me with some divine inspiration. I am also not the most adept at process work, because whenever I do a process based painting, everything just turns out black at the end of it. I tend to be quite bleak about my outlook on life.

    So when I do these types of 100 day writing things, or just aiming for a daily discipline, I enjoy them a lot. It’s nice to just force myself to make something, even if I don’t feel like it.

    In the past week I’ve needed to force something out, but nothing is coming out. It’s weirder when I force something out, and I struggle to find the actual shape of it. It’s not a discipline moment, because I don’t have a daily art aim; I have a daily writing aim. So I’ve had to sit there and wait for my inspiration to come.

    It was so challenging, and I hated doing it.

    It made me think about going back to doing a daily artwork, just for me to be fluent with producing whenever again. But it takes time, and I don’t have the time these days.

    That being said, while sharing with a friend today, I realised my perspective on time is something that needs adjusting. I want to change how I view my time because I think I’m just taking everything as a challenge to my time, but not actually making something good from it.

    Creating out of something is always needed. I need to create out of an experience, and currently, because of how I view my time, I’m not letting myself have experiences. It’s not beneficial for me creatively, and more so, I don’t give myself a break. That’s not helping.

    Anyway, just some creative lull thoughts. I’m making myself not work today, just to experience life a little.

  • Project: Me

    In the past few years, the constant thought is how much focus I should give to the projects that I do. I have also been thinking about focusing my time and resources in the right direction. Thankfully I’ve landed on art as the main thing. But the hard part is showing the work.

    I don’t know which line of publicity to take. If I were my own client, I would have ditched myself because of the indecision. I guess this post in itself as a “thinking out loud” moment, where I want to talk about why and how I get stuck at each portion.

    For one, I am not sure what the timeline is. Everything starts on a timeline, because then you have a publishing goal. Currently my time tag is to the Singapore Art Book Fair. But it doesn’t showcase the other things I’ve been processing. So I guess if I pitch and set deadlines for publishing for myself, I have to make the motivating factor really important. I need something of critical value to get me going.

    Another thing is what I showcase. I have no idea which are the best ideas, because the ideas I’ve shown to people are usually the ones I go with. But I have another ton of ideas in my sketchbooks and notebooks, but mostly in my head. And these might never see the light of day. Perhaps they should see the light of day, in little zines. Especially since I have a very easy and affordable way to make these.

    The frequency and location of where I pubilsh is another bit. I like to publish here on my blog, but its because I know no one will see it. But if I show it on my instagram, there’s always eyes there. More than that, I have to deal with COMMENTS.

    I’m not great with comments because I feel the need to respond to every single one. It’s who I am I guess? I am a very person-type person. It matters to me to have a real conversation with someone, and I think it is crucial to being human. I feel the comments section anywhere is the worst place sometimes, because of the horrible things people assume out of nowhere. And it scares me.

    I guess if I can work through my fears, it would get me somewhere, but comes the last issue I have: do I really need to have eyes on me as an artist now? Is fame something I seek?

    It’ll definitely boost some credibility for me, but I don’t know if it is something I am really looking for as a person now. I might look for it if I were a professional artist, living only on my artwork. But I’m not. I am happy to do art when I feel like expressing specific things. I don’t depend on my artwork for a living. Maybe things would change drastically if I were, but currently, I can choose not to take up gigs because I just don’t want to or if I don’t agree with it.

    So it results in a non decision somewhat. I don’t really have a need to build my craetive career, but maybe a little bit of me really still wants to. I can’t decide, and I’m just lost a little in my own indecision.

    In any case, I have to still create today, so one day at a time I guess.

  • Rethinking “Process”

    I’ve been reading a bunch of books about publishing and being an artist and all that, and the whole point about sharing the process and being present online is great. But honestly, its so hard to just be present there all the time. Even being present here on my own blog is something I struggle with. It feels like I’m reporting on myself, and it turns me off from recording my process.

    But I hear the points, I understand it. It’s just hard to make space for in my day to day. I also see the many who do make space for recording their process, and it works out really well for them. They get noticed, they get famous, and more people want to get behind them.

    Good for them. But I just really, really find it hard to do that.

    So I need to figure out what process really looks like for me. And what part of that process can I make easier for myself to approach, for me to avoid the feeling of reporting on myself.

    Because for the many that already publish their process well, there are probably another 90% of them who don’t, and if I can find that niche, maybe it can help them too.

  • Creative Self Help Galore

    I’ve been reading a bunch of creative self help books, for work and personal curiosity. Emailing lists are apparently the best way to capture an audience, and it’s also a great way to inform someone who actually wants to know about your work. Something like securing your 1000 true fans the right way.

    I used to do an email, back in the day. I had time to write it and mull over the different things, then decidedly update everyone about what I was thinking and doing. But now, it feels a bit of a pain to set everything up. Should I do it on Substack or Mailchimp? Maybe I could just create a BCC and work it out from there directly.

    Then content wise, what do I write about? And how much can I really capture on my own creative journey? I already feel like I have way too many things to do, and to put another camera up just to catch things happening, maybe that’s a little too much for me.

    But then again, it’s the recommended things to do for creatives, to get people involved in your work.

    Funny enough, I’ve also been reading about society at large, through the lens of different people. One book is about commodity traders, and how they buy the world. The other is about poverty and sharing finances in any way possible. Yet another as an observation about technological changes and its impact on the world.

    So what does an artist do? Or how should a creative behave? To create more and get more eyes on?

    I was really stuck at how weird it is to live in the current times, and I wrote about it on Medium. I don’t know what more I can contribute to the world, other than my thoughts and my opinions. It feels silly, because everything has been said already, and if not, said better than what I can say. And yet, we’re advised to put more process out, more content out for more eyes to see.

    I don’t know how to feel about that, so I did my Joel thing, and wrote in my journal about how I was stuck, and then decided to write a Medium article about it too. And here I am today, writing about it on my blog.

    Maybe the creative self help advice should be to dig and explore as much as we can, until there’s nothing left to uncover. I think that would be more interesting sometimes.

  • Creative Woes

    I don’t think I’ve felt so nervous presenting new work for some time. The current sensing is pretty okay, from the people that I’ve showed my work to. It’s a whole range of things actually, but the ideas running in my mind are a lot more personal. It feels like I’m a lot more exposed, and I’m trying a lot more than I used to.

    It’s also another set of things to keep thinking about my work work in Through The Roof. I’ve got incomplete work there, and I don’t really have a good idea of what to finish it with. But the coordinating is by far the most challenging, because it takes so many people to put it together.

    I think in my head, I’ve been comparing across the different artists and the different booth types across the scene. It feels like I’m not the same, even though I know it would probably end up looking very much the same. It doesn’t equate to confidence. The feeling of producing work that is uncommon makes me unsure if the people around me would feel the same way about the work. Or that it would be well received. It doesn’t have to be right?

    I don’t know, perhaps doing tables and presenting work this way makes me think a little too much about my work, and maybe I should just do the work, and get someone to manage my booths as a whole. Perhaps that would work in my favour.

  • Anxious: More thoughts on new work

    There’s this sense of anxiety when I think about making something new.

    Being able do a sequel, a repeat, a part two, it all seems a lot more manageable, but at the same time I can imagine being extremely bored.

    But starting afresh makes me feel sick inside. The same way that I have performance anxiety; the same way that I get stage fright. It makes me feel so uncomfortable. But I know the work needs to get out of me somehow.

    Writing helps me think about it, and I thought about writing it in my journal, but I wanted to just put it out here: it is not easy to produce new work. Mentally, it really takes a toll on me.

  • Planning the day away

    Sometimes I forget what I need to do, and I end up spending a lot of time thinking and working around things instead of doing the actual things that I need to do.

    Sometimes, I don’t even make the lists of what I need to do, and instead, I end up sitting down with no list, and a huge bunch of tasks in my head.

    But today, I sat down on the train, put my task list on paper, and when I got home, I started to actually do the work that I needed to do.

    I still have things to do, and I wished I planned a little bit less, but at least I did some parts today.

    That’s a good enough start for me, and I’m writing this post because my break from work got more and more distracting and I just needed to do something instead of just scrolling through nothing all over again.

  • Talking about the thing that I am struggling to talk about

    It’s day three of trying to draw or create, or be creative in some aspect or another. Honestly, did not do anything creative today, other than just think a whole lot, and I wrote a whole lot too. I guess I will end today with a lot of writing just to get myself going. and MAYbe that would help me get focused on my creative juices just a little bit.

    I’m also doing this to psyche myself up for the coming Inktober. I have so much apprehension and a part of me just wants to curl up and pretend that creativity can shoot out of my butt when I need to perform. But I know that I need to put in a lot of hard work to make sure it happens. Like a lot of hard work. I’m thinking of spending a few days this week just to brainstorm and prep for the days coming up. It’ll start on Sunday, and boy, I barely feel ready for this.

    My hopes were also to run in into the Through The Roof things, and hopefully, somehow we can get a group going. Like having a running group, just that this one is for creative drawing. It’s gonna be some challenge for real, figuring out mentally how I’m planning to approach the creative daily discipline.

    But one night at a time I guess. Maybe I’ll end tonight with some random thoughts of the world that I want to create.

  • I tried to draw today

    I sketched a bit in church today, and there’s just something else about sketching in real life. I don’t know if its the same as when I’m just doodling about and just trying to think, but I do feel like it might not be the same as a daily drawing discipline. Or maybe it is. Kurt Wallander’s father would draw the same scene over and over again, but sometimes he might include little elements. Otherwise it was the exact same thing.

    I don’t think my sketching has the idea of the same repeated scene, but I am trying to achieve some amount of ink on a single page. I hope I was approaching that today, but I was just trying to draw the scene. I don’t think that’s wrong either, but I don’t feel that creative burst. Maybe feeling it isn’t the point.

    I did consider a lot about writing something special. I had this stock of newsprint paper that just came in and I really want to do some drawing and printing on it, but I can’t seem to find my ink roller. That makes it really challenging because I have no idea how consistent the ink would be over my printing block. Also I need to test it out soon because I’ve got quite a few things to produce in the coming weeks.

    I guess a question I have is: I don’t know how much I should think or not think about the work that I do. And I should learn what the line is to do it for myself or not.

  • Who is the Audience?

    I’ve been hiding away from my writing here for some time because I think I have started to lose the answer to this question right now. This is not specific to my blog, but more for my creative self as a whole. I think I am questioning the purpose of why I make, especially as I start to plan and prepare for more. Along with that, I’m also thinking about the audience: will anyone like my work? Will it sell?

    I’ve really only had to think of that since doing the fair. It feels like the times before this when I was just drawing for fun, and putting it on instagram as my personal small gallery, those times were really just a distant dream. I guess there’s always a space and time to do things like this. It’s easier managing a brand, or something where is clearly made to sell. But when it’s me, then who am I selling it to? Am I even selling?

    That’s really where my mind is at right now. I have ideas of expansion on the coffee bag zines. I could plan them for a seasonal release. But at the same time, there’s really gonna be a whole bunch of stuff that I would end up making, and I don’t really want to hold on to so many things. It would create so much stock at home.

    I also really just wanna make things for fun, not to sell them, or to have some sort of art career. Maybe that’s the art career I want, the one that allows me to do all the disciplines that I find interesting and attractive, and that’s the one that I think I should work towards.

    Maybe at the end of the day, I’m the real audience. Some what, slightly, completely self serving. But if I don’t make the work that I think is interesting, or that represents me at some core level, then how would I approach the later times when I’ll really need to apply myself as an artist to the world around me.

    But the honest question that I asked myself before still remains: how do I show and bring hope through the art that I do. Is it even possible to?

    I think I’ll try my best to approach it with hope, even though hope really seems so far away sometimes.

  • The Right Wrong Steps

    The Right Wrong Steps

    As much as I think that I’ve planned things the right way all the time, I know I’ve taken so many detours, bringing me around the mountain of life in the strangest ways. My mechanical keyboard hobby for one, completely on a whim. I started running because I was just so bored one night that I decided I wanted to exercise and run as long as I could without stopping. Some seemingly random situations have brought me to new places, and introduced me to strangers. I shall call these detours “The Right Wrong Steps”

    Take today for example. I set out to work, thinking about the work that I had to do. I had some artwork that I needed to produce (still need to actually), but I decided to stop over at an art school before lunch. This gave me a good pause, to stop and rethink what I was aiming to do. It also gave me a moment to reflect on my own art, and my own processes of work, like the idea spawning this present article.

    After that, I strolled my way over to an art store, and picked up some art supplies, with a renewed sense of vigor. Encouraged, reminded, and motivated, to do some good artwork in the months ahead. Definitely have the materials to now as well.

    Perhaps the right right step would have been to go home and do the work immediately. The trouble would be being distracted, and my internal motivations would still prove shaky. Not that work wouldn’t be done, but I might probably take a lot more steps to get there, steps that I might not have wanted to do.

    I think the space of these right wrong steps give me a place to just destress, and to find new forms of creativity that I might not come to naturally. I am really excited to make some new things happen, I’m just not sure how just yet. but very excited to start.

  • A Good Climb Day

    A Good Climb Day

    I think there are many days to have but some days are really just good climbing days. Today is one of those days, and I really had a lot of fun climbing around. I made climbing moves that I haven’t done in so long, because of my wrist that was giving me issues. But today I decided that it was long enough, and I really needed to start giving my wrist some strength training. It is turning out well enough so far, I’ll keep massaging it through the day, but hopefully it ends well.

    I am also thinking a lot about what I’m making today:

    Am I just observing the world around me still, or should I make an idea in my head come to life?

    One of those ideas is supposed to be a running club or climbing club or a racing club t-shirt. Merchandising is always fun, but I’ve been shying away from it because of the stresses of putting down money to make it happen.

    But like my good climb days, maybe today’s a great day to start?

    Trisected Climbing Club

    Also I snagged such a nice picture of the cranes next door

  • An Early Morning Post

    An Early Morning Post

    Today my brain decided to wake me up a lot earlier. It also helped that I made a keyboard that I was really happy with, and now I am happy typing away at it.

    One of the things I struggle with in my creative process is the lack of an Approver. At work, if I make something, the one to clear it would be my bosses. If I make something with my friends, one of them might be the one to check through and give the ok. But with my own work, I am the approver, and also the one doing it, and I get stuck.

    I don’t think I should be my own approver because I get very critical with my own work. I think all my work is bad, and I keep getting upset with myself for not doing better. My friends come in to encourage me, and I don’t believe them for some reason, and then I end up not publishing anything.

    That’s kinda where I am right now. I have work that I wish I could put up, but I’m just not sure what I feel about it. I’m not too sure if it’s worth publishing.

    At this point, a motivating factor appears. It might be a Seth Godin email, or a YouTube clip, or just something I read or watched telling me to try, and to just publish. The line about “The world’s worst golfer did not play today. More than that, the world’s worst golfer probably doesn’t even play golf.” or something like that.

    So I’m definitely not the world’s worst artist, because I’m still making something today. At least I’ve made this post. More than that, I’ve gotten ideas and drawings out that I just need to put online, or to just publish somewhere.

    So my internal approver/critic just has to deal with that level being pushed all the way down: At least I’ve done work today, that’s better than the days I did nothing at all.

    Let’s go

  • In the name of creativity

    In the name of creativity

    The daily discipline is getting to me.

    It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing, or creating, or thinking. It’s just this thing sitting behind the back of my head, asking if I’ve done the work yet, if I’ve produced something that I am happy with. It’s just there and it’s giving me this added stress of sorts.

    I’m not sure yet, if it’s a good stress, or a bad stress.

    It’s similar to the pressure I felt when I was training for running. I would be waking up early, trying to clock in the miles needed for the longer distances later in the week. More than just the distances, I needed to finish it in time, because I had other things to do. I had my job then, as I do now. It’s an added stress of a task, that I’ve placed on my own head.

    And no one asked me to do it.

    It’s all on me. There’s no boss standing behind me, asking me to produce these thoughts, or the other artwork that I’ve been making. It’s just me, asking me to be a better artist, a better creative. It’s my own pressure.

    So I really hope I grow again.

    As I did before, I grew before, in other daily challenges and months of practice. I needed to get it out of me, and I needed to finish something. In years before, it was Inktober, Bible Lettering. The two sets of the Artist Way, and the daily writing in those months. I might have chalked up maybe a few years worth of daily practice. And I grew each and every time I did it.

    I’m doing this because I hope to grow in ways I don’t know yet.

    Every time I approach one of these daily practices, or challenges, I just think that there’s parts of me that could change or grow. I listen to podcasts, or just observe work of other artists, and I just think that I could try more, I could make something different. It works, because I end up learning new skills, and defining my style a bit more. It is not easy. It’s not comfortable. But if I knew what I was doing, then would I still be doing the things that I am doing? Or what would I do different? And so I adjust, and learn, and try to make a new change.

    One day, one step, at a time.

  • Work and Play

    Today was an interesting day of experimenting some new things:

    Skate

    I went to a new skate park that opened near my place today, and it’s really good and beginner friendly. It’s a short bus ride down, and man its pretty big. I went in the morning with some friends, and I found out how rusty I am skateboarding. Too much of my confidence went back to my hands for climbing, and now I’ve got to regain some confidence for my feet and balance again.

    Painting

    I’ve asked to do some classes and stuff in the recent months, but I’ve not actually painted for myself, for fun. So I actually tried that today. It took more out of me to start painting, than for me to do keyboards or to write or to do anything else. I think mentally I go through so many hurdles, and I tell myself how hard it will be and all that.

    But the moment I got started, I think I just wanted to do more. I just wanted to make more things happen. I had to rush off for dinner, but parts of me just wanted to sit there and paint some more.

    I was using watercolor, wet on wet techniques, and it was just such a colorful mess that I haven’t been thinking about for so long. I really enjoyed it.

    Revisiting these two things made me think of my work, and how I’ve been holding back some of the things that I’ve been needing to do. I am slightly more motivated right now, and perhaps, I needed these moments of “play” to get my engines going.

    On a spiritual side, I actually prayed for some motivation today, and just pondered where Jesus would be in my life today. Just a really random thought of placing how Jesus would approach skateboarding and watercolor drawing.

  • Doing things I like productively

    Today felt like less of a productive day than yesterday for sure. I didn’t churn out as many drawings, and the day is slowly coming to an end. Clarice is away at a staff retreat, so my mental clock timing of what to do when is kinda all over the place. I’m not really that hungry cause I ate so much for lunch, and lunch in itself was so carb heavy, that I just feel satiated. I’m just nice.

    I had planned to do something, but I wasn’t too sure what. I moved the things in my store room around a whole bunch, and now there’s a lot of good space in the store, to which I could move things out, and make more space in the rooms and all that.

    While I was doing all that, I decided to listen to the Joe Rogan Podcast, the one he did recently with David Choe. As I was listening, it really struck me: he’s just recording this podcast for a few hours. He’s spent the day working out, and doing things with his family, and his work is really just sitting down and talking with people all day.

    A part of me really felt like I want to have that life. To be aware of what makes me tick, and to make that as productive as possible. He gets paid to sit down and talk with people, and that in itself is something to do. The better part of it is that he still has to do research, he still has to put in time for other things and real friends, running other businesses and all that, and yet, he’s still got his main thing down so well.

    If I guess one of the key things in life is finding the meaning in work, and if that’s a positive example of finding meaning in work, I think that would be an ideal to live towards. Perhaps I really ought to start recording more of my conversations with people as we go along. It really might lead to some good things happening.

  • creativity overload

    Today was an extremely creative day. I drew so much, produced so much, in ways that I haven’t for years. The craziest thing is that I was also exceedingly good at my chess game as well. So it felt like something went off in my head.

    A part of me is thinking: How can I recreate a day like this again? All the productivity gurus living inside me are asking me to write out today’s schedule and to follow it as strictly as possible, just so that we could make a repeat happen.

    But I know that the truth behind it is purely that today was a really blessed day of creativity. God gave me abundant willpower to keep drawing, even if I was doing nothing. There was great joy behind it, and I was just happy to make. It was great also to have people support and encourage me almost immediately. I shared my work with Mark and Clarice and they both thought it was good.

    I can’t wait to make it happen for real, to print, to publish.

    I might do some sneak peeks here, but I’m really thinking of the creative process.

    Perhaps today’s main learning point was embracing the pure idea of making, even if I didn’t know what was going to come out of it. At least something would happen, and at least there was something to show for my ideas. On top of that, I also did not keep to my phone, as much as I could. It was good.

    I need to learn how to give myself space to produce even when I’m moving around. It helps to be able to think on the go, or to make things happen whenever. I think I end up playing games, or being just very trivial when I’m moving, and I could afford to make a lot more. I wonder how.

    In any case, there will definitely be a consistent flow of youtube videos for this month at least. I need to cut some of them down for size, but I think I have a much better idea in my head how to approach video and the graphic design elements together.

    I really am starting to appreciate my own brain a lot more, and I’m really learning how to play to my creative strengths. I should have done this way earlier!

    But today’s a great day to learn how to start. And I shall take the win, Thank God for blessing me with a really great day.

  • Creative Intentions

    Reviewing some of the artwork that I had gotten yesterday, I think there’s a lot I could make on the simple basis of wanting to create stories. There are moments that I wish I could retell again, or keep for the sake of memories.

    One of the key things that I wanted to recall last year was my family holiday to Melbourne. It was a really fun time out, and I think both Clarice and I enjoyed ourselves a lot. We’re going again this year, and maybe we would be able to make something fun to bring back, to show Clarice’s Aunty and her cousin.

    As much as I was dreaming about making something about my trip to Melbourne, I realised how intentional I have to be. I actually need to make something. I can’t just dream or just hope that it would magically appear. But I really need to actually put words down, and then maybe print it to make it happen.

    I also love love love the idea of quantity in a publication. Like a ton of things for real. I think that adds to what I like about publications and zines, and I am very keen to make that happen ASAP.

    I have no idea what’s my topic tho, but I do have a lot of subject matter to draw: the Minyak apartment and the pictures I took there, and all the coffee things I have. I have collected every bag of coffee over the past three years, in hope of drawing and then painting them again. I should really get started soon.

    And I think what these actions show me is that the style thing comes in when I am working. It is like how you only learn running form after you’ve started running and the need to learn how to run properly comes from wanting to avoid getting hurt. I think that’s where style will come in: how I create in a way that allows me to produce as much as I can.

  • Singapore Art Book Fair 2023

    It’s been some time since going to a creative thing of sorts, and today was a great day going back to it! I really saw an array of stores all over the place, and it was good fun getting to see the different people, and the different types of graphic design going on. There are some thoughts I personally have, as a review for myself, if I were to publish or present work at these fairs.

    Presenting limited quantities of work

    I think the booths with too much work came off as just trying to sell me things. Worse still, there was one booth that just covered their tags, and I had no idea who they were, and if I’d want to buy things from them. It was just too much at one moment, and there was no proper curation.

    On the other hand, booths that had a neat line or a very simple set up with enough space in between the different items, those made me appreciate their wares more. It also helped that they would normally stand up to those coming, or at least sit up straight and appear interested. Some booths managers were very lax in their demeanor and made me feel as if I didn’t matter.

    Having work that is really affordable

    I think running between the limited quantities, it’s also important to price appropriately. If I picked up a zine that was really thick, and it was charging me about $30 bucks, I might feel more inclined to purchase, if the content looked very interesting and appealing. If it was thin, and just with little content, I might not.

    I also preferred functional items over pure aesthetic ones. It was a good reminder to make things that I personally would want to get, cause I think a number of people just made things that were just marketable, forgetting that the other booths would do almost exactly the same thing.

    This means that if I was going to sell something, it needed to be something limited, affordable, and somewhat functional. One of the coolest things I saw, but didn’t get, was a fidget spinner that would animate a man running. It was so awesome, but I just had no more money left by then.

    I spent most of my money on stickers, smaller zines, and things that I would use, or I could reuse later on.

    That’s about it, but maybe after pondering a bit more, and doodling around, I might add more thoughts tomorrow.

    My haul of stuff: two zines, a lot of stickers, one poster and one sandwich wrapper.

  • What and Where

    When thinking about what to do, I’m always stuck with this issue: What should I do, and where should it go?

    “What to do” is always an easy one to start with: Paint a picture, write a blog post, cut a video together. But then when you pair it with “Where should this piece go?” then you get into this huge question of what’s the best approach, how do we get as many eyes on this as possible, and the list of it goes on.

    But today, like the past few days, I’ll just make these things for myself. On places that I’ll see, and where I’ll appreciate. Hopefully, that helps me to get back to making things easier. Simple. I hope.