I spent the weekend watching two documentary/biography pieces. One was Anthony Bourdain’s Roadrunner, and the other was Bohemian Rhapsody, covering Queen’s rise to fame. The Queen one definitely had Freddie Mercury as the main character. Both shows had some very interesting themes about the human condition and where one finds themselves as a creative.
The loneliness that one faces at the height of fame was something both men had faced. The fame gave them this public image that society was so unwilling to leave aside. In essence, that really becomes the irony of fame: everyone knows you, but yet no one knows you at the same time.
How lonely that must feel, to have sought after acclaim of excellence, only to find yourself unable to be the person you would like to be, or to be loved by the people you hoped to be loved by. The fame that was sought after at the start consumes, or it seemed to have changed the person so much.
Which makes you really question the place of fame and that success that many seek after. Is it really worth it at the end of the day? That hope and sense of excellence, does it really exist?
Another thing that Anthony Bourdain had shared about was this sense of deep sadness inside. Personally, I understand that in so many ways. I feel the frustrations of the world, and this sense that the world does not fulfill itself in any way. Maybe it’s the system, or there lack of. It’s people, it’s the sinful nature of the world, it’s the brokenness. It’s sadness, it’s dissatisfaction, it’s just a mess.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling the sense of it, but I know that for me, the only way it will ever move past is with my focus on other people, and definitely on God. And it has to be the Christian God, because of the place and purpose of where God and Human beings come together. The key relationship between both that is so well explained in the bible, is really one of God and creation, and it makes the most sense for me.
It’s not about finding rights, or justifying your emotions, but it is about the journey of reliance, and being very well aware of the overall creator. I find that my place in that story is where it should be. It makes even more sense when you tie it to the issue of fame that was just mentioned. If fame was the toxic drug that takes away so much from life, then it’s best that only one person receives this very hard and difficult gift. It should remain with and be with the only who deserves it because he can handle the position of it.
I don’t think I seek fame, but I think I seek a legacy of some sort. I seek to have messages and stories to tell after I’m gone. I think that might be the only reason I keep on leaving this blog on, and coming back to it every now and then to write posts. Maybe these posts would be best understood in the context of my life. Maybe I should try to do an autobiography so that I could also understand myself in my own process.
Maybe one day.
and maybe I would also find out the place of writing in my life, in its most appropriate form. Perhaps at that point, the book, a book, would come out too.