Every now and then, I ask myself what’s the point of making things, after passing 35. It’s not that people after 35 shouldn’t make things, or should try to achieve something in life. It’s more like, I expected to do something “big” by the time I hit 35, and I’m not really at that point where I think I’ve done something “big” enough.
I use “big” because I’m not sure if I’ve really come to a good definition of what success looks like for myself now. Success as having a loving family, and having good purpose in work, are two huge portions where I am absolutely blessed to have. I don’t take these for granted. Instead, I’m considering something like fame perhaps. Is that “big” enough for me? I am not sure.
In any case, the expectation was to hit that level of fame or societal acknowledgement before 35, or thereabouts, and I ask myself now: am I done? Am I washed out, and old? There would be so many who would disagree with me on this, but the internal voice in my head asks me these things a lot. There are many messages like this I keep placing on myself, and these are also questions that drive me to still make things.
So the purpose question comes in: do I still make something, even though I am past my prime, in my own eyes?
The answer is yes, and my motivations cannot be driven by societal standards of success.
I am learning how to appreciate the craft and the simple actions of creative work, without expecting or hoping for everyone to understand or accept or approve it. I am learning how to make something for me, and to do with no fears of how it might look to others. This might be common sense for many, but it is a new and deeply personal acceptance and motivation for myself.
What I would normally have done would be to make something easily acceptable by the general masses. Some part of my design thinking brain has come to understand what trends might look like, and I think in that general direction. It’s hard for me to make something not in trend, because I normally don’t see the point of making something un-communicative. Design thinking says, make a solution, and communication design says, the design must enhance communication in some way. Therefore, as a designer before an artist, I think deeply about how something would be communicated before I actually make it.
But if my artwork has no trends based on it, would I still make it? If my art is not understood or doesn’t look the way that everyone else’s work looks like, is it still art I stand by? It takes a lot of courage to do it, and to pursue it.
The next question would be “what is the progression of the art style?” I say this because I’ve seen different styles of art, and some stay within amateur range. There are a few which become a style of its own, but not many end up with that finesse. I would hope to have that space of mind to create, and to develop with all of the freedom, and by the pure work of time, it would develop into a style. Just time, discipline, and to do the work for a personal sense of development and creativity.
Also, Franz Kafka had no fame or little acknowledgement of his writing ability while he was alive. It was only much later that we have his work affect the rest of humanity. It motivates me to just write what I can for myself and for my family. A little bit at least.
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