I’ve been thinking hard about this, and what the point would be, and these are my thoughts:
- Writing daily gives me a range of thoughts to work on, and I can build on the ones I like better for newsletters or other portions of writing.
- I can have a far wider scope of work, because I can write about different things everyday.
- A little bit a day chips away at a bigger goal.
- I will use some of my writing here to make zines, and finish them up a bit with more imagery and other things.
I’m a night away from having a baby. Tomorrow we will be inducing our baby to come out, and prayerfully everything will go smoothly.
I am anxious.
A part of me wonders if I’m anxious because everyone’s asking me if I’m anxious or not. But the main part of me has always been aware of the risks and complications, and I have this gore nightmare that flickers into my brain every now and then. What if the baby falls, what if we fall on the baby, what if the umbilical cord and this and that, and I go on this panic trip in my head.
But as I talk about it with other people I am reassured, and everyone tells me not to worry. But they asked if I was anxious in the first place, so I tell them what’s up in my head.
So the first thing I learnt about parenting is the irony and insanity everyone throws you through.
I don’t think my child will be the cause of my crazy, but I think it’s everyone else. I finally understand why some people look like they have crazy families, but it’s more like their social settings might have just driven them a little mad, and they’re deciding not to stick with it anymore. So instead of looking normal, they push back and make their families their safe spaces.
Not that crazy families ask me less crazy sets of questions, but at least I understand why every family’s a little mad.
Pray for Clarice tomorrow, pray for me tomorrow, pray for baby Allison tomorrow. Pray for the doctors and the nurses, and the midwives, and for my parents who are fetching me around too.
I can’t wait to see my baby, and I hopefully I learn how to relax a little in the meantime.
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