I think that’s what this is: it’s a blog but not as well. I write for myself for sure, but I do try to have bits and pieces of time sensitive events. There is time passing by, as much as this is a digital recording that will last as long as I pay the bills for.
I have many things I’d say to individual friends, but maybe these are thoughts and ideas I want to share with everyone else. There’s no better way than self publishing on a blog. Although I should turn on some search engine awareness things. In truth, all I really want is a space for my wife to find my mind in some way or another if I lose it. If I lose my sanity, or if I lose my life. If my thoughts and processes could live somewhere, and not be turned into AI of course. But just to be re-read and reconsidered.
I was watching a YouTube video about this young person proclaiming productivity by valuing time better.
I knew that already, but it’s not like my life has changed so drastically in terms of global success or recognition. I’ve watched a million other videos about productivity, and read a whole bunch of others about how to get even better and even sharper.
But the truth is I can’t keep up with it all the time. Having such a sustained focus for so long is really just not physically possible unless you really have a very longstanding discipline. Even then, there are holidays, there are breaks. Curveballs like falling sick kick in too. I have a friend just like that, and he’s an amazingly disciplined man. Successful in many ways, but mostly because he has an extremely low tolerance for bullshit. He can really smell a mile away if you’re leading him to do something he doesn’t want to do. At the same time, if he’s behind an idea, he’ll back it all the way til its natural death. Crazy good guy.
I’ve asked him how he keeps up with it, and he says he just feels weird if he doesn’t do it — his workout disciplines, his talking and processing. He’s got it down.
But I don’t feel weird if I doomscroll for half the day. I just feel like the day’s wasted and I get annoyed with myself, but I do feel totally normal going through it. I don’t get annoyed if I don’t exercise. I do feel weird not running for so long, but I’ve been in and out of falling sick after the Art Book Fair. So I’d rather recover well and then go back into a good running routine.
In any case, I value my time tremendously. But I just can’t do the thing where I’m running at 200% all the time. I also feel weird doing the 20% every day. I can only do 150% for a period of up to three months, then I’m out for a week or two or three. Then I’ll be back up to 3/7 kind of effectiveness? Three days of actual work and another 4 days of down time.
I don’t think I need to follow all the rules other people set, but I do see the need to reflect constantly on my own processes, and to sharpen them even more than ever. Especially as a dad.
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