There’s a lot that I think about during the day, but I found out in my teenage years that I feel a lot too. There’s good and bad things to feel about. A good thing to feel would be the sympathy for stories in the news. Something goes wrong and an accident occurs, and I feel sad. A friend shares their sorrows, and I grieve with them. Then there are bad things to feel. Not bad, but just not worth my emotions. Like when I read a book, and then I dive into this weird world of feelings, and I can’t get out of it, until I finish the book. Then the feelings resolve, because the story resolve.
But now in my thirties, I don’t know how I really feel at times. I think I am hiding a lot more sadness and grieving. For family and friends who have passed away. For friends of friends, or family of friends, that affects me too. There are moments where these feelings peak from under the covers, and I find myself crying a bit too much at certain moments.
Perhaps its about sharing my emotions. I’m not sure when they should be shared, and now with my wife, I feel like I can share a lot more often. I feel like they might leak out because they will eventually come out when I talk with her. I know that sharing emotions of joy and happiness is easy for everyone to deal with, but at the same time, sadness is one that is a lot more common than happiness.
I’ve got some deep feelings about something that I can’t write about yet.
It’s sad, like a big sad. Like a whale sized pimple of a feeling that is deep inside my heart, and it’s aching from the soreness, but at the same time it’s not popped. That sounds disgusting a bit, but I guess the feelings attached to this situation is deep and painful. It’s not gross, but just a deep sadness.
Also, I guess because I’m sharing this sadness, hopefully this means that I’m not actually depressed. I mean I’m pretty sure I’m not depressed, but I know that I’m sad inside at this time.
But on top of all this, I’m happy and excited that work is picking up in big ways. That one everyone can understand, so I don’t have to relate too much. No imposter syndrome, some anxiety, but mostly a sense of general happiness and excitement to get some work going.
Maybe it’s time for a personal work of art to finally start because there’s so many things to feel for.