Yesterday’s frustration has fizzled a bit. I was really angry at myself for missing out details, because I’ve been thinking about my work pace and my attention to details, or there lack of. At times, I’m highly OCD. I have things that I am looking at intentionally, and the things need to be exact. I’ve lived that to a fault, and in recent years, I have taken efforts to relax, or to just not worry too much about it, because I could spend days looking at it.
Instead, now I just aim to make something, whatever it might be. And a number of times, it turns out I needed to pay a bit more attention to the details. It might be the language I use, or the fine details between two different things. I just learn to apologise for it now, but last night, I paid 400 bucks for that lesson in details.
It’s not the worst thing in the world to happen, but nothing was going right. I really wanted to snap at anything.
But the moment is over, and I am now using it for content for daiy writing. The Anger passed.
Another thought running in the back of my head is this great need for minimalism. I love it, and I can’t do it. I love having things too much, and I just have so many things around. If you gave me a blank room, I would fill it in half an hour with just the things from my backpack (most of the time). When I travel, the hotel rooms look as if I’ve stayed there for a month or two. It’s such a big thing.
But it’s the minimalism I crave. I keep imagining this perfect blank phone screen with nothing inside; or this tiny shoebox apartment with only a bed and a laptop somewhere for working. I can’t even have the laptop only set up because sometimes I even carry my keyboards with me.
And as I processed this today, I thought: what if I embraced the mess better? I do want my stuff, and a lot of the time, its because I want to feel inspired or motivated. I have my thoughts running in multiple directions, and having the right tools directing me to think harder is always key.
I was looking at the YouTube videos talking about Smart Dumb phones, but in the heart of it, I want my attention to be drained sometimes. It doesn’t make sense to have to complicate my life, in order to make it simple. I should approach my life’s growing complications with a nice simple approach instead.
So phone home screen is constantly cluttered, and I have widgets I intentionally have to change. This gets my distracted brain focused, because I need to update. Like watering the plants, but the garden is my phone screen. And instead of plants, it’s making sure my little attention suckers are growing in the right direction.
But like my lack of attention, I don’t stop to think if these posts make sense or not. My aim is just to produce, to make things. So hopefully I made you think.
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