I’ve had to Be The Grown Up many times in my life, especially when I was growing up. My mum worked with youth and there were times when I had to give way to them, and caring for those who were less fortunate. Later, I played different leadership roles in all kinds of scenarios, and while I wasn’t really upset about it, I just always had to play a role of being the grown up one, or the one who had more to give.
This probably led me to have another part of my brain that is aware of how immature I could become. It’s a moment where I know I could choose to do evil, but then I feel socially obligated to choose good.
The older I get the more and more aware of this line of thinking: I am able to choose whatever I want to do, but I am choosing to yield my rights for others.
This doesn’t mean I don’t feel absolutely pissed off about kids pranking me in the elevator today. It just means I’m aware of the implications if I do decide to choose to act on my rights. I would have literally caused hurt and picked on someone not my own size (even though they were about my height).
It’s frustrating to be the older one, or the grown up, because it’s not always rewarded. In fact, the grown up is taken for granted almost all the time.
But if I hold my Christian beliefs well, then I know I don’t do things because I have the right to do it, or I am so magnanimous to give way and be graceful. I’m pissed off, but I yield because I know I’ve taken grace for granted a lot of my life. I’m pissed off, and I still yield because I want to do something that shows a different type of life.
I don’t know if it’s helpful to make funny jokes about my inner thoughts on Instagram. Probably not, but I know I am as human as it gets. I feel many things, but at the end of the day, I act as the grown up still. Because maybe now, I am finally the grown up.
Sucks though, and I’m still pissed off. Damn kids! Lol! The old grouch I’ve become.