I think one of the most frightful things that we’ve put ourselves through is making something end. I think that’s the main reason why TV shows last forever, we enjoy that stability, that continuation of everything, and maintaining things. Sometimes that’s the reason why we like to just get stuck in many things, and take a really long time to let go of things.
I think I struggle with that a lot. I think it’s really hard to let go of the things that I have, and I find myself very happy to stay stuck in a situation. But at the same time, I resent it like crazy. I think it’s the biggest waste of my time, and I sleep annoyed with why I didn’t try harder, or do more to get out of the situation.
One of the biggest things I wish I had done earlier was to get out of Singapore. Not because I hate Singapore, but because I think that the space for growth here is limited, or at least it’s curated in it’s own way. I really enjoy the space of Singapore that I have, and the way I can leave my things around just knowing that it won’t get stolen: that safety is really great.
But at the same time the appetite for failure is so low, because risk taking is not advised in many ways. I mean for a thief to think he’ll probably not be able to steal, that’s a pretty adverse risk ratio. The thief would rather start up a business and try to earn money the right way in Singapore. If not, he would just do small jobs to get enough pay to get by.
Back to the main point, where do we find ourselves when something is finished? I think that when I finished my army, and I had a chance to grow and try a school far away, or to expand my design abilities, I decided not to, because I was happy with how things were. Now that I’m older, I wish I had thought against that. I wish I had pushed myself a bit more, and maybe challenged the way I thought.
I’m also realizing that I needed those times to help me think of where I am now, and what choices I want to make today. It’s not something easy, where like all association to things of the past are now gone. It’s still there, and that general sense of lethargy to have difficult conversations about change are there too. I think hard about where I am going towards, and where I hope to be after that time.
Maybe my risk adversity is slowly lowering, and I’m more willing to take bigger risks. What’s the worst that could really happen? And if I’m willing to deal with that, maybe I should just take the plunge. But if I’m not willing to deal with that, am I willing to deal with the compromise?
Heavy topics aside, I’ve really been into the budget audiophile niche of MX500 earphones, after the VE Monk Plus. Basically they look like cheap earbuds, but they’re tuned to sound super great. It feels like I have a nice good audiophile level of earbuds, but at a much cheaper cost point. Maybe not audiophile per se, but very nice audio quality. I’ve ordered the FAAEAL, KBear, and other weird sounding names, and I am very excited to try something weird and new all over again. Also trying to figure out what music I enjoy the most on the earbuds, and what level of needing out I wanna get into. It’s really quite fun!