Because I help people publish their art through RISO printing, there are some thoughts in the back of my head. I think very hard about why I publish my own art; I admire the work publish and often wonder when I would showcase my own artwork in similar fashion; I think about the questionable necessity of fame as a modern artist, and what it means to live as a full time artist.
Major caveat: I am not discrediting my friends who create art. I assist them in publication and I wish the best for their creative careers. I think that they do the necessary work for their own lives, and I am sure of their impact for the current generations of creatives and the creatives to come. I am sharing my point of view solely as my own opinion for myself. I cannot stress this enough, and literally this caveat has been the only reason why this post hasn’t been developed any earlier.
I am unsure if I seek fame as an artist in my current life. I have artwork that will not see daylight until I pass, and provided I don’t throw it away before then. I am learning how to be happy with my visual arts, and to let my writing and production work be the main creative endeavours visible to the public. But I do have moments where I wonder if I would be able to showcase the work I hope to do. Or to create for myself as if for an exhibition. But I never feel that my work is good enough, although enough people have told me they appreciate it. I just feel so uncomfortable taking commissions, or trying to publish myself in an exhibition space. It’s not who I am, in a sense. Or at least it’s not a part of my current identity.
I saw another friend post about how she has developed as a creative over the years and the way that she approaches social media is just not a typical creative account with only one discipline. Instead she posts whatever she feels like doing. I felt emboldened by her sharing, so this post is finally being worked on and published.
My many feelings of apprehension also leave me as a closet illustrator, writer, creative of all sorts. I am quite an oddball, and it’s just something I leave in the background a lot. I would post more often on social media if I didn’t feel like I confuse people enough already.
But perhaps, like this post, I should just try and get something up there.
Also, because I help so many creative people publish their work, I feel bad if I receive creative work requests. The market is incredibly tight already in Singapore, and more competition isn’t going to help the situation. I don’t know what’s a good solution, but I’m just going to make art for myself and be happy with life that way.
This is what I think for now.